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Just processing.

Good Omens became too much of a comfort, and I'm struggling to try to keep it that, but right now I just feel terribly let down.

After season one, I was enjoying the fanworks and finding joy in exploring the source material. It was probably the largest, most active and definitely most positive fandom I'd ever even been in the peripheral of.

Fandom and season 2 hype was my enjoyment through my father's cancer diagnosis and decline, lock down, job loss scares, and the loss of pets. I managed to get a ticket to the season 2 premier and nearly couldn't attend. I made it there, waiting for the final arranging of my mother's funeral. I was really looking forward to that clever, hopeful sort of ending that Good Omens sold to begin with.

Season 2 wasn't what I expected. But we were promised that this funny, hopeful show about free will and fixing things rather than destroying it would have a happy ending after everything. Adamantly promised. A good friend passed. The internet and everything is more hopeless.

I like comedy. I like fantasy. I like hopeful, thoughtful things. I really dislike a ton of the tropes that others find automatically profound, so I usually check spoilers. I don't really do dramas much. I trusted Good Omens. Because of the Pratchett witty, hopeful expectation. Because so many of his books also have the sci-fi-esque humanist take, the 'what is/beautiful humanity' through the lens of the inhuman. Through the doesn't fit the mold but you still have hope and joy. So, I'm feeling really rather foolish as it tried to pull almost every trope I find bleak or disappointing to do a big biblical sacrifice tragedy with a don't be mad epilogue that I'm really tired of finding every time I open the box.

I didn't want to be City of Angel'd. I didn't want to be Supernatural'd. I didn't want to be His Dark Material'd. I really expected something clever and untypical in this comedy of saving the world and how imperfect life is worth it. Not a trolley problem and another fantasy world hopeless without a reset into reality. But here I am still getting hit by the fantasy genre's right hand turn into tragedy to prove it is Adult and should be Taken Seriously. Mostly, I'm disappointed.

I'm also a cope through sarcasm type of person, and that is really rough in modern fandom where others take undirected negativity personally. So, I'm a tea kettle and trying to not let my love for the whole thing die. I don't think it will, but fic and fandom has been a bit of a toxic neg/pos mine field since season 2. So I'm not looking forward to this further fracture.

Fandom aside, I'm just irritated with myself that I got so invested, in a way. Good Omens was the cup that held my grief and kept it sweet. And they dumped it right into my lap because I trusted the genre.

#go3 spoilers #good omens finale #And here I am in a stressful life transition yet again #Just begging for a little comfort #But comfort isn't profound enough #Really waiting for the message of so much mainstream media to stop being 'life sucks grow up'#personal #genre betrayal #I hope AU me is having a better time in some other universe #spoilers #vague spoilers mostly #TW death mention

Still don't feel like this season 2-3 set up and pay off feels T. Pratchett at all, and how many people are adamant that it absolutely is has got me close to sliding the rest of Discworld off my TBR.

#good omens season 3 #why are they the center of the universe #why aren't humans doing the human things #why are we happy about everything the Them said wouldn't fix anything #fandom is also getting pretty darn condescending and unkind in some corners over this #it's feeling a little Catholic seeing tag content trying to preach the beauty of suffering and sacrifice in here

And then Good Omens, which I would never expect to have an expected, trope ending. Just does my most hated fantasy genre ending tropes point blank.

#good omens 3 #that's it for me #it was all a dream #oh but you see it's beautiful because of romantic tripe even if nothing mattered at all #weirdly nihilistic #spoilers #considering the themes of Good Omens original what a weird message #is this even for the RPF fans?#humanity can't be trusted with magic trope #there's no hope for this life good luck in the next

@kittyknowsthings

So, this is what my comfort show has given me.

#good omens 2 #It's the repression baby #i'm not mad #But the show drop was also a week to the hour of my mother passing #go2 spoilers #not really #can this decade lighten up a bit

wheeloffortune-design

maybe it’s just me but i don’t think Aziraphale needs to apologize for 6000 years of not loving Crowley, or saying they weren’t friends, or whatever fic writers make him apologize for

dude was in a brainwashing cult all his life and leaving meant a free dive into sulfur. also acknowledging his friendship with crowley meant putting him in danger.

anyway everyone making aziraphale apologize and the guy just left his abusive family, i mean, chill

indieninja92

right like i get where it comes from i guess but like… not only does he have nothing to apologise for, but also he has fully literally spent the last 6000 years being crowleys best friend? and loving him very much and very well. yes there are moments when he fumbles it a bit but those are the exceptions not the rule, and sure who doesnt love a little clumsily at times? neither of them have anything to apologise for.

kitcat-italica

I think Crowley knows this too. Which is why one of my favorite tropes in this fandom is when Aziraphale starts apologizing for ‘not loving you enough or the way I should have’, and Crowley sees right through that because now that Aziraphale’s Side is him, apologizing for ‘not being loyal to the Side’ is what Heaven would expect so this is just Aziraphale playing out the same pattern his abusers would want from him, and Crowley is not at all willing to let this pattern play out for his angel ever again, so he stops him and tells him no. You were there in all the ways you could be. You loved me in all the ways you could get away with. You were always on my side when it counted. You don’t have to be better, because you’ve always been good enough. And Aziraphale gets to be accepted and loved for all that he is and all that he’s ever been, just as Crowley does.

krakensdottir

I can see why Aziraphale might feel a need to apologize, or why doing so might make him feel better. But I don’t think Crowley wants, needs, or expects any such thing. I don’t think he’d even know what to do with an apology for that, tbh. Like uhhh, yeah, I forgive you for being in a creepy cult that taught you to be afraid of your own feelings. Seriously, angel, we’re cool.

whispsofwind

Honestly, another important thing that I often see forgotten is that Aziraphale wanted to protect Crowley.

Not once in the show I can think of a scene where Aziraphale was worried exclusively about himself getting punished, but he brings up at least two times the possibility that Hell will hurt, and possibly destroy, Crowley. He knows this, Crowley knows this to the point of trying to get the Holy Water.

So Aziraphale is heavily indoctrinated to the point of believing he is doing something wrong, and he knows Crowley will be hurt most severely if they’re found out. For 6000 years, Aziraphale only wanted for the two of them to be safe. How could anyone fault him for that?

And Crowley knows this. He’s always very gentle when it comes to Aziraphale. He understands what it means. He would never demand anything of Aziraphale, an apology least of all. Crowley in love is patient, and kind, and gentle. Just look at the soft way he says “you don’t have a side anymore”.

Even if the occasional rejection must have stung sometimes, he would probably throttle anyone who thinks Aziraphale should apologise to him. How dare they? Don’t they see what his angel has gone through?

Crowley’s love for Aziraphale is… you know the Corinthians passage they use at weddings?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”

That said, I do think Aziraphale may feel the need to apologise. Aziraphale in the show clearly suffers from anxiety (or the angelic equivalent of it), and believe me, anxious people apologise. A lot. And in this case, it may be cathartic for Aziraphale, to apologise for whatever he thinks he did wrong, and find only reassurance and love as an answer.

zadusk

I will die on this hill. God bless Michael Sheen, you only have to watch his expressions and the look in his eyes to see that Aziraphale adores Crowley. He’s anxious, and afraid for him, and indoctrinated by Heaven and none of that means that he doesn’t love Crowley. You can see his heartbreak when he “rejects” Crowley.

And Crowley gets it. Yes he gets frustrated and upset sometimes because the world is ending and he wants to save it (and his life there with Aziraphale), but he gets it. He was an angel once. He knows what Heaven is like.

Demanding Aziraphale apologise, or acting like Aziraphale has strung him along or damaged him, would be abusive. And Crowley wouldn’t. Look at the softness when he says “wherever you are, I’ll come to you.” The gentleness with which he handles Aziraphale’s heart when he has to break the news about the bookshop not once, but twice.

And Aziraphale is kind to Crowley too. When Crowley is beaten down and snappish in Rome, Aziraphale gently jollies him along. He doesn’t say “what’s your problem, I was only making conversation.” He shelters him from the rain, invites him to share a very nice wine that he’s been saving, deliberately makes him laugh when talking about the trials. He gives the holy water with gentle words and looks, not recriminations or acting like Crowley owes him. He tries to remember Crowley’s code for meeting places. According to the script book, he packs shortbread for the trip to Tadfield, in case either of them gets peckish.

Does he make mistakes? Yes. They both do. But I never see the fandom demand Crowley apologise for the aggressive wall slam, or for trying to persuade Aziraphale to murder a child, or getting cross when Aziraphale won’t give up on his commitment to sorting things out, or for being sarcastic. TBC I’m not demanding that either, just pointing out the double standard.

They’re both flawed and they both make mistakes or bad choices, or get impatient and worn down with it all. But the beauty of Good Omens is that they’re both trying their best in difficult circumstances, and they find ways to be there for each other when it matters. They save each other. And when it’s over their first impulse is to celebrate together.

Crowley loves and understands Aziraphale, and vice versa. This is not the story of an oblivious angel who treats a woobie demon badly. It’s the story of two equals facing a tough situation, doing their best, and ultimately loving each other through it, exactly as they are.

sungmee

i just wanna add that aziraphale’s character arc in the show is very much a coming out story

saying aziraphale needs to apologize is like saying a queer person didn’t come out soon enough, and you would never do that, especially when that person was in a dangerous situation (which we see solid proof of in the show, that aziraphale was justified in his fear)

#meta #beautiful #I have no spoons #But yes #The fact that they both care for one another is beautiful #The care they show one another is exceptional #Narratives that treat either like they need to face retribution or consequences for not giving the other what they wanted also stings me #Especially Aziraphale being shamed for not getting over his fears and hang ups fast enough or well enough

ineffableplanner

Wednesday Spotlight #33 - December 9th, 2020

What’s new? Not as much as I’d wish, but there’s still time to snatch up the following goodies for your entertainment (even an extension - moar taime!:

Good Omens Fanzines open for orders/pre-orders:

Love and Lust through the ages Vol II (preorder)

A.Z. Fell’s Erotica: Love and Lust Through the Ages Volume II zine. This zine is full of bottom Aziraphale-centric artwork and writing from over 50 contributors.

Pin Me Up Zine - a good omens pinup zine [18+]

Pin Me Up Zine is an 18+ Good Omens pinup zine.

Various bundle options are available, both physical zine as well as digital and merch.

Nanny’s Tales - Spanksgiving Special [18+]

Orders open for Nanny’s Tales on 11/26! This e-zine anthology will feature plenty of fan favorites and over 25 brand spanking new works from an array of talented creators! Don’t disappoint Nanny by missing out!

LAST CHANCE The Nice and Not Very Accurate Cookbook - pre-orders close Dec 10th

A whole cookbook with cute illustrations and little comments by our ethereal and occult beings. A lot of cute recipes, inspired by Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, wrapped in a book with little notes and doodles, and of course full fledged illustrations.

The digital version will be completely free for everybody who wants it, donations will be appreciated tho. Preorder for a printed version will also open that day, for about 15$ (+shipping) for a hardcover version (to cover printing costs).

To the World - Pre-orders open! (extended until December 27th!)

Treat yourself for a new and better year

Preorders begin November 7th and will close December 27th

(Proceeds will go to the Navajo Nation Covid Relief Fund )

Our Own Side: Coming out (Free e-zine in both SFW and NSFW editions)

Celebrating the LGBTQIA+ Good Omens Fandom

—————–

Note: Zine pre-orders have been moved from Saturday’s newsletter to Wednesday’s Spotlight post. Zine’s will be spotlight’ed until pre-orders/orders end date. Personal comics will get one spotlight for now - if more weeks go by without any new ones, I’ll re-boost some of the earlier ones.

If you have a fanbook/comic for sale or a fanzine up for pre-order, please PM me to let me know or email me at ineffableplanner (at) gmail.com. I may catch it on my own but better safe than sorry ;) - same goes for any events or zine signups you’d like boosted in the Saturday newsletter. Also a shout-out to those of you who ping me with links, both for events as well as comics and zines.

You can find older editions of the Wednesday spotlight by following the tag #Wednesday spotlight

#Signal Boost #Zines!

ineffableplanner

Wednesday Spotlight #27 - October 21st, 2020

What’s new? The Antichrist-mas is coming close to the end of preorders. We have intimacy in the shape of comics, we have preorders on a zine with the focus on THAT jacket and free stuff as well.

Good Omens Fanzines open for orders/pre-orders:

Unleash the Chaos (print and digital available)

Pre-orders for Unleash the Chaos, a Good Omens zine centered around Crowley’s hi-vis jacket, aka the ‘Fuck Shit Up’ jacket, are now open!!

We have both a SFW physical zine and digital NS//FW bonus zine (the NS//FW zine is only available in a digital format), as well as some brilliant merch!

Our Own Side: Coming out (Free e-zine in both SFW and NSFW editions)

Celebrating the LGBTQIA+ Good Omens Fandom

Last chance!:

Antichrist-mas Zine pre-order (etsy link)

A Christmas and winter holiday themed zine. Bringing warm hearts and brighter tomorrows, to the world! Check out our pre orders at https://www.etsy.com/shop/stinkypuppress all of our proceeds will be donated to UNICEF!

Preorders close October 25th

Link to tumblr for information and content examples

Fanbooks/fancomics