Philosophies from a Punny Guy

There's the drunk me, philosopher me, funny me, weird me, awkward me, angry me, depressed me, tired me. All of them are sarcastic and most are punny. And all but one wears pants.

[yasfera2-deactivated20220905]

[mortimermcmirestinks]

every fucking time I see this I miss the "7 month old" part, then when I see the image I fucking lose it. god fucking dammit

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[byjove]

I miss when homophobic/transphobic Christians were just like “I’ll pray for your soul, you poor confused faggot. Satan has you so confused.” instead of actively wishing death on you. I know they were doing it in their minds before but the general atmosphere has made them more brazen and more willing to drop any pretense of Christian respectability and just behave aggressively towards you.

[redstonedust]

our local mcdonalds is doing a gimmick where they offer a bunch of international menu items and the joke is that they 'stole' from themselves or smth which is cute i guess but idk if they considered how funny it is to walk down the street in england and see "come try the foreign foods we stole" on the front window. like oh yeah man i bet. never seen that before in England,

[cassandracalin]

Happy Halloween 🎃

[warmfigure]

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[unlettered-heathen]

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[brandneweyescd]

they were right btw. you have to dig yourself out of your grave over and over again

[ovur]

And he is still ugly as fuck

[relelvance]

He should get a bob with the bang

[capacity]

And a bbl

[yassmines]

and a fox eye lift from the scalp

[cyclipse95]

No disrespect but what are you people TALKING about???

[ovur]

He needs a bob with the bangs, a bbl and a fox eye lift from the scalp

[transmechanicus]

[ruinedchildhood]

[magicalmysteryperson]

goddammit you got me

you got me to reblog this

I can't say no to a cute face like that.

[ruinedchildhood]

[memeuplift]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[catchymemes]

[thememedaddy]

[huffylemon]