Tales from '85 recap/review. Episode 2: Bad Harvest
(Here we go again - time for another recap/review of all the Massive Plot Holes (MPH) and Pointless Retcon Moments (PRM) in this piece of digital excrement. I considered also doing a count of all the out of character moments in this show - but there are Just. Too. Many.)
When last we left our intrepid pod people evil clones “heroes”, they were being menaced by a giant neon demo-bug that used to be a snow shark. Or a plant. Or something. I’m very confused.
The fight begins! And ends almost immediately as El again uses her powers in a massive effort. Without showing any real signs of fatigue or faintness, despite it having been established in season 2 that really strenuous use of her powers leaves her weak and exhausted. MPH #3.
Gasp! After El tears apart the demo-bug, it’s revealed that it … grew around the bully it glorped when it was still a demo-beanstalk. Which … okay, Sure. Why not.
New kid Nikki, despite being understandably a tad freaked out by being menaced by a giant monster escaped from a Los Angeles rave party, is extremely enthusiastic about finding out all about just what the heck is going on here.
Mike, for most of season 2: Hell no, we don’t admit new Party members! (Unless it’s El, of course.) Max is not one of us, she has to go.
Mike, tales from 85: Okay, new kid, we’ll tell you everything about the Upside Down the second time we meet you. Incidentally, this is Will, let me explain in gruesome detail what happened to him because what’s a little thing like privacy when it comes to meeting complete strangers? PRM #6
Well, the demo-bug is dead, so everything’s cool, right? But wait! The demo-particles are indestructible! Whenever one of the various demo-monsters gets killed, the demo-particles float away on a sudden and convenient breeze and turn into something else (in this case, a demo … triffid? Some kind of moving plant, anyway).
Funny how we went through two entire seasons that included the close study and destruction of numerous demo-creatures without ever discovering that this was A Thing. It’s almost like the writers of this dreck just decided to ignore all the established lore. (MPH #4)
Let’s just take a moment here to note that Will is behaving completely out of character. First there’s his inexplicable failure to get “goosies” when the demo-things are around (and can I just say UGH to that particular bit of nonsense from season 5 - way to trivialise an incredibly useful ability, Steve). Then there’s the fact that althought he’s a massive trauma survivor, repeatedly terrorised by the Upside Down and its various inhabitants - he’s apparently not fazed at all by the idea that the Upside Down is back, and probably about to target him again. Never mind that’s he’s shown repeatedly in season 3 to be twitchy, nervous, and often on the verge of tears. In this show, he’s just a minor character.
But back to the plot (such as it is). The Party+Nikki head to to the now deserted Hawkins Lab to see if the gate has opened up again. Which it hasn’t. And yet these demo-things are still alive. Erm. What. (MPH #5.)
OMFG if we get one more “something … (significant pause) … strange” bit of dialogue … I won’t be responsible for the screaming.
Also, what is with all the fond glances and little touches Mike’s constantly giving El? Where were they in season 3? (PRM #7)
Also also, since when did Dustin have a “nemesis”? Who is this girl who pops up out of nowhere to hang shit on Dustin and provide a really clumsy bit of foreshadowing? Do we know? Do we care?
Oh look, a callback to season 2. It’s the pumpkin farm with the cowboy kid who scammed Hopper out of $20 in return for his trick or treat goodies. Just to make sure we know that, the kid is still wearing his Hallowe’en cowboy costume. I guess he hasn’t showered or bathed since then.
Attack of the demo-plant! Oh no! Will cowboy kid and his sister survive? Will we find out? Do we care?
The Party+Nikki now know that something dangerous, possibly deadly, is going on in Hawkins again. What will they do now? Will they tell Hopper and Joyce? Will they get their older siblings and Steve involved? Will they bravely attempt to fight this new threat themselves?
Max knows what should be done. Mike should take El on a date. Because he’s not treating her right, and Max has decided to give him helpful relationship advice.
In the original show, Max barely knows El at the end of season 2. She also has what could generously be described as a prickly not-quite-friendship with Mike. She doesn’t even interact with El on more than the most awkward and standoffish basis until El goes to her for relationship advice in season 3. Yet here she is comfortable enough with Mike to give him non-aggressive advice on how to be a good boyfriend. And that advice is … desert the Party+Nikki while they investigate a real threat and potentially put their friends in danger? (MPH #6)
So Mileven go off on a date - to the Winter Festival, a public event. Which is, apparently, cool, even though El’s not supposed to go to things like that.
(Side note: at the Winter Festival sideshow, Mike wins - well, El cheats with her telekinesis so he can win - a stuffed raccoon for El that looks suspiciously like the one I had as a kid. I am triggered,)
Meanwhile the others, thanks to Dustin’s brilliant idea of putting up boxes all over town where people can report weird shit that’s going down, have leads to follow. Since they have an extra person now thanks to new kid Nikki, that means Dustin goes off on his own to meet someone out in the woods. Where he encounters the bully who they rescued from the inside of the demo-bug. Are we about to get an insight in exactly what’s going on here? Does the bully hold key information that will help Dustin solve this mystery?
Oh. He doesn’t. He remembers nothing after being glorped by an evil plant. Why did they even bother with this scene?
Back to the Winter Festival and - OMFG. Will and Nikki are also at the Winter festival. This is so obviously being coded as a double-date.
DID THE WRITERS FORGET THE PART WHERE WILL IS GAY?
Also, what is the fucking point of Will even being there? He’s had very few lines, and none of them have contributed anything to the story at all. He’s the one who’s actually BEEN to the Upside Down. He was connected to the hivemind and able to sense its movements and emotions. He had the spidey sense! (Except he doesn’t anymore.)
In gamer parlance, Will has been nerfed. Reduced to a useless tag-along. Even Nikki has more lines and more knowledge than he does.
Will and Nikki have a heart to heart because of course Will would immediately confide his deepest fears in a stranger.
Nikki - “I am different and I know it. If anyone can’t handle that, it’s their problem.”
What’s this? Are we getting a coded “it’s okay to be queer” moment?
Oh. We’re not. Nikki’s just saying she’s fine with people being weirded out by her pseudo-punk haircut and apparently freakish strength. I really shouldn’t have got my hopes up.
Nikki then launches into a no-Will-you-are-awesome-really speech. You know, the sort of thing that was exclusively attributed to Mike in the original show. The sort of thing that only a best friend would be able to say, and only a best friend would be able to convince Will to believe it. Yet nerfed!Will pretty much has stars and hearts in his eyes as he hears this stranger wax lyrical about the virtues of a boy she’s just met.
Oh, thank goodness. We’re leaving the Winter Festival to go back to the pumpkin farm, where Max and Lucas are investigating. The field is, inexplicably, full of ripe pumpkins in January. I’m no agricultural expert, but I’m pretty sure that if you left ripe pumpkins in the field in the dead of winter, they’d … you know … die.
But wait. All is not what it seems. What is this?
A whole field of demo-pumpkins.
Okay that’s it, time out, everybody out of the pool. This show has officially jumped the snow-shark.
A terrifying fight ensues as the demo-pumpkins rise up and attack! What will our heroes do without El to save them? Bet you can’t guess.
Yes, you guessed it. Max hot-wires a harvester trucky thingy and drives it out into the field, splattering the demo-pumpkins.
Oh, you didn’t guess that would happen?
So the demo-pumpkin threat is neutralised. Phew. But wait. The pumpkins in the field were just the leftovers. The rest had already gone to make pies for the pie-eating contest at the Winter Festival!
(I swear I am not making this up. This is what passes for a plot.)
So we jump back to the Festival (along with Lucas and Max, who apparently have developed either super-speed or teleportation because how on earth would they get there so quickly), just in time to see Dustin’s nemesis (who is the undefeated champion of pie-eating) eat a demo-pumpkin pie. With predictable results.
The nemesis turns into a … I’m not really sure what to call it. Think of a demo-pumpkin crossed with the Mind Flayer, that snarls and spits giant thorns at people. That’s kind of what I’m seeing right now.
And attacks! Another cliffhanger! I am breathless with anticipation as to what will happen next episode.
Except I’m not. Honestly, I could not care less. The demo-pumpkin-flayer could eat the entirety of Hawkins, including the Party+Nikki, and I would not shed a tear. It would be a mercy killing.
Second episode finale thoughts: The retconning continues, and gets more and more pathetic. Everyone is out of character - everyone. Nikki is shaping up to be the replacement best friend/confidant for Will, which makes no sense whatsoever. And there are clear signs of het-washing going on. It seems it wasn’t enough for the Duffers to completely exploit and humiliate their major queer character’s feelings in order to prop up a toxic het relationship - the writers of this rubbish seem to be determined to erase Will’s queerness altogether.
Hm, I think I’ll petition the nice people who bribed me with chocolate and pastries and alcohol to do this for more alcohol. I’m going to need it.