I’m someone who’s easily anxious.
It especially shows when I have to initiate human interaction (face-to-face, I’m cool with online); oftentimes I just present myself as soft and sweet: easy to converse with, but I’m always closed off and fret a lot. It’s a stark contrast to the witty (very witty) and confident person I’m around friends.
Exploring new places with new people and new areas is something I never liked. I actively avoid places with loads of people when I am alone; not necessarily because I am afraid of said people, but because I can’t predict anything of my surroundings. Deep down I know that it’s irrational - I’ll have to get through the mass at the train station anyway, so put the bitch face on and strut. Anxiety (in my case, I call it more ‘highly uncomfortable’) doesn’t care about rationalism, though. It just shows up, whether you want it or not, and you’re left to deal with it and the consequences.
It’s nothing new; actually, I’ve already accepted this part of me for years. I’ve found coping mechanisms (music, ‘walking goals’, taking partners) and I know it’s nothing drastic - there are worse things to deal with, honestly. All in all, it’s fine.
Yet, as I rode down the sandplains last weekend I realised how different it was when I’m with Waldi. There’s this animal beneath you, trusting you to take on the role as the leader. A role that I’ve never comfortably shrugged into, but one that comes so naturally when being around him.
For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to exploring new places. Finding new routes, taking different areas of nature, crossing villages; it’s all cool. I realised that I didn’t mind exploring, I didn’t mind finding new places and crossing new people. I didn’t mind crossing the overly crowded public nature places, because there’s this animal with you; providing support, but also needing support.
I couldn’t help but tear up a bit when I took this picture, fully realising how much this horse has meant to me. He’s taught me more than what I originally bought him for. Sure, thanks to him I know how to ride properly, but what I appreciate the most is the emotional and mental lessons he taught me.
I’m at my best when I am around him.
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