Wild Colors of My Destiny

“You will hear thunder and remember me, And think: "she wanted storms.” ― Anna Akhmatova russian// 20// art history

[courage-in-a-flask]

I keep feeling guilty. Especially because there is so much love there. But how do I make any decisions? I’m so scared of the hurt

[courage-in-a-flask]

As always. When there’s too much, I come here.

[courage-in-a-flask]

Listening to my favorites. Those who I listened to a decade ago (literally). They are older (and hopefully wiser). I am too (hopefully).

[courage-in-a-flask]

It’s funny being back here and seeing who I was.. who I still am. I miss the sense of anonymity and freedom in sharing my thoughts.. something to think about…

[courage-in-a-flask]

I feel so broken again. I keep coming back to this page and re-reading. because it all still makes sense. nothing changed. how is it that at nearly 26 I keep getting trapped into this. I remember thinking, years ago, that I can never be happy, and it remains true. the exhaustion is back. the disparity is back. its all a joke to everyone. 

[courage-in-a-flask]

close your eyes.  what do you see? 

what happens when you see it?

has it changed?

its the same. its back. the same. its back

it is me. as I've seen before time and time again.

what do you see when you close your eyes?

how do you train your mind?

has it changed?

can you see something different?

[courage-in-a-flask]

It’s insane how happy I’ve been. I am so grateful to be alive. I’m so glad I held on and got to this point. Just a reminder that things do get better and to follow your dreams, because it pays off in the most unexpected ways.

[hetereal]

Grimes for Rodarte FW18

[redcadmium]

i like music. i like beards. voila. 

[shareaquote]

Dear Life, I am slowly falling in love with you again.

Recovering//Conee Berdera (via wordsnquotes)

[wordsnquotes]

We do not escape into philosophy, psychology, and art—we go there to restore our shattered selves into whole ones.

Anaïs Nin, In Favor of the Sensitive Man and Other Essays (via wordsnquotes)

[be-happy-and-enjoy-the-life]

[courage-in-a-flask]

Life is so crazy. For 7 years I was so depressed. Was suicidal. Drank too much to forget. Numbed the pain with Percocets. Saw no potential in myself. Was an empty space.

When I hit rock bottom, I decided to say fuck it and try going for my dream. I worked so hard on prepping my portfolio for photo grad school. Then I got my first rejection letter and completely fell apart. Lost all hope.

And then Pratt emailed me asking for an interview. I couldn’t believe it. The school that I wanted to even transfer to as an undergrad was interested in my work. Work of a complete clueless newbie. In that time between the email, the interview and the acceptance letter I got into my first serious relationship. And for the first time felt happy and relaxed.

I was in love. Going to the school of my dreams and the city I was meant to be in.

But. I knew the first part was going to have to end, in order for me to be in the place I had to be in. And undoubtedly it broke me. As extatic as I was, it was one of the most painful goodbyes that I’ve had to say, which turned into an even more painful acceptance of the truth.

For months, the entire first semester if I don’t lie to myself, I was broken. But I was creating work and noticed myself that I was seeing the world in a completely different light, despite my shattered heart. Each step I took and breath I took in Manhattan made me feel so alive and for the first time in my life I fealt like I belong in this place.

The city seamed to respond to me too. It made me feel more beautiful and interesting than I ever fealt. From anonymous notes from strangers in the train, to innocent and honest comments from strangers on the street.

I went to Europe and my mind got even clearer. I gained even more perspective. As I watched my favorite bloggers start preparations for fashion week it dawned on my the promise I made myself when I got accepted to Pratt, to one way or another to work the New York fashion week. I sent out my first email to a designer and landed an internship assisting her in preparations for fashion week.

My head is spinning and I’ve never been so grateful to be alive. I never was the positive type, but no matter how shitty things get things become clearer and have a way of working themselves out. 💪🏼

[artsnquotes]

I want to make beautiful things, even if nobody cares.

Saul Bass  (via wordsnquotes)

[courage-in-a-flask]

I didn’t cry. So I already call it a success.

[nothingwithoutwords]

every place he once  touched me he made sure  to leave a scar.

it starts like this // shelby leigh (via nothingwithoutwords)

[wnq-quotes]

Listen — are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?

Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried To Enter The Long Black Branches

Read more at wordsnquotes

(via wnq-quotes)