no dogs on the moon

kepler! she/they | sapphic ace | 22 | incoherent reblog sprees and basically nothing else | i follow from unicornsh | dm me for my discord | a littttle bit of art I made, tagged #crayon scribbles , if you wanna check it out!

[xxxsarihartxxx]

[just-spacetrash]

in my little pony universe youd go to a job interview and theyd be like so how does your cutiemark reflect your dedication to this position. And every time youd have to spew some bullshit about how your cutiemark of two tennis rackets actually means youre a team player and good at multitasking and view the market like a playing field. or whatever. and you wouldnt even get the job

[volcanows]

my friends keep trying to look in the mirror but i dont have mirrors in my car so i fixed it

[energyprison]

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

[justshipsandstuff]

Uhhhh..I think I just wanted an excuse to make the Eridian baby trebuchet

[damage-ko]

A treat for myself for finishing work early, statement.

[red-garden]

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

[tabloidsores]

Does anyone have the fucking post where it's a screenshot of someone googling john wick scenes but it's like "his focking name is beb yegah - jam wick scene" I feel like I'm being gaslit by tumblr search

[tabloidsores]

Fucking. Found it

[draconym]

I think I need to start enforcing a bed time on myself. I just put two frozen mice to thaw in my tea.

[tdwhisperer]

H

How do you

How do you make that mistake

[draconym]

Decide you want tea. Fill the kettle and start boiling water. Place a mug on the kitchen counter and put a teabag in it. Remember you are going to feed the snakes this afternoon. Go get the mouse-thawing-cup and put it on the counter. Hear the kettle about to boil and pour some of the almost-boiling water into your mug. Remember the snakes. Open the freezer and get out two frozen mice. Remember how excited you are to have tea. Go back to the counter and put the mice in your mug of hot tea.

[brawltogethernow]

So THIS is what the advanced level of “I drank from my mug of paint water” looks like.

[specsthespectraldragon]

question: did the snakes get tea mice or no

[draconym]

Turns out my snakes love the taste of English breakfast tea.

[caffedorzo]

spin the wheel to be assigned a mysterious source of income - who will grant you 10k usd every month without fail!!

will you take the money?

yes

no

bald / nuance

Remaining time: 4 days 3 hours

[yellow-cat]

my gay fish and her guard dog

[kaijufluffs]

She's being so big and brave.

[vexwerewolf]

Organised crime? Nah girl I'm into disorganised crime. If a goon doesn't have ADHD they aren't getting hired

[vexwerewolf]

Cops can't stop us if they don't know what we're doing, and they can't find out if we have no idea either

[vexwerewolf]

Nah I'm safe it wouldn't happen twice

[vexwerewolf]

Minions stop this post from reaching 1k

[lesser-robot-cat]

On it, boss! Gettin' this post to 10k, just like you said!

[i-like-reblog-maps]

[violet-morrison]

My dyslexic self misread that and thought you were firing everyone with ADHD. I guess I would be the goon who misses out on the perfect employment opportunity in this scenario.

[vexwerewolf]

Which is a damn shame because that's gotta be the most on-brand personal statement I've ever seen in this line of work

[the-punforgiven]

I'm just saying, if you're going to worldbuild magic being a "raw, primal force, akin to and interweaving with nature itself" you gotta explain to me why animals don't use it

[the-punforgiven]

I know the normal answer is "they just aren't smart enough for it" but idk I've seen enough media where a character uses a spell in a moment of brain-off panic ilI feel like animals could probably stumble into a spell or two like, accidentally

[the-punforgiven]

Also how funny would it be to see a completely normal regular bear cast magic missile outta nowhere

[the-punforgiven]

Also there is no way ravens wouldn't figure out spells, tbh

They're smart fuckin birds, I believe in them

Either through observing or just figuring shit out ravens could 100% learn how to cast spells I'm sure of it

[the-punforgiven]

Dogs can also cast Magic Missile but every time they do the projectile is shaped like a bone or a stick and they chase after it

[prokopetz]

Fantasy setting where every species of animal has One Fucked Up Trick exactly like in medieval bestiaries (e.g., panthers hypnotising their prey with sweet breath, pelicans reviving the dead with their willingly shed blood, etc.), except these are actually learned magic spells passed down from parent to offspring, so different populations of the same animal in different regions might have a different spell.

(If a species is domesticated you can teach it any spell you want, as long as you start 'em young enough; every breed of dog has a different "standard" spell, and knowing the "wrong" one is considered both a grave departure from breed standards and a potential violation of animal husbandry ethics.)

[untimelytophat]

@crabussy

[unconventiononthelawofthesea]

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

[akindlyowl]

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

[viridiancolors]

[mlembug]

[sharrrrknight]

When the girlboss you've been lowkey crushing on turns out to be a convict and forces you to grapple with your past actions as a sort of judge/jailer figure