TW: mental health, loss, cancer mention (I’m really just having a vulnerable moment)
This is gonna be the one time that I flop on my back and show my belly about the stuff that had been going on and explain my on and off activity. It’s pretty heavy, so feel free to skip if you’d like, I’d prefer that you’d take care of yourself than take in what some rando with an eddsworld au blog has to say.
I feel like to those who’ve followed me for a long time and have been around for most every post, I really appreciate your ongoing support. I know that I’ve been inconsistent over the years, but I must confess, I wasn’t ready for the influx of attention that I received back in 2019. I was a kid with a lot of mental issues, and I was medicated on medicine that made me lose my sense of reality and was seeing a psychologist and a therapist at the same time. When people started liking my au idea, it was the first time in my life that I ever felt like I was worth something.
I felt like my art was something about me that brought people together to enjoy something that I made, rather than made people miserable because of my existence. It was all the more validating because I was doing something in honor of Eddsworld, the source of my inspiration and the animators I looked up to. I would stay up countless nights drawing and story building to the best of my building because it gave me reason to do something with myself. I was lost in it, and I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much about those days. I always feel a void in my chest because I struggle to remember the people I’ve met and the art I created. I remember the big picture but not so much the details. I think the medicine is to blame.
I was always sleeping. It didn’t matter how much I slept or how much caffeine I drank, I was perpetually tired and confused. My moods were erratic, and it eventually came to a head with my family and I ran away when I was 18. I can hardly remember a lot of what happened between then and until 2021, when I reconnected with my family and repaired my relationship to them. I started going to college and started to find myself again.
In 2022, I started making art again for this blog because it was the one thing I swore to myself that I’d finish. And I hope to keep my promise on it. I fell off because I spiraled into a deep depression losing a friend on the first semester of college. I couldn’t begin to describe the grief I went through and it made me recoil to doing the bare minimum, school and work. At the same time, at least two of my family members throughout the years got diagnosed with cancer and I watched the people around me turn into shells of themselves. It especially destroyed me when the doctors told us that my father might have had cancer. It felt like the colors of life was draining and there was no hope for me and the people around me. And me? I had no idea. I was still struggling to understand who I was as a person or what I wanted to be and do.
I don’t even know how, but eventually things began to turn around. My family is fine and it seems like things are recovering. I’m almost finished with college and I’m returning to the things that bring me joy and inspiration. I came back to finish what I started all those years ago. And honestly, I was surprised with how fun drawing comics for this blog could be. It feels like a part of myself is finally taking its first breath after a long time. I suddenly didn’t care if my art had a bunch of likes or reblogs. I was just excited to to tell a story, to draw for myself because I really liked something. And if someone else liked it? That was a bonus that made my day, even if it was one or two people.
So.. honestly, I hope that this explains my weird appearances and disappearances. Thanks to anyone who read this or cared enough to look, it was intimidating to write this out but I had to get this off my chest. It was a guilt that gnawed at me over the years. :’D I hope to make more cool art and tell an equally cool story. I hope 2026 is much nicer to me and to those who are also going through something.
