god. the botched first time together is such a good way to play it. like im personally in hell and praying for a swift death of course, but i feel like.
the entire point of the show is not getting things right the first time. it's about trying again and again and realizing that it's never too late to find yourself, learn more about yourself, grow and change and discover things that are important to you. we've been talking about this all week with the differences between the season 1 "you wear fine things well" scene and this one, where the first time everything is picture perfect but doesn't go how they want, while the second one is real, grounded, imperfect, but honest. their first kiss being, again, when they were in totally different places, and not able to really connect in the way they needed to, even if it was grounded on the romantic notion of running away together (and maybe even BECAUSE the whole premise of that first kiss was so romantic--that's a lot of pressure!)
i think we're going to get something similar with them sleeping together. like, this first time was passionate, intense, romantic, etc. but notice, we don't see a genuine smile from ed the whole time. he's swept up in the moment, he wants stede, i dont think it's an issue of consent, but he KNOWS that this isn't right. that they're STILL in different emotional places and probably shouldn't be doing this here, now.
there's so much emphasis placed on firsts, just generally, in life. your first kiss, your first love, your first time having sex...getting it not just right, but perfect, ideal, the first time is so fucking important in western culture and the very premise of this show refuses to give that impulse to perfection validity. this is a show about two middle aged men who have had loves, marriages, lives, careers, families, whole histories before they met each other. two men who have, to various degrees, settled with the "first" things that came along to them in life because not to do so was a sign of failure. and all it got them was unhappiness and decimated senses of self worth
i actually really like that their first time together is the same way. i think it's setting us up for a second time that blows the doors off the first, and a lifetime of even better as they listen and learn and understand each other better. nothing ever ever has to be perfect the first time, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it to try again and again til you get it right!!! and they each know that the other person is worth it! worth fighting for and trying again for! i think they both just need to learn that they themselves are worth it too
