What a great word to describe it.
How different it’s to be kind to others. How difficult it’s to be kind to myself.
In our lives, we can be very proud of our kindness. About how undeniably good and polite we can be.
About how we can give something of ourselves to others. Be it our time or energy. About how we can say to others the words that the other wants or needs to hear. Be it our kind words or forgiveness.
All this and more. Without sparing ourselves.
This makes us good, we think. Worth of something. For once, being like this made us the best, most obedient and kindest children in the world.
This is what we still want to believe. That being this way, we are truly kind.
Therefore, when asked if we should be kind to others, we know how to answer. Without hesitation, being more sure than from anything else, that of course we should.
We must. For how self-centered would we be otherwise?
But if we were asked if we should be kind to ourselves.
We would like to say that of course we should, because we know. We know that we are no different from those to whom we give our all. We know that we too deserve everything good. We know we truly are worth it all.
We know the answer. But we can't say it.
We can't. For how self-centered would we be otherwise?
This thought is eating us. For deep in our hearts, beyond the reach of our reason, we feel differently. We feel that love and appreciation are not for us. Not in the same way as to others.
And we can't always even explain why.
That's why one word is enough to answer.
For words like difficult and different alone are not enough to describe it.
How complicated it's to try to tell how we know by reason that we should love ourselves. How complicated it's to try to tell how we can't because we hate ourselves so much for no reason.
In giving this answer, we hope it's enough to spare us.
Still hoping that the other understands what we mean by it.
Do you also find loving yourself complicated?
andulkaphoto
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