your friend phainon who knows heâs good looking and always looks at you. sometimes he gives you a lookâa smug smile and his eyes glancing you up and down, only to burst into laughter when you meet his gaze and feel the heat rush to your face and raise your fist to hit him playfullyâknowing full well of your reaction.
but other times, most times, heâs looking at you with such warmth in his eyes that it puts the rising dawn to shame.
especially when youâre gushing about the things your excited about with your arms animatedly thrusting into the air and a million stars twinkling in your eyes. heâs smiling softly, perfect lips pulled into that cute, boyish grin that widens the longer you talk.
he loves hearing your voice; the timbre always soothes him while simultaneously unsettling his heart in the best way possible. and when youâre talking nonstop with nothing but passion and life about your favorite things, who is he to interrupt you?
but you notice. you notice his smile widening and endless blue skies peacefully watching you. you notice the way his eyes crinkle softly as his smile deepens, the way his irises glance at every inch of your face as if etching your image into his vision permanently.
you definitely notice the way his eyes only ever leave your face to look directly into your own and the way the warmth of his gaze seeps into your own skin.
heâs teasing you; he has to be when your voice falters and heâs laughing at your reaction just like he always does. hearty and from the stomach, it doesnât stop even when you say his name and gently slap his shoulder.
and suddenly youâre staring right into those perfect blues again, always paired with the boyish grin and a gaze so gentle and soft like the puffiest clouds sitting in the peaceful sky.
how funny; has your friend always looked like this?
spiderman!phainon who shares an apartment with you because the rent is cheaper and also not because he has a crush on you. itâs not like he always appears at random times of the day as spiderman just to see you and make sure youâre okay. it wasnât because of that, seriously! itâs really bad for his reputation to show favouritism!
but he does show up at your bedroom window, talking until late night before he realizes that youâre probably worried about phainon who isnât home yet instead of the spider currently outside your window.
itâs totally not suspicious that when spiderman leaves, phainon is walking through the door and breathing heavily like he ran a marathon (when in reality, he was ripping the latex off him like a madman). he greets you with that classic grin and turns you back around to your bedroom so you wouldnât see the costume peeking out his bag on the kitchen counter.
honestly, itâs rather surprising phainon kept this lie up. you mean, itâs been a year since he became spiderman, and itâs been a year since he developed feelings for you. was he using spiderman as an excuse to flirt with you? âŠmaybe, but itâs funny seeing him stumble when you respond with something witty back.
although the stress of keeping it from you was a lot, it meant keeping you safe. despite the amount of tears you wasted on phainon, worrying about him whenever he came home late during an attack. it was worth it because it meant you were able to walk the streets without worrying, it meant that he wouldnât see your body under debris.
however, it doesnât mean youâre entirely safe, though. after a fight wrecks your shared apartment, and he sees you trembling on the ground. phainon realizes that youâre not safe just because youâre oblivious to his identity. it leads to him distancing himself, which is hard since you two live with eachother. itâs when he starts staying at mydeiâs house did it get serious.
with phainon leaving as well as spiderman suddenly not becoming a part of your schedule, your life became completely dull. you mean, you did have a crush on phainon⊠and maybe a small one on spiderman, but who doesnât? theyâre both pretty much the same, which⊠should already tell you everythingâ
you had your suspicions but without phainon to actually solidify that theory, it was basically a dead end.
phainon slips into his part of the room once he sees you leave through the front of the apartment and takes off his mask, itâs his space so no oneâs going to see him. he really only came back to pick up some extra clothes, and maybe clean up his space because the last time he came to get his stuff, he left it in a mess because you came home early.
the door to his room creaks open, and phainon freezes. he could become a mannequin from how still he is.
I keep thinking about this one edit I have saved and... Homewrecker Phainon...who's also your childhood friend...
(I couldn't find the original link to the edit to save my life so I just put the edit at the end of the post)
Imagine having a boyfriend and being in a loving relationshipâ the man actually treats you decently; carrying you on decent dates, expressing love and affection in many forms and giving you absolutely no reason to dislike him.
Then enter Phainon who's actually been pining for you from afar for a long time. Ever since you both were kids, actually. He's always held deep feelings for you, getting physical pains everytime someone labelled the both of you as simply 'great friends'. Oh how Phainon wanted to change that status, only to chicken out at the prospect of actually confessing.
You're just sooo out of his league, it's a miracle that a pretty girl like you doesn't have aâ wait, now you're taken??? Phainon simultaneously can't believe it and is mentally kicking himself hard. Why'd he wait so long?? Did he really think that you'd remain single until he actually worked up the courage to confess? (technically yes) Of course you have your life to live, a love life to live. Of course you'd get a boyfriend at some point.
But what kills Phainon is that it isn't him.
He should be the one by your side, holding your hand, kissing your cheek, seeing you off to your classes. It should've been him! âokay, he might be contradicting the earlier statement of him being out of your league by implying he's worthier than whoever you're currently with. But it's just objectively true, if Phainon's out of your league then that...guy is basically bottom pickings!
Then again, this is just what he thinks to be factual. But Phainon refuses to hear any other potential views of the situation anyways so to him, it's the unrivaled truth.
This now perceived image that he's simply the best option for you after years of thinking he wasn't good enough manifests into a bitter hatred for the nobody that you call your...'boyfriend'. The idea that this random thinks he's entitled to your time and affection and love makes Phainon nauseous. So he makes it a point to deprive your partner of it to the best of his abilities.
Suddenly becoming a very prominent figure in your life as Phainon strives to take up every aspect of itâ accompanying you to classes before your boyfriend can make it, hanging out with you for prolonged periods of time especially when he knows you had something planned with your partner, using his title as your childhood friend- the one who's known you the longest as an excuse for you to prioritize him over anyone else.
Phainon doesn't hesitate to guilt you too albeit subtly, you'd really prefer to go on a date with someone you knew for six months as opposed to spending the evening with the man who knew you ever since you were in elementary? You know he really enjoys your company, you two always spend the days like this together. It'd make him so sad if you just... Left him in the dust to run off with another man.
And then he'd try to plant seeds of doubt in your mind about your partner. Is he really the perfect person you envision? Or are you just blinded by infatuation? What about those times he came home late, passing it off as a long work day. Was it really about work? And the time he refused to buy you a plushie you'd been eyeing, saying something about 'staying within budget'. A real man would buy things for his girlfriend no matter what his budget is! And it just so happens that Phainon is exactly that kind of man.
Don't you see, [Name]? He's just the better option by a long shot. He'd never cheat on youâ and speaking of which, take a look at these photos he found of your partner with another girl...
ă»â„ă»2k words - smut mdni he's obsessed with you, you're his favourite streamer. and it seems you've taken quite the liking to him too
phone sex, surprisingly a lot of plot, maybe ooc phainon for a bit (very shy at the start), texts are indicated with italic (good luck trying to figure out who's who)
you'd been streaming for three hours when the donation popped up.
khaslana_xiv donated 200$: "you're literally so funny i can't breathe. peak once again."
your chat absolutely lost it. hundreds of messages rolling past, mostly emojis, mostly people calling him down bad. you laughed, genuine and a little surprised, leaning into your mic.
"khaslana! oh my god, thank you so much that's so sweet!" you were grinning. chat was feral. someone typed HE'S DOWN ABSOLUTELY BAD and another followed it with marry him.
you knew the name. hard not to. khaslana_xiv was in almost every single stream, always in the top of the leaderboard, always with donations that made your eyes go wide. he didn't spam chat or act like a creep. just showed up, consistent, tipped generously and occasionally said something earnest enough to make your whole face warm.
after the stream ended you sat in the dim blue glow of your monitor for a moment. pulled up the donation history just to look.
khaslana_xiv. two hundred tonight, one fifty last week, a hundred the week before that. comments always clean. always kind.
you chewed your lip.
then you sent him a discord request.
he accepted within four minutes.
hey, just wanted to say thank you properly, your donations are always so generous and i feel bad just thanking you on stream lol
the typing indicator appeared. disappeared. appeared again for a long time.
oh. hi. yeah, no, it's really okay, you don't have to. i mean i wanted to, i just really like your streams.
well i'm glad to have you around
you smiled at your screen.
how long have you been watching?
about eight months. i found you through a vod someone clipped and then i just. watched everything. all of it. i had a lot of free time
all of it? that's like 400 hours of content
i know
..phainon
that is genuinely insane
i know that too
you were laughing now, properly. he had this quality to his messages, this slightly shy sincerity. like he was saying the honest thing and immediately scared that he'd said it. it was endearing in a way that felt a little dangerous. you kept going anyway.
it didn't happen all at once. these things never do.
you texted back and forth for two hours that first night, about nothing in particular. he was funny in the quiet, dry way that sneaks up on you. he talked about a place he grew up, somewhere remote that sounded more like a myth than a real location. he had this streak of idealism running through everything he said, this absolute refusal to be cynical, and it made you want to poke at it, test the edges of it, see if it held.
it held.
by the third night you were texting him before bed. by the first week it was constant. comfortable in a way that felt surprising, like finding a door in a room you thought you knew.
then one evening he said, i keep thinking about the stream where you were eating that noodle cup at 2am and talking about having no one to talk to at night. you seemed lonely.
you stared at that message for a long time.
i was, you typed back.
me too, he said. still am, mostly. except for this.
the silence after that felt warm rather than empty. you sent a voice memo instead of typing, just a soft hi into the dark of your room. he replied with one too, and his voice was low and careful and a little rough at the edges, and something in your stomach went tight.
you have a nice voice, you typed.
so do you. obviously. i've listened to hundreds of hours of it
god, you really don't hold back do you
you asked
i did, you admitted. then, before you could think better of it: send me a photo
another long pause.
like of me?
no of your kitchen, yes of you
the typing indicator ran for almost a minute. then a photo came through.
you weren't prepared for that.
he was sitting in what looked like a bedroom, warm lamplight cutting across one side of his face. light hair, a little dishevelled. jaw that could cut glass. eyes that were light, almost golden in the photograph, wide and a little uncertain, like he wasn't sure what expression to make. he was wearing a plain dark shirt and one hand was raised towards the camera like he'd been about to lower the phone when he took it.
well, you typed.
is that okay?
khaslana. you're gorgeous. what the hell.
the longest pause yet.
oh.
really?
really really. why do you sound shocked
i don't know. i didn't think i'd be anything particularlyâŠ
stop, you said. you're hot as fuck. i'm looking at this photo and i'm being a little bit embarrassing about it actually
now i need to see a photo of you being embarrassing about it
and something shifted. you could feel it in the texture of the messages. the shy sincerity was still there but something else had slipped in underneath, something warmer and more deliberate.
you want me to be embarrassed?, you typed.
maybe a little, he said. is that bad?
no, you said. call me.
the call connected after one ring.
"hi." his voice was softer than the voice memo, a little breathless. like he'd been waiting for this and hadn't quite believed it would happen.
"hi," you said. you were already lying down, phone against your ear, room dark.
"this is surreal," he said. "you know that, right. this is surreal for me."
"good surreal or bad surreal?"
"good. very good." a pause. "you look exactly how i imagined you'd look when you were off camera."
"and how's that?"
"softer," he said. "more real. i like it."
your breath came out slow. "khaslana."
"phainon," he said. "you can call me phainon. that's what people who know me call me."
"do many people know you?"
"no," he admitted. "not really."
"phainon," you said, testing it. he made a small sound at the other end. "you've been watching me for eight months."
"yes."
"and you've thought about me."
a pause. "yes."
"what did you think about?"
longer pause. his breathing changed, just slightly. "do you want me to actually answer that?"
"i'm asking, aren't i?"
"your voice mostly," he said, slow, like he was choosing each word. "the way you laugh at your own jokes before you finish them. the way you tuck your hair back when you're concentrating. and sometimesâŠ" he stopped.
"sometimes?"
"sometimes i thought about what it would be like if you were talking to me. specifically. not the stream. just me."
"like now?"
"like now," he said quietly.
you shifted against your pillow. "and what do you want to do with me now that you have me?"
the silence was thick and hot. you could hear him breathe.
"i want to make you feel good," he said. and the shyness was dissolving, you could hear it going, like ice in warm water. "i've thought about it a lot actually. what you'd sound like."
"yeah?" your voice dropped low.
"yeah." his matched it. "are you in bed?"
"i am."
"what are you wearing?"
"not much," you admitted.
a soft exhale on his end. "okay," he said, almost to himself. like he was steadying something. "okay," he said again, but different this time. lower. like he'd made a decision. "touch yourself for me."
your breath caught.
"phainonâ"
"you set this up," he said, and his voice had an edge now, this unexpected quiet certainty to it. "you called me. so let me make it worth it. touch yourself and tell me what you feel."
god.
you slid your hand down your stomach, slow, and the sound that came out of you was involuntary. "warm," you breathed. "i'm alreadyâ"
"already what?" he pressed.
"already wet."
a low sound from him, barely audible. "from talking to me?"
"from hearing your voice. from that photo." you pressed two fingers against yourself and bit your lip at the pressure. "phainon. what are you doing right now?"
"touching myself," he said plainly. "thinking about you."
"what are you thinking?"
"what you'd feel like around me," he said. "whether you'd be loud or quiet. i think you'd forget to be quiet."
"keep going," you managed.
"i think about laying you out and taking my time," he said, steadier now, unhurried, like something had unlocked. "i've thought about it so many times. watching you on stream, hearing you laugh and thinking about what you'd sound like if i had my mouth on you instead. if you were making those sounds for me."
"fuck," you whispered.
"are you touching yourself properly?"
"yes." you worked your fingers in slow circles, the pressure building already, humiliating how fast. "phainonâ"
"i want you to push inside," he said. "two fingers. for me."
you did. the sound you made was embarrassingly wet and open and you heard him inhale sharply through the phone.
"yeah," he breathed. "like that. keep going."
"i can't believe you," you said, half-laughing, half-gasping. "for someone who came off so nervousâ"
"you asked to see me and to call you at midnight," he said, and there was something almost warm in the edge of it, almost amused. "i think you knew what you were doing, sweetheart."
you had. obviously you had.
"how does it feel," he asked.
"good. so good. i keep thinking about your hands."
another low sound from him. his breathing was unsteady now too, the rhythm of it breaking up. "tell me," he said.
"they look big in the photo. i keep thinking about them on my hips." you curled your fingers and gasped. "phainon. what do you sound like when youâ"
"you'll find out," he said, rough at the edges. "keep going. i'm close."
you worked yourself faster, the wet sounds of it audible through the phone, shameless now, past caring. his breathing was ragged on the other end. you could hear the slick rhythm of his hand.
"you're my absolute favourite," he said suddenly, through a breath, barely coherent. "you know that? eight months and you're still my favourite person and i don't evenâ fuckâ"
"phainon," you gasped, "i'm gonnaâ"
"yeah," he said, urgent, "come on, let me hear youâ"
you came with his name in your mouth, hips pressing into your own hand, thighs clenching around nothing. the sound that came out of you was broken and open and embarrassingly loud in the quiet of your bedroom. and then he made a sound too, low and rough and desperate, and that made you flutter all over again even as you came down.
silence.
then breathing. both of you, unsteady and warm.
"you didn't tell me you were going to be like that," you said finally.
"like what?"
"confident. once you got going."
"you told me i was hot," he said simply. "i believed you."
you stared up at the ceiling of your dark room, chest still rising and falling too fast, thighs damp, the ghost of the orgasm still humming through your legs. outside, the world was quiet. your monitor had gone to sleep. somewhere through the phone you could hear him shifting, settling and it was somehow the most domestic and intimate thing imaginable given what had just happened.
"i meant it," you said softly.
"i know," he said. "i know you did. that's the thing about you. you say what you mean." a pause. "i've always liked that about you. even just watching. you never pretend."
your eyes prickled, which was absurd, which was so out of proportion to what this was supposed to be. but there it was.
"stay on the phone," you said. "just for a bit longer."
"i wasn't planning on going anywhere," phainon said, his voice was warm and low and quiet, the sound of someone who had been lonely a long time and had just, finally, found somewhere to put it down.
Phainon would be the type of husband to embrace you before sleep, his body emits warmth yet he only tightens his hold once he feels you moving ever so slightly away.
Phainon would be the type of husband to empress you the best he could, like how a bird finds a partner, he too would try to bring you the prettiest thing he could find. To give to you, pretty necklaces, rings or even pretty gems he found during his time fighting.
Phainon would be the type of husband to keep a photo of you in his pocket to bring out and admire each time he feels lost or in a dangerous mission, he has to remind himself to stay strong not only for amphorious, but for you as well. To bring you the tomorrow he knows you wish for.
Phainon would be the type of husband to try and never show you his faults, either from a small thing like him burning the food to him sacrificing himself for the greater good that he knows that you won't accept him to do. He just wants to be the person you rely on, now and forever.
(Huge emphasis on rely on, he loves it when you do, even the smallest acts like him opening a jar for you.)
Phainon Is not the easily jealous type but he will be if snowy keeps your attention all to himself.
Phainon is the type of husband to call you all sorts of endearment, like beloved or honey or even ÎαÏÎŽÎčÎŹ ÎŒÎżÏ , or ÎšÏ ÏÎź ÎŒÎżÏ , the latter just slips out naturally out more often.
At the end of the day, Phainon is the type of husband who likes to look up at the moon, it reminds him of you shining all over his world even the dark bits in him.
The ocean reflects the moon gentle light, he hopes to be your ocean and reflect your light the same one you guide him with. But alas he could only be the sun.
He never realizes that the reason you have your light in the first place was because of the one he emits.
(He's just too busy pouring all his love on you to notice)
. ê€ ïœĄ Ëâ written for... #TEA99 !! â featuring myu's blend! : a hibiscus flower tea with sugar cubes in a pink cup, and a side order of smoked salmon sandwich and cheesy vegetable garden tart (fluff + childhood friends to lovers + "can't you just stay here and kiss me forever?" + heart-to-heart conversation + alternate universe)
sypnosis. [ 1.6k words ] pilot!phainon x office-worker!reader. modern au. they're adults. living together. established relationship. they kiss a few times but its very cute and sfw so i dont think i have to warn you there.
usagi's note: it was in fact 3:41 AM as i started writing the fic. this isn't the fic i was cooking up for the phaichompers as i posted a few days ago, this was more of a spur of the moment idea i had and u know i get possessed (LOL). enjoy phainon lvrs!
3:41 AM.
The alarm tone began with a soft vibration against the nightstand.
You ignored it, snuggling into the warmth of your sheets, burying your face deeper into the pillow.
It buzzed again.
You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping that maybe, if you tried hard enough, the alarm would shut itself up and you'd have a few more minutes to enjoy lounging in bedâand maybe even a few more minutes of sleepâŠ
Then a third time.
You sighed and reached out an arm to click a button, not even sure if it's been snoozed or dismissed.
"...It's still dark," you mumbled into the pillow, eyes refusing to open.
"It isn't."
A smile tugged at your lips before you even looked at him.
Phainon had already been awake.
Of course he had.
He always woke before you did, though he rarely moved. Instead, he simply laid there, watching the sleepy little expressions you made before consciousness finally caught up with you.
His arms remained wound snugly around your waist, his chest warm against your back. One of his hands rested lazily over yours, thumb tracing absent circles across your skin.
You yawned, "The sun isn't even up yet."
"It is."
"You're such a liar," you huff.
"I've seen it."
"You probably just dreamed the idea of it."
A quiet laugh rumbled through his chest, then after a while, "We both have work, sweetheart,â he murmured.
And still, neither of you made the slightest effort to move.
Silence settled over the apartment again.
You sighed dramatically.
"If we just lay here all morning, maybe our bosses will think something bad happened."
"They'll probably just call us."
"Then we'll pretend we're not home."
"How will we pay rent then?"
"...You're ruining my fantasy,â you huffed.
He chuckled again, lowering his forehead between your shoulder blades.
His embrace somehow tightened without becoming restrictive, arms snaking higher on your body.
Just a few more minutes, he seemed to say.
You didn't mind.
You never did.
The years had changed almost everything about the two of you.
You'd grown taller, he'd become broader.
Your schedules had become cluttered with meetings, his with flight details.
Your calendars marked with deadlines, bills, grocery lists, chores, and laundry waiting to be folded.
The simplicity of childhood had disappeared somewhere between graduation and your first apartment together.
Yet somehow, this remained.
His warmth.
His heartbeat.
The familiar comfort of someone who had always been home.
"You know," you murmured, "when we were kids, I thought adults had everything figured out."
His breath seeped through your shirt, humming as he agreed sleepily.
"I thought they'd wake up excited every morning, like, hey, I'm going to work and make money, yaaaaay," you rasped.
"They lied to us."
A sigh, "They really did."
"All these big thoughts so early and yet you still have bedhead."
"...That wasn't very boyfriend of you."
"I think it's very boyfriend of me, actually."
You laughed quietly as you fully turned to face him, hands coming up to cradle his face and squish his cheeks for the teasing.
"So rude, and this early in the morning."
He huffed out a laugh as his face was being stretched out, "I like it."
Your eyebrows knitted, "My bedhead?"
"You,â he admitted without a beat.
Heat rose to your cheeks.
It still happened.
After all these years, Phainon still had that effect on you.
You leaned your head back a little to get a better view of him.
He looked unfairly beautiful while being half-awake.
Soft hair tousled from sleep, eyes softer than the dim light filtering through the curtains.
He smiled.
Not the dazzling smile everyone else knew.
Just the small one reserved for you.
"Here's a big thought for you. I used to wonder if we'd always stay friends," he admitted.
The confession surprised you.
"You did?â
"I did."
He looked thoughtful as his next words spilled out.
"We spent every day together. Walking to school, sharing lunches, studying, sleepovers, watching terrible movies."
A smile grew on your face, "And you stealing my fries even though you said you wouldn't eat any,â you quipped.
"I was trying to prevent food waste, you don't even finish your food all the time."
"You were committing theft!"
"It was for my poor, hungry stomach. A noble cause, don't you think so?"
You rolled your eyes.
He continued anyway, "There were times I almost told you how I really felt."
Your heart skipped.
"...Back then?"
"I think the first time was when we were sixteen."
You blinked.
"Sixteen?"
"You fell asleep during the movie."
"...Which one?â
"The one where you woke up and you apologized for drooling on my shoulder."
Your eyes shut in embarrassment, "Oh my god, why would you remember that of all things."
"I remember thinking that..."
He paused, his voice straying lower, as if he were afraid to even consider the possibility, "...if I said something and ruined this..."
His fingers intertwined with yours, fingers tightening.
"...I'd lose my favorite person."
The room fell quiet, the hum of the air conditioning filling the silence.
You stared at your joined hands in the dim lighting.
"I almost confessed too."
His eyebrows lifted.
"When?"
"The festival."
"The summer one?"
You nod, "You won me that giant samoyed stuff toy."
"You practically begged me for it,â his chest rumbled as he laughed softly at the memory.
"You're lying again! I was just admiring it."
"You threatened to cry."
A shrug, "You told me I was persuasive."
"You weaponized your puppy eyes."
Your eyes flitted back to his, "What can I say? I learned from the best."
You laughed again before your voice softened.
"I remember thinking..." you looked down, "... that if you didn't like me back..."
A breath.
"I'd be content to just be your friend for as long as you'd have me."
Neither of you spoke.
Years of almosts.
Almost saying something.
Almost reaching across that invisible line.
Almost changing everything.
Until one ordinary day, he decided to take matters into his own hands and tell you the words you've both been pining to hear and say to one another.
And suddenly every almost became finally.
Phainon's thumb brushed over your knuckles.
"We wasted a lot of time."
"We were just scared."
"Were you?"
"I was terrified."
"Really? I couldn't tell."
You looked to the side in embarrassment, p"I practiced confessing to my mirror."
His eyes widened.
"No way."
You nodded lazily, "For two weeks."
"You rehearsed?"
"I had cue cards and everything."
He laughed so hard the bed shook beneath both of you, "You had cue cards?"
"They were color-coded, too."
"I wish I'd seen them."
"Dream on, then. I burned them.â
"You burned the evidence?â his voice cracked slightly from giggling.
"I panicked, okay?"
"You panicked."
You sigh and close your eyes, resigning to defeat, "I absolutely panicked."
His laughter slowly faded into another smile.
A quieter one.
"I'm glad."
Your head tilted, "About...?"
"That we were idiots."
You frowned, "That's such a strange thing to be glad about, Phai."
"If we'd confessed sooner..."
He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, "...maybe we'd have been different people."
You thought about it.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
The teenagers who'd been afraid of losing each other couldn't have imagined this.
Sharing rent and decorating the apartment.
Fighting over blankets and ending up on the floor laughing because it had turned into a tickle fight.
Arguing over whose turn it was to pay for groceries because Phainon wouldn't let you pay for anything.
Making coffee together every morning just the way he likes it because no other coffee shop gets it quite as good as you do.
Knowing every scar.
Every bad habit.
Every sleepy mumble.
Loving each other wasn't fireworks anymore.
It was this⊠soft, steady, and certain thing you've come to know.
This familiarityâthis always, you come home to.
Your alarm buzzed again.
You groaned dramatically.
"No."
"You should just turn it off."
"No."
"You'll be late, then."
"I've decided employment isn't for me."
"Oh?"
"I'll become a house cat instead."
He smiled, "Mmm, I think you'd be very good at it."
"I already nap as much as I can throughout the day."
"Closer to ten hours, sweetheart."
You squinted at him, "Why are you already sabotaging my newfound career."
He laughed quietly, âWhat about my flights today, then, hm?
You snuck closer, fully in his arms this time, wrapping your own around his neck.
He instinctively pulled you closer until there wasn't even a breath of space between you.
You rested your forehead against his.
"...Can't you just stay here and kiss me forever?"
He didn't answer immediately.
He kissed you, instead.
Slowly and reverently.
The kind of kiss that still felt new despite all the mornings you'd shared.
When he finally pulled away, your noses were still touching.
"I can."
The corner of your eyes crinkled, amused.
"Really?"
"Mhm."
He kissed the corner of your mouth.
Then the other.
And finally a kiss on the tip of your nose.
"Until we're both fired."
You gasped.
"I knew you were secretly irresponsible."
"No, I'm not."
"No?"
A kiss.
"I'm choosing you before my plane, priorities, you understand, right?"
You gasp and roll your eyes playfully, "You're such a flirt."
"So I've been told."
"You've gotten better."
"I've had years of practice."
Then another.
This one made you smile against his lips.
And another.
And again.
Until, eventually, you sighed.
"...We really do have to go get ready."
"We do."
And still, neither of you moved.
Not for another minute.
Not even for ten.
After all, it was barely five and the world would still be waiting outside your apartment.
But mornings like theseâthe ones filled with sleepy laughter, old memories, and kisses stolen from the clockâwere the kind of ordinary moments you'd once been too afraid to dream about.
You press your face into Phainon's neck and breathe him in.
You live them now.
usagi's note: now i have to go get a batch of cookies ready lol, this took 1 hour and 10 mins i guess omg, hope you enjoyed!
@usagiarchive 2026. do not repost, translate, or use for AI. reblogs, likes, and comments are very appreciated!!
PANGARAP LANG KITA / YOUâRE JUST MY DREAM ft. phainon
the three things that went wrong in this date and the one thing that didnât ; alternatively, phainon intends to confess to you in the most romantic way possible but things go left.
CONTENT TAGS & WARNING â established relationship, modern!au, fluff, confessions, pining, yearning so much yearning, reader is wearing heels, phainonâs pov focus, mentions of anxiety, minor themes of self-hatred and insecurity (phainon), first date gone wrong, handholding, word vomit | wc: 3.2k
[TEA99 EVENT] AN ORDER OF⊠azulâs special blend of lemon fruit tea with honey in a blue cup, served with a slice of chocolate pistachio kunafa cake !! (of course, iâm doing my blend, iâm biased for myself; also thatâs my favorite tea and dessert)
DIRECTORâS NOTES â iâm a firm believer for d1 yearner phainon
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PHAINON had everything planned.
From the invitation and to the very last moment where he was going to confess his feelings for you, he had it all written down and noted.
There was the strong need to ensure that things will go smoothly. He wasnât simply going to stand before you and declare his feelings like some madman who knows nothing of propriety and the essence of what makes the worth of devotion. Phainon was no stranger to courtship and confessions despite the lack of his experience as you are the first and only recipient of his affections, but he intends to make the grand revelation of it special. Even if it means he was going to be rejected in the end.
(But he pray for it to not be the case.)
He have witnessed adoration between his parents who seem to cannot be stopped in the public display of their affection and he have seen it on televisions late at night when he has nothing to watch, so to say that he was unfamiliar with the ways of love would be a lie in it itself; to say that he also doesnât yearn for such would be another lie.
Phainon adored you more than he could admit to himself and even if he did, no words will be enough to fill the vessel of affection that he held dear for you. Everything he would try to say and think of would fall short to the rot of his ribs, to the light in his gaze, to the existence of you. Your whole being alone stands as evidence that stars have perished to create the shape of you, bringing your atoms closer to him, and yet, in the hours when the world slept and his guard dissolved like frost, he let himself imagine that the space between your breaths was a home he had been seeking across every lifetime.
He would not dare be greedy to ask even a caress of your light, but if the universe were merciful enough to let him orbit your gravity without burning, he would spend eternity as your silent moonâcontent to reflect what he could never hold, faithful to a warmth he would never taste, and thankful for the sheer mercy of being allowed to exist in the same constellation as you.
It was an understatement to use the word serious despite it was for something that definitely fits the definition of it. To Phainon, it was so serious that he had to resort consulting Aglaea for his affairs, believing the wiser lady would bring him knowledge that he had not thought of.
âThe most romantic place to eat in Okhema?â The golden-haired designer repeats as her head tilts slightly, pondering, but what came out of her mouth was not an answer but another question: âWhy do you ask?â
âIâm just curious, is all.â He says rather quickly as he scratches the back of his head, averting his gaze down the ground. Under this light and with that expression on his face, he looks like a puppy that have been caught by its owner doing something he ought not to do.
âItâs about [Name], isnât it?â
âWhat? Is it that obvious?â
The golden-haired woman chuckles, clearly having seen through Phainonâs attempt of nonchalance earlier.
âIt was merely a jest, but it seems like youâre too honest for your own good.â
So serious that he read romantic books in preparation.
âWhat are you reading?â
âNothing!â He scrambled to hide the book behind his back, afraid that the feline-like woman would figure out what was in his hand. Cipher have always had sharp eyes, after all.
So serious that he practiced his lines in front of a mirror before cringing and burying his face in his hands, wondering what in the worlds is he doing.
âI must have gone crazy.â
Phainon had it all planned for weeks. It was not in his character to be meticulous, but it felt like he had to. If he doesnât have these things planned, heâs worried that heâll end up stumbling on a rock and messing everything up, then heâll lose all of his chances, and what would you even think of him? A coward that canât get his feelings out and straight? A witless man who doesnât know how to romance another? A fool that only knows how to make you smile and be a gentleman?
He framed his invitation to you as something with the keywords of: dinner, celebration, and his treat. âDinnerâ because he was planning on confessing during the night when the fireworks come and itâs the best time to do it; âcelebrationâ? for what? He only said something about something good had happened and how he intends to share it with his âdearâ partner; âhis treatâ, after all, how could he have you spend for your food when he was the one who took you out? Even so, heâll never make you pay or split the bill.
(In your view, this was just your usual hangout with him, but to him, it was a date. His first date with you and you're unaware of it.)
He had all of it planned from the invitation and to his very confession.
Except none of his plans came into fruition.
Itâs not that he chickened out, had cold feet, or run away. It was never any of those things. Hell, that never came to his mind. Itâs just that everything in the universe seems to be working hand in hand to destroy everything he had built for this moment.
First, it was the flowers. Oh, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, intricate in all its details and selective in the overall arrangement of it to ensure that you would love it. Unfortunately, the flower shop that he had planned to pick it up from burned down in the middle of a night and he only knew of it when he went there, and saw the charred remains of what once was the store.
Although, he wasnât mad at all. Itâs not like there was some kind of superman that could prevent something like that in happening. He was only relieved that the workers were safe and no one was harmed in the incident. Besides, itâs not like itâs not the only flower shop in town.
It is.
It was the only flower shop in town.
Phainon, not wanting to be late, had to compromise and rushed to the restaurant with no bouquet in hand. Itâs okay, he tells himself, everything is still going to be okay, he convinces the voices inside his head. Heâs off to a really rough start and heâs not liking it alreadyâanxiety easily weaves through the gaps of his fingers, consuming the thoughts of his thoughts. Red, green, turn left, stop, brakes, park his car, turn off the engine; every movement of his had become mechanical except for his sigh that seemed to draw from the well of his very humane worries.
By the time he had arrived, you were already there, standing outside in all your grace and charm, looking as beautiful as ever despite the restaurant lights only illuminating your figure. He stood still there, a man who cannot be moved, captured by your radiance as you remained unaware of his presence until he gathered the very little of his courage and shame to call for your name.
Just your smile as soon as you recognized him was enough to make him forget of his frustrations and when you took his hand in yours to holdâa gesture too intimate yet had become normal between you and him, but doesnât reduced the warmth of itâ, he forgot what he was even worrying about. Right, right, right, it will all be fine. Everything will be okay and fine, until it is not.
Second, it was the restaurant.
Phainon had booked a reservation in advance for a spot in the balcony that allows you to have a view of the city and the stars outside. However, when he walked in with you and asked, it seems there was no reservation under his name. How could that be? He had called in days prior and confirmed his booking; he had even provided proof of it and yet, there was nothing.
All he got was an apology from the host and a compensation which came in a mere form of: âWeâll provide a free dessert and drink for the error.â
Great. He doesnât know what to say or what to do, he could only turn to you and apologize, asking if youâre okay with the new arrangements. If you would rather eat somewhere else, then he is okay with it too. He didnât mind if the inconvenience was to him, as long as you werenât affected, as long as it wasnât you being inconvenienced.
In the end, you wanted to eat in that restaurant you and him would always eat at; that one restaurant that you would turn to in every occasion of your life. You wanted something familiar, something warm, something soothing, and you wanted his hand, too, so he gave it to you as long as you gave yours to him.
Third, the lake.
The lake that the two of you will go to as Phainon smiled warmly, telling you that he wants to take you somewhere as you finished eating. The lake that had the best spot to see the fireworks. The lake where he will confess his feelings to you just as the blaring sound of the fireworks explode overhead, painting the night sky in bursts of colors. His voice, usually so steady, wavers just slightly as he says your name like it's the answer to a question he's been asking himself for months.
The reflections of light dance across the water's surface, mirroring the flutter in his chest, and when he turns to face you fully, the last of the sparks fizzle into silence, leaving only the soft lap of waves and the tremor of his words: "I've been wanting to tell you this for so long, and I couldn't think of a better place than right here, with the stars above us and the lake beneath us, because you make everything feel this vast and this beautiful." He would squeeze your hand, his smile softer than the moonlight, and before the next rocket even leaves its trail, he whispers the three words that make the entire world fall away.
But of course, none of this happened, because as it turns out, the lake had been off-limits to the public for a crime investigation.
Thus now, youâre walking along the path of the park, dimly lit with the few light sources here and there. Phainon has been silent for a while now, seemingly deep in thought as he walks beside you. He looks⊠slumped? Disappointed? Frustrated? You canât really pinpoint the exact center of his emotions, not when he seems so close yet so far at this moment.
There is a turmoil in his thoughts that resembled a hurricane wrecking everything in its way. Is this it? Is this really it? Will all of his weeks of planning fall away just like that? Has all of his efforts gone naught like that? Is that all he can do then? Let something as flimsy as the universe undermine the vastness of his feelings for you?
âPhai, wait.â
Your voice pulls him out of his trance as you held on to his arm. When he turns to look at you, he sees you bending and reaching for your heels as if wanting to take it off. It doesnât take much for him to figure out why.
âDoes your feet hurt?â Still, he asks, concern lacing with his tone as he guides you to a nearby bench instead, making you sit down while he kneels on the ground before you.
âYeah.â You can only say. It feels embarrassing now; all of his attention easily pours into you like liquid to an empty goblet. He takes off your footwear before carefully setting it on the ground. Thankfully, he has prepared for something like this to happenâhe takes out a small box of bandaid from the pocket of his pants.
Youâre so reliable, you want to say, but the heavy and tense atmosphere stops you from doing so. Instead, it was Phainon that speaks for the both of you and his words werenât something that you have expected him to utter.
âIâm sorry,â he sounds guilty and the way he gently tends to the small blisters of your skin feels almost like an apology, too. âI didnât want things to go this way.â
He must sound so pathetic in your ears now. A sorry-excuse of a person who cannot even do anything right.
âPhai, none of it is your fault, okay? None of us expected for the reservation to not come through and besides, how would we have known someone was going to steal the swan figurines on the lake?â
That was true; none of you would have known. But also, that wasnât just it. That wasnât just all of it and right now, in this moment of you and him, he wants to spill everything heâs been hiding. Heâs always known within himself that secrets are something that he can never keep from youâfrom you who is able to untangle him easily, who reads the falter between his syllables.
âI had a bouquet prepared too.â
âHuh?â
âBut the flower shop burned down.â
âPhai, really,â you laugh softly and it eases off some of the weight on his shoulders, âyouâre pretty unlucky today, huh?â
âDonât laugh.â Even if your laugh is the sound he is fond of. Phainon is pouting now and you see that heâs less tense compared to earlier, which makes you feel relieved too. You pat the empty space on the bench beside you and he easily understood what youâre trying to say.
âSorry, I canât help it.â
âBesides, I like you too.â
âWhat?â
You turn to look at him, grinning. Your eyes sparkled brighter than the stars above you and aeons, titans, heavens, there is no words to capture your beauty. He adores you so much that it would consume him until all that is left is the marrow of his bones, but it will never be enough. No, nothing will be enough, not even him.
âYouâre not entirely⊠how do I say this? Youâre not really good at hiding things or maybe,â you begin, trying to find the right words scrambled on the feet beneath you, picking up the letters until it finally forms into a proper sentence: âYouâre just way too honest.â
Youâre too honest for your own good, Aglaeaâs words echoed inside his head.
He sighs, âthatâs another thing that I screwed up then.â And you hum, tilting your head, questioning him what he means by it, to which he simply resolves your confusion with: âI havenât even told you of my feelings and you even beat me to it.â He doesnât look angry, only disappointed at himself but only for a brief moment as a knowing smile tugs on the corner of his lips. He should have known you and how you also know him the same.
âWhoâs to say you cannot say it now?â You beam at him, legs swinging off the ground as if an excited kid who's just discovered that the world bends to the shape of their joy. Phainon watches you, and the heart in his chest cracks open, warm and terrifyingly in the shape of you. âI still want to hear it from you. Just because I already know it, it doesnât mean I donât want to hear it.â
So say it, Phainon. He should let you have thisâlet you have him saying it out loud, so you can keep it tucked somewhere safe. After all, who is fate and the universe to decide that he cannot tell you of his feelings right at this moment? There is no strict rules in feelings. He has no bouquet, no restaurant reservation, no lake to watch with you, but he has you.
"IâŠâ He stumbles, falters, but he doesnât relent. âI've been wanting to tell you this for so long, and I couldn't think of a better place than right hereâwell, I donât think this is a better place. I was supposed to say this when weâre at the lake.â
Ah, I think I screwed up again, he would add, and you would only laugh as you call his name, and in that very instant, he feels so small and big at the same time, like the universe contracts and expands to make space for him and the scale of his feelings.
You placed your hand on top of his. âYou even practiced your lines too?â
âI wanted it to be perfect.â
âThatâs ridiculous, I doubt anything could be perfect.â You laugh once more and he feels happy despite the despair of your words.
âBut you are.â And you laugh harder.
âFine then, take your time. I wonât go away.â
Time. There is no time at all; time is a social construct made by people who needs to label something just to make sense of everything. The rise and fall of the sun, the way the moon conquers the sky, the stars in your eyes, the rise and fall of your chest where your heart lies beneath, the warmth of your hands, and the glimmer of your smile. There is two truths that Phainon knows for certain: 1.) time is a social construct made by people who wants to understand everything within their experiencesâborn from the human need to measure, to name, to contain the vast and formless flow of existence within the narrow limits of what we can grasp, and 2.) you are made for him.
âYou make everything feel this vast and this beautiful,â he laces his fingers into the gaps of your own, holding you and holding your hand, sharing his warmth and the intensity of his feelings with a small squeeze, âand I like you.â
You squeeze his hand back: I like you too.
âPhai, even if you screw up yesterday, today, and tomorrow; even if you do it in a toilet, a garbage dump, or in the most romantic spot while weâre out there rowing in the lake, my answer will not change.â
For the first time this night, Phainon finally relaxes and lets the heaviness leave his shoulders. He finally lets slip the laughter along with the last thread of doubt he'd been clutching onto and it spills out of him; he presses his forehead against yours, rubbing the tip of your noses together, which only makes your breath shaky, warm against his lips.
âMay I?â
His voice is soft but so loud, lingering in the space that exists between you and him. A nod and you feel it; his lips meeting yours like the first spark that climbs into the dark, a small trail of light that almost look like shooting stars, and then suddenly, the sky above you cracks open in a shower of bright colors.
The fireworks are blooming exactly as they were meant to as if it had been waiting for this very moment to applaud. Each burst of light echoes the way his mouth moves against yours, soft then deeper, radiant then dissolving into the heat that pesters long after the color fades, and when you part, you both simply laughâbreathless and giddy, foreheads still touchingâas your fingers find his again and tighten around them.
(At least one thing went right.)
i couldn't stop writing at all !?@!@? I GOT CARRIED AWAY UGHGHHHH
Summary: Youâre running through the forest, hoping to earn some extra gold for your already difficult situation that you lift on your shoulders alone, until you find a terribly injured knight on the borders of Aedes Elysiae. Thankfully, youâre able to get him to proper help with your occupation as a healer. Yet when he awakes, he speaks of a sudden darkness, like a dark current about to wash over the world of Amphoreus. And soon, you learn of the misfortune that came upon his kingdom. Heâs lost everything, his home, family, companions, a part of his identity as Phainon from Aedes Elysiae. And soon, the reality dawns upon your own kingdom, Okema.
tags: Medieval AU, Knight!Phainon, Healer!AFAB!reader, Slow burn, Eventual Romance, strangers to friends to lovers, character injury, sexism, misogyny, reader insert stands up for herself, idk what else Iâm tired
a/n: this is gonna be a long-term fic if I can actually keep up a posting schedule. Maybe. Eh. IDFK man Iâm just happy to post this. Also I plan on the reader having a mind for her own cuz I personally dislike when the reader doesnât do SHIT. Anyways I hope u enjoy comments are greatly appreciatedđ„č
· · â ·â¶Â· â · ·
CHAPTER 1
· · â ·â¶Â· â · ·
Phainon collapsed against the trunk of a dark tree, groaning out as he held his side and slumped down onto the grassy floor. His legs burned and ached as he finally put them to rest, the adrenaline beginning to wear off and a stinging sensation on his hip returning just to taunt him. He breathed out unsteady puffs of air, dipping his head back and letting it rest against the hard wood behind him. He could feel beads of sweat sliding down from his snowy hair and the sticky blood that dirtied his armor and clothing, not that he could find much room to care when the nagging pain on his side was much more attention-worthy. His azure gaze hardened as he groaned out in pain once more, brows furrowing. He ripped off a piece of cloth from his tunic, bunched it up into one hand, and stuffed it in between his teeth, biting down on it as hard as he could to muffle his groans and pained whimpers.
Phainon shut his eyes tightly, yet when he saw darkness, all he was met with were the memories of his comrades being taken down one by one by the Black Tide, an evil force that nobody in the kingdom was prepared for. Phainon pushed through, thrusting his great sword through every chest of those monsters, feeling a sense of relief once he heard their defeated cries. However, his victories wouldn't last, as every waking second another knight would meet their demise. A whole knight, just gone in a moment. A knight, someone who had a whole life, a family, people to come back home to. Someone who had hobbies and even passions beyond the art of combat. Just for a letter to come back to their parents, carrying the dreadful news. Their mother would cry out, their father shouting and arguing like he could fight his way into reviving his child from the dead.
He held back hot sticky tears that threatened to stream down his cheeks, all while pressing pressure into his side, even if it didn't help as much as he needed it to. As Phainon looked up, his vision blurring as the stars hung up in the sky became flashes of light, the only stable thing under the midnight blanket being the moon. The moon would have once been something so⊠normal, even precious in different moments. Moments like when he was no different from a baby deer learning to walk for the first time, when his mother took his hand in hers and guided him along the path outside their home, past the farm and to the yellow, untamed fields of Aedes Elysiae. She would hold a lantern with an ever so fierce flame on a candle as she lead him through the darkness, to a spot in the fields. The two would lay back, little Phainonâ ever the troublemakerâ unable to sit still. Though at some point, his declarations of war within his make-pretend world shifted into question about folklore and old stories. Audata would answer them one by one, as patient as a mother could be while pointing up at the stars and murmuring bedtime stories to Phainon until he fell into the sweet surrender of dreams.
Phainon choked on a cry as images and memories flashed by in his mind, one after the other. A painful reminder that everything he once knew as safety, compassion, companionship were all washed away by the dark current of the Black Tide. This was far worse torture than the deepest stab right through his chest. He couldn't help but let go, tears finally escaping his eyes like a waterfall as he tried to blink them away, and yet failed. Exhaustion tugged at his body, pulling him down to the soft grass beneath himself, practically coaxing him into the merciful escape of sleep. He couldn't accept defeat that easily, no, this was not an option. Phainon had to keep fighting, he had to keep moving, he must keep breathing. He propped himself up on a shaky elbow, but it was last attempt proved futile as he finally recognized the pool of blood next to him and the dizziness plaguing his mind. His head dropped to the ground with a dull thud as he fought to keep his lingering thoughts.
Stay alive, for her. So she will gaze upon you another day.
Your footsteps crunch gently against the grass and leaves as you made your way through the forest. Your palm began to sweat against the dagger held tightly in your hand, fingers adjusting their grip as though it'd help calm down your rapid heartbeat. The silk hood you wore wasn't much more help either, practically blocking your vision on purpose. Whatever, it wouldn't even mean much when it's dark and you can hear some monster howling in the distance. If you just ignored how there was a very, very high chance that you'd be tackled by a creature in a place that was deemed "I dunno, the middle of nowhere?" and the fact the your knees were about to crumble into dust, you were technically fine. You heaved breaths as you continued to trek through the dense forest, not very sure how much longer you'd keep up. At some point, giving up seemed like the only logical answer to the entire mess, causing you to accidentally trip over to the ground and accidentally curl up next to a bush and accidentally eat whatever morsel you could sneak from the leftovers of those snobby nobles.
You picked a small loaf of bread from your leather pouch, holding it in both hands as you split the snack delicately with your fingers. the dough in the middle was fully baked, fluffy even. But when you brought the ripped half up to your lips, it felt stiff and cold as it brushed against your tongue. Of course, these were leftovers. Having warm bread anytime and anywhere was a luxury that was unfortunately unobtainable for a humble servant like you. Well, that didn't matter when the roaring of your stomach could wake up the entire forest if you weren't careful. Finally, you parted your lips and slotted the smaller pieces of bread that you ripped off into your mouth, chewing carefully. As much as you wanted to stuff your face, feeling full was more of a priority over fulfilling your desires. Money is especially tight, not for your coworkers but it seems to be just for you, like the gods above cherry-picked you for their amusement. It wasn't always like this, when Father used to be able to work, combined with your job as a healer, income was steady and life was stable.
If only he hadn't been ill for the past couple of months, things would've stayed the way they were supposed to. As much as you wanted to kick, scream and cry for this curse set upon your father, there was nothing you could do in reality. Medicine was helping slowly but surely, however most weeks it'd take a large chunk out of the money meant for your stomach. At least the pain came to an end as you finished your small snack. As much as you wanted to sit back and sleep here, that was simply not an option when there was extra gold to be earned. Pushing yourself up, you dusted the crumbs off of your long gown as you stood. However, just as you were about to continue on your way, the sharp growl of an animal made you whip your head to the bushes behind you. A pair of sharp amber eyes glared at you, hidden the brambles, narrowed down to slits as the menacing sounds heightened in volume. Your heart plunged like a sinking ship as you stifled a gasp. You considered the possibility of being taken down by a monster through out the night, but you didn't exactly considered the reality of it! Whether or not a creatureâ wolf or bear, who cares?!â were lurking in those bushes, the spike in your chest screamed nothing but to run. Your feet carried you, thundering footsteps against the ground as you dashed through the forest. It was hard to tell what was whatâ if that was a tree or some demonic entityâ when everything was so dark that a star not dare shine above your head.
Where were you even headed? Not a clue! Nothing mattered when there was a bear behind you, about to chomp your head off with one bite! It didn't matter if you got lost in this maze, or if you'd become some legend that grandparents would scare children with, all that mattered was that you kept pushing your way through. Nothing would stop you, if it weren't for the unbearable burn boiling up in you calves as you ran. At this point, you'd either die from being eaten by a monster, or from exhaustion. Taking the latter sounded like a much better option if it weren't for thick root that caught the tip of your boot, sending you crashing into the dirt and smacking you in the face with mother nature. Seriously, could it get any worse?!
You turned your head back in absolute horror, already mentally accepting your fate. Picturing your funeral, there'd probably be a group of maybe⊠twelve people there at most. Their voices echoed in the back of your mind, what dramatic speech they'd go on about for a solid couple minutes and a half. Oh well, it was a good run anyways. A metallic scent floated throughout the air, however to your surprise, there were no sharp claws about to scar your face or across your chest, in fact, there was no injury at all. The sea storm in your chest transformed into something as light as air when you weren't met with a bear⊠but a small foxâ most likely a mere cubâ approaching you with a glint of curiosity in their eyes. You just sat there, the reality dawning on you for an amount of time you didn't care to count. To think, all this time that you've been running for your life, a fox was playing tag with you like it was some sort of gameâ and the worst part, it was!
You groaned out, face burning at the misconception. But that was cut short when your senses were filled with an unforgettable scent. One, that you've recognized countless times. It was part of your everyday life as a healer, although you usually grimaced at the sight of it. Blood. And suddenly, panic stabbed you through the chest once more. The fox tilted it's head at you, the reason for it's curiosity much clearer now.
"âŠhello?" You called out in an unsteady tone.
No response.
"Hello!" You shouted out this time.
Well, there was no yelp of a startled hare or the growl of a wolf nearby, clearly indicating that whatever was bleeding out must be unconscious, possibly even dead? Yet the smell was still strong, fresh, and carried no stench. Good, there's a chance that the injured victim is still alive at the very least, although they still appeared to be unconscious, but the thought of carrying a whole body back to the village already had irritation simmering beneath your skin. Alas, you gracefully pushed yourself up and let out a sharp exhale, the burn in your cheeks still evident in your face, even though nobody but that little fox watched your silly chase throughout the woods. After readjusting your belt and the leather pouch slung across your waist, you trekked off around the area, following as the sharp scent became stronger and stronger the more you searched.
Eventually, you caught a smeared paste on the grass beneath your boots. You took a couple cautious steps back, assessing the trail that lead past a couple of yellow-ish bushes and thick trees. Had you really gone that far, as to reach the outskirts of Aedes Elesiyae? You shook your head, clearly, it wasn't the time to be distracted. Bringing back your attention to the track, there were large patches of dried blood, having gone a reddish-brown with some of it mixed in with the soil like someone was marching all over it. The victim was probably losing a lot of blood, leading you to the reason why their footsteps appeared so sloppy. You continued following the trail, lifting up your dress over the splattered blood. A shiver ran down your spine, as much as you tried to repress it. Though the more your followed, the harder your brows furrowed. Eventually your eyes were met with a slump of armor and a fluffy, white head. The man lay in a puddle of his own crimson liquid, a ripped piece of cloth buried in between his teeth. You couldn't help but gasp at the sight. This was definitely one of the rarer cases that were given, even nearing on something obscene. He seemed to have tied a knot out of his ripped tunic to where the injury was, adding as much pressure as possible. It was an attemptâ a poor one at thatâ but at least it was something.
With a grunt and a lot of arm work, you successfully turned the man from laying on his stomach to laying on his back. Your hands already got to work, stripping him of his armor but nothing else. You placed your palm on the left side of his chest, feeling for a steady heartbeat. Your chest sinked a little deeper at how it felt unsteady beneath your fingers, but you continued on anyways with your eyes narrowed in concentration, your lips not uttering a peep. After a short while of examining him, you were able to come up to some conclusions. He was still breathingâ thankfullyâ and the dried blood on his injury made it appear much larger than it was, however you couldn't deny that the wound was deeper than you expected. There were also much smaller cuts and bruises along his body, but they were nothing compared to this one.
After jotting down all of your observations into your small notebookâ filled with the uses of herbs and small doodles of their appearancesâ you stood up again, looking down at the knight slumped before your feet.
There was no way you'd be carrying this hunk all the way back to the kingdom, that's for sure.
When Phainon opened his eyes, he wasn't met with the hard ground or a heavy, piercing pain, but instead he saw the warm rays from the orange sun setting in front of his very own eyes. Or the soft wheat that grazed the tips of his fingers. He slowly blinked a couple of times, his eyelids heavy and his limbs unwilling to move an inch from their place. Slouching against the trunk of a tree, he dipped his head back, glancing up the branches and leaves. Phainon's heartbeat quickened at the sight of yellow leaves, one even floating down and settling right on his forehead. He shook his head like a dog drying itself after diving into a lakeâ much like how snowy wouldâ before pushing forward with a sharp gasp. He looked down at his hands, tiny and soft rather than the large and calloused hands he was used to seeing weild a claymore in the midst of battle. He wasn't in his usual attire either, instead he wore a blue tunic and shorts, white cloth slung around his shoulders down to his waist with a leather belt holding it together. It much lighter against his body unlike the heavy armor he wore nearly everyday.
"Dear, where are you?" A gentle voice cooed from far, far away.
Phainon whipped his head, rapidly switching between left and right. He immediately struggled to his feet, stumbling over like a baby elephant before stabilizing himself properly against the tree. Phainon knew that voice all too well. Warm, gentle and soothing like honey going down a sore throat or a mother singing a lullaby to her wailing baby. Before he knew it, his legs were carrying as fast as they could, which wasn't very quick considering how stubby they were compared to how his legs were normally. His breath was already becoming short and labored, however his determination was much stronger than the burn in his lungs. His hope was filling up like sand in an hourglass the more the voice called out to him, bounding him over as he ran across the warm yellow fields. After what felt like years of sprinting, he was met with a glow in the distance and the closer he got, the clearer that voice became. Just a few more steps, a few more breaths, he even reached out his hand, small fingers nearly grazing the light.
Now, the white-haired man lay in a comfortable bed, the sheets splayed across his body. He lay on his back, bandages dirtied with blood that wrapped around his abdomen. His hand fisted into his blanket, sometimes even attempting to tug at it harshly. Unfortunately for him, you sat on the mattress, on top of his oh-so-dear blanket that was getting on your nerves when you heard it sudennly rustle for the umpteenth time. But what made your brows go drawn were the other, healed scars across his body and the bruises that decorated his chest. Clearly, he was an experienced knight, but the sudeen slash at his hip and the dark bruises were what got the gears in your brain turning. Was he being chased down by an animal?â much like how you thought you were last night, as much as you tried to push the thought awayâ no, that doesn't sound likely, he had a large sword by his side and armor to protect him long enough. No predator could possibly rip through his armor so cleanly either. Was it an injury from a natural disaster? Was he on a mountain, and happened to get stabbed by a rock when tumbling down? No, there weren't such terrifying mountains near Okema nor Aedes Elysiae. The only other conclusion that reached you was the possibility that another knight was dueling with him, however Okema and Aedes Elysiae were anything but foes.
You continued to wrack your brain for more possibilities, grumbling whatever else could come to mind out loud until a hand suddenly clawed at your wrist. You looked up, snapping out of your haze to the man tugging your hand and shouting out something unintelligible.
"Keep your hands off of meâ!" You gasped shakily, practically launching yourself off the bed as you snatched your wrist back.
He suddenly went quiet, eyes as wide as saucers when his hands froze, stuck in front of him. His eyes darted around, from his bandages, the shelves, the desk in the corner with countless notebooks and plants. He seemed to notice the jars of poultices and herbs left to dry out from where the sun passed through the window. His eyes traveled all over you, from the tips of your boots, up your light, cream-colored gown and to the glint in your sharp eyes as you glared right through him. He lowered his hands, resting them against the sheets slowly. He took a couple of deep breaths, the sound filling up the silence of the room. Finally, his lips parted, but not a peep slipped out.
"You're in a sanatorium located within Okema." You answered before he could even ask the questionâ it wasn't difficult to guess the thoughts racing through his mind. After what felt like a full minute of making uncomfortable yet awfully consistent eye contact, he finally mustered up his voice to speak.
"Where is she?" He rasped.
You smoothed down your dress before answering probably the weirdest question you've ever received from an unknown patient.
"Sir, there is nobody waiting for you. You're on your own."
"Butâ but I heard her voice."
· · â ·â¶Â· â · ·
also, please do NOT feed my work to ai slop, thank you.
ÊÉ It's just like seeing her for the first time again ÊÉ
â Pairings: Phainon/Khaslana x Reader
â Summery: With the Era Nova completed, your beloved Phainon has long taken the role of Worldbearing Titan, now bearing the name 'Khaslana'. Even so, neither of you have refused to forget each other. And now, as you visit the Titan with the Tribios, you find yourself in a troublesome situation with a slumbering god.
â Tags: Fluff, canon divergent, Titan!Phainon, the Era Nova is true in this AU so all the Chrysos Heirs are now Titans, fuck Lygus, established relationship, basically Phainon being lovesick while bearing the Dawn Device and everything, #ilovemywife
â Word count: 1k
â A/N: Happy anniversary to Phainon and this blog, it changed my life, so have this slop i miss him so much omfg
Beneath the Dawn Deviceâs unwavering radiance lies a bustling Okhema. Action-Hour has just begun, and the merchants alongside the shopkeepers waste no time in opening their stalls, their voices already rising into the morning air. Bright fabrics are unfurled, polished wares arranged with care, and the scent of warm food drifts lazily through the streets.
Childrenâs laughter rings clear as they gather beneath Aglaeaâs golden thread woven high above, daring one another to leap higher, to reach closer, as though they might grasp divinity itself. And between it all, the little Tribios flit through the streets like fragments of lightâtiny, radiant guides leading humanity gently toward its countless destinations.
âSnowy, wake up!â Tribbie calls, her voice bright and insistent as it echoes toward the slumbering god before her. Behind her linger Trianne and Trinnonâthe remaining fragments of the Passage Titanâquiet yet watchful, their presence carrying a weight far older than the lively city below.
Beside them stands youâTrianneâs so-called 'Worldbearing Star'. A title you have protested more times than you can count, one that feels far too grand, far too misplaced upon your shoulders. Yet they insist. To Trinnonâs logic, if the Worldbearing Titan himself bears Amphoreus upon his existence, then it is only fitting that his beloved be the guiding star that walks beside him through every phaseâlife, death, and all that lingers in between.
However, Khaslana does not stir at Tribbieâs call. He remains as he isâmotionless, unbothered, slumbering like an ancient monument carved into existence. One pair of his arms continues to uphold the Dawn Device, unwavering even in sleep, as though such a burden has long since become second nature. You would argue it is a habit inherited from his human self. Despite being a tireless Flame-Chaser in the past, Phainon had never once passed up an opportunity to rest when it presented itselfâand it seems even ascension has not rid him of that trait.
Tribbie glances toward you with a look that can only be described as troublesome, mischief and mild exasperation mingling in her expression. Beside her, Trianne looks far less amusedâher posture already stiffening, as though preparing to scold the Titan himself. Truly, such laziness does not suit the Worldbearing Titan⊠at least, not in her eyes.
âWake up, Snowy. We have a guest,â Trinnon tries again, her voice calm and measured, carrying a gentler authority.
It proves just as futile.
Tribbie sighs, long and dramatic, as Khaslana remains entirely unresponsive. You consider stepping inâsuggesting that perhaps they should try again later, that there is no need to force themselves to wake him from such a deep slumber.
But of course, they are stubborn.
Trianne floats forward, drawing in a breath until her chest rises with the effort. âLittle [Name] has come to visit you, Snowy!!â she calls out, her voice ringing with half her strength, determined to pierce through the thick veil of his sleep.
For a moment, the attempt crosses the possibility of a failure. Thenâat lastâone golden eye flutters open.
Relief ripples instantly through the fragments of the Passage Titan, their tension easing as Khaslana slowly begins to wake. His other eye follows, heavy with lingering drowsiness, and the Tribios collectively release soft sighs of triumph. Beside them, you cannot help the quiet chuckle that escapes you, light and unrestrained.
Where others might tremble before the Worldbearing Titan, you find yourself laughing more freely than anyone.
Khaslana lifts his head, the motion slow but effortless, his awareness settling over the scene before him. For a being of such scale, such ancient weight, he has retained an almost startling amount of his humanity. And the moment his gaze finds youâtruly finds youâhis expression softens, brightening into something unmistakably warm.
âOh,â he hums, voice still touched with sleep, âI have four lovely guests.â
His gaze drifts over the group, but it does not linger long on the others. Inevitably, inevitably, it returns to youâcarrying something quieter, something unspoken, as though the rest of his sentence exists only in the space between you both.
And you are the loveliest of all.
Trianne huffs, clearly irritated, though it is a fleeting thingâone that will undoubtedly fade within minutes. âWe may be lovely,â she snaps, âbut you certainly werenât, with the way you were sleeping!â
A soft laugh escapes Khaslana, low and unbothered, as he tilts his head slightly to better observe the four of you. There is amusement in his gaze, gentle and unguardedâuntil Trianne fixes him with what is meant to be a warning glare. In practice, it resembles more a childâs attempt at intimidation than anything truly threatening.
Before he can respond, she turns sharply and flies off, her indignation carrying her forward. Tribbie follows with a small shrug, and Trinnon hesitates only briefly before trailing after them, leaving you behind in their wake.
You can only smile fondly as you watch them leave, their voices fading into the lively hum of Okhema below. You know well that none of them have taken anything to heartâbantering with Khaslana has always been one of their favorite pastimes, rivaled only by the hours they spend in Aglaeaâs presence. It is a familiar rhythm, one you have seen play out countless times, and one that never truly changes.
Out of nowhere, something brushes gently against you.
You turn, only to find Khaslana already watching youâhis immense form lowered, bringing himself down to your level with a care that feels almost reverent. There is a softness in his gaze, something warm and unguarded, as though the vastness of his existence narrows to you alone. One of his fingers shifts slightly, brushing against you in a motion meant to mimic a pokeâa small, almost playful gesture he once did so easily, and now can only imitate.
âMy beloved has taken time out of their day to visit me,â he murmurs, voice low and threaded with quiet fondness. âHow could I ever ignore such a call?â
The way he speaksâso earnest, so effortlessly devotedâaffects you no less than it once did when he was still Phainon. A devotee in every life, it seems. Some things, even ascension cannot change.
A soft smile curves your lips as you rest your hand lightly against his finger, grounding both yourself and him. âA flatterer, through and through,â you tease gently, though the warmth in your voice betrays you. You have heard words like these a thousand times beforeâyet they never quite lose their weight.
As expected, his response comes not in words, but in action.
A free pair of his arms begins to move, slow and deliberate, forming a quiet barrier around you. The world beyond is gently obscured, his towering presence shielding you from the eyes of Okhema. To him, you are something far more sacred than even a Coreflameâsomething that should not be witnessed carelessly, something to be hidden away from the gaze of others. Though, as always, you are quick to recognize the exaggeration woven into his beliefs.
Still, you step closer. Raising your hand, you let it come to rest against a small portion of his cheek. The contact is featherlight, almost insignificant in scaleâa touch so gentle it should not register upon a being of his size.
Yet, it does and Khaslana stills completely.
For a fleeting moment, it feels as though everything about himâhis breath, his thoughts, the quiet hum of his existenceâpauses, just to feel that fragile, fleeting warmth. As though the vastness of the world he carries fades into nothing, leaving only the soft press of your hand against him.
Silence settles between you. It lingers, unbroken, stretching into minutes as he remains there, unmoving, basking in the small flame of your touch. You can tell, even without him saying it, that he is fighting the pull of sleep. That familiar heaviness threatens to claim him once moreâafter all, even your voice alone has always been enough to lull him into rest.
âHow was your day, Dawnlight?â the Worldbearing Titan finally murmurs, his voice softer now, almost drowsy. His sunrise-gold eyes flutter open again, seeking you out as though he fears you might disappear the moment he closes them.
Those eyesâŠ
They have never changed. Still loving. Still unbearably, hopelessly devotedâno matter the life, no matter the form.
Once, long ago, Phainon had asked you the same question, his head resting against your chest as he sought refuge in the sound of your voice. Back then, it had been a simple wishâto fall asleep without nightmares, to let your voice be the last thing he heard before sleep claimed him.
Now, stripped of his mortal shell and reborn beneath the Era Nova, Khaslana waits for that same answer.
Not for the sake of conversationâ But in the quiet hope that, if he listens closely enough, he might drift into sleep once more⊠and dream of a world where he can hold you once more.
ă ĄThe Hero Who Could Face Titans Couldn't Handle a Little Flirting
â Happy Phainon Month! I've got lots of stuff here for Phainon. Can you believe something could surpass my love for Chung Myung and Rafayel but here he was, Phainon in all his glory. I was inspired by Robin's SP and Aventurine's SP! I love the summer vibe and I want to see Phainon experience the beach too....(ê Ꭰêâż) no smut but you all would be spoiled by khaslana not today but soon (⊠Ꭰ⊠âż)
âż warning/s: fluff, angst (just a pinch hehe), kind of suggestive but not too much, established relationship, can be served as post-ampho if you want, no major spoilers, flirting, puppynon is here, reader has a game and phainon is losing his mind, he is also shy, we can admire his muscular form, hoyo give us another shot of his abs (âáŽââż), phainon and reader is bully for each other, phainon just love to tease, picture not mine itâs from lightcone a dream scented in wheat, let me know if i missed something!
âż character/s: phainon, fem! reader
"Hello, miss."
The voice arrived before the man did. It was warm, smooth, carrying the sort of confidence that sounded rehearsed in front of a mirror or perhaps, countless mental preparation.
The afternoon sun blazed mercilessly over the shoreline, turning the sea into a sheet of liquid sapphire and convincing half the resort to surrender beneath umbrellas instead of challenging heatstroke.Â
Fortunately, you'd made the wiser decision in nestling comfortably beneath the shade of a woven parasol, you lounged against the beach chair with a chilled drink in hand, the condensation slipping lazily down the glass while a slice of orange bobbed with every absentminded swirl of your straw. The salty breeze tugged gently at the shawl draped over your shoulders, carrying the scent of the ocean and distant grilled seafood and for the first time all day, doing absolutely nothing felt like an accomplishment worth celebrating.
Then a shadow drifted over you.
Not the ominous kind, of course. Itâs one youâre familiar with, funny enough.
Phainon stopped beside your chair with suspiciously impeccable timing, just enough to spare your eyes from the relentless sunlight. He leaned down ever so slightly, looking every bit like the mysterious traveler who'd wandered straight out of a romance novel and onto the resort's private beach.
That was clearly the image he was aiming for.
His gaze settled on you, lingering for a heartbeat longer than he'd probably intended. The ocean breeze traced the silhouette of your one-piece swimsuit beneath the light shawl, strands of your hair dancing against your cheeks while your attention remained stubbornly devoted to your drink. Somewhere between the sparkling waves and your unbothered expression, his carefully memorized opening lines quietly packed their bags and vacated his mind.
Phainon caught himself wondering, rather inconveniently, whether you'd always looked this breathtaking beneath the sun or if the seaside had decided to conspire against him today.
The light spilling through the woven canopy painted shifting patterns across your features and the chilled glass resting so casually in your hand completed a picture so effortlessly serene that, for one dangerously long heartbeat, he forgot he was supposed to be playing the role of a charming stranger. It wasn't fair, really. A game was difficult to win when your opponent had the unfair advantage of simply existing.
For his pride, Phainon recovered before the silence stretched into something suspicious. The word recover is too generous. Itâs much closer to the stubborn resolve of a man who refused to lose a game the two of you had enthusiastically agreed to barely five minutes earlier. If this little challenge was meant to test who could stay in character the longest, then he intended to see it through to the bitter end even if the first obstacle he'd encountered was realizing that his urge to shower you with affection, words or not, is harder than expected.
A smile settled easily onto his face, the kind that was practiced enough to look effortless. He slipped one hand into his pocket while the other gestured toward the empty beach chair beside yours.
"Mind if I join you?" The invitation rolled off his tongue with practiced ease, polished enough that he'd have confidently awarded himself full marks the moment the words left his mouth. It was the sort of line he'd encountered countless times while leafing through the romance novels you were so fond of â stories he'd casually borrowed out of sheer curiosity and absolutely not because he wanted to understand what made you laugh, sigh, or shake your head at fictional heroes.
If those paper-thin charmers could sweep their heroines off their feet with a single sentence, then surely this was a respectable opening. Simple, refined, pleasantly mysterious. In his mind, the imaginary narrator was already applauding his entrance. All that remained was for his leading lady to follow the script.
Your response, however, was another leisurely sip from your drink. The tiny paper umbrella bobbed. The citrus slice floated innocently. Somewhere, a gull screeched into the awkward silence as if narrating his defeat.
Phainon narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly.
There it was again. Somehow, despite making a rather dramatic entrance worthy of every romance serial ever penned, he was once more competing with your beverage.
Honestly, he should've expected this. It wasn't exactly unfamiliar territory. Whether it was a fascinating book, an artisan's trinket at the market, a particularly fluffy chimera wandering through the streets, or apparently a glass of iced citrus, your attention had an uncanny talent for wandering somewhere other than him.
Most people would've accepted that with quiet grace and moved on. Phainon had never been particularly gifted at backing down, especially not from a challenge as harmless as this. Behind his easy smile, a familiar spark of quiet competitiveness began to stir.Â
This is the opponent today, he sensed. That drink.
You finally turned your head toward him, meeting his gaze over the rim of your glass. The corner of your mouth curved ever so slightly, betraying that familiar glimmer of mischief. "If I say no?"
The question landed like a pebble tossed into calm water, sending ripples through his carefully maintained composure. For the briefest moment, he looked genuinely thoughtful.
"...Then," he said after a beat, a laugh threatening the edges of his voice, "I'd have to spend the rest of the afternoon convincing you to change your mind."
His smile deepened, easy and disarmingly patient. âI also think I'm fairly persistent."
The remark only held the quiet certainty of someone who clearly intended to make good on the promise.
"If you say no," Phainon mused, "then I'll simply have to remind you that this is a public beach."
With the confidence of someone presenting an airtight legal argument, he lowered himself into the empty chair beside yours, looking entirely too pleased with himself. The chair creaked softly beneath his weight before settling as he leaned back as though he'd been entitled to that spot from the very beginning.
"You know," he added, sounding far too satisfied, "I believe that means I have every right to sit here."
You stared at him. It wasn't that you'd admitted defeat in this banter.
It was just simply difficult to think of a rebuttal when he looked so absurdly invested in this ridiculous little game, the unmistakable excitement sparkling in his eyes every time you entertained his antics. There was an almost boyish eagerness hidden beneath his composed smile, as if he'd been waiting all morning for the chance to test every line he'd painstakingly prepared. Denying him now felt less like winning and more like telling an enthusiastic actor the play had been canceled halfway through the first act.
"Fine," you conceded with a tiny shrug, lifting your drink again. "Letâs say that chair near me is public property."
"Exactly."
The victory came far too easily.
Phainon settled deeper into the chair. The sea breeze wandered through his pale hair, leaving several rebellious strands dancing across his forehead before the wind swept them back again. With the afternoon sun pouring across the shoreline, it should've been impossible for anyone to stand out against such dazzling scenery â Unfairly, he did.
Perhaps it was the easy way he carried himself, shoulders broad and relaxed or the effortless confidence that came from wearing far less than his usual layers. The fitted swim trunks left little to the imagination, exposing sun-kissed skin, muscled arms and the unmistakable definition earned through years of relentless training. Every shift in posture drew quiet attention to muscles that moved with casual grace instead of deliberate display.
For someone whose very existence seemed destined to belong to the dawn, Phainon looked suspiciously at home beneath the blazing sky â as if the sun had wandered down from the heavens, decided mortal life sounded interesting today and chose the seat beside you for its first vacation.
A comfortable silence settled between you, broken only by the rhythmic hush of waves folding onto the shore and the distant laughter of other visitors. Phainon leaned back, eyes wandering toward the endless stretch of glittering sea with such convincing leisure.
The illusion lasted all of three seconds before his hand wandered casually across the space between your chairs. By the time your brain caught up to what was happening, your sunglasses had vanished from your face and found a brand-new owner. Phainon settled them neatly over his own eyes, adjusting the frame with infuriating satisfaction before turning to you. The grin tugging at his lips wasn't merely smug â it was the unmistakable expression of a man who believed borrowing someone else's sunglasses was an undeniable display of charm. Itâs now a public property if you use his logic. How infuriating.
"Okay," you said slowly, lips twitching into an amused smile as you looked at the shameless culprit currently wearing your sunglasses. "You mean bully."
Phainon's grin only widened.
"I'll show you how to charm a person."
He lifted a brow. "Oh?"
You didn't answer. Instead, you rose from the beach chair, setting your half-finished citrus drink onto the little table between the loungers. The breeze immediately welcomed your movement, catching the ends of your shawl until it billowed behind you like a soft banner, fluttering against the backdrop of glittering waves. Without another word, you strolled away.
Phainon watched you go. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his conscience politely reminded him that prolonged staring was generally frowned upon as he took the abandoned drink sitting innocently on the table.
You'd wandered a respectable distance away before turning on your heel. The moment your eyes landed on him again, something subtly shifted.
Gone was the amused beautiful lady lounging beneath the umbrella.
Now you wore the expression of someone whose attention had just been stolen by an unexpectedly handsome stranger relaxing alone by the sea.
You approached at an easy pace, each step was careful against the sand, your gaze roaming over him with open curiosity. It was not hurried, not embarrassed but thoughtfully appreciative in a way that made his pulse skip for reasons he didn't wish to examine too closely.
So you were really committing to the role. Watching you saunter toward him with the same effortless confidence he'd tried to pull off barely five minutes ago, Phainon was abruptly forced to witness his own antics from the receiving end and, to his horrifying realization, he realized he had looked exactly nothing like this.Â
By the time you reached him, he was already sitting a little straighter.
Without asking like he did earlier, you lowered yourself onto the edge of his lounger instead of your own, close enough that your hip bumped lightly against his. The contact was brief, barely there and itâs enough to make his entire body tense a bit.
You leaned toward him, bright and faux innocent. "Why, hello there, handsome. Are you alone?"
Phainon froze mid-sip. The citrus drink never quite made it down properly, leaving him to cough once into his fist while trying and failing to remember how swallowing worked. His throat suddenly felt impossibly dry despite the drink and warmth rushed uninvited from the back of his neck all the way to the tips of his ears. When he finally looked at you, his eyes were wide in panic.
You waited for his response.
Phainon stared.
The corners of your lips curled higher. "Hello~?"
The playful sing-song finally jolted him back to earth.
You were close. Far too close. Close enough that the faint scent of sunscreen mingled with the salty breeze, close enough for sunlight to catch the tiny flecks dancing in your eyes, close enough that he could no longer remember why he'd ever believed this game favored him in the first place.
"Hi," he said, only to hear his own voice leap several notes higher than intended. He hastily cleared his throat, pretending that had absolutely not happened. "I mean... hey."Â
You couldn't stop the quiet laugh escaping you.
He rubbed the back of his neck then awkwardly busied his hands with the hem of his swim shorts, suddenly finding the stitching immensely fascinating. The confident beach charmer who'd stolen your sunglasses mere moments ago had vanished without a trace, replaced by someone who looked like compliments alone were enough to short-circuit his entire nervous system. With how heâs acting right now, maybe youâre not that far from the truth.
"You should speak more often," you said, your voice warm with exaggerated sincerity. "Your voice is very pleasing to listen to."
Phainon visibly malfunctioned. "Whaâ! O-Oh.."
It was almost impressive how effortlessly a single compliment had unraveled him. Watching the color continue to bloom across his face, you nearly felt a twinge of sympathy for the poor hero. Tilting your head, your smile softened into something brighter, equal parts sweet and dangerously mischievous. "Would you like to talk a little more?"Â
"Yeah," he answered far too quickly, the word tumbling out before his brain had the chance to approve it. He visibly winced at himself, cleared his throat for what felt like the tenth time that afternoon and tried again with considerably more dignity. "I mean... yes. Sure." After a brief pause, as though remembering basic manners had just returned to him, he added softly, "Please."Â
Every attempt at recovering only seemed to make him sound more earnest than before. Somewhere along the way he'd leaned a little closer without realizing it, his attention fixed on you with the earnestness of an oversized puppy convinced it had finally earned praise.
The silly wager between the two of you had long since slipped from his mind.
Ice cream? What ice cream?
A pleased smile tugged at your lips as your eyes drifted toward his arm, acting you'd only just noticed it for the first time. Your fingertips came to rest lightly against his bicep, giving it an experimental squeeze that made the firm muscle flex beneath your touch.
"My," you murmured, sounding genuinely impressed as your eyes flickered back up to his. "Do you work out often or is this from labor?"
Your hand lingered for just a moment longer, tracing the outline of his arm with innocent admiration before you added, "Your muscles are amazing."
The compliment left your lips with such effortless sincerity that Phainon's entire train of thought quietly derailed. His gaze instinctively dropped to the hand resting on his arm, staring at it like it had suddenly become an unidentified phenomenon worthy of scholarly research. "I...Uh..."
His mind, usually dependable enough to solve problems far more complicated than this, abandoned every coherent thought in favor of a single, embarrassingly loud realization that youâre touching him. The thought echoed through his head with all the grace of a temple bell. "A little of both," he finally answered after what felt like an entire amber era had passed. "I lift sometimes and help out on my parents' farm."
It was, objectively speaking, a perfectly normal response â miraculously assembled by a man whose higher cognitive functions had temporarily clocked out the moment your fingers found his bicep.Â
He looked at you with dazed admiration. Whatever clever lines he'd painstakingly prepared had long since dissolved beneath the warmth of your praise.
He is done for.
Still hopelessly adrift in that pleasant haze, Phainon's hand lifted almost on its own. Hesitant at first, his fingertips brushed a loose strand of hair away from your face, tucking it carefully behind your ear as though afraid the breeze might steal it back. His hand lingered there for a quiet heartbeat before his palm settled gently against your cheek.
He searched your eyes.
The game had slipped away without either of you noticing.
Drawn by instinct more than courage, he leaned forward until the distance between you disappeared, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips â sweet, unhurried, and absent of any theatrical charm. It wasn't the kiss of a mysterious stranger on a beach.
It was unmistakably Phainon, your lover.
When the kiss finally broke, neither of you moved very far. The waves continued their steady rhythm against the shore, the breeze teasing loose strands of your hair as Phainon lingered close enough for his forehead to nearly brush yours. He looked pleased with himself, his expression soft and a little dazed.
You smiled and your smile grew just a little more smug. âI won.â
"...Oh." Phainonâs eyes are wide.
You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you as realization washed over his face in painfully slow succession. All afternoon he'd been so thoroughly swept up in your relentless counterattack that the original challenge, the one he'd confidently accepted with promises of smooth flirting and an ice cream wager are gone in his mind.
You folded your arms with exaggerated satisfaction.
Phainon stared at you for exactly two seconds before letting out a helpless laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with the sheepish smile of a man who had, beyond any reasonable doubt, been completely and utterly outplayed. He slipped his hand into yours without another complaint as he rose from the lounge.
âI suppose," he said with the resignation of a man happily accepting his fate, "I'll have to buy my champion the biggest ice cream the store have."
"And?"
"And..." He squeezed your hand. "Maybe let you steal a few bites of mine."
You nodded in satisfaction. "Now that's how you charm a person.â
⊠info: phainon always notices when you're gone.
⊠contents: just phainon being gentle with you, where he'll always find you when you're gone. set in a perfect amphoreus after the story ends where everything is okay, you're crying but the issue is kept kinda vague this is more comfort focused? (1.2k+ words)
⊠notes: a quick and simple piece i wrote for myself because i've really just been crying at anything these days skasksksâ
i. recent. ii. masterlist.
something in the air felt off today.
phainonâs day had begun like normal, of course. a quick breakfast of bread, cheese and figs from his usual stall in marmoreal market, nothing amiss amidst the bustling sights and sounds of okhema city.Â
dusting off his hands, he turns to survey the rest of the city. his gaze sweeps from the towering statue of kephale to the familiarly weathered cobblestone streets, all the way to the serene sky, snow white clouds adorning the vast blue. children ran afoot, playing whatever new game they had invented, and the people of okhema went about their daily business.
their hard-won peace had brushed its wings on every corner, and he saw it brighten the whole city.
truly, all was well.Â
and yet, even on his path to the antique store, your lively face hadnât made its appearance. Â
he waits and he waits, but youâre nowhere to be found. perhaps you were caught up with something else? heâd sought you out in all your usual spots: marmoreal palace, the garden of life, the dromas grounds, aglaeaâs workshop, marmoreal market and now, back once more to the antique store, and still, you remain missing.
something was definitely off. youâd tell him if you were busy, that he knows.
his feet carry him to where you live, a path so familiar he could walk it blindfolded. before long, he takes the spare key you firmly placed in his palm months ago.Â
âfor emergencies,â you told him then with a twinkle in your eye. âand for when you miss me, of course.â
well. missing you was an emergency, wasnât it? so it works on both counts, he muses as he turns the key in the lock.
he finds you there, sitting quietly on a chair, eyes fixed onto the smooth tiles near your feet, almost like an image frozen in time. he hears a sob, and when the door creaks as he opens it wider, you startle. your head snaps up to the source of the sound, and you look at him with a wide eyed stare.
âhi,â you tell him, pawing quickly at your face. âhi, phainon.â
before his steps lead him beyond the threshold of your door, he hesitates. he returns your greeting with a soft call of your name. âare youâ are you alright?â clearly, theyâre not. he chides himself internally.Â
you hesitate as well, just for a beat, before you nod shakily. your hands move to your face, the heels of your fist rubbing at your eyes again, and in that time, he kneels by your side. the sight of your downcast figure, with the fingers of both hands curled tightly together over the thumb, with lips swollen, bleeding red, caught between your teeth from incessant worrying, tugs at his heartstrings.
his pale brows knit together, and worry swims in his azure eyes. his thoughts circle around the same point: youâre in pain. how can he fix it?Â
heâs endured so much for the sake of the world he holds so dear. it would be his greatest failure, if he couldnât carry his worldâs burdens. even if just for a little while.
âwhatâs wrong?â he asks.
ânothing!â comes back your instant reply. but you do not meet his eyes.
âmy light,â he breathes, nudging your knee. â please look at me, wonât you? you donât have to pretend to be fine.âÂ
you sniffle and nod, your watery gaze rising to rest on his own. his hands cradle your face delicately, so very tenderly, and a thumb lightly strokes your cheek. âhi, there, darling.â he murmurs affectionately.
âhi,â you manage, swallowing. you send him a weak smile and he returns it, brightly, encouragingly.Â
he misses your shine. of course he does. but for now? to guide you out of whatever darkness you found yourself buried in?Â
heâd shine for the both of you.
âyou donât have to tell me itâs nothing, you know.â he says, as he pulls you to sit on the floor with him, hoping that the cool tile would ground your senses.
he gathers you close, his arms wrapping around you until youâre cocooned in his warm embrace. he feels you stiffen for a moment, then melt into the hug as your face finds his shoulder. âwhatâs wrong?â he asks once more.
âphainon, i-â you start, voice shaky, throat hoarse, and his heart breaks a little more. âcan i ask you something?â
âmhm. never hesitate.âÂ
âwould you miss me if iâm gone?â
he moves away for a beat to wrap his cape around you, hoping to cradle you in more comfort, as he turns his answer around in his head.Â
miss you if you were gone? what a question to ask. if only you knew.
if only you knew heâd spent the entire morning searching for you, looking in every possible place in the city, only because he hadnât heard from you.Â
he could not even bear to be apart from you for a mere few hours. of course he did not have a tomorrow worth living if that tomorrow did not have you in it. of course heâd miss you.
youâd found his way into his heart and buried yourself deep, and if he ever cut himself open heâs sure it would bear your name engraved in gold.
itâd kill him from the inside out to ever imagine a future where you wouldnât be by his side.Â
of course heâd miss you terribly.
âdarling,â he begins, leaning his head upon yours. âdo you want to know what i did this morning?â
you hum in response.
âi looked for you. and when i didnât see you, i went everywhereâ everywhere youâd usually be. i walked all over okhema just so i could see your face again. so, tell me, my dearest light, if i couldnât bear to be without you this morning, do you think i wouldnât miss you if you were gone?âÂ
he moves his head away, choosing to face you head on instead. his hands return to find their place on your cheeks again again, fingers brushing the tips of your ear.Â
he hears another sniffle, and your bottom lip trembles. âoh, darling, donât cry. please donât cry.â he pulls a face, his typical one whenever he wants to get you to smile: pouty lips, a faux sad glance, and all. and in spite of the sadness blanketing your face and the tear running down your cheek, you do. you let out a breathy laugh, eyes crinkling in the same way he knows and adores.
good. that got a laugh out of you. now that he could work with. âplease donât ever doubt that you mean the world to me.â he whispers, wiping that stray tear from your cheekbone.
he wonders what hurt you, to the point where you'd be curled up alone like this, but heâll find out later. for now, heâd much rather be by your side until you felt better.
you nod, looking a little more at peace, your breathing more even, and for that he is grateful. âthank you, phainon.â for the first time, like clouds clearing to reveal soft rays of light, you smile. it is not quite yet that smile that he loves so dearly, but it'll be back. he'll make sure of it.
he presses a kiss to your forehead in response. âno need to thank me for the truth, my love. there will never be a time where i donât miss you.âÂ
and he means it.Â
there will never be a time where he doesnât yearn for you in your absence. if you ever doubted it again, well, heâd just have to do a better job of showing it to you.
⊠ending notes: does this make any sense does this feel like word vomit i don't know but ksjskkjsjs this was also supposed to be writing practice but um i think i got carried away why is this so long head in hands i had to wrap it upâ anyway. phainon's pout is his not so secret unintentional weapon to get you to smile and i'm taking no notes jsjsjs
⊠taglist: @maopll @razsterr (taglist form is linked. send an ask to be removed!)
mornings are exhausting. but they're sweeter with him.
⊠info: phainon wakes up at a ridiculously early hour and kisses you into waking up with him.
⊠warnings: mornings, ew. none, this is pure fluff (edit: except for the fact that he bites you once affectionately). au ambiguous, but in my head: modern au. (0.8k words)
⊠notes: he's so needy and he's so sneaky i love him i'm going to sob ugly tears i love him so much i'd like him to wake me up like this please please please- ahem. AHEM. who said that jsjsjsjjsj lmao i hope you enjoy :)
i. recent. ii. masterlist.
morning rises, soft and slow.
rays of light slowly start to seep in through the eastern windows, illuminating the tiled floor, pale curtains fluttering in the gentle breeze that finds its way in.
your blanket is cozy, your bed is soft, your alarm is yet to ring. the world outside is still, and it is peaceful.
he chuckles, voice still deep with his usual morning rasp. âgood morning, sleepyhead.â he says affectionately, words drawn out, as he kisses your cheek tenderly. âdid you sleep well?â
youâd often compare phainon to the sun.
with the way he always looked at you with such warmth, and the way his smile shone brilliantly, it was hard not to. truly, you adored him with every inch of your being, and he lit up your life much like the light of the sun on your skin.
now, if only he didnât rise with it.
why does the sun rise so very early, anyway?
âiâd sleep well if youâd let me sleep in a little longer, phainon,â you groan out, turning away from him so that your face stayed out of his reach.Â
youâll get your kisses later. but first, sleep.
he hums. âlet me think about it,â he says as he settles behind you. you feel him pull you closer and pause, like heâs deep in thought, and when he stills, you think youâve won the battle.
well, good.
 it is far too early for such antics, in your opinion. Â
but just as his warmth lures you back into the arms of sleep, your eyes fluttering shut, soothed by the pace of his breathing, you feel a sneaky kiss on the back of your neck. âi thought about it.â he whispers, smiling against your skin. âsorry, darling, the answer's no.â
oh. oh, no.
he teasingly drags his lips down to where your neck meets your back, ghosting over like the brush of a butterfly's wings, leaving goosebumps in his wake. he lingers there for a minute, his breath tickling your sensitive skin, before he retraces his path to reach the base of your ear. he kisses there gently, once, twice, and thenâ he bites.Â
gently, of course, but it still has your eyes flying wide open.
âphainon!â you gasp, electricity running down the length of your spine. you turn around to glare at him.
âbet youâre awake after that, arenât you?â he murmurs into your ear. you whack him playfully on the shoulder.
his bright laughter in answer is infectious, and you canât help but crack a smile begrudgingly.
âyeah, yeah, laugh it up.â you huff, moving to hide your face in his shoulder as he still shakes with laughter. âyou always wake me up too early.â
âsorry, sorry.â he says in return, not sounding even the least bit apologetic, and you pull away to give him a look.
"you don't sound very sorry," you huff indignantly.
his lips form into the slightest of pouts and you swear to kephale above that you could see faint dog ears drooping in his fluffy white hair.
âwe havenât seen each other since last night.â he says, blue eyes never leaving your own. they're wide, and they blink innocently. âi missed you,â he finishes, his voice dropping to a small whisper as he looks away, and your heart melts at the sight of him.
well.
you canât exactly argue with that, can you?
you sigh in defeat, sitting up. âalright, alright, you win.â
the effect is instant.Â
his pout disappears and his whole face lights up, eyes sparkling with joy, a dimple peeking out as he grins brightly.
he pushes himself upright, and with all the enthusiasm of a puppy, he pulls you on top of him, both arms wrapped around your face, and kisses you over and over and over, from your lips to your nose to your eyelids and to your cheek until youâre giggling in his embrace.
âthere we go. not so grumpy anymore, are we, darling?ââ he murmurs, pressing one final kiss to your nose.Â
you hum, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from your eyes. âiâm awake, thatâs for sure.â
his grin never leaves his face, and he nudges your cheek with his nose. âhave i ever told you that you have a beautiful laugh?â
âyes, a million times already,â you respond, smiling affectionately at him.
âwell, then iâll say it again. i love the way you laugh.â
âeven when i sound like a hyena?â
âespecially when you sound like a hyena.â
it is right thenâ cradled in his arms, watching him with a smile so dazzling, when the morningâs just begun and the whole day lies in wait for the two of youâ that you find your answer.Â
why does the sun rise so early?Â
just so it can see you smile, of course.
(âso youâre saying i do sound like a hyena?â
âhuh- what?! that is not what i meant and you know it.â he groans, resting his forehead on your shoulder.
âiâm just kidding.â you respond, running your hands through his soft, pale hair. âconsider that payback for waking me up.âÂ
âwould it help if i had breakfast ready next time?â his voice is muffled, but you can still make out the words.
âyes, yes it would.â)
⊠ending notes: first phainon drabble!! hehe this was a quicker piece but i thoroughly enjoyed every second of writing this (i know a very popular characterization is that he's needy WHICH I AGREE WITH but he's also excellent at executing a plan and setting it in motion ykwim? he contains multitudes jsjsjsj therefore, needy and sneaky)
⊠taglist: @maopll (taglist form is linked. send an ask to be removed!)
for the last thirty minutes, maybe even an hour, youâve kept your hands on phainonâs face, lovingly smushing his cheeks. at first, the man didnât mind it all too much. he loved attention, especially if it was coming from you. he didnât resist when your fingers grazed his cheekbone, dragging over every inch of his jawbone. the look in your eyes was of hazy adoration. your skin was warm and he could feel your pulse on your wrist, beating tenderly against the pads of his fingers.
but youâve been holding him for long, he is starting to fidget and get antsy. its making it difficult for him to leave and do laundry. and god knows he needs to wash that purple and yellow hoodie. phainon has been subtly whining in front of your face, sticking out his tongue to lick at your palm, hoping that with his grossness, you will finally let him go.
however, that only eggs you on further. as you lean closer, you lick his cheek. phainon fails to realize that with his strange antics, it would only attract even stranger peopleâtherefore, his attempt to outgross you fails, as you were equally as gross for him as he is for you. he whimpers even louder when you bite the side of his face, exaggerating your lip movements to feel as if you were devouring him.Â
âstopâŠâ he cries out, not even bothering in the slightest to push you away. if anything, he leans forward, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulls you down onto the bed. your chest is pressed flush against his, so you could feel directly how hard his heart was pounding against his ribcage.
âi seriously canât,â you continue your conquest on his body, leaning in to pepper kisses against his exposed neck, âyouâre so cute i think iâm going to have to eat you, and make sure every part of you dissolves in my stomach.â
your words cause him to laugh hysterically. they inevitably snap something within him, and he raises his body, pushing you under him. your eyes widen in surprise, seeing your puppydog boyfriend finally taking chargeâhe leans close to your ear, dragging his tongue against your lobe. you couldnât even get a response out before he takes a big bite out of your trapezius muscle.Â
âthis isnât enough to for us to be even,â he huffs, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his hand, âi want to eat you too. do you think if we ate each other on opposite ends, weâll be like ouroboros?â
your smile gives him a good enough answer, but your arms wrapping around his neck is better.
Seventeen // Took My Bitterness and Made it Sweet [Brother's Best Friend! Phainon x f!reader]
Summary: One summer day when you were thirteen, your older brother Mydei brings a boy over to play. You donât expect anything good out of boys, but somehow, the boy- Phainon, you learned his name was, seems to want to know you better and include you in everything. Every time you expect nothing and think heâs just here for Mydei, his guileless yearning to be closer to you continues for years. Your denial of feelings and Phainonâs easy and confident persistence seems to complicate whatever was within your heart even further.
A/N + Warnings: Modern!AU, reader is introverted, reader is 1 year younger than Mydei and Phainon, LONG AF 21K WORDS IM SO SORRY, trig identities, Mydei slander (bc he's your brother), extremely self indulgent. I wrote half of these sections while I was in school, so apologies if there are inconsistencies in the writing
Tagging the lovely @zozo-01 since she stuck with this ever since she tagged me in snippet sunday (Thank you Zo, I love you <3)
âââ ââ âŒâ â âââ
Age: 13
At the young age of thirteen, you've already written off boys. They were smelly, mean, and dumb... you could go on. Which is why, when your brother Mydei brought home a friend for the first time, you were not expecting to like him.
It was a random summer afternoon when you were lounging in your room, listening to music while you draw. It wasn't long until you felt like you heard the front door open and close, along with an extra set of footsteps...? You thought you were hearing things- perhaps it was your mom who was walking. But just a second later, you heard an unfamiliar voice.
It's another boy, you think.
For a moment you forget the animosity you have against boys. The memory of your brother dejected and purposely isolating himself last year rings clearly in your mind. Your family had left your town of Castrum Kremnos and moved to the more populated city of Okhema to get a fresh start, especially because of the grief caused by your father. However, this also meant that Mydei would be leaving his friends.
Though you have not had many interactions with them, you knew they were good friends and meant a lot to your brother, even if he didn't want to admit it. A dull ache lingered within your household despite moving to the free and prosperous Okhema.
So you decide to give this mystery boy a pass.
Your tablet flashes, signaling low battery, and suddenly you realize the predicament you're about to be in. Shit. You left your charger with Mydei after his broke, so now you have to go in his room to ask for it.
Did you really have to go in? Your mind goes back and forth between saving your tablet and staying in your room and waiting it out. Looking back in your room, avoiding interacting with the mystery boy and your stinky brother seemed really tempting. You had hobbies! You could definitely find something else to pass the time. But a part of you can't help but be curious, and before you know it, your feet were dragging you to Mydei's room.
You walk as lightly as you could, trying not to alert them of your existence before you were ready to go in. The door was half open, and you hear the low murmur of their voices, along with the electronic sounds effects of what seemed to be punches or shooting. You gulp, overthinking of whether Mydei would even hear you over the video game noises. You knock anyway.
"Yeah?" Mydei's voice calls out. You breath a sigh of relief- at least he heard you. You grab your nonexistent courage and push the door to enter. Keeping your head down, your footsteps hover lightly on his floor as if you were sneaking in. And then your breath catches in your throat.
The mystery boy- A boy sits on the edge of Mydei's bed beside him with a controller loosely in his hand. He looks up at you the same time your brother does, and you get a full glimpse of his face. He was sitting, but he looked around the same height and age as Mydei. White messy hair framing his face, bright blue eyes, and an even brighter smile. Why was he smiling at you?
And was that the scent of wheat?
Your brain barely catches up to the overload of the mystery boy, but Mydei fortunately snaps you out of your trance.
"What do you want?" Mydei's voice is curt and straight to the point as always. You catch the mystery boy stifling a laugh, nudging your brother and whispering something like "how gentle", to which your brother nudges him back subtly. You don't know why but you feel self conscious all of a sudden.
"I-I need the charger." You mutter. Ew. You become aware of how awkward your voice comes out.
"It's on the desk." Mydei replies, quickly focusing back on the video game. You cringe. The desk? The one all the way across the room? Where you'd have to pass this weird smiley boy? Your anti-social self loathes this, and you wish you could cuss at Mydei for not getting the message but alas there is a guest.Â
Men. They certainly stress women out. Even your own brother.
You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up as you swiftly cross your brother's bed to snatch the charger. Okay, you did it, just quickly in and quickly out, easy right-
"Hey."
The white haired mystery boy calls out to you, and you flinch like those cartoon robbers caught in the police lights.
"I'm Phainon." He says with a smile. "Do you wanna play with us?"
Your pupils dart quickly between the boys and Mydei's TV, where some sort of FPS game was paused. The thought crosses your mind so fast, you almost flinch in disgust at the thought of playing this violent video game with boys. Yuck!
"I- what?" You grimace, though it comes out meek. Phainon only continues smiling, lifting his controller to gesture at the game.
"We're about to enter a lobby, you can join us if you like." Phainon only continues smiling, lifting his controller to gesture at the game. The invite makes your heart beat faster- though you're not sure if you should be flattered or weirded out that you're being included. Mydei seems to voice the latter.
"Why would we do that?" Mydei's words come out blunt as usual, though you don't fault him for it because you also couldn't find a reason to join them, especially when you didn't really enjoy your brother's video games. More importantly, you felt like it was gonna be awkward.
"Um, I'm okay. I don't really like shooter games." You reply, slowly backing off with the charger in hand. Weirdly, Phainon perks up more, still talking to you.
"Then we could play something else. Do you like Mario Kart? Or Party?" Phainon suggests. You and Mydei both give him a grimace like true siblings.
"We don't have to include my sister in everything." Mydei says. From the way he said it, you felt like Mydei briefly told Phainon about you, which doesnât help with your face burning at the thought of being mentioned.
"I-It's fine, really. You guys play." You say, taking the last word to finally exit. You're at the threshold of Mydei's doorway when Phainon steals the last word, calling out one last thing.
"Maybe next time then."
You almost flinch again, your steps abruptly stopping, and shit. It signalled that you heard him, so now you had to answer. You slowly turn, putting on a smile.
"Yeah... sure." Your answer wasn't confident, and you realize you might have come off as fake- like you were putting on a customer-service smile with an empty promise.
And yet, Phainon- this smiling boy, continues to beam at you like he actually believed you.
You don't trust yourself to not embarrass yourself any further with that interaction, so you you quickly pull your brother's door closed and retreat back to the safety of your room. You sit on your bed, charger clearly forgotten and your posture rigid as a soldier as you reflect on what the hell just happened.
Your heart was beating too fast. Too fast, but... not for a boy, right?Â
It's ridiculous, you think. Phainon was the guest here- a stranger. There was a supposed to be a sense that playing video games with them was some sort of uncharted territory when he was your brother's friend. But itâs like it has been reversed.Â
You've met boys before, obviously in your elementary school. They were smelly, mean, and dumb... loud, reckless, and careless... Yet Phainon was strangely not like them. And you were sure as hell knew that none of them ever looked at you like that- like it was normal for you to be there, or that it made sense for you to join. You press your palms to your face, as if wiping it would get rid of your overcomplicated thoughts.
This is so stupid.
Somehow, you get the feeling that you weren't going to forget him.
A few hours later, you realize you actually aren't going to forget the boy. Especially when you find him setting up the dinner table.
Your mother called you and Mydei down that evening for dinner, and you pause for a moment in the hallway as you see the white haired boy still here. You caught a glimpse of him just washing his hands, meaning he was definitely staying to eat. He answers your mother with a cheerful "yes ma'am!" and you make a face- both at the thought of Phainon joining your family for dinner, and the fact that he just called your mother "ma'am".
Your mother calls you and Mydei to set the table as usual. You realize how giddy Phainon looked as you saw him from the corner of your eye, sleeves rolled up and posture upright like he was ready for your motherâs cooking. He suddenly realizes you too.
"Oh, hi again." Phainon's eyes blink at you as he turns away from drying his hands.
"Hi..." You quietly nod to him, and he smiles at you again. By this point, you felt that he could probably tell that you were weirded out by him a little- being a guest and all yet being so comfortable with people he just met. You don't even remember the last time you were comfortable in your own skin. And yet here you were, standing awkwardly at your own dinner table in your own house, while this random boy acts like he belonged here all this time.
For once you latch onto the task of setting the table gratefully, busying yourself with forks and knives in order to not to pay the obvious elephant in the room any mind. You definitely don't realize the way he kept glancing over, and you certainly don't realize how he pulled your chair out for you.
Once dinner was set, your family takes their seat and starts on a nice home-cooked meal. Your mother gets curious and starts asking Phainon questions, since she too realized this was the first friend Mydei brought home. You keep your head down mostly, as you weren't really a part of this conversation. Funny enough, Mydei stays quiet too. Birds of a feather you were.
"How long have you two been friends?" Your mother asks towards your brother and Phainon. Though of course, Phainon takes the lead and answers.
"Since the beginning of the school year. Mydei has been helping me with studying for history." Phainon beams, his head nudging towards Mydei to acknowledge him. "He's really good in that class."
Mydei grumbles something unintelligible in response. It's weird... weird how Phainon's praise for your brother warms your heart. You knew that your brother was good at history, that much was true. But nobody was perfect (and as his sister, you knew firsthand of Mydei's particularly annoying traits such as his attitude). Phainon goes on about how he met Mydei from how he admired Mydei's competitiveness in gym class, but Mydei of course mistaken it for rivalry. You internally cringe at the thought of more boys being over competitive in sports.
Still, the sound of Phainon talking about your brother like he was perfect was... different somehow, genuine- even though that wasn't part of the question your mother was asking. You poke mindlessly at your food, a small smile slipping out as you recognize the hidden weight behind Phainon's polite answers.
Your mom continues to pester Phainon and Mydei with questions, with Phainon answering and your brother contributing the bare minimum. At one point you swear you see your mother rolling her eyes fondly at Mydei's lack of answer. You knew she likely shared the same sentiment as you- thinking how your brother was secretly happy for making a new friend.
"What grade are you going to?" Phainon's voice interrupts your thoughts, and you blink up, realizing that he was suddenly talking to you.
"Oh- eighth..."
"Eighth? Cool. Are you looking forward to high school?"
"I don't know..."
"That's okay. I think high school is gonna be fun! What's your favourite subject?"
"Um, art."
"That's awesome." Phainon says it like he actually means it, which makes your grip on your fork tighten. "Do you draw a lot?"
"Yeah I guess..."
"What kind of stuff do you draw?" Holy moly. You start cringing more, feeling some sort of embarrassment as Phainon presses on with the questions. He really wasn't letting this conversation go.
"Um... just things..." You shrug. Youâre not really sure you want to say out loud that you draw silly anime characters at the dinner table. There's a pause, where Phainon just nods at you. It's like deja vu, where you expected the talk to end here. And yet-
"I'd like to see them sometime." He says, smiling. Your heart seems to catch on to the deja vu, doing that strange little jump again like before.
You don't understand it.
You don't understand why he wants to know more about you, or why he's being so polite, or why he keeps trying to include you, or why he's smiling so much. Why it ironically feels physically hard for you to look him in the eye. Going to a friend's house for the first time is typically awkward, is it not? But nothing seemed difficult for Phainon. In fact, everything seemed relatively easy for him.
Dinner continues with your brother and Phainon bantering and bickering like boys do while your mother smiles fondly. Once you finish, you walk quickly back to your room, wanting to be back in the safety within your walls, where you will not be bothered by some stinky-
âHey!â Phainon calls out to you, and you flinch, stopping in your tracks. His footsteps pad across the floor, with Mydei silently beside him. âI still donât know your name.â
âItâs (Y/N)âŠâ You reply softly. You would think that your brother would have introduced you, but alas there he stands, anti-social and nonchalant like all boys try to be. Well, almost all boys.
âWell (Y/N), do you wanna play Mario Party with us?â There was the question again, but rephrased with your name with the addition of a more family friendly video game. He was purposely trying to include you, wasnât he? You pause for a moment, thinking. Phainon grins, pressing on. âYour brother told me that you need help unlocking a minigame in the two versus two mode.â
âBut thereâs three of usâŠâ
âYeah. It can be me and you versus Mydei.â Phainon remarks casually. Before you could quirk an eyebrow at the strange pairing, Phainon continues. âYour brother already claimed he would still win.â
And itâs strange, you think. How the stars are perfectly aligning, so much so that it almost seems suspicious. Something prickles at your pride. Mydei has always been competitive with you, but to be honest, playing Mario Party with your brother has started getting boring. Here Phainon was, offering a fresh perspective by fueling Mydeiâs competitive spirit and wanting you to join.
You blink blankly at your brother. ââŠYou wouldnât win partnered with an AI.â
âYeah? Wanna bet?â Mydei growls immediately after. It earns a chuckle from Phainon, as he gets a first hand experience of you and Mydei being essentially the same person, and furthermore a glimpse of your own sarcasm against your brother. Phainon looks over at you, beaming.
âSo, what do you say?â
You look at the boy, whose posture remains hopeful that you would join. Your stomach fluttered again- why? At this point you realize how bad it would be if you declined him again like you subtly dismissed him before. But he was... intelligent, you think. Intelligent in how he phrased his words.
"Partners?"
Phainon is already pushing Mydei's door open like he owned the place (while the real tenant grimaces). His other hand is outstretched to you, and somehow you see the change now. The invite was no longer a push, but a sign of him waiting. This was weird. He's too warm... too-
"Yeah." Before you knew it, a smile slowly spreads on your face, and you take his hand. He somehow lights up even more, giggling with you as he tugs you into Mydei's room, with the shared goal of beating your brother.Â
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 15
Two years ago was when youâd say you officially became friends with Phainon: That day he was first invited to your house by Mydei.
You remember playing Mario Party with the boys, which turned into a whole marathon of video games. But you also ended up learning about Phainon. How he actually lives very far from school, in the countryside of Aedes Elysiae. Little things like how he wanted a video game console, but found it useless if he no one to play with- hence why he was so excited to get the invite from Mydei to play video games at your house.
As you finally come into your own in high school, you don't freeze up anymore whenever Phainon comes over. Heâs starting to get taller and his voice has lowered, but you barely realize it because of how often you see him. However, there was still the notion that Phainon was more of Mydeiâs friend than he was yours. They were classmates first after all, but now that you knew him better, you felt like being in his presence more.Â
"Mydei, I need help with homework." You blurt out as you dump your bag on the couch as you come home. Mydei and Phainon were already there, sitting at the dining table, heads buried in their notebooks. Mydei clicks his tongue.
"What homework?" Your brother grumbles, already dreading your request and dramatically setting his pencil down. Phainon peers over at you behind him.
"Trig stuff." You reply casually. Mydei lets out a groan.
"No."
"What?!" You shout, immediately getting defensive. In times like these, you're reminded how obnoxious your brother is. Not that you ever forgot. "I have a quiz soon."
"I'm busy studying for my own test. Figure it out yourself." Mydei says. You catch the subtle sound of Phainon snickering behind your brother, and you get suspicious of whether he was laughing at you. Little do you know, the white haired boy caught a glimpse of Mydei's notes- messy and full of frustrated scribbles, because he too was struggling with trig stuff. Of course, he didn't want to admit it.
"Mydei, please. You're not saying no because you suck at trig too right?"
"No, I'm not." Mydei replies curtly. It was a lie of course. Again- birds of a feather you and Mydei were... both struggling with maths. You thought you could at least rely on your brother since he had at least a year of experience. But still, he waves you off. "Ask someone else."
You were about to open your mouth to argue, when-
"I can help." Phainon leans out for you to see him, offering his services easily. A beat of silence goes by until you and your brother both shout what?! without any shame.
What was it you said earlier? You don't freeze up anymore whenever Phainon comes over?
The hairs on the back of your neck prickle again, and you start feeling self conscious... like when you were thirteen meeting Phainon for the first time. Your notebook and past quiz that were prepared in your hands, slowly hide themselves behind you as if to back off. You knew your notes were messy- maybe even more than your brother's. But worst of all, your equations were half finished, red marks on your previous quiz with see me after class as the cherry on top.
You really don't want Phainon seeing this.
âI-Itâs fine⊠I donât want to bother you guys.â You try slowly backing away, hoping the boys would get the message that you changed your mind. Phainon only continues to smile, disregarding your stance.
"It's okay. I don't mind." He shrugs, already walking to the other side of the dining table so you could sit next to him. Shit.
Your brother rolls his eyes, seeing this as a sign for him to leave and study in peace. Wait, Mydei- He wasn't supposed to leave you alone with Phainon! He's so stupid!
"Whatever, Iâm going somewhere else to work. Just don't fail her." Mydei glares one last time before dragging his stuff into his room and slamming his door like a princess, leaving you alone with Phainon.
"I won't." Phainon says simply, his arm resting on the back of the chair. He looks up at you, who was still standing there, and you flinch.
"Do you wanna come over here?" He asks. Your cheeks go warm at his... gentleness. You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was a tiny part of his voice that sounded like he was teasing you. Still, you walk over, stiff as cardboard as you awkwardly sit in the chair next to him with your disappointing notes in hand. Immediately, you become aware of how close Phainon was, so you unconsciously shift your chair a little further from him, purposely distancing yourself. An awkward silence occurs for a good minute, until Phainon notices something and laughs quietly, looking at you.
â...What?â You stammer, your pupils flickering back and forth between him and the floor.
âHm?â Phainon tilts his head as if he was an innocent puppy, though you knew he was far from innocent. Did he have to keep staring at you like that?
âWhat are you looking at?â You ask almost curtly, attempting to shoo him away.
âWhat am I looking at?â Phainon repeats your question with a knowing grin.Â
God, why did Phainon have to be so stupid? He truly didnât know the effect he had on you- making you forget how to speak despite him coming over to your home for years and teetering off embarrassing yourself whenever he spares you a little glance.
But thatâs just the thing, isnât it? It wasnât just a small glance to you.Â
Things like going the extra mile to help you with something you struggled with, being persistent in including you⊠Realistically, it didnât mean anything special but oh, at the same time it definitely did. Why else did you start staring at the mirror for longer, wondering if you should fix your hair a little before going down? Why else would you think about changing into something that makes you look less like a bum? It was a little crazy now that you think about it. Mydei would definitely say something about it for sure. Something like âWhy the fuck did you change your clothes when weâre in our own house?â to which was a valid argument- one that you didnât want to have. So you usually end up doing nothing, but overthinking it anyway.
Phainon speaks again, seeing as youâve seem to have gone silent for some reason. Thankfully, it stops your intrusive thoughts, but in turn makes your cheeks heat up a little.
âIâm looking at you because youâre sitting so far from me.â Phainonâs mouth curves upwards, his tongue teasingly between his teeth. He gives a playful pout. âAre you scared of me?â
You watch as Phainon grin turns into a playful pout. You realize what he meant with you sitting all the way at the end, accusing you of avoiding him or something.
Still, you deny it. âN-NoâŠâ
âWell then-â Phainon lets out a soft grunt, and you get a little startled when you notice his foot hooking through the leg of your chair to bring you closer. That home-y scent of wheat wafts through your nose as soon as he got you where he wants.Â
"Okay, show me what you've got." He says. You cringe, still cosplaying as cardboard as you slowly slide your embarrassing notes and past quiz over. He looks it over silently, and you hold your breath.
"Hey," Phainon looks at you with a certain softness, something you definitely weren't expecting after your atrocious quiz score. "This isn't bad."
"I-It's not...?" You think he's making fun of you. Phainon shakes his head with a smile.
"No. To be honest I struggled with trig identities too. I think you're overthinking it, let me show you how I did it..."
Phainon teaches you how to approach the math questions you struggled on, and you start questioning whether he was lying about struggling on this too. From how he was explaining it to you, it's like he never struggled at all.
Then again, the only tutor you've known is your brother, so your standards are pretty low.
It's somewhat hard to concentrate as Phainon points out certain things and watches you do questions. He's close- really close. He's leaning towards you. Your shoulders would be brushing if you hadn't purposely leaned away. It was so much so that you notice the little crease in his brows and the way he bites his lip when he's concentrating.
"See? You're getting it."
What was this...? Itâs literally just Phainon. Your heart starts doing those stupid little flips again, but youâre not sure if itâs just your brain mistaking it as nostalgia. Because it was the same way he was kind and patient with you two years ago. The same way he stayed for you at your dinner table despite you being difficult. The same way the smell of his hometown consumed you. The same way he continued to smile at you like it costs him nothing.
"What?" Phainon asks, softly glancing at you. You snap out of your trance and realize you were staring at him- daydreaming. How embarrassing.
"N-Nothing." You reply too quickly, ducking your head. Still, your eye flits back to him to peek, and he was smiling anyway. A warm feeling courses through your body, and you suddenly feel extremely comfortable. An idea comes up. "Can you help me with my English essay after?"
Phainon laughs, indulging you. "You need help with that? I thought your brother would be better with words."
You make a face at him, thinking, since when Mydei was good with poetry?
"You know- words like fuck and dumbass." Phainon clarifies. You laugh, realizing he was being sarcastic.
"That's exactly why I need help." You explain, and Phainon chuckles with a nod.Â
While you were being tutored, you shyly asked him why the heck he was even doing this- why he was willingly tutoring you when he had his own things to do, and didnât have to in the first place. He only smiled a little, saying, âI like helping you.â You sputtered, exasperated as you questioned him, not being able to wrap your head around why that was a valid reason. But the implication was forgotten because he just made things easy for you. It doesnât pass Phainonâs mind, but to be honest, he didnât mind.
At some point, your eyes start drooping and getting heavier. Your textbook and notebook pages get blurrier. You feel your neck giving up on you, making your head lurch forward a few times.Â
âYou falling asleep?â A soft voice whispers in your ear.Â
âNoâŠâ Even the dullness of your tone betrays you.Â
Phainon chuckles, and you get a little embarrassed. No, you cannot fall asleep at this point. Not when Phainon was right beside you. What if you drooled? Or snored? Mydei was always complaining about your snoring, and even though you were in denial, you get self conscious at what could happen. You force your eyelids open, but they only get heavy once more.Â
Before you knew it, your head fell to rest on a squishy pillow. The pillow briefly shakes beneath your cheek just before you passed out. How embarrassing- you eventually did use him as a pillow. You need to get up, but you donât. It was mostly because you were tired, but perhaps a teensy tiny part of it was because you never wanted to leave.
You were drifting deeply into dreamland for who knows how long, and by how soundly you were sleeping, it seemed like you never wanted to wake up. That is, until something soft taps at your shoulder. Your eyes donât really open until the tap happens a second time.Â
âThere you are.â A soft chuckle reaches your ears, and you finally realize the predicament you were in.Â
The first thing you saw was Phainon, and you realized that he was sitting much closer than expected, and close enough that you could make out the little crinkle in the corner of his eyes as he smiled down at you.
âHi.â He says again, softly greeting you, seeing as you havenât fully woken up. Your brain seemed to be blissfully empty in this moment, simply savouring the view without informing your body to move. It doesnât last long though, since Phainon slowly tries to extract himself from you without jostling you too much. âWas my lesson really that boring?â
You donât even have the energy to respond, your eyes barely opening, though you hear Phainonâs voice fading in and out.
âI have to go now. (Y/n)-â Phainon chuckles sheepishly as he attempts to pull his sleeve caught from under your weight. â(Y/n), you need to wake up for me. Your brotherâs gonna get mad at me again.â
âMmph- y-youâre leaving now?â You suddenly scramble to fix your hair, sitting up properly to look at Phainon who was already reaching for his jacket. He turns back to you with a smile.
âItâs late.â He simply says. And he was right. As you looked outside, you could see the sky already pitch black. Just how long were you out for? What time did you fall asleep? Did you really lay on Phainonâs shoulder for that long? The thought makes you blush. You glance down at your forgotten trig homework, and see a bunch of sticky notes written with arrows and small notes for each question.
âOh.â
Phainon seems to notice the mortification slowly creeping on your face at your brilliant response. He laughs under his breath.Â
âIâve written down some notes for the last few questions you had. I hope theyâre helpful in some way.â Phainon seems to be in deep contemplation, like he was thinking back to his notes and hoped they sufficed. He decides not to overthink it or potentially stress you out even more. So he smiles and waves, heading towards your door. âSee you tomorrow.â
âGoodnightâŠâ You managed to squeak as he left.Â
As your front door clicks shut, you collapse forwards on the table, simply staring at your scattered homework in silence. The living room felt strangely warm despite Phainon having already left. The scent of wheat lingered, his presence lingered, the half empty bowl of snacks, the blanket draped over you and the armrest. The feeling of his shoulder beneath your cheek.Â
Mydei casually walks down the stairs, his eyes flickering between the door and you, and you flinch. He leans forward on the table, looking down at you with the same arms-crossed, unreadable expression on his face. Though it was the same perpetual look of mild judgment he always gave, this time you felt like he could be suspecting something else.
âWhatâŠ?â You say with a hint of attitude in your tone, side-eyeing your brother who clearly had something on his mind. You hated when Mydei did this.Â
âNothing.â Mydei shrugs, reaching forward for the now stale popcorn. The silence continued to stretch, making you uneasy. â...Were you sleeping on his shoulder?â
âI- NoâŠâ Smooth.
Mydeiâs eyes narrow at you, getting skeptical from your very convincing answer. Fortunately, he scoffs and doesnât address the secret you thought he was going to, but unfortunately, he decides heâs not going without a jab at you. âGod, sleep on your bed next time.âÂ
Your eyes widen in embarrassment, realizing that Mydei did indeed catch you sleeping on his best friendâs shoulder.
âS-Shut up Mydei!â You knowing he was teasing you for drooling on Phainonâs shoulder.Â
Mydei doesnât even breaking eye contact with you. His gaze remains fixed, blinking blankly like heâs expecting something yet also wanting to ask something. Youâre caught between deciding to stay silent or throwing another pillow because you knew he was teetering off pointing out a certain something between you and Phainon. Why couldnât you talk to your brother about other things? Trying to have a normal conversation with Mydei was like trying to argue with a brick wall that occasionally made blunt remarks and observations about your life.Â
âYou seem happy.â
You stared at Mydei, your heart skipping beats- though you werenât sure if it was because you were anxious or the fluttery feeling of actually admitting what Mydei was likely referencing. The thing about having a sibling was that you would be fluent in their lies, but the biggest problem was that they would be fluent in yours too.
Because later that night, after denying everything to Mydei which you were sure sounded suspicious- you realized the thought had finally taken shape.
Fuck. You looked forward to seeing him. And itâs not like you havenât, but after months of avoiding the question altogether, you slowly started to come to the terrible conclusion that your heart was craving his presence. There was no way you were going to get rid of the thought since you acknowledged it. Â
You knew Phainon didnât come here to tutor you, and he too had work of his own and things to study for. Phainon had stayed. And even though you made him explain the concept four times, and continued cringing over trying not to break over trigonometry, your previous feelings of thinking you were a bother eventually seemed to disappear. He was patient with you, and never sounded annoyed, which in turn ruined your life in the way that you never stopped thinking about this moment.Â
You felt like you could depend on him comfortably without judgement or impatience. And he would let you take up as much of his time as you asked him for.Â
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 17
Ever since that night when Phainon helped you with your homework, you felt like you could be more carefree around him. Before, Phainon was just Mydeiâs friend. Just a boy, who was annoyingly good at everything and nice in a casual way that easily made people gravitate towards him.
At seventeen years old, you think you know better. You were an adult, applying to universities, and thinking about careers.
You think you've matured. Which is why crushing on Phainon feels childish now.
You've admitted it internally in your head, that you've had a crush on him. A baby one at least. Over the years, you've watched him grow and you considered him a friend like your brother did. But somewhere throughout the multiple times he came over to your house, you found yourself finding every part of him attractive. It wasnât your fault though, that he hasn't stopped with his whole golden boy persona. He was good at everything, liked by everyone, and fine, you'll admit he's cute. But he's eighteen now, already graduated and in university. So, you start seeing less of him.
And because you've matured, you pushed your silly little crush deep deep down early in the year.
Besides, there was a guy in your grade who you've been liking for a while now. You talked often with him, and he was funny and clever. You play the same video games, and share the love for art. He was super attractive too, and him teasing you lightly and seeking you out only made you fall harder. But you mistake the laughter and banter for warmth- for the kind of connection you yearned for.Â
Near the end of the school year, you finally admitted it to the boy. Your feelings, out on a plate that trembles from your shaking hands and pounding heart and... he laughs.
"Wait, you thought I was serious?"
The words hit you and you instantly become hollow. You don't even remember the rest of what he said. Something about how he never saw you in that way. But all you could focus on was the little scoff, the awkwardness, the laugh. The humiliation replayed in your head all day, and you realized too late that the teasing was never friendly, and that your feelings were more disposable than you thought.
By the end of the school day, you feel nauseous. Ironically, not from the pit in your stomach but from how you didn't know how to keep your face from not looking nauseous.
And to make things worse, you had to keep a not-nauseous face in front of your brother... and Phainon, who were both picking you up after school.
You think you were doing a good job- purposely walking three steps behind them and looking down, lest they see you secretly wiping your tears. But as the three of you walk to the bus station, Mydei's eyes widen as he catches the sight of your reddening nose.
"You okay?" Mydei asks suddenly. You blink up, and fuck- even your eyes couldn't hide how puffy they felt.
"I'm fine." You reply. But your voice is croaky, and your sleeve suspiciously in front of your nose.
"You're crying." Mydei observes.
"I said I'm fine." You turn away defensively. Mydei's jaw gets tight, and he steps closer to you.
Panic and anger starts flaring up between you and Mydei, the two of your snapping and cutting off each other.Â
"What happened."
"Nothing."
"Who did it then?"
"Nobody."
"I know it wasn't fucking nobody."
"Just drop it Mydei!"
Phainon steps in gently with his hands raised between you and your brother. "Hey, let's just get to the station, okay?"
You almost forgot Phainon was there. You didn't want to know what he was thinking, and in the moment you didnât care. Mydei glares at you, growling as he turns to keep walking to the station, reluctantly following Phainon's advice. You follow the boys silently, your heart hammering. It's embarrassing you think, how you've just argued with your brother out in the open like a child. You were eighteen for fucks sake.
The bus ride was painfully quiet between the three of you, and you didn't dare look up from your feet. After a while, Mydei speaks again.
"Was it that guy?" Your brother's voice low, but clearly aimed at you. You start getting nauseous again.
"No." You lie. It was small and desperate. You almost cry when you see your brother shaking his head from the corner of your eye. Was he disappointed in you? For lying? Because of the guy in your class? You weren't sure. Still, you knew you should never have told him. Mydei says nothing.
When you finally reach your home, you don't wait to rush straight to your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. You drop onto your bed, face flat into your sheets as you sob into them, hoping they muffle the sound. You feel so stupid.
Meanwhile, Mydei stomps into the house, shoulders rigid with anger as he violently sits on the couch, his fingers pinching his brows. For once, Phainon is nervous to enter further into your house. Even with uncertainty and a small ache in his chest, he approaches Mydei.
"Are you okay...?" He asks, slowly putting his bag down. A long silence passes, and Mydei doesn't even look up at him.
"Do whatever you want." Mydei says, not even answering Phainon's question. Okay- so obviously Mydei (and you) weren't okay. Phainon sits beside him anyway. He eventually convinces your brother to go wash his face to cool down.
An hour passes, and Phainon realizes he was alone. Actually, he realized it a lot longer ago, when he heard the sound of the bathroom door closing... and then Mydei's own door.
This should be awkward for him. Being promised a normal hangout but now being left alone in a house that isn't his, where both his friends were upset. Against his better judgment, he softly walks down the halls to your door. He hesitates a little before knocking lightly.
"Hey... are you okay�" He asks.
On the other side of the door, you gulp, swallowing your sobs for the nth time. You stay silent, both from not knowing what to say and not wanting to face him.
"I-I don't need to come in." Phainon continues cautiously, and you keep quiet. "I just wanted to know if you were okay..."
You shouldn't be replying to him, not now. Even so-
"I'm not." Ew. Your voice comes out watery and snotty. Weirdly enough, something in Phainon's chest breathes a sigh of relief at hearing your voice.
"Can I sit with you?" He asks immediately after. "We don't have to talk."
You hesitate again. Every nerve in your body is telling you no- that you should keep the door locked and not let him or anyone see you like this. But Phainon's voice was gentle, just like you've always known, and- ...this is so dumb.Â
"...Fine." You mumble, creaking your door slightly open.
Phainon immediately pushes the door wider. His heart sinks when he sees you with red swollen eyes and hunched shoulders. But you don't even notice- in fact the only thing you do notice is the ghost of a hopeful smile just before he crushes you with a hug.
"Hey," He murmurs, as if greeting you after not seeing you for a while. "I've got you."
You stiffen for a second. The hug wasnât even that tight, his grip light and loose like he was afraid of breaking you. His hold remained respectful, and so you let yourself melt into him, chin resting on his shoulder even if it was for a few pathetic seconds.
He pulls away eventually and gestures for you to sit back on your bed while he sits on your chair. Youâre hoping Phainon doesnât notice the disgusting tissues piling up in your trash can.
âDo you⊠wanna talk about it?â He asks softly. And itâs really none of his business. But at this point youâre desperate and youâve already let him in your room. So, you tell him.
You tell him everything despite the moments making your face hot with humiliation. From how you thought your shared interests and teasing with the guy meant something, to how you stupidly convinced yourself it was mutual. Somewhere along the line you also slowly realize how delusional you must have been. The boy simply didnât like you because he didnât see you in that way- no fault in that. But was it so bad to think that something could have came from it?
You shakily recall how much you trembled during your confession, voice and body and all. It should have been a sign since then. So, the answer is yes.
âI feel so stupid.â You blurt out, rubbing your eyes again. â
âDonât say that,â Phainon coos softly. âIt takes guts to confess. Iâm sorry it turned out this way.â
âYou areâŠ?â You sniffle.
âI thought he would have liked you too.â He explains matter of factly. âAnyone with the same dynamic would have.â
Suddenly, a bitter type of anger twists within your stomach.
I thought he would have liked you too. Anyone would have.
Phainonâs words were kind, but you felt that they were too kind for the utter stupidity you subjected yourself to. You think about how some of your classmates knew of your playful rivalry with the boy and started encouraging it. You think about the nights you spent up texting your friends, secretly giggling and squealing over every little interaction and replaying conversations you had with the boy. You think about how much time you wasted.
And then it hits you- how stupid you look right now. Crying, eyes swollen, puffy nose, and your voice all watery and wobbly⊠with Phainon watching all of it. Heat starts flooding your face again, and before you knew it the bitterness was tumbling out of your mouth.
âYou donât know anything.â You mutter quietly. But Phainon hears it.
âWhat-â
âYou donât.â You stand up suddenly, your change in demeanour now prevalent. âYouâre just saying that to make me feel better.â
No wait-
Your seething words get to Phainon, the corner of his eyes turning downwards, heart aching. You immediately feel the guilt and shame, but itâs too late.Â
âIâm not.â Phainon replies quietly. Somehow, his tone was normal- unaffected even after the bitterness from you. For a second your heart wants to double down. But your words tell a different story.
âYes, you are.â You refuse to make eye contact with him, but your message remains clear. âJust- Just get out. Please.â
Thereâs a pause where a small part of you hoped that Phainon would stay. But of course, your words have already left your mouth and told him otherwise. Phainon stands up, a deep sigh coming out of him. He nods once with a bittersweet smile as if accepting something he doesnât want to.
âOkay⊠Iâll give you space.â Phainon says softly. He hesitates at your door for a bit. âIâll be outside if you still want to talkâŠâ
Phainon finally leaves, making sure to close your door for you. Almost immediately, you start crying again, though the embarrassment lingers longer than the tears. Curled within your blankets, your mind canât help but replay the moment, finding a new detail to hate each time. You shouldnât even be crying this much. Even as you found yourself liking this boy throughout the school year, you internally told yourself to prepare for the chance of heartbreak. You couldnât expect everything to be a happy ending, right? Yet as you become aware of the sorry state of yourself now, it seems to be more painful.
Because maybe, a small foolish part of yourself thought that he might say yes.Â
The more you thought about it, the more humiliating this whole thing felt. The butterflies, the daydreams, the hopeful little fantasies you built in your head- how arrogant were you to think someone would like you back? The answer should have been obvious from the beginning.
On the other side of the door, Phainon stands there for a moment with a heavy heart as he hears your muffled sobs and sniffles. Heâs about to turn and walk back to the couch when suddenly- a familiar pair of footsteps approaching make Phainon snap up. Mydei.
The boys both look at each other with wide eyes, not knowing where to start. Phainonâs mouth opens though nothing comes out, while Mydei stands there with an unreadable expression and his arms crossed.
âI-I wasnât- I mean- I was justâŠâ Phainon trails off, not really making any sense.
âI know.â Mydei replies while letting out an exhale. Phainonâs half relieved but also half confused. He knew Mydei was quite protective of you, but he surprisingly wasnât mad at him for talking to you after a meltdown. Mydei opens his eyes, but avoids looking towards your bedroom door. âWas it about that guyâŠ?â
Phainon is torn between telling his best friend and respecting your privacy. It was hard when Mydei was already this perceptive- what else was there to hide?
âNothing gets past you, does it?â Phainon sighs with a meek smile. A neutral answer, yet it told Mydei everything he needs to know. Your brother doesnât press on for information, only deeply exhaling again while walking towards the living room.
âIâm bad at this.â Mydei mutters, flopping on the couch. Phainon curiously trails after him. âYouâre better than this than me.â
Phainon blinks, then rounds the couch to sit beside him. âThatâs not true.â
âShe talked to you, not me.â Mydei says flatly, rubbing his hands on his face. Phainon swears he saw the corners of Mydeiâs eyes still recovering from redness(?) but he decides not to comment on it. He thinks back to your red eyes, and how he wished he could have comforted you more.
âI know you⊠never really liked that guy in the first place but,â Phainon says, giving a hopeful smile. âShe needs you more than me. Even if she doesnât say it.â
âAndâŠ? Iâd just make things worse.â Mydei lowly protests. âI donât even know what to say.â
âYeah, you probably would.â Phainon pokes at Mydei, and his head snaps towards him giving him a glare. Phainon chuckles, though he knew his friend would know that he was half joking. Phainon offers a weak smile. âBut at least it meant you tried.â
A beat of silence hangs in the air, but it wasnât heavy this time.Â
âIâm sorry.â Mydei says, his voice low. Phainonâs ears perk up, unsure if Mydei really meant that.
âWhat did you say-â
âI said go home.â Mydei deflects, facing away from him. But even with the unsaid words, Phainon knew his friend had a lot of heart, and didnât mean to cause this conflict and awkwardness. Mydei picks up Phainonâs bag and throws it at him. âIâll talk to her laterâŠâ
And finally, Phainon breathes a sigh of relief, having a gut feeling that this would resolve itself soon enough.
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 18, start of university
Itâs been about almost a year since that argument you had with your brother about that stupid crush.Â
Mydei did end up knocking on your door that night, and you had a talk. It wasnât perfect by any means- there was still some frustration and shouting. Mydei kept telling you how he knew he should have trusted his gut on how that guy was bad. You kept telling him that it wasnât his business, and that you could take care of yourself. You werenât a little kid anymore.
Eventually, the anger fizzled out and Mydei remembers that the whole reason for this conversation wasnât about being right.Â
You both sit in silence for a while, until Mydei gives you an awkward side hug, murmuring about how that guy sucked. If it was anything you could agree on now,Â
âYouâre not serious about beating him up are you?â You ask incredulously.
âYeah I am. Got a problem?â Mydei replies without an ounce of care. You roll your eyes.
âUm yes, there is a problem. An ethical one.â You say like it was obvious- because it was!
âWho gives a shit?â Mydei shrugs. You canât help but laugh at Mydeiâs straightforward yet completely honest answer, because truthfully you would probably think the same if it werenât for repercussions. You knew you couldnât change anything from what happened, though a part of the embarrassment still remains deep in your heart. You decide to do your best and move on- and more importantly, you didnât want to argue with your brother, or stay mad at him for his way of thinking.
Later that night, you also made sure to text Phainon, and you get a reply back pretty quickly.
(Y/N): Iâm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I really appreciate you coming to comfort me, even if I wasnât accepting of it.Â
Phainon: Thereâs no need to apologize. I understand you were hurt.
For a moment you stare at the screen. Even with all these years knowing Phainon, his gentleness still astounded you.
Phainon: Youâre tougher than you think. Always have been.Â
You smile at the text. Stubborn would have been a better word, you think, especially with Mydei as part of the context. Still, this was the last time you saw Phainon before entering university, which made things slightly awkward. Things are resolved, but you still canât shake off the fact that the last impression you had was bawling your eyes out in front of him, and then snapping at him right after.Â
The summer passes quietly after that. You donât see Phainon much since you were preparing to start your own journey in university. You were ready for things to change.
Well, most things. Mydei was still protective of you, and you suddenly see a (less nice) carbon copy of your mother following you into the post-secondary life.Â
Make sure you lock your doors, I donât care if youâre just going for a coffee down the street. And donât walk home alone when you have night classes. Holy moly, it was barely even the first day and he was already giving you orders like it was boot camp. Still, you donât fault him for it. You figured youâd catch yourself forgetting something like that eventually, since these seemingly ânormalâ procedures might not be the first thing you think of.
Speaking of your first day and Mydei- he insisted on picking you and your friend up after the orientation party.Â
âPlease donât tell me that stupid mascot was there.â Mydei groans.
âIt was.â You reply, giggling as you and your friend hop in the backseats.
âI thought theyâd stop doing that, bringing him to all these campus events.â Mydei scoffs, then mumbles something about how the mascot was just dancing in a corner. Clearly the mascot was haunting his dreams.
âHey, heâs doing his best.â A familiar voice laughs.Â
Your nose catches onto the realization first, the familiar scent of wheat drifting past you as you shifted into Mydeiâs car. You abruptly look up from tugging on the seatbelt and realize- oh. Phainon was here too in the passenger seat. Wait- he looks⊠different. He wasnât completely unrecognizable but his voice got lower, and he seemed much more confident which was somehow possible.
Well this was unfair. What was that line you heard from that one video game again? âDoctor- youâre⊠huge!â And you think that because holy fuck he was huge. From what you could see, his arms got all bulked up with muscle, shoulders extending past the width of the passenger seat of your brotherâs car. What the hell happened over one year? Phainon goes through puberty and he gets taller and hotter. You go through puberty and you get pimples and a menstrual cycle. Or in other words: fuck you I guess.
âIs that Phainon? The guy you mentioned?â Your friend whispers to you, which snaps you out of your trance.
âWha- I mean yes-â
âHeâs cute. Super cute.â She whispers with a knowing grin. Youâre hoping her statement falls on deaf ears but to your dismay, Phainon turns around, and you finally see his handsome face and smug grin.
âWas I supposed to hear that?~â He asks, looking at you straight in the eye. It wasnât even the first day yet and your brain was already getting fried. Over a boy of all things.Â
âNo.â You seethe, smacking your forehead at your friendâs whispering that could have been quieter. Phainon laughs.
âDonât inflate his ego.â Mydei adjusts the rearview mirror, casually making a jab at Phainon. Though, it doesnât really do anything when Phainon was still smiling.Â
âSo, did you ladies have fun?â Phainon asks smoothly, looking back again, addressing the both of you. Your friend doesnât answer, and you somehow get the feeling that she wanted you to talk, making your face subconsciously heat up.
âUm, yeah I guess.â You say awkwardly. You donât know why you get shy when you respond, slowly sinking further into the seats as you struggle to even look at him. Phainonâs the same heâs always been- warm smiles, teasing lilts to his tone just to get you to talk to him, the scent of wheat. Still, your friend nudges your arm, telling you that she too noticed your speechlessness in front of him. Something is different. He is different.
As the car ride goes on, itâs fairly silent. Even though Phainon was sitting in the passenger seat, you couldnât help but feel aware of your surroundings- like if he was gonna turn around or ask you something again. You tell yourself it was just to prepare yourself if he decides to look at you again. You hate that your eyes trace over him.Â
âAre you gonna start going out like this every weekend?â Phainonâs poses this question to you and your friend, though his eyes linger on you mostly.Â
âI dunno⊠Why?â You inquire, your shoulders slightly tensing when you watch Phainonâs lips curve into a teasing grin again.
âJust curious,â He shrugs. âMaybe youâd be better than Mydei who stayed in his dorm all the time when he was in first year.âÂ
Mydei grumbles, giving Phainon a light shove as his friend giggles.Â
âThereâs nothing to go out so often for.â Mydei proclaims with his arms crossed. His eyes then flicker to you in the rearview mirror, deciding to attack you for no reason like every older sibling does. âYou couldnât even go out without getting lost."
âIâm an adult Mydei.â You protest with an eyeroll as your brother embarrasses you (though he really is just a worrywart).
âDebatable.â Mydei scoffs.
âMydei!â You yell. Phainon chuckles watching your short banter, then cuts in himself.
âShe can handle herself.â Phainon gives Mydei a reassuring smile. There it was again- just a small little boost of confidence, that stupid faith he had in you that casually made you lose it. Not this again.
Still, even as the car pulls next to the curb and youâre ready to flop on your bed and gossip with your friend all night and more importantly brush off these feelings-
âBye!â Phainon rolls his window down, waving at you. âDonât stay up too late!â
Your feel that tingle at the back of your neck as youâre stunned at how Phainon said that phrase, though you barely have time to process it.Â
âOh my godâŠâ Your friend latches onto your arm, startling you for a second. She hunches over as she walks to your shared dorm together, looking at you with a knowing smile. âAre you gonna address the elephant in the room, or should I just say it?âÂ
âWhat are you talking about?â You ask in a monotone voice as you unlock your door. You were hoping it wasnât about-
âUh hello? This Phainon guy, obviously.â Your friend says with an eye roll as if the topic was plain as day. âYou didnât tell me you guys were a thing.â
âWeâre not,â you sputter. âHeâs just a friend. My brotherâs friend to be exact.â
âYeah? Well this friend looks pretty happy to see you.â She hums, clearly not convinced. You both walk over to your her bedroom where you sit to talk. You roll your eyes, though you couldnât stop how your body unconsciously tried turning away from her to hide your face. âHe literally turned around to talk to you every five minutes. Did you even know he was gonna come to your orientation to flirt with you?â
You sputter at her bluntness, also not liking the way you got flustered so easily by her observations. But now that you think of it, why did Phainon even come along just to join Mydei to pick you up after your orientation?
âThat wasnât flirting.â You argue, cutting the conversation short and not willing to entertain any more questions. âAnyway- are you gonna tell me about the drama that happened at prom or what?â
You and your friend end up chatting into the late hours. More importantly, you end up skillfully avoiding and not responding to that statement she made. Truthfully, your own thoughts terrify you.Â
Deep down, a part of you knows that if Phainon was gonna keep talking to you like that- like he was teasing you, being all confident, and smiling and implying he wanted your company, youâre not going to be able to pretend it means nothing.Â
You remember yourself one year ago, when you confessed to that boy in your school and how embarrassed you felt when he laughed and scoffed. You remember how dumb you felt for misreading things, and believing that it was something more. You canât let yourself do those things anymore.Â
Unfortunately for you, confidence looked really good on Phainon.Â
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 18 (a few months later)
You think you settled into your classes and university life pretty well. Looking back at your orientation day, it felt a little ridiculous how much you spent worrying about Phainonâs perception of you. You were convinced that after you pushed him away that night when you were seventeen, that you had ruined everything. Or at least, thatâs what you expected. You knew Phainon wasnât the type to hold grudges or lie, but with the way he looked and talked to you that day, it was if he was entirely unaffected.Â
As the semester goes by, you realized you were in your head too much after all. You were lingering outside with your friends, already complaining about a group project that was assigned when suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder.Â
âHey, found you.âÂ
Itâs Phainon.
âOh, hey.â Your eyes widen when you realize itâs him. Your eyes trail up to finally meet his gaze, which looked a little too pleased with himself. Was he even aware of how he somehow just became unfairly attractive over one summer? Meanwhile, your friendsâ jaws drop at the same time when they notice him spawn out of nowhere, and immediately interpret this as a signal to move two meters away.
âHow are classes going?â He asks with a calm smile. You suddenly get a sense of scale of how much taller he got, now that you were with him standing up and not in a car. It was slightly embarrassing to you, how he was hunched over slightly to talk to you better.
âOkay I guess,â You say, shrugging. âGetting busy.â
Your friends watch, half in awe and half-deadpanned as you give Phainon a boring answer. And still, he smiles, remaining engaged as he talks to you.
âGood, good⊠Do you already have plans for the break?â Phainon asks, almost sheepishly.Â
âI dunno, probably staying home with MydeiâŠâ You reply. Phainon seems to inhale a little deeper before speaking again.
âI know finals are coming up soon⊠but I wanted to revive an old tradition, if youâre game?â Phainon asks. You cock your head to the side, unsure of what he meant. âThe winter market, back near your home.â
Ah, right. You do remember the winter market- one you went with Mydei and Phainon when you guys were younger. You guys were barely teenagers, insisting you could go out by yourselves, and end up spending a majority of it listening to your brother whine about the cold. Still, it was a much simpler and nostalgic time you considered a core memory.Â
âDo they still do it?â You ask, your eyes widening at Phainon bringing up something so nostalgic out of the blue. âI donât know if I could convince Mydei to go⊠At his grown age I think heâd still complain about the snow.â
âHe would do that.â Phainon chuckles breathily, knowing Mydeiâs behaviour as well as you. âBut I already convinced him to go.â
âYou did?â You ask, your eyes widening. You truly underestimated Phainonâs power.
âWell, he did grumble about it for a good five minutesâŠâ Phainon admits, scratching the back of his neck. âBut he said he wanted to bring some of our friends, if we were going.â
Mydei has friends?
âOh⊠your other friendsâŠâ A part of your confidence crumbles at the mention of your brotherâs and Phainonâs other friends. You want to go- though you hadnât really thought of why your heart was urging you to. At the same time, youâre not sure if youâd want to be in a group with randoms you didnât know. For all you know, they could be just as stinky as your brother! Your response turns slightly dismissive. âI donât know⊠Iâll check with Mydei if heâs going first.â
âHe will. And if he says no Iâll make him go.â Phainon gives a devious grin and a thumbs up. Your uncomfortable posture turns more relaxed and you smile, seeing exactly what this was- the same game youâve been playing for years. He was trying to invite you again.
âIâll think about it.â You say finally. Phainon smiles wider, the corners of his eyes crinkling like he subtly won you over.Â
âIâll hold you to it.â He leans closer with a wink, and you think your brain stops functioning for a good second. He then straightens, giving you a casual wave before walking off. âSee you then.â
You watch as his figure walks away, spotting one of his friend groups nearby and jogging to them. And-
âOh. My. God.â Oh yeah, you almost forgot that your friends are still standing there.
They squealed and whispered animatedly, all nosy about your ties with this hot guy and theorizing on whether youâve been dating or if the flirting was normal. The bombardment of questions and exclamations obviously pointing out Phainonâs⊠Phainon-ness made it hard to conceal your nerves. Wait- why were you nervous again?
âYou guys-â You attempt to compose yourself, but your stammer already gives out your subconscious feelings. âYou guys are delusional. Just because some attractive guy happens to be talking to me doesnât mean anything romantic.â
âSo you think heâs hot.â One of your friends chides, completely ignoring your argument and latching on a random detail. You pause for a moment, your mouth agape as you realize the small slip you made. You shake your head dramatically to dismiss any other thoughts, but your roommate beats you to answering that.
âThatâs (Y/N)âs friend, Phainon.â Your roommate so graciously corrects with air quotes around the word friend. You have no idea why your cheeks start to burn up when your roommate sarcastically addresses Phainon as your friend. Or was it just an intrusive thought that you seemed like more than friends? Either way, you hope your flustered expression is not seen by your friend group. âAnd Iâve been saying the exact same things to her, but sheâs denying the⊠well- whateverâs going on between them.â
âHeâs literally my brotherâs friend.â You roll your eyes as you correct her, emphasizing the involvement of Mydei in this whole ordeal. âAs in heâs known me since I was like thirteen?â
âUh-oh, thatâs dangerous~â One friend sing-songs with a smug grin. âThat means heâs already got a leg up in the game. And judging by what I just saw, men like him are hard to find. Yâknow- kind, hot, knows all your habits?â
You want to roll your eyes again and ready to deny all these claims your friends are making, but you find yourself replaying that whole conversation with Phainon just now. Knows all your habits? It was certainly dangerous but not in the same way your friend stated. It was more like dangerous in the way that you didn't want Phainon remembering every embarrassing thing you did in front of him and being close enough that he would bring it up. You think back to how he kept trying to include you and ask you questions about yourself, and when you realize the exact same thing just happened-
âSooo, what did he talk to you about?â Your friend interrupts your spiralling, and the rest of the group turns their heads to you expectantly.Â
âHe asked if I wanted to go to a winter market thingy we have back home.â You say casually. Your friends squeal- making you groan at their overreaction.Â
âAnd? What did you say?â
âI said Iâd think about it.â You shrug. Your friends dramatically sigh with disappointment, their hands sliding down their faces.Â
âOkay- why did you say youâll think about it? This is like⊠textbook winter arc in a shoujo manga where the leads go on a date and share hot chocolate.â Your roommate says incredulously. You roll your eyes, ignoring her obvious teasing as prepare to explain.
âItâs not a date.â You protest with an exhausted sigh. âMydei and a few of their friends are going too.â
âDamn, thatâs a lot of wheels.â She scoffs. The rest of your friends giggle.Â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â You deadpan, the joke going over your head.
âNothing.â She beams. âAnyway, whatâs wrong with other people going?â
âItâs gonna be awkward as hellâŠâ You groan, gritting your teeth as you drag out the words. Being as introverted as you are, situations like this felt iffy for you. You really donât want to seem difficult, but if he was inviting other people you didnât know, you felt like the odd one out.Â
âSo?â She scoffs, grabbing you by the shoulders lazily. âHeâs going. He wants you there. He basically just asked you out. Isnât that enough reason?â
You pause for a moment, your roommateâs argument surprisingly getting to you.Â
â...That doesnât mean anything.â You finally utter. Your friends groan in unison.
âOh shut up, heâs cute! Just let yourself like him!âÂ
Your eyes widen at the bold command. Your friends burst out laughing, enjoying your embarrassed reactions from this so called gossip. It really sucks how now you couldnât contain the tiny smile that creeps onto your face.Â
Before you knew it, your thoughts spiralled and you couldnât stop thinking about how Phainon smiled at you, or how easily he was able to spot you here on campus. Your gaze flickers briefly to Phainonâs direction again, where he was talking with his friend group. You end up staring for too long because Phainon seems to feel your eyes burning into him, and he turns his head to look at you. You awkwardly look away, not knowing whether to play it off or keep looking- either way it was gonna make you suspicious. But Phainon doesnât seem to think so, because he sends you a small smile and a wave before going back to speaking with his friends.Â
And now, with your friends observations combining with your own buried feelings, youâre realizing how hard itâs getting to believe that he was just a friend. You thought youâve convinced yourself that you saw him as strictly a friend of your brotherâs that you just happened to get to know. You thought you werenât going to make another silly mistake about a boy. But⊠youâd be lying if you said you never thought he was⊠kindaâŠ-
âAlso- donât you think (Y/N)âs brother is kinda cute?~â
Ew. Your friends continue giggling, not caring that they just called your brother hot in front of you. Yup, daydream-y thoughts gone.Â
Nothing else needs to be said when a guttural scream tears from your throat.
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 18 (Winter break)
A couple weeks after stressing over exams, you find yourself standing in the middle of the winter market. For some reason, you felt like being here in and of itself was another way of admitting the real reason you were going- another way for your friends to tease you about you-know-who.
Speaking of friends, you realized something about Mydeiâs friends.
You stuck to Mydei that night as you waited for the rest of the group to arrive. The market was glowing with the same warm lights and cold air, festive music drifting through the crowd. When they arrived, you greeted them all politely, offering a small smile. But you notice something-
All of Mydeiâs friends were gorgeous.
What the fuck? As if it couldnât make you any more anxious than you already were, they had to be stunning too. Even in the cold winter weather they dressed like they came out of a shoot for Vogue. You look at your own attire and feel hyperaware of how your coat makes you look like a puffball, and you tuck your hands in your pockets.
You see a girl with whitish hair that bleeds into a light purple, a cheerful girl with pink hair tied in two pigtails, a group of four that- wait⊠were those the twins? Stelle and Caelus? Oh god- you didnât know they were a part of this hang out. Okay, it was probably dramatic to have this intrusive thought of hiding right now- but you couldnât help it. They were well known across campus, and you couldnât fathom them having connections to your brother of all people.
âHey,â You feel somebody tap your shoulder and you turn around quickly- itâs Phainon. âYou came.â
âOh. Yeah.â You nod, breathing out. Your heart does that stupid flip again as you see Phainon- cheeks rosy already from the coldness, and flashing a toothy grin like it meant a lot to him.Â
âHeâs just a friend. My brotherâs friend to be exact.â âThatâs (Y/N)âs friend, Phainon.â You remember yours and your friendsâ phrases being thrown around when Phainon was being introduced. You tell yourself again the same thing- that heâs just a friend, and this didnât mean anything. That Phainon was just being friendly like he always was, and that whatever fluttering feeling youâre getting in your chest was just some naive hope that needed to be buried away again.Â
The group moves slowly through the market, a safe distance enough to explore the booths and keeping sight of each other. You mostly stay near the back, hands tucked in your coat pockets as you listen to the group more than talking.
Before you could take notice of it, one of the girls falls into step with you.
âHi! I donât think weâve met.â Itâs the pink haired girl. âIâm Hyacine. Youâre Mydeiâs little sister, (Y/N), right?â
âOh- hi. Nice to meet you.â You reply, adjusting your scarf to try and not seem anti-social. She then taps Mydei on the shoulder, who was walking in front of you two.
âMydei, youâre sister is way cuter than you!â Hyacine clasps her hands theatrically and beams.
âUm⊠thanks?â Mydei blinks, then turns back. Hyacine laughs, and even you manage a small giggle. You kind of appreciate her humour (and jab at Mydei) and hope you didnât come off as a stranger anymore.Â
Before you could overthink it, Hyacine tugs you over to one of the booths, asking if you liked cute things. You stumble a little as the girl drags you to who knows where, though you reply saying you do. You notice the little unicorn plushie on her bag, and felt that it was on brand for her.
âOver here!â Hyacine giggles, not caring that you both were obviously straying from the group. There was no time to protest as you both weaving through the crowds until you both stop at one of the artist booths. You look around at what Hyacine wanted you to see, and see various keychains, stickers, and cute little handmade plushies lining the table. They were soft, mismatched coloured little creatures, sitting as if waiting for someone to adopt them.
âThese are so cute!â Hyacineâs eyes light up, flickering from plush to plush. She silently hoped you felt enjoyment from this too. âOh- and this one too.â
âThey are.â You blink, picking one of the plushies up. It was a small pastel coloured star with a crooked smile. You thoughtfully turn it in your hands as you admire it. You wouldnât lie if you said it didnât intrigue youâŠ
âOh (Y/N)- that one matches your jacket!â Hyacine exclaims, pointing at the similarity.
âHuh? Oh yeah, it does.â You glance down at your attire and the coincidence that the plush you grabbed was the same colour. You didnât even realize, but it was as if it was a subconscious gesture.
You stare down at the little starâs cute face and dangly legs. It was cute, and you certainly appreciate the makerâs craftsmanship. But you sigh, putting it down. âMydei would probably scold me if I bought another one.â
âAw, really? But heâs gonna be lonely. He even matches you!â Hyacine pouts, then shows you her unicorn plush. âYou could match like me!â
Youâre about to give an apologetic smile, but you think about the giant horde of stuffed toys you have at home and in your dorm and you feel like-
âWhat are we looking at?â Phainonâs voice comes from behind you, and you turn your head a bit too fast to where he was peering between you guys. Phainon bends slightly to take a closer look, snow dusting the shoulders of his coat. You get a whiff of his cologne and you have to look away. He looks relaxed in that unfairly easy way of his, even for doing something as basic as looking at stuff.
âWeâre looking at stuffies!â Hyacine says joyfully. You shrink into your scarf a little, hoping Phainon doesnât find it childish that youâre looking at plushies. â(Y/n) likes the star.â
âHyacine-â
âThe one with the little legs?â Phainon says simply. His eyes then flicker down to the one in your hand. âWere you gonna buy that one?â
âOh-â Youâre almost startled at how quickly Phainon noticed the plush in your hand, and you set it back down on the table. âYeah- I mean⊠itâs cute, but I already have a lot of plushies at home.â
Phainon seems to be deep in thought as he stares between you and the star plush, but doesnât say a word. Youâre hoping he accepts your excuse and moves on.Â
âWhere were you? And everyone else?â Hyacine pipes up, tilting her head at Phainon.
âI was looking at the ceramics. I lost everyone else a while ago, but- oh, Cyrene said to regroup at the seats near the hot chocolate stand.â Phainon explains. A shiver runs through your spine as you briefly remember what your roommate said about this hangout being straight out of a shoujo manga. âYou ladies can head back there when youâre finished. Iâm gonna try looking for the others.â
âOkay, see you in a bit!â Hyacine waves to Phainon, then turns back to you. âAre you sure you donât want to buy anything?â
âYeah, Iâm sure.â You say with a bittersweet smile. âIâll probably forget about it in a few days.â
Hyacine nods, not wanting to pressure you. You turn away from the booth and walk with her towards the designated meeting place within the food vendor area. It was getting later, but from the way you were bumping shoulders with people, it felt like the amount of people were increasing. You both eventually find a few of the others at one of the picnic benches and join them to wait for the rest to arrive. You sigh, as you finally get a chance to sit down. Simply walking around a marketplace somehow exhausted you more than you thought.
For a moment, you close your eyes to rest from the clamour. Suddenly, you hear a little jingle coming from near you and you open them at the soft sound.Â
âHey.â Phainon stands in front of you, one hand holding a small fabric gift bag tied with sparkly string and tiny metal ornaments. From the lighting of this area, you could finally see the snowflakes clinging to his hair- even though they were the same colour. He sits down beside you, looking almost amused at your startled expression.Â
âHey, did you find everyone?â Hyacine leans over from the other side of the picnic table.Â
âMost of them. I think Cyrene found the others I didnât.â Phainon replies. On cue, Mydei and a few others walk past and take their own seats at the table. Phainonâs attention shifts back to you, still holding out the bag.
âWhatâs this?â You ask suspiciously taking the bag. You felt your heart beating faster, not believing it was what you thought it was.Â
âFor you.â Phainon replies simply, waiting to see your reaction.
âWhat did you get her?â Hyacine gasps with glee, leaning closer in anticipation. The curiosity overwhelms you too, and you freeze as you peek into the bag.Â
The little star plushie stares back at you.
âYou- You bought it?â You ask softly, though your eyes going wide gave away that you were surprised. Phainon watches your expression carefully, and tries not to smile too much. âPhainon, you didnât have to.â
âYou liked it, didnât you?â He counters, leaning his elbows on the surface of the table. And oh, how you hated how his casual response mirrored what your friends said to you a few weeks before- about something as simple as this being reason enough. Phainon never seemed to stop, like helping you was the easiest thing in the world.Â
You stare down at the plushie, then between him and Hyacine. âI told Hyacine Iâd forget about it eventually.â
Phainon tilts his head slightly. âWould you have?â
You idly look at Phainon, whose eyes seem to burn into yours with intensity, turning the question into a challenge. It makes you more flustered.
âI-â You stammer, your jaw going slack, not being able to form an answer. You end up sighing with a smile, realizing any excuse you might make would be null in the end. You clutch the plush a little tighter in your hands. â...I guess I wouldnât have.â
Phainon grins softly at your surrender, the market lights reflecting off his face beautifully.Â
By this time, the entire group had finally come together and decided to chill out here. You continued talking to Phainon, and for a while, you forget that you were here as a group- like it was just you two.
âAre you doing okay?â He asks you. âYou seemed a little distant earlier.â
âIâm fine.â You say automatically. Phainon hums, not convinced. Somehow the tiny pout he sports makes you want to be vulnerable and tell him the truth, so you continue. âI just- itâs hard keeping up with everyone.â
Your reason sounded strange, but Phainon understood what you meant. He nods, but doesnât push you, giving a reassuring grin. âYou can just hang with me.â
The offer is casual, yet it makes you feel warm in the cold weather. And once again itâs like deja vu- where you felt like there was absolutely no reason for him to include you or make you feel comfortable in any way or for any reason. Yet he does. He always does.
âHow did first semester treat you?â He says, changing the subject as he bumps his knee lightly against yours.Â
âIt was pretty normal.â You shrug. âI made a few friends, complained about professors and group projects a little. Exams were stressful, but nothing too out of the blue.â
âComplained enough to write a bad review on them?â He asks, clearly instigating. You watch as Phainonâs eyes twinkle mischievously, and you knew the website he was referring to. You snort before you could stop yourself, and Phainon grins faintly at the sound, visibly pleased he was able to pull it from you.Â
âHow else do you think Iâm gonna spend my break?â You ask with a bit of sass. He laughs, nodding with approval. Phainon then shifts closer to you a little, his posture becoming more upright. It was subtle, but enough that he was creating a space where his attention felt undivided now.Â
âYou knowâŠâ He starts lightly. âWe used to hang out more before university started.â
Youâre caught off guard by his sudden observation. You didnât expect him to speak up about the weird distance between you guys, but he was right. The last time you properly saw him was⊠before that day you bawled your eyes out and then shoved him away when he tried to comfort you. You cringe at the memory. God, you hope he forgot about that and remembered a different day when the two of you and Mydei were happy and playing games or something.
âI- have weâŠ? What about⊠orientation?â Your grip on the plush tightens a little out of nervousness. You knew damn well orientation didnât count for shit. Still, you attempt to feign obliviousness to ease some of the discomfort you felt inside, but Phainon chuckles, catching on immediately.Â
âYeah? And you probably saw the mascot more than me.â He pouts jokingly.
âNo I didnât-â You stammer, but suddenly stop yourself when you realize he could be right. You internally beat yourself up at the thought.Â
âIâm just teasing.â Phainon laughs softly, then continues in a quieter tone. âStill⊠I kinda miss talking to you.â
And there it was. For once your heart wants to remember what it feels like to be wanted like this. You watch as Phainon straightens and closes his eyes for a second too long before continuing, as if he was trying to gather some confidence to prove the intention behind it.
âSo,â His smile returns, charming as youâve always known. âDo you wanna hang out sometime? Just us.â
Just as you thought your heartbeat could slow down, Phainon always seems to do something to prove that it was alive- that something inside was existing. Despite your shock and silence, Phainon doesnât corner you with his proposal.
âWe could go to a cafe, and I could buy you dessert⊠Or we can play video games over the break⊠Anything that doesnât involve that stupid mascot.â He adds easily. Phainon gets another laugh out of you, and you somehow feel lighter. A beat of silence goes by again, and you watch as Phainon looks at you in anticipation.
âYeah, Iâd love that.â You say breathily, a smile escaping you. Phainon exhales, looking strangely relieved, like he-
âPhainon-â Another voice suddenly interrupts, and you both whip your head to the source from across the picnic bench. It was another pink haired girl- albeit a slightly deeper shade of pink than Hyacineâs. Her name was Cyrene, if you remembered correctly. âWait, are you blushing?â The girl tilts her head at Phainon, and you almost choke on air. Phainon bursts out laughing.Â
âIâm not.â He turns to Cyrene, insisting with a charming smile, putting his hands up in mock surrender. You take a closer look at his cheeks now that his face was turned more to the side. You swear you saw a bit of pink⊠was he- no, surely this was just the cold getting to his skin.
âWell you sure blush like you were just caught flirting.â Cyrene snaps back with a bit of attitude. Youâre not really sure what to do in this situation, and seemingly neither does Phainon as he looks like heâs being teased by his friend. Cyrene then turns towards you with a soft smile.
âMy name is Cyrene. Youâre (Y/n), right?~â Cyrene asks, and you nod in response. You found it peculiar how everything she said sounded both playful and sweet- like a song. She looks at you with her eyes bright and cheerful. âYouâre really pretty, you know that?â
âI-I amâŠ?â Your cheeks go warm as you short circuit at the sudden compliment. Hyacine who had been off engaging with the others returns to insert herself in this conversation, and nods along, agreeing. Wait, Hyacine- she was supposed to be on your side!Â
âMhm~ SoâŠâ Cyrene drags out her words with a devious smile, wagging a threatening finger at Phainon. âIf you are flirting, you do know Mydei would beat you up, right?â
âI would.â Mydei lazily chimes in from a few seats down, diagonal to you. You almost forgot he was here. Phainonâs skill at isolating you guys was certainly effective. Your brotherâs two little words give you mixed thoughts: one making note of how little hesitation or humour there was in his tone, and another where you seriously have concerns of your brother threatening to beat someone up again. Perhaps a trip to a rage room was due soon.Â
âSee? He just said he would kill you.â Cyrene enunciates, clearly understanding that her friend didnât seem to register the what she was implying. Oddly enough, Phainon just chuckles.
âAnd, I wouldnât blame him.âÂ
The rest of the conversation becomes a blur. You start losing track of what they were saying after Cyrene groaned at Phainon for being an oblivious puppy in knowing the consequences. What a bizarre answer⊠âŠConsequences of what?
You think back to the compliments Hyacine and Cyrene paid you, saying you were cute and pretty. You thought it was just girls hyping another girl up- as girls do. But then you think of Cyrene calling out Phainon for blushing and threats for him potentially flirting, and wonder if she was teasing him⊠or if she actually meant it. There was a part of you that was in disbelief, inching closer to the fact that⊠you might actually have a chance.
On top of all that, there was Phainonâs own reply, confirming that heâd take a beating from your brother if he actually did cross a line. You tell yourself you were reading too much into it again.Â
âSo⊠Iâll see you soon, right (Y/n)?â
That night after everyone bid their farewells, and you and Mydei returned home in your childhood home, you quickly crash into the warmth of your bed and whip out your phone. You contemplate whether calling your roommate was gonna lead to her lovingly bullying you again, but you end up telling her everything anyway.
âI donât know what else to tell you, girl.â Your roommate sighs endearingly at you through the phone. âHe made an effort to invite you, he looked for you, bought you a present... I donât think youâre imagining things⊠so what do you have to lose?â
You notice that youâve gotten too excited from how high your heart rate must be. Your smile falters (not realizing that you were even smiling this whole time in the first place), and you remember your own consequences.Â
â...Thatâs just the problem.â You sigh back, sitting up properly now. âI donât want to be delusional again. I canât just launch myself into⊠whatever this is and make up assumptions that arenât real.â You grab your little star plush Phainon got you from your bag. You glance down at your star plushie again, fiddling with its stupid little legs, thinking- why does a star even need to have legs?Â
Your roommateâs voice softens. âBut it feels different, doesnât it?â
You donât end up answering her.
âIâm not expecting anything.â You say finally. Despite these months of your stubbornness with the topic of Phainon, your roommate doesnât argue. She just smiles knowingly on the other side of the line, and lets it go.
You conclude the call by telling her the rest of the whole marketplace experience, and her own winter break shenanigans. Later, when your room is quiet, you lie back on your bed, holding the star plush up to the ceiling.Â
You look at its silly dangly legs, finding something so out of place cute that makes it different from the rest. Stars were supposed to stay high above everyone else, beautiful from a distance.Â
But perhaps this star had been made to reach people anyway.
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 19, second semester
Winter break came and went pretty fast. You and Mydei spend it mostly at home, spending time with your mom. Phainon went back to his hometown for the break as well. Like you said yourself, you werenât expecting anything to happen during this time.
That is, until, a week after your second semester started, you started receiving texts from Phainon already. You remember your eyes widening at your phone screen when Phainon asked you if you wanted to do something during the weekends. From something as small as asking to join him in playing video games, to him insisting on accompanying you to a bookstore for your manga series, you said yes. Some small part inside you craved spending time with him, and you realized you did miss him a lot all this time. You felt like you reconnected with Phainon- just like when you were kids.
At the end of the semester, one of your peers decided to host a mixer and invited everyone in the class. The invitation sat in your messages for a while before you accepted it. A mixer⊠Just the thought alone of being invited sent a quiet thrill in your spine.Â
Now, standing in front of the mirror, there was a brief moment where you wondered if you looked like you were trying too hard with your outfit⊠or too little. You wore something that showed a little more skin- a little more mature and confident, something you didnât usually wear. Still, you decide not to dwell on the issue for long and head out.Â
By the time you reached the location, there was already music and familiar people from your class there. People were clustered up, animatedly talking, hopefully having fun after the stress of final exams. A girl from your class waves you over, and passes a light drink to you. Soon enough, you overcame the initial anxiety and it felt freeing to mix in with the group.
Well, only for the first ten minutes.
You were going to excuse yourself to say hi to another acquaintance when a white-haired mass suddenly came into view- a particularly tall and handsome white-haired mass.Â
Phainon? Here of all places?
Your stomach drops and you quickly duck near a corner, careful not to spill your drink or look crazy sneaking around. You peek over and see Phainon with his back turned, leaning against the kitchen island as he engages in conversation with other people.Â
Your pulse was getting frantic, but you take a deep breath to try and calm yourself. Oh, but who were you kidding? If Phainon saw you here, you were sure that he would report you to Mydei within the minute.Â
Phainon walks away from the kitchen counter, going off somewhere else, and you go the same direction as him to not cross paths with him. Could it be possible to avoid him this whole time? God, it was stupid when you thought about it. You basically just got here, and it shouldnât even be scary to see Phainon here. But you werenât really in the mood to see his smug grin or get lectured by your brother. Maybe you could hang with someone else and hide-
âThatâs an interesting strategy.â A voice murmurs in your ear.
Phainon was already standing behind you, bending down to your height and way too close as amusement curls at the edge of his lips.
âAh- Phainon! You scared me!â You hiss, your face going warm with embarrassment as you jolt backwards. Phainon only grins wider at your startled reaction. You become defensive, eyeing him up suspiciously. âWhat- why are you here?â
âI know the host.â Phainon says easily, then cheekily fires the same question to you. âWhat are you doing here?â
âNothing.â You grit. Phainon chuckles and shakes his head at your answer, and you internally smack your forehead. Out of all excuses, you had to say the most suspicious one?Â
âNothing but drinking, you mean?â Phainon inquires, pointing at your cup and clicks his tongue in mock disapproval. âMydei wonât be happy to hear this.â
Your face freezes at the mention of Mydei potentially knowing you were here. âI-Itâs only five percent alcohol!â
âOoh, how scandalous.â Phainon laughs, and you puff your cheeks in frustration of him teasing you.
âOh shut up. I came here by myself so Iâm not here to get drunk.â You say, rolling your eyes.Â
âEven more scandalous.â He says with a whistle, and you groan. Phainonâs eyes soften, sensing heâs teased you enough. âDonât worry, I wonât tell Mydei.â
Phainonâs words surprise you a little. Oddly enough, he let's you have fun and doesn't report you like you thought he would.
As the night went on, you were pulled into conversations and stupid debates, laughing at some of your peersâ weird dance moves. Every now and then, youâd catch sight of Phainon somewhere across the house- sometimes talking to other people, sometimes smiling at you, and sometimes bumping your hip beside you as he indulges the conversation with you.Â
The buzz of the music gets louder as the night goes on. You participate in the fun, but eventually you start feeling tired. Phainon notices and he taps your shoulder, leaning down, telling you something⊠but you donât hear anything. Because he was so close, you suddenly realize the golden sun tattoo on the side of his neck- when did he get that? As Phainon spoke, you felt a little rush inside you, making you space out. You tried making sense of your surroundings but you soon realize that he was taking over all your senses. What you could see, what you could smell⊠muting all of them into one: him. Was he experiencing the same buzzing feeling? You watched as his lips curved up into a grin, whispering something to you. You stare at his lips- a faint blush colour, soft and plump⊠you wondered what it would feel like if youâŠ
You nod plainly in response to him, though his words clearly werenât getting through to you. Phainon realizes you were spacing out and he chuckles lightly and stands back up, holding his hand out. You blankly take it and he guides you out of the party. Also, did you just think of-
âYou okay? I asked if you were getting tired.â Phainon breathes out, his voice finally reaching your ears.
âHm- oh, yeah, Iâm fine.â You perk up as you snap out of your daze. âI am a little tiredâŠâ
âIâll drive you back then.â He says, already taking his car keys out. He phrases it not even as a question, like he would do it for you regardless. âDo you have everything?âÂ
You nod, and you both get into his car. The drive back to your dorm was strangely quiet. It was slightly awkward since your peerâs house wasnât even that far from your residence, so the ride was gonna be short. However, it felt like there was something else underneath. It was something heavy, but not an uncomfortable-pit-in-your-stomach type of heavy. It was something more charged.
The blinker clicks lightly while the streetlights gradually slide across Phainonâs face in fleeting moments. His jaw, his mouth, the curve of his hands gripping the steering wheel. You looked away before you could get caught staring. God, you were going crazy for sure, you think.Â
Your pulse still hasnât settled. Was it adrenaline from the party? Maybe so, but even then it shouldnât make you think of kis-Â
âWeâre here.â Phainon softly sing-songs. You get out of the car, and Phainon decides to walk you to your door. Again, not a question.Â
When you both walk into the building together, you realized it was sort of awkward with the both of you being silent this whole time. Even more so as you arrived in the narrow hallway just outside your door. Phainon walks behind you, close enough that his presence alone fills your space. As you stop at your door, you decide to say something, though heâs closer than you expect when you turn to him. You clear your throat, your hand fumbling inside your purse to find your keys to regulate yourself.Â
âThanks for the ride.â You say, looking up at him gratefully. âAnd⊠thanks for not snitching on me.â
Phainon huffs a quiet laugh. âAnytime.â
You smiled despite yourself, like it was a subconscious thing- maybe it even a contagious thing, knowing Phainon was here. Even as you briefly look down to take your keys out, Phainon was already looking at you, like he had something to say, but he doesnât.Â
You were about to unlock your door and say goodbye, but somehow your body doesnât want to listen. You donât feel like doing it. Your dreamy daze continues, your eyes dipping over Phainonâs outfit. You suddenly felt aware of how good he looked in a white skin-tight shirt and jeans- did he always wear things like this? You catch a glimpse of the sun tattoo you saw earlier beneath the collar of his shirt, and you even swear you see a broad gold ring on his chest- another hidden one beneath his shirt. It makes you even more curious- but more than that, it made you want him.Â
Before you knew it, your body had a mind of its own, leaning in without shame with your hands shyly but certainly reaching for him- to be closer to him. Your fingers brush his, and your breath hitches, the sparks making you second guess if you should even be doing this. But when you finally bring yourself to look up at him, his gaze was already looking down to your mouth.
â(Y/n)...â HIs voice drops, barely louder than a breath. His expression softens, yet his pupils were blown wide, as if there was something unguarded slipping through. He leans in, slow and careful, giving you time to pull away. Your breathing and your heart beats faster than ever. This definitely wasnât just the adrenaline from the party.
Suddenly, a small click is heard and Phainon mutters a curse and pulls away quickly.
WaitâŠ
You were stunned for a few seconds, watching as he pulled back. Before you could think of how to react, your door swings open to reveal Mydei looking sleepy yet confused. Oh yeah, your roommate already went home for the summer, so now you had a giant cat invading your space. You told Mydei you were gonna go out with some friends and then go back home with him after- you forgot you left him lounging here for a while.Â
âWhere were you?â Mydei quirks an eyebrow at you, and gives an even more skeptical look at Phainon. âAnd what are you doing here?â
âI was just dropping her off.â Phainon says lightly, though you could tell he was trying his best to not sound shaky. You werenât sure how it was possible for him to reply and make up something so calmly. Especially since the skin of your hand was still buzzing where you touched his just seconds ago. âShe just got caught up saying bye to some friends.â Mydei gives him a weird look, but doesnât question you both, and you give a sigh of relief.
Your brother and Phainon make small talk, both asking if they were heading home for the summer. Meanwhile, you remained silent, in your own little bubble unable to calm your racing heart.
âGet some rest.â Phainon addresses you with a simple wave, and just like that, he was gone. God, you wanted to⊠you wish you couldâŠ
âWhy is he even still here on campus?â Mydei interrupts your train of thought as he holds your door open for you.
âO-Oh⊠I dunno. I bumped into him on the way back.â You say casually, walking into your dorm. Lies. âWhy are you here so earlyâŠ?â
âItâs night time.â Mydei retorts back. âAnyway, are you done packing your stuff?â
You nod, and quickly grab your bags and head back home with Mydei.Â
The drive was silent, but for you it wasnât. Even though you were exhausted after the mixer, you couldnât seem to be able to rest during the long drive home. You look out the window, a small smile plastered on your face as you replay that brief yet charged moment in your head. The way he leaned in, the way you could feel his breath on your lips as he whispered your nameâŠ
You almost kissed him.
Was it always like this? Your heart was beating fast as it always did, but for once you didnât feel surprised. It felt more like⊠you were finally letting yourself do something you always wanted to do. Like youâve been waiting and wanting something, and that it was okay to want things.Â
Maybe it was just the realization that Phainon was always perfectly within your grasp.Â
ââ âŒâ â
Age: 19, Summer Break
Phainon: Good morning.
Phainon: Iâm sorry about last night.Â
Itâs been a good twelve hours since you and Phainon almost kissed. At first you thought you had hallucinated it, and that you became delusional for real. Just as you had believed that this was just a figment of your imagination, Phainon never texted you- until this morning.Â
(Y/n): Phainon, I donât understand.
(Y/n): Was it something I did�
Phainon: No, god no. Never.
(Y/n): Then why are you apologizing?
You felt your smile drop, the warmth from last night following suit, slowly leaking away.Â
Phainon: Because I'm sorry if I crossed a line.
Phainon: You didnât do anything wrong. I just didnât want things to be awkward between us.
And itâs just so funny, isnât it? How youâve kept yourself safe on your own little island, with walls built so high and an army to guard your heart. And the one time you decide to let them down and embrace the sunlight, it hurts so much more.Â
Confusion seems to consume you, making you anxious. The thought that you might have been too forward and was reading it all wrong feel like deja vu, specifically the same bitter feeling that you were so used to. The mere thought that Phainon didnât want this to happen, makes your stomach coil. However, underneath the dreadful feeling was something else- because this wasnât about you. Although you had this uncomfortable twinge of fear you refused to admit out loud, it wasnât for yourself, but for Phainon. You stay rigid in your bed, staring at your phone. What exactly was Phainon thinking of that you werenât?
A week later, you start getting antsy because you realize how quiet your summer vacation began. You continue to get nothing from Phainon. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, assuming he was probably busy with things back home. But as your phone sits on your desk, the screen continuing to be dark and empty, you find yourself constantly checking it, and it didnât take long for your mind to spiral.
Itâs ironic how noticeable an absence can be.Â
Later, just past noon, you start to smell food being prepared, so you go down to investigate. You realized your mom was going all out for some reason, seasoning steaks and cutting vegetables as your kitchen became a room with groceries stacked high. There seemed to be something in the oven already as well. You get curious and decide to ask Mydei what your mother was preparing for.
âHey.â You ask as you walk into his room, seeing him lounging and playing a video game lazily.
âHey.â He responds. Mydei eyes you a little for a second then goes back to focusing on his game. âYouâve been in your room for a while.â
âYeahâŠâ You sigh a little sheepishly as Mydei points it out, straightforward as always. âDo you know what mom is preparing all that food for?â
âWeâre barbecuing tonight, remember?â Mydei replies smoothly without looking up from his game. âIâve got a honeycake in the oven too.â
Mydei was in charge of the cake apparently, and already had it in baking in the oven. You soften at the thought. And then you donât because he might have put boogers in there.Â
âOh⊠thatâs a lot of food.â You remark. Something feels off for some reason, ironically like an emptiness despite the feast being prepared.Â
When you walked into his room, you considered asking your brother what he would do if he was hypothetically faced with the situation you were- with Phainon that is. But then you already think of his response and- âI dunno, they both sound like idiots to me.â Yep, no help at all. To think you almost considered bucking up the courage to ask your brother for advice, when it should be better to question his reliability.Â
Instead, you ask him a more direct question-
â...Is Phainon coming?â You ask. Your cheeks get a little warm, but satisfying your curiosity was more important.
The mention of Phainon seems to get Mydeiâs attention a little more. â...No?â
Itâs ironic how one little word could get you to frown so easily. But it simply didnât sound right to you. Ever since you were teenagers, Phainon has came over consistently to your house, showing up to practically everything. Barbecues, birthdays, movie nights⊠or even the simple weekends where nothing special was happening, he ended up staying longer than expected. And when you all became older and busier, he always made the effort to show up at least once. There had never been a question of whether he was coming.Â
âOhâŠâ The disappointed response tumbles out of your mouth before you even thought about it. You tell yourself that Phainon wasnât obligated to come over, that he had his own life and responsibilities. Heck, he wasnât even your friend first- he was technically Mydeiâs butâŠ
StillâŠ
âWhy do you ask?â Mydei asks, pausing his video game, sensing that you were concerned about something deeper.
It still felt wrong to you.Â
âBecause⊠I thought heâd be coming. He always comes over during the summerâŠâ You reply cautiously.Â
âSo?âÂ
âSo... heâs your best friend.â
âIsnât he also yours?â Mydei retorts back skeptically.Â
âWell yeah⊠but usually you invite him over.â You say meekly.Â
âI asked him already.â Mydei sighs. âSaid he was busy.â
A lump forms in your throat. God, what were you supposed to do now? There were too many things unsaid, and even more things you wanted to ask. A part of you felt like Phainonâs response was an excuse- that if you didnât get him now, that heâd just get farther from you. Were you going to have to wait until who knows when to talk to Phainon again?Â
As your hand idly trails along your brotherâs bedroom wall, it was like youâve experienced this before. You, at thirteen years old, gathering all the courage you had (none) to nervously enter in your brotherâs room to get your charger back- all at the expense of meeting Phainon. You remember how shy you were when Phainon tried talking to you that time, how weirded out you were when he tried to include you out of the blue. You were at the same place you were then- at the threshold of Mydei's doorway until Phainon stole the last word, calling out one last thing.
"Maybe next time then."
Before you could overthink it, you push yourself off the wall and face Mydei again.
âCan you ask him again?â You ask, and Mydei gives you a weird look.
âWhy would I- heâs gonna say no again.â Mydei says. Now, why would his dear sister actively request Phainonâs presence? Even you, the sister, do not know.Â
âTell him I want him there.â You reply. The quiet determination in your eyes almost shocks Mydei.Â
He blinks at you for a split second, like he understood the meaning behind it. Your brother doesnât question you for once. He doesnât get suspicious, or feel the need to protect you.
â...Fine.â Mydei sighs and picks up his phone again, and you watch as his fingers tap the screen to send the new text to Phainon. You stand there biting your lip, not even sure if this would work. You canât even believe that Mydei actually agreed to do it.Â
You thank your brother, and finally walk out of his bedroom, knowing the response might take time. But not even a second after you step into your own room, a buzz comes from your phone.
Phainon: Hey, Iâm on my way. Iâll be there around 5.
Phainon: Thanks for inviting meÂ
A glimmer of hope finally starts to exist within your mind. Phainon was coming, simply because you asked. And maybe you were right about him- maybe he was just waiting for you, just like he always has.Â
A few hours later, your doorbell rings. Your mom is the first to dash to the door, dropping everything to greet Phainon with a bone-crushing hug. Of course, Phainonâs used to it so it does little to affect him.Â
âPhainon! Oh my goodness, look at you!â Your mother coos, the same endearments making Phainon chuckle. She continues gushing about Phainon as if he was family already- which in a sense he was. âYouâve grown so much- and so handsome too! Mydei, can you believe it?âÂ
You can smell your brotherâs eyeroll from here. Meanwhile, Phainon smiles easily, nodding and murmuring something polite and charming. You havenât even gone down to greet him yet, but little does anyone else know, hearing his voice- the mere existence and knowledge that he was here sent a thrill through you.
You hear your mother tell the boys that the barbecue will start soon, and they should wash up. The boys insist on helping your mom and they argue in a good-natured way. They split up and start preparing different things, with Mydei helping your mom prepare the grill. You hesitate for a moment, but take this as a cue to finally talk to Phainon.
You walk out from your bedroom, and as you linger at the top of the stairs looking down, Phainon seems to subconsciously pause mid-motion. Your heart still skipped when he looked at you- hands tucked into his pockets and white messy hair catching the sunlight from outside your backyardâs door. He subtly turns his head to you, and his smile was still there- soft, slightly hopeless, and nervous, like he was bracing himself for this moment just as you have.
âHeyâŠâ He says lightly. Itâs only been one week since you last saw him, yet it feels like itâs been a year. He even greets you like itâs been a year, and you knew he was feeling the same thing you were. You step closer, and you watch as his eyes attempt to hide the tension.Â
âHiâŠâ You take a deep breath, the feeling of determination not helping you steady your nerves. But truthfully, you cared more that he was just here with you. His hopeless smile seems to be contagious as you start to sport the same one as you sigh with relief. âYou made it.â
âYeahâŠâ Phainon breathes out. Oddly, his smile gets wider, like he was happy to end up coming to your home.
â...Can we talk?â You ask hesitantly. As always, Phainon surprises you, as he willingly walks closer to you, as if to follow you wherever.Â
âOf course.â He replies smoothly. You give him a nod and slowly lead to towards your bedroom for a more private conversation.Â
You close your door after Phainon walks in. He seems to curiously look around your room, noticing the little trinkets and photos that have changed over the years. He hasnât been here for a while.
âCan I sit?â Phainon asks, patting your bed. You nod and say yes, and you both sit on the edge. You didnât know where to start- diving straight into the obvious thing seemed too heavy.
âMydei told me you were busyâŠâ You remark. âI thought you werenât gonna come.â
âI know.â He admits sheepishly. You felt the honesty beneath his words as he tries to ease any negative feelings you might harbour towards him for his initial excuse. âI just thought that⊠I had crossed a line.â
âCrossed a line?â You repeat. Phainon pauses, then sighs endearingly. Your question was innocent, yet posed a different meaning for Phainon. For the first time in weeks, he feels the weight of what heâs kept inside.
âRemember what happened after the mixer?â Phainon asks. You nod, and he continues. âI shouldnât have done that.â
âDone what?âÂ
âYou know what.â He says with a light chuckle and nudge to your arm to ease the tension and awkwardness. âI⊠I almost kissed you.â
âBut I almost kissed you too.â You remark guilelessly. Your gaze was unwavering, and you can feel him register the resolve behind it. You werenât going to drop this were you? Of course you werenât. So Phainon exhales slowly, giving a small awkward smile as he lowers his guard a little.
â...And thatâs the problem. Youâre Mydeiâs sister. Youâre not just anyone to me (Y/n)- youâre important. I canât risk ruining what I have with you and Mydei.â Phainon sighs, rubbing his forehead like this was making him sweat. With how he was behaving, you get the feeling that he likely felt guilty- like a bastard who shouldnât be liking his best friendâs sister, making it equivalent to a sin. Phainon seems to know something you donât. Phainon sputters a little as heâs stuck between going off on a nervous rant and being gentle. Then he finally brings himself to explain further. âI-I mean⊠what would you have done if we really leaned in? Do you even know how to kiss?âÂ
âNoâŠâ You admit. âBut you seem like youâd be good at it.â
âYou really think so?â Phainon laughs softly, seeming curious at your remark. Oddly enough, his tone gets softer like a whisper as he presses you for another question. âWhy do you say that?â
âYouâre⊠you knowâŠâ You stammer, trying to latch onto something specific, but truthfully you could say anything. You take a good look at him and heâs still perfection incarnate. Phainon laughs softly again.
âI think you think way too highly of me.â He smiles, his tone slightly teasing like he found your answer amusing. You might even go as far as to say that he mightâve sounded a bit shy when he said that. Phainonâs hand lays on the bed, his pinky millimeters away from yours. He leans back a bit, as if to get a better look at you too. âHow would you know if Iâve kissed anyone?â
You think again for a moment, except this time you didnât have an answer. Phainon looks back at you patiently.
âI donât know.â You admit quietly, but determination lingers in your eyes. Did you really know? No, of course not. No matter how perfect you thought he was, there was no way you could know if he had that kind of experience. So there was only one way to.
âBut I want to know.â
Phainonâs breath catches in his throat, genuinely speechless for a moment at your response. He simply looks at you, the noises of the evening starting to disappear. His blue eyes seem strangely brighter than usual, like they were seeing every past version of yourself. And now here you were, your present self saying words that mirrored his own when he first met you, yearning to know more about each other. Just a girl standing in the hallway, waiting for someone to notice her, and a kind boy simply smiling back at her, who always has. He suddenly lets out a chuckle, small and breathless as he finally surrenders his noble front.
âCome here then.â He coaxes softly, his lashes seemingly fluttering in slow motion as his eyes open. You blink in surprise.
âWhat?â
âCome here.â Phainon repeats, his expression softening. His smile doesnât falter, in fact- only getting wider and making the corners of his eyes crinkle in that boyish way youâve always known. Somehow, you understood, and you start to surrender your own noble front as you move closer to him, unashamedly smiling just as bright as him.Â
Phainonâs eyes trail your own as your thigh touches his. His hand comes up carefully to cup your cheek. There was no more hesitation in either of your movements. No more almosts and no more waiting- only the split second pause where you both realize this was the closest youâve ever been, breaths mingling and eyes hazy as if you both couldnât believe this was happening. You lean in even more, just the same as you did that night, and Phainon does too, just like you always knew he would.Â
He leans down, and presses his lips to yours, letting his restraint crack just to taste what heâs been waiting so long for. You both close your eyes, savouring soft warmth of each otherâs lips. Even the little smiles and chuckles, and now your hands softly laying on his chest were enjoyable.Â
You pull away for a brief moment, yours and Phainonâs lips leaving with a soft smooch sound. There was a flicker of disbelief in your eyes, with Phainonâs looking equally as stunned. But the easy smiles that come after make you realize how it came so effortlessly for Phainon- nothing but affection.Â
You both stare at each other, a little breathless and a little shy as if it was a way to come back down to Earth. But neither of you seem to want to let go. Phainonâs hand remains near your cheek, while yours remains loosely gripping onto the hem of his shirt.Â
âIâm glad you wanted to know.â Phainon says softly with an awkward but loving smile. He gets a laugh out of you too, and even now he finds himself craving the sound more. Heâd like to make you laugh like that more in the future. Now if only⊠âShit- your brotherâs gonna kill me.â
You watch as Phainon looks away slightly, his face going pale except for a sheepish blush. The consequence dawns on you as well, but in this moment as youâre still high on dopamine, you couldnât bring yourself to feel it.Â
âHeâs gonna kill me too.â You shrug, trying to make him feel better. âAnd you say it as if youâre not one of his favourite people.â
âYouâre his sister, he canât be mad at you. Not for long at least.â Phainon says while sighing. Even though this guilt eats him up, he canât help but smile. âMe though⊠I might need to pay in my next life.â
âBut heâs never threatened to disown you.â You challenge. Phainon lets out a hearty laugh at your honesty, knowing his best friend could get quite creative with insults.
âMaybe not, but I feel like Iâm about to find out.â Still, even if you both were about to be disowned by Mydei, you donât think youâve ever seen Phainon look this happy to be disowned.Â
âWe should head down now.â Phainon says softly, as the laughter dies down. You nod, though neither of you really move, both still sitting on your bed, smiling like dopes. You both laugh again, until Phainon stands and offers you his hand to stand up as well.
You take it without hesitation, and he pulls you up gently. And he doesnât let go- neither of you do actually.
His fingers fit between yours easily, like it was meant to be this way. You and Phainon begin to walk towards your bedroom door to exit, though he seems a little hesitant.
â(Y/n)- how exactly are we going to explain to Mydei about thisâŠ?â He asks nervously, looking mildly embarrassed. You shrug, still not really caring.
âHeâs just gonna have to deal with it.â You say casually, reaching for the doorknob. âAlso, maybe donât mention my brother within five minutes after we kiss.âÂ
A cheeky grin spreads on Phainon's face, finding your response utterly defiant yet endearing. He chuckles, shaking his head while smiling helplessly. A thousand teasing responses are circling within his head, though he opts to sprinkle a little sarcasm in there. âMy bad. Iâll try to do better next time then.â
âOh? There will be a next time?âÂ
A guttural scream tears through your throat (again?). MYDEI?!
Yourâs and Phainonâs jaws both go slack, speechless as you both remain frozen in the threshold of your doorway. There stood your brother, deadpan with his arms crossed⊠wearing an apron and oven mitts.Â
âWh- MYDEI!!â You scream, mortified. You want to throw something at him, but the only thing beside you was a Phainon. âHow long have you been standing there?!â
âHow long have I been standing here? I think the better question is why you both arenât downstairs.â Mydeiâs tone reeks of sarcasm, very much not in the mood to take any bullshit from either of you.Â
You realize Mydei was right- the entire house smelled delicious with the smells of good food was wafting everywhere.Â
âThere are steaks being grilled outside. I made honeycake...â Mydei lists, looking genuinely perplexed. Then his eyes look between you and Phainon, looking absolutely disgusted. âAnd yet here you both are⊠âŠkissing?â
You think you see Mydei shiver and gag slightly when he says the k-word, which should have been funny but right now you feel too defensive to think about that.
âMYDEI!!âÂ
Mydei barely has time to react when you suddenly decide to launch yourself at him.
âHey-â Mydei sputters, grunting as you smack his arm, and then his shoulder. âWhat the fuck is wrong with you?!â
âWhat is wrong with you?!â You snap back and hit your brother more though it doesnât really affect him since he was holding you back.Â
Meanwhile, Phainon watches the petty catfight of a sibling argument with a fond smile on his face. With Mydei looking disgusted while wearing an apron and oven mitts, fighting against you who was aggressively clawing at your brother like a cat, Phainon internally declares that he has never seen a more stupid thing in his life. Goodness, was this the glory that Kremnoans were known for? Somehow, it endeared him even more.Â
âI donât get why youâd be busy kissing when thereâs good food downstairs.â
âSTOP SAYING IT!â
âI made you a honeycake⊠for this?â
âI know you made honeycake! You mentioned it fifty times in the past two minutes! Is this seriously your priority?!âÂ
âMy priority?- Look at yours!â
Was there really any point to this argument anymore?
After a few more lovely seconds of arguing, Phainon sighs fondly and clasps his hands, one of yours and the other on your brotherâs shoulder. You and Mydei oddly stop bickering, both looking at Phainonâs expression which could only be described as fond disbelief. This entire scene was ridiculous, but somehow also his favourite.
âAlright alright, letâs just go down now. Hm?â Phainon smiles, hoping to ease the playful bullying. Mydei continues to glare at him. Right message, wrong messengerâŠ
â...Iâm gonna kill that guy.â Mydei seethes, looking straight at Phainon yet addressing you.
You want to start fighting your brother again, but to your surprise, Phainon laughs harder before you could react. Then, with the same gentle amusement from years ago, he reaches over and lightly pats Mydeiâs shoulder.Â
âIâll hold you to it.â
The words feel familiar, because they are. You look at him now- his eyes crinkling with mirth as he said nearly the same thing months ago. For some reason, as you watch Mydei glare at Phainon- the bastard you just kissed had the audacity to smile at him, the silent look they gave each other somehow explained something you were secretly worrying about this whole time but never had to.Â
Mydei probably knew, you think. Youâre not sure how long heâs been suspecting it, though when you look back at your own antics it was probably obvious anyway. You cringe internally, not wanting to think about your brother knowing about this thing with Phainon for who knows how long.Â
âNow- can we go eat before someone gets murdered?â Phainon asks tenderly, interrupting the chaos. Itâs ironic how Phainon seems the happiest here, while you and Mydei both grumble and surrender. Heâs still smiling, still patient with you and your brother. Phainon laughs again, and you all head downstairs together- though this time, Phainon doesnât let go of your hand.Â
And naturally, you donât think to let go either.Â
Your porch lights seem to glow with the same warmth that youâve felt over the years. Your mother lovingly scolds Mydei for disappearing, and Mydei only grumbles saying nobody appreciates his cooking.Â
You feel thirteen again as your memories overlap with reality. The smell of home cooking, summer air drifting through the windows, your brother being broody⊠And Phainon- a boy who started out a mystery, a teenage boy who simply sat at your table smiling like he already belonged there. You come to realize something: Phainon had never been a guest at this house.Â
All those years, while you were busy mourning things you thought werenât meant for you, something else was growing beside you the whole time. He became so much more to you, simply because he wanted to be, and because you finally let him.
And for Phainon? Of course it was easy for him. He had always been reaching for home in the first place.
âââ ââ âŒâ â âââ
Notes:
For reference, this fic is called Seventeen :)
I rewrote a couple of parts so I will reblog some of those here later so they don't go to waste
Anyway thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed <3
Edit: THERE ARE SO MANY ERRORS I'M CRINGING SO BAD
The first time you show Phainon his Tomodachi Life character, it's during one of your nightly video calls. He's in the middle of a sentence when you let out a gasp that half-startles him into silence. He knows that sound â it's the one you make when you suddenly remember something.
"I forgot to tell you!" you say, already flipping your handheld console towards the camera, and for instant the screen's simply too bright for him to make out anything. "I made us in Tomodachi Life."
He squints and soon enough a pixelated, cartoonish, big-headed version of him comes into view. Phainon's surprised by the amount of effort you've put into it, from the dimples on his cheeks to the hair strands sticking out in odd directions on top of his head.
"Wow, honey, it's amazing," he replies with his face basically glued to the phone, analyzing every detail like it's the greatest piece of art since Michelangelo's PietĂ .
Your eyes sparkle and you spend the rest of the call describing how you decorated your shared house in great detail.
On a random day blessed by the gods, when your schedules fit well enough for you to spend some quality time together while on campus, you gasp again. But it's not the A tier, Major announcement gasp, it's more of a C tier, I found my favorite pair of socks again and I wanted to share that with you gasp.
"Did I tell you we're about to have a baby?" you casually drop. Phainon stares at you, blinks, raises his brows, then shakes his head like he's just been struck by something.
"I'm sorry?"
"In Tomodachi Life," you specify (thank Kephale).
"Oh," he says. How would a normal person react to this information? "How do you know?"
"This bubble telling you your Miis have something to tell you appears on screen, though I didn't have the time to check. But that must be it because that's how it happened the previous five times."
Five?
Phainon's face becomes the color of a pomegranate seed.
After this, it takes a week or so for him to stop physically avoiding you, and then another three days so that he can look at you in the eye. Although his face still flushes when when you bring up that wretched game.
It's okay. One day he'll be normal about this.
ÊŹÊŹ.astronote.com phaimii needs to pay child support
Phainon loves taking advantage of his height to tease you. The first time he did it wasn't even intentional, but ever the (far too much) attentive man that he is, he caught on to that faint stutter in your pace a little too greedily.
And since then, the things your poor heart has been subjected to are as follows:
Ignoring him by being glued to your teleslate? Guess who's jumping to reach it after he snatched it away and is effortlessly holding it out of your grip.
Telling him literally anything? He'll lean down to your height, laser-focused on your words, arms folded behind his back as his eyes draw suggestions over your body. You found out that day that it was possible to be undressed with a stare alone.
These are still not fatal to your cardiac health. What is fatal is when he decides to be a devil incarnate and withhold kisses from you.
âWithholding? Such an incriminating word.â he'd defend should you accuse, head tilting to the sight of you struggling to reach his lips as though your plight deserved to be appraised from every angle.
Typically, Phainon can be melted like sugar in heat by the promise of a single kiss. He'd fold himself in half to reach you halfway, and as quickly as possible even.
But sometimes, he has the perverse craving to keep his hands firmly behind him and just watch as you try various stances on your tippy toes to reach him.
It's a task to not grin at the indignant huffs and pouts that this coaxes out of you â which is why he doesn't try to at all. Unfortunately for you, that smile does nothing but make him look all the more kissable.
And fortunately for him, this is enough for you to ditch the games and just yank him down by the choker to be thoroughly punished.
