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@cravethatbuzz
I threw a dog on the ground today ššš
I am embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.
ā¦..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?
you just kind ofā¦ open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse
veins and fossils
Your wife changes her hair color every season and her personality adjusts slightly. Youāre secretly only in love with Autumn wife. She just came home sporting her Winter color.
itās my fault. itās just that when we met it was autumn; her red-orange hair and crackling laughter. thereās a little spooky in her, a lot of play. and what a better time for falling?
i didnāt realize it for the first few years - something shifting, something so subtle. the winter makes us all cold, the summer makes us all a little out of our minds. i just loved her, because she was incredible, and i was the luckiest person alive.
itās just that i realized that spring came with sudden bursts of cold. itās just that summer frequently raged in with fire sprouting from her lips. itās just that winter was the worst of all, her eyes dead. itās just that autumn loves me different; throws herself into it without the clingy sweat of summer. i used to love that summer girl, you know? i loved how wild she was, the way in summer she took every risk she could. but i carried her home drunk one too many times, cleaned up one too many of the messes she made for no reason than to enjoy the sensation of burning. and winter was worse; the shutdown, the isolation. how she became distant, a blizzard, caught up in her own head, unable to tell me what was wrong and unable to think i actually wanted to listen.
she comes home, her hair bleached white. a dark smile on her lips. the shadowy parts of her are back. they loom like icicles overhead. she kisses me with her body held at a distance, a peck on my cheek that feels like an iceberg. she makes polite conversation and we go to bed early, our bodies untouching.Ā
it is a lonely season, i think on the ninth day of this. winter is cold. winter is known for the death of things. when i look at her, i see the girl i fell for, inhabited by an alien. she was the first women i loved so much i felt it would kill me. i canāt leave. when i wake her up with my crying, she tells me to shush and go back to sleep. sheās different like this, quiet, doesnāt eat.Ā
three days later i stare at myself in the mirror. i wonder if itās me. if the fat on my body or something in my face or the wrinkles and she doesnāt love me. i try prettier lingerie, lean cuisine, i try different hair, more makeup, try harder. it doesnāt work. she looks at me the same; that empty gaze that neither loves nor condemns my actions.Ā
somewhere in februrary i lose it. weāre fighting again, from car to restaurant to car to home again. we fight about stupid things, small things; i tell her i feel she doesnāt love me, she says iām not listening. the circle goes around and around, old pain peeling back, new pain unhealing. i sleep on the couch.
i wake up when i hear her crying, white hair around her all messed up. the kind of sobbing that only comes at two in the morning, heavy and thick and hurting. my winter girl. my heart is breaking. she looks up at me like iām her anchor.Ā āiām sorry iām like this,ā she says. and i start saying, itās okay iām here weāre married, but she just shakes her head and says,Ā āI know this isnāt the real me.ā
i hold her cold hand. she stares at the blankets.Ā āi am different in winter,ā she whispers,Ā āi know i am and iām sorry.ā she looks at me.Ā āwhy do you think i dye my hair? cut it off? get rid of the old me?ā
i tell her itās okay. weāre together and itās okay, and then she whispers,Ā āiām sorry you married four of me.ā
we lay there like that, her head on my chest. she falls asleep. i stare at the ceiling, thinking of the way she sounded when she was crying. how i helped put her in that pain. how i promised in sickness and in health and everything in between.
the next day i spend at the library. there arenāt enough books on how to love someone with seasonal affective disorder so i make my own, notes and pages and little ideas on post-its. and i take a deep breath and make myself a promise.
she comes home to her favorite dinner and we kiss and sheās uneasy but thatās okay. the next day i bring home flowers and the next day she finds little love notes in her pockets. i love her quiet, the way winter demands, understand her sex drive is faltering; spend more time just cuddling. we drink wine and we kiss and some part of her starts relaxing.Ā
the truth is there is no loving someone out of their mental illness. the truth is that you can love someone in despite of it; love them loud enough to give them an excuse to believe they can make their way out of it.
and i learn. i remember the rebirth of spring, when she starts thawing. we kiss and have picnics in pretty dresses. i remember her joy at little birds and her rain dancing. i fall in love with the flowers in her cheeks and the little bursts of cleaning. i fall in love with summerās slow walks and milkshakes and shouting to music playing too loud on the speakers. i fall in love with her dancing, with the sunfire energy. and when winter comes; i am ready. i remember that snow used to look pretty. i fall in love with the hearth of her, with the holiday, with the slow smile that spreads across her face so shyly. i fall in love with how she looks in boots and mittens and every day i find another reason to love her the way she deserves - they way i always should have.
she comes home with her white hair and dark smile and a package in her hands. i ask to see what it is and that small shy grin comes creeping out. itās a sunlamp packed in with medication. she looks at me with those wide eyes and that beautiful winter blush.Ā āiām trying to get better,ā she whispers,Ā āi promise.ā
recovery doesnāt look immediate. sometimes it isnāt neat. i canāt say we never fight or that weāre suddenly complete. but each day, that tiny girlās strength gives me another reason. i love her. i love her while she tames the roller coaster of spring; i love her for reigning in the summer storms; i love her for taking her winter and trying to be warm. it is hard, because everything worth it is hard. she spreads out her autumn leaves; mixes the best parts of her into everything. learns to take winterās silence for a moment before yelling in summer. learns to take autumnās spice and give it to spring. we are both learning.
one day she comes home and her hair is different, but itās a style i donāt know. i kiss it and tell her that sheās beautiful and the inside of me swells like a flood. iām so glad that sheās mine. every part of her. the whole. i am the luckiest person on earth. and i always have been. but sheās hugging me and saying,Ā āthank you for helping me,ā and i canāt explain why iām crying.
this is what love is; not always an emotion but rather your actions. the choices we make when we realize our lives would be empty if the other was absent. this is what love is: letting them grow, helping them find their way in out of the cold. this is what love is: sometimes it takes work to see how the thing you planted together actually grows.
this is what love looks like in an autumn girl: it is winter and she glows.
Iām actually sobbing jesus christ
my heart is aching??? this is gorgeous
Wow. Worth the read, donāt scroll.
This is everything.
Everything about how to love.
I was not prepared
Nor was I.
āthis is what love is; not always an emotion but rather your actions. the choices we make when we realize our lives would be empty if the other was absent. this is what love is: letting them grow, helping them find their way in out of the cold. this is what love is: sometimes it takes work to see how the thing you planted together actually grows.ā
Honestly, if you scrolledā¦ Go back up and read it.
Iāve read this again and again, and it just wrecks me every time.
This is beyond beautiful. Thanks for doing this prompt @inkskinned
Thunder Islandā”ļø
Guys, my friend and I found an abANDONED WATER PARK. This gorgeous place was a open in the 1970s, and was abandoned 30 some years ago. Nature began to take over, and now, tucked away from sight safely behind trees and overgrowth, we found our escape.
Itās hard to imagine what this place was like before plants reclaimed it. But I like it better this way. I didnāt want to leave.
The zodiac signs as demigods:
Scorpio; huntress of Artemis ā
Finding common ground w/ your new roommate
Thunder Islandā”ļø
Guys, my friend and I found an abANDONED WATER PARK. This gorgeous place was a open in the 1970s, and was abandoned 30 some years ago. Nature began to take over, and now, tucked away from sight safely behind trees and overgrowth, we found our escape.
Itās hard to imagine what this place was like before plants reclaimed it. But I like it better this way. I didnāt want to leave.
Whilst in Sydney in 1994, a man apparently tries to assassinate Prince Charles. And not a single fuck was given by His Royal Highness.
(x)
Iām dead at his face in the last one like āDid you even try?ā
And then when he gets pushed heās like āWait no let him try!ā
his composure is just everything I aspire to be
OMG ITāS BACK!
CHARLES IS THE BEST OMG
Like how he stands there as if, āOkay, Iāll be perfectly still and weāll see if you can hit me this time. Come on, it is like Iām giving you a head start.ā Heās more annoyed with his cuff link than the wanna be assassin.
FOREVER REBLOGGING THIS.
THIS is how you deal with terrorists
Even if you go down you did it with dignity.
You all do know who his mother is right? You know the woman who stayed home during the bombing of London and drove Jeeps in WW2. They are trained to be final boss overlord level composed at age 2.
U donāt fuck with the Queen
His sister, Princess Anne, was the victim of an attempted kidnapping. The guy pointed a gun at her and told her to get out her car. She replied: āNot bloody likely.ā And tried to kick him.
I HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING
RING TING TINGLING TOOOOOOOOOOOOO
COME ON ITāS LOVELY WEATHER
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ITāS STARTED
ITāS BEEN NOVEMBER JUST FOR FEW HOURS YOU ANIMALS
Oh dear god itās begun
yES ITāS TIME
this makes me feel like iām sitting somewhere like a stairwell or bathroom outside of a christmas party iām not really feeling and while i thought coming here might be fun and good for me itās just made me realize how isolated i really am from peopleĀ
this shit will give you an existential crisis.
Momma āMerica and Eady
