cute but psycho.

[cruellcve]

hello! i'm trying out this 1x1 thing so this blog is very new and still under construction. please don't hesitate to reach out with any questions as it might be easier!

otherwise, i'm 25+, est, she/her and i cannot wait to jump in but please have patience with me until i catch my breath

navigation:

rules — muses — starters — wanted opposites

[someotherdog]

character / bill availability / f/nb, 24+ only story / bill is part of the notorious los lobos locos gang; your muse is very much not part of the criminal world, but recently was held hostage by masked men after a bank heist gone wrong. a few weeks later, your muse starts to date a nice man named bill that works in real estate development. unbeknownst to her, her new boyfriend bill was actually one of the men that held her hostage. only dating her to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t recognize him or rat on his crew, he might be falling for her for real. ( based on the town ) the only requirement is no jessica henwick fcs, as that’s his sister’s canonical fc, and nothing t*boo. it’s up to you if she’s completely oblivious or maybe has her suspicions! setting / a swanky piano bar in los angeles

at first there had been a perverse excitement to it. naturally duplicitous, bill often felt duper’s delight in his normal life, but there was an extra thrill to his current con. she had no idea that the man that held a gun to her head a month ago was the exact same man that had taken her on three dates so far. it only started because gabriel got paranoid that she’d recognized them and then logan suggested they’d go back and finish the job. so really, in a way, bill was saving her life. of course he found her beautiful when he was holding her at gunpoint, but there was rarely a woman around that bill didn’t find beautiful, and by ‘saving’ her, he was saving himself and the lobos. it wasn’t the worst way to spend his nights, so he didn’t mind sticking around just to figure out what she knew and who she was going to tell. that night, on their fourth date, he had taken her to a piano bar that was on the other side of the city. taking a sip of his whiskey, he set the glass back on the table and leaned back in the booth, “so how are you feeling? are you still have nightmares about the heist?” bill asked, desperate to ask her if she had seen or suddenly remembered the wolf tattoos that decorated the masked men’s necks—the same one that was inked onto bill’s, sitting just beneath the collar.

[cruellcve]

her body stilled at his question, allowing herself to let the slight hint of anger dissipate before she could speak. he knew the ins and out of that night—for the most part— having remembered slight moments every so often that she hadn't shared with him. they were minuscule details that she tried to put together and were too obscure to even make sense or be worth sharing. but he knew about the gun, the fear she'd had, the way her entire world felt upside down. so yes, naturally, she wanted to snap and indicate what a stupid question it was because who on earth would get over having a gun pointed at them, but instead she responded with a soft: "yeah." Then her gaze flicked from her food to him and she felt herself soften. it wasn't his fault, he'd had to deal with the aftermath of a trauma and despite the times she'd told him that she wasn't normally like this, she hadn't actually made efforts to return to the spontaneous, fun girl she'd been. at least not fully. "it plays on a loop at night and i keep remembering more." in fact, it had been worse since they'd begun dating but she chalked it up to the new shift in her life. "i don't know if it's my mind trying to tell me something," she shrugged, her fingers reaching for his. "sorry, i know this must be hard for you. you've just met me and i come with all this baggage but once i figure out what happened and who they are...." she'd been fearful of retaliation at first but as time passed, she grew angry and vowed to not live in fear. "—then i'll press charges and it'll be over. i'll be over it, i promise."

[hiddcnhorizcns]

open to: ladieees connection: y/m is a "war prisoner" of some sort. y/m's brother gambled more than he could afford so y/m's father saw himself forced to offer some sort of truce to jax's mc to mantain peace, and money weren't an option. y/m & jax met once or twice when y/m came with her father to the gathering of all the allied mc's and to say they hated the sexual tension between them would be an understatement. that only resulted in bickering & in never seeing eye to eye. jax accepted y/m gladly as an offering but was never able to enjoy the full privilege of being her captor because of his brother colt who seemed to have a soft spot for her. y/m & his brother shared a passionate night and jax joins her in the room the next morning when she's alone and sleeping. muse: jax mitchell ; 38 yrs old ; black reapers motorcycle club president

The morning light bled through the cracked blinds, casting uneven slashes of gold across the worn sheets. The room smelled like sex, whiskey, and the lingering scent of leather—Colt’s leather. Jax knew it the second he stepped in. His jaw clenched as he stood in the doorway, eyes locked on her sleeping form. The covers were barely draped over her body, one bare shoulder exposed, the curve of her thigh peeking through. She looked sinfully wrecked, a mess left behind by his brother. Colt. His most loyal soldier. His fucking shadow. And yet, the one who always found a way to test his patience. Jax exhaled through his nose, stepping forward. The wooden floor groaned beneath his feet, but she didn’t stir. Not yet. He let his gaze drag over her, heat simmering beneath the surface of his anger. She wasn’t supposed to be in Colt’s bed. She wasn’t supposed to be tangled up in his sheets, breathing his scent, letting his hands mark her skin. She was his. His by right. His by deal. But Colt had touched her first. Jax reached the edge of the bed, his fingers twitching at his sides, and his cock twitching in the only piece of clothing he was having on; his boxers. Jax didn’t ask for permission. He never did. His hand was already on her thigh, rough fingers curling over her skin, spreading her open beneath the sheets. His weight shifted as he climbed in beside her, his body heat radiating against her side. "You let him touch you," he murmured, his voice a slow, dangerous drawl against her ear. He dragged his fingers up, knuckles grazing along the inside of her thigh. He was slow, deliberate—like he had all the time in the world to remind her exactly who she belonged to. Slipping his hand between her legs, his body settled behind hers. His arm wrapped around neck, holding her exactly where he wanted. "You can still feel him, can’t you?" His fingers traced the evidence of the night before, slowly rubbing circles over her most sensitive spot.

[cruellcve]

Alara should have known the outcome. Her father had always favored his son over his daughter, which meant that she was the one to be sacrificed or expected to clean up the mess that her impulsive brother made. But even now— this situation — was one that had surprised her. The idea of being kept as an item in some trade had put her on edge but she'd grown to know of the MC and trusted that her best interested would be kept. It could be worse. While her sights were set on Jax but she was swept up in another individual who seemed to put their claws in her before she could even have one conversation with the blond man. Her intention wasn't to follow Colt to bed but after a few drinks and wanting the softness of a bed, she'd decided to go with it. The warmth of sunlight hit her and she casually pulled the covers further down her body in order to release some of the warmth captured beneath the covers. Colt was gone but she still felt the soreness from the night before. The shift of the mattress, followed by hands upon her body, pulled her from her dreamy state but her gaze only flickered open at his voice. Not Colt's, but Jax. Her body stilled when his hand moved between her legs, soon shifting closer without much control of her body as she responded to his with ease. "Do you want me to say sorry?" She spoke softly as she peered at him from the corner of her eye. "If you cared, I assume you would have come to stop it."

[hiddcnhorizcns]

open to: ladieees connection: based on this muse: ali yalaz ; 34 ; elite military operative turned private security specialist ; bio

The bass is thick, pulsing through the club like a second heartbeat. The air reeks of expensive liquor, sweat, and the kind of bad decisions made when the world feels invincible. Perched on top of the bar, liquor-slick lips and reckless eyes, she moved in time with the music, rolling her hips with a slow, sinful arrogance that sets Ali’s teeth on edge. He should drag her down, but that’s exactly what she wants. She wants him to break. To snap. To react. She catched his gaze, held it with the kind of challenge that makes his blood burn. And then, with painstaking slowness, she brings the cocktail glass to her lips—tongue flicking over the rim before she took a sip. His hands clench into fists. And then she did something worse. A man steps behind her. Hands too familiar, too bold, too fucking careless. His charge doesn’t stop him. If anything, she leans into it—arching against him, letting him whisper something into her ear. She laughed, tilting her head just enough to keep her gaze locked on Ali. A game. Ali’s jaw locks. His pulse was a slow, deadly thing. Ali pushed off the wall, moving through the crowd with predatory ease. People part for him instinctively, like some animal on the hunt. Within seconds, he’s there—hand fisting the back of the other man’s shirt, yanking him away with a force that sends him stumbling. "Walk away," Ali barked, voice low, lethal. The man barely had time to see the warning in his eyes before he’s gone, vanishing into the crowd. And then it was just Ali and the bane of his fucking existence. He stepped closer. Too close. His body caging her in, fingers curling around her wrist, forcing her still. "You’re done for the night."

[cruellcve]

Samanta felt vindictive tonight. Frankly, she was satiated for a bit of revenge in regard to her situation and inability to have the freedom she wanted— or the fun of doing whatever she wanted, whenever she could. Her father was to blame but since he wasn't around for her to stomp her feet at, she would set her sights on the man he'd hired. The one who watched her like an hawk, for her safety, but there was something else. Something hungrier in his gaze. Samanta knew her appeal and the allure she held, which only made the game they had that much more. She'd test— push and pull— in the hopes that he would break from his stoic facade and she'd get a genuine reaction from him. The man who snuck behind her was there out of convenience and not because Samanta had any desire to have his hands, or attention, on her for that matter. In fact, it made her skin crawl but she would tolerate it because she could see the vein in Ali's forehead pop moments before he made his way towards her. It happened in a blur, feeling Ali against her, hearing his words, then the sensation of his hands upon her wrist. "Watch it, you don't want to explain to daddy why his little girl has bruises on her." She said with a smile upon her lips. "You should put those where they could be easily hidden. What's wrong, Ali? You seem.... jealous." She tested his strength on her wrist but stayed still when it was too strong for her to pull out of. "I'm not leaving, I'm just starting to have fun."

[waveofstars]

He felt evil. There was no other way to describe it. What compelled him to let go of everything he had been fighting? Why did it feel so impossible to let her go, even when he knew that maybe it was the right thing to do? Love did funny things to the man’s heart and mind, but he couldn’t ignore it this time. He couldn’t deny that all he wanted was for her to want him to stay, to give him a chance to make her believe in him again. 

Her fingers brushed his and he stared at her with painfully blue eyes, tears not hiding in them. She said she would break up with him - so why did he still feel the weight of the world crushing down on him? There was no relief in her words. It just brought him more grief knowing he made such a mess of this night. A part of him wished he could turn back time just to keep this night light and romantic, even if it meant it was only temporary. Even if it meant it was only in secret. 

Devin closed his eyes and he reached for her hand like it would ground him. “I’m sorry,” he said in a hushed tone. It felt like the wind was knocked out of him. “I’m just… I’m sorry.” He was never a man of many words, and now more than ever, he couldn’t find any words to describe what he felt. He looked at her again for a long moment before shrugging his shoulders. “I just know I love you… and that makes it hard for anything else to make any damn sense.”

[cruellcve]

"You should be." She whispered despite being aware of her own wrongdoings and the torturous way she'd allowed him to be entangled in a situation that she wouldn't have put up with. At least, she felt she wouldn't, though often times she wondered just how far she'd go for him. She loved him. Even after his prison stint, despite having promised herself to wash her hands of him, she was still here.

But she was angry that he'd opted on leaving rather than speaking to her. They'd gone through so much and she deserved more than an half ass explanation about him leaving town because it was the best for them. "I won't ever stop you from leaving, Devin but don't make decisions about what's best for me. It's not okay."

Her shoulders fell because their love often felt like the best, or worse, thing about them. It just depended on the day and situation. "I love you, too." She could feel the lump forming in her throat as she glanced down. "You don't leave the people you love." Her gaze finally peered up at him, glassy with frustrated tears. "Promise me you won't leave me again."

[abrvcadvbra-archived]

"Meet you out front," Cal confirmed with a nod. A sly smirk lightly tugged at the corner of his lips as he passed Mari to get to the door. One last quick glance her way was shot and he was on his way out the clubhouse where his baby sat. Besides the club, his bike was the only other deep commitment important to him. Countless hardworking hours were spent to keep it pristine. One look wouldn't give hints to how much money had been spent. Only the best for his baby.

Cal sat on his bike with a helmet in hand as he waited for Mari. Two Bunny Riders walked by, flirtatious grins on their faces. He waved them off as his gaze found Mari approaching. "I was afraid you got cold feet."

[cruellcve]

She nodded her head towards him and indicated she'd meet him in a few minutes. She ventured to the bathroom on the way out, checking her hair and ensuring that her jeans were pulled up all the way before she headed out to meet him near his beloved bike. She was hot and she'd only look better with her on it, especially now that she was behind him.

"You don't know me very well" She said with a fold of her shoulder. "But you do owe me because I'm going to make a lot of ladies jealous and if I get a black eye because of this, you'll have to make it worth my while." She teased, nudging him. She took the helmet on his bike, sliding it on her head.

[abrvcadvbra-archived]

Callum nodded in understanding. It was nice to have a nurse on hand whenever a Rider gets ‘burned’. Though they had a few in case the other wasn’t available, Callum really only liked … maybe two of them. Mari was one of the two. Yes, she was a pretty face to look at. The body wasn’t that bad either. But Callum mostly enjoyed the conversation and the warm presence she brought along with her. “Nope.” Cal shook his head. “This is the part where I ask if you wanna go for a ride? I was gonna take the ol’ gal out to make sure she’s fixed.”

[cruellcve]

"A ride, huh? It must be my lucky day. I know about half a dozen of girls who would murder to get to ride behind you." While he was good looking and popular, she was never one to fight over a man like half of the women who hung around here for any attention the men wanted to give them. It all felt too sad for her. "Let me get my jacket and I'll meet you out front." She told him, more intrigued with the rush of adrenaline than worrying about what people would think and how many enemies she'd make with the girls by agreeing to go with him."

[waveofstars]

The worst part was that she was right. About all of it.

Devin had spent so long convincing himself that walking away was the right thing—was the only thing—that he never stopped to consider if Taylor would let him. If she’d fight him on it. If she’d throw his own words back in his face and demand more than the scraps he was willing to give. Everything they said felt as bitter as a goodbye and as sweet as an I love you

Taylor had always been his weakness. His center of gravity. And standing here, watching her fight for something that was already in pieces—it felt like drowning with no intention of swimming to the surface. His hands curled into fists at his sides, his nails digging into his palms. He deserved this. Every bit of it. “You think I want to make this decision for you?” His voice was hoarse, raw with everything he hadn’t said. “You think I don’t want to be selfish? To take whatever’s left of us and hold on so fucking tight that nothing else matters?” His voice cracked and revealed that vulnerability he so often held back. Pain was on his features as he looked at her with a silent plea. Whether that plea was for her to leave and never come back or pull him right in… he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Then he said the impossible, the weaker side of his heart winning over as he stared at Taylor - his Taylor. “Tell me to stay…” The words were soft and quiet. He was tired. Taking a careful step closer, he repeated himself with more conviction. “Just tell me to stay.” He was always at her beck and call, despite how stubborn he could be. If she told him to stay, that she wanted him to stay… he would. Maybe he thought she’d fight for him or choose him… but she was yelling at him to leave. What was he possibly thinking? He should’ve known he wasn’t strong enough for this. No, not again.  “Please, T…” Even when he tried to leave, he couldn’t. Stuck in her gravity, always crashing right back to her. It was confusing, cruel, and unfair of him to plea such a thing. But he was weak.

[cruellcve]

"It doesn't matter because you don't get to do it. If you leave, that's your decision and it's whats best for you. No one else." Taylor spoke sternly, though every fibre of her being felt like it was going to succumb to this pain and frustration. Part of her wanted nothing more but to beg him to stay and not leave her, though she remained quiet because she feared it was futile. Never had she imagined he would be the one to walk away and choose to leave her behind willingly. It felt unfathomable because she'd never seen a future where he wasn't apart of it and maybe she realized she'd taken him— his presence in her life— for granted.

Just as quickly as she was prepared to watch him walk away, everything shifted with a few words, further throwing her for a loop. All she could do was stare at him. Perhaps she suspected that he'd change his mind again if he had time to think it through. When he didn't, Taylor was forced to dive within and figure out whether she could put aside the resentment for good and delve back into the life they'd planned for each other all those years ago—if that was even what he was asking of her? By essentially pleading for him to stay, was terminating her relationship with Julian? Would they both pretend this never happened, go back to their current arrangement until Devin decided it no longer suited him. Did she even want to be with him, with Julian, with both?

She scrubbed at her face as exhaustion bore down on her. He stepped closer and she could feel the instant pull, one that she had little control over even after years of being apart. He was intertwined in the fabric of her being and to be away from him meant that she would lose half of herself. Her feet moved before she could understand, fingers brushing his but not daring to fully allow herself to be sucked into his pull until she was sure that he wouldn't change his mind. "Stay," she heard herself say. While fear was at the forefront of her mind, she knew for certain that she would spend the rest of her life regretting this moment if she chased him away. "All I've ever wanted was for you to stay, Devin. I'll break up with him," the decision was firm and she let out a shaky breath. "But not to be with you, not right now, not after this." He'd decided to leave so she couldn't just ignore that or the fear of being abandoned again. "We need to work on this, clearly."

[waveofstars]

They always knew exactly what to say to one another to twist the knife. It was the luxury and downfall of knowing each other too well. At her assumption that he didn’t love her enough, he couldn’t help but let out a scoff and shake his head as if she had said something truly absurd. And she had. There was no one Devin loved more than her, which made all of these decisions so much harder. All he wanted was for her to be safe and happy, two things he was impossibly bad at giving her. 

“You think I enjoy seeing you with him?” he finally spoke, anger still laced in his words. “You think I’m fine with the fact that you sleep in his bed and then mine the next day? No, Taylor. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate the guy. Anytime I see him, anytime I think of him, I want to punch his face in for no goddamn reason other than loving you better than I could.” Julian was, by all accounts, a good man. Devin had no right to hate him the way he did, but he couldn’t help it. He had to live life watching this man live a life that should’ve been his. 

Devin took a breath, tears finally stinging his eyes as he finally dropped the anger that came forth. He wasn’t angry. He was tired with all the endless regret that weighed him down so heavily. “I meant it when I asked you to marry me… I meant it when I said I wanted forever. But I ruined that. Whether it was greed or sheer stupidity, I lost that dream years ago. You found someone new who could give you that dream. Who am I to get in the way of that, T? Who am I to come back in your life just to fuck it all up again? I want us to be happy. I want us to have all those things... But you're with someone else.”  

[cruellcve]

"I knew you didn't enjoy it," she spoke softly, knowing she would have cracked at the seams long before now if she was in his position. It was hard to describe how it started, why she hadn't ended one of the relationships, and why she'd grown so comfortable with the secrecy. "We both know that there isn't anyone who could love me better." If love was all that was needed, they'd be the richest people on the face of the earth. She knew, without a doubt, that Devin loved her wholeheartedly. What she battled with was his decisions. The choices he made— his loyalty.

"I meant it, too. We spoke about sickness, poverty— but no one said anything about a prison stint fucking months after we promised each other a life together." She knew she was angry, resented him for leaving her alone to figure out a life on her own instead. But there was some level of responsibility for her to take on where they were now, and why she hadn't just made up her damn mind. "It got comfortable. The idea of having you, while also keeping a security blanket. It wasn't fair, I know that. Maybe it started as a way for me to rub it in your face, remind you of what you lost. I didn't think I'd be here, Dev. I was sure I'd see you and feel like I was over you, that enough time had passed that I didn't love you anymore. I was wrong. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you."

No matter the time, space apart, she would always be pulled towards him. "How long have you been thinking about this?" She felt helpless. Unsure about what she could do or say to make him stay, while wanting to shield her heart from another heartbreak in the form of watching him walk away again. The first was when he was escorted away after sentencing, but she didn't know if that pain would be comparable now that he chose to walk away deliberately. "You didn't give me a say. You chose for me and that isn't fair. You don't get to make a decision for me and then say that it's the best thing for the both of us because that's bullshit!" What did he expect? That she'd return to Julian and pick up where she left off as if she wasn't going through anything? As if she hadn't broken up with the love of her life? "Then leave! You want to go so fucking bad— Go! Be happy with someone else." Her gaze went blurry, keeping away because she didn't trust herself not to cling to him if he stepped too close. "But if you leave, you better never come back. You don't get to keep breaking my heart."

[waveofstars]

The bracelet was flung in his direction, clasp broken apart, and he knew then how final this moment was. A million emotions coursed through him, all the ones he normally shoved so deep down that they never saw the light of day. This is what he wanted, right? In a strange and undoubtedly fucked up way, he wanted her to hate him. He wanted her to get angry with him. He wanted to give her a reason to let go of him, even if he’d be holding on for the rest of his life. 

His chest felt tight, like a small fire was burning against his flesh there as he watched the tears in her eyes form. Her words were like venom, but those tears nearly had him at his knees. But, he let all that bubbling emotion fester into the only thing he was ever decent at conveying - anger. He stood and shook his head at her as she went to leave. “That’s bullshit,” he finally spoke, his voice somehow stern and shaky all in one. “I’m not running from anything. Can’t you see that? Fuck, Taylor. I’m doing this for you.  I’ve been a damn anchor dragging you down since the moment we met. I’m tired of weighing you down!” He took a breath and did his best to control his voice. His anger wasn’t at her. No, not really. 

“The truth is that you don’t trust me. Not after everything that happened. Like you said, you knew I would break your heart. Yeah, because you don’t give me a fucking chance. I was a fucked up kid back then and I have done nothing but try to prove that I have grown from that… That I am a man worthy of someone like you. And you show me time and time again that I am still not worthy. Or that you never even forgave me… I’m not sure you will.” And he didn’t blame her for it, either. He understood. Devin was normally a man of few words, ones that were usually vacant of emotions as deep as these, but it finally broke through. “I feel like a damn ghost in your life. Like I’m just haunting you until you notice me. So, no, it’s not running away. It’s facing the fucking truth that I can never fix what I broke years ago.”

[cruellcve]

"That's not fair." Taylor shook her head at him, unable to take the blame for his actions. "You don't get to do this self-deprecating shit. I won't accept it." She pushed her hair from her face, both fighting the urge to run or stay, but the latter was what she chose for the sake that she was afraid that if she left, it may be the last time she'd see him. "You asked me to fucking marry you, Devin. I was all in, from the beginning, and all I wanted was for you to keep your promise and fight for what you set in motion." Even as a kid, when they were far away from even understanding the concept of marriage and soulmates, she knew that Devin belonged to her. It was an innate knowledge that it almost felt odd to think of a future where she didn't wake up to him in some variation.

"The first thing you did was fuck it up, and you're right, I am mad!" She hadn't forgiven him for the ten years they'd lost. Then he'd come out and been complacent in his role as the other man. "I met someone and I could have easily been with him, but there's a pull — because that's the thing, I always go to you, but you seem to always be stepping back — even content to let someone else take your place." Her gaze searched his in hopes it would just click, but it hadn't in the past, so she doubted it would. I met a guy, and sure, maybe I wanted to punish you so I didn't break up with him, but then you didn't do anything to change that. It's not my job to keep chasing after you when I never left, I've been here since we were kids, since I told you I wanted to be with you forever. All I wanted was for you to fight for me— for us."

"Maybe the issue is that you don't love me enough." Her arms fell to her side in defeat. Perhaps love wasn't enough at all. "I'd slash someone's tires if I saw them even sitting on your lap but you're able to watch me have a life that was meant to be ours with someone else." She wiped at her eyes. "The only person who doesn't think you're worthy is you. I left him to be here with you. Don't you get it? It's always been you. I'm scared, I think that's normal. I know what it's like to live without you. I never want to feel that again." She cleared her throat. "But it's not my job to fix this and prove to you that I love you. If I had it my way, we would have gotten married, bought a small trailer house, and had it full of kids by now. We would be happy. But there ain't not fixing it if you didn't even try."

[waveofstars]

He knew this moment would hurt, but he hadn’t quite anticipated the pain radiating through him at just the look on her face. Of course he didn’t want her to be with anyone else but him. Of course he had been avoiding this conversation for ages now… Of course he loved her. None of that particularly mattered. It seemed like in some way or another, Devin would constantly drag her down with him. She still loved him after everything they had been through, and he was finally admitting to himself that perhaps that love was selfish on his part.

He didn’t deserve it, and she deserved everything. She deserved a love that felt easy and safe, instead of this one whispered in the shadows. As long as he stayed in that town, he’d always draw her in - a fact he once loved but has now grown to loathe. 

Closing his eyes, he sighed and tried to find his words. “C’mon, T,” he whispered a plea, as if begging her to make this easier on him. “That’s not what that was. I got you that because I love you.” The words came out easy and sincere, yet they didn’t fix their situation. He watched as she slid away from him and suddenly left the room feeling so cold. His gaze was fixed on his jeans as his calloused fingers picked at some lent. “I’m thinking of moving.” 

There. He finally said it. The only solution to give her the life she needed - he had to go. His eyes lifted to meet hers and held a sadness that he tried his best to stifle. “I don’t think I belong here anymore.”

[cruellcve]

She could feel her world start to crumble around her. A flashback of the night she'd gotten the call that he was arrested, then when she sat and listened to his sentence. He was leaving her, and while she hadn't been able to fathom anything more painful at the time, she hadn't considered what it would feel like to watch him decide to walk away. "Bullshit you love me!" Taylor couldn't tear at the delicate jewelry quick enough, unable to function the clasp, so she pulled it apart and tossed it in his direction.

Her brow furrowed, unable to contain the various emotions that hit her at once. She didn't know whether to cry, scream, hit, plead— she could barely think straight. "It feels a hell of a lot like asking me to marry you and then leaving me, again!" It was much different, but there was the same false sense of security before the rug was pulled out from under her. "You wouldn't be doing this if you loved me. You wouldn't be ending it, and you sure as hell wouldn't be running. Cause I know you, I know that's what you're doing!" They'd never spoken about moving. Always joked they'd be stuck in this same routine, in this small town, until they died.

"What do you want, me to leave him?" She felt the tears prick at her eyes. "You know this is why I didn't, right? Not because I love him more, or want him more, but because I knew you'd break my heart again. That you'd find something more important than me and leave. Don't you get it, I'd leave him tomorrow if I knew that I was enough for you to get the fuck out of your own way for once and pick me." She scrubbed at her face, rising to search for her keys. "You know what, Dev. Go! Do it, leave. It's what you're good at."

[waveofstars]

Home. That was the best way for him to describe her, too. This tiny apartment, this town, none of it was truly his home. The closest thing he had to that was staring back at him with pain in her eyes. Pain he put there. Even if similar pain reflected in his own eyes, he knew at the end of the day that he would always be the crux of the problem. He gave her doubts, trauma, and god knows what else. 

He swallowed dryly and did his best to keep a neutral face. As he got older, Devin had become more put together… perhaps a bit stoic at times. It was easy for him to speak his mind back then and fly off the handle if he so pleased. Now it felt foreign to him, like showing her just a little bit of how much pain he was in would be brutal. 

Don’t make me choose. The words cut him deep, but he remained solid. In truth, he didn’t want her to choose. Sure, the selfish side of him felt as if there was no need because they already belonged to one another… he was the obvious choice. But the sensible side of him, perhaps the self loathing side of him, knew just who she needed to choose. “I’m not making you choose,” he told her quietly and cupped her face gently. A somber expression managed to break through his composure. “I’m choosing… You should be with him, T. Not me.”

[cruellcve]

This was her worst fear. She'd bided her time, tempted fate by trying to elongate how long she could be with both men without having to make a decision. She knew it would happen with time but she wasn't ready for it to be now. "You don't mean that," she pulled back enough so she could take in his expression, her brow furrowed. The only time they'd been apart, completely out of one another's life, was when he'd been physically out of reach and behind a jail cell.

"You want me to be with him and you think that we can just live in this town and ignore each other?" It felt like the worst kind of hell. It was painful enough when he'd been miles away, unattainable apart from a phone call or cold visit in a visitation room. "Don't talk like that. Not after you came to find me with a gift. Was this what you had planned all along? Was this some kind of way to dull the ache?" Her wrist extended towards him so the jewelry was in full view.

"Then take it, I don't want it." Pain crossed her expression. He'd left her once without choice and that seared enough, but it wasn't anywhere near the pain she felt now knowing he was choosing to walk away from her. "Then tell me that you don't love me and you're breaking it off." By now, she'd slid off of his lap and onto the couch, hoping that by having to voice it, really say the words, he'd reconsider.

[waveofstars]

The words stung instead of cascading a warmth over him like it normally would. She loved him like no other and it tore him up on the inside. There was a time when he took her love for granted, back when foolish impulses nearly cost him his life. He was still learning how to be a good man, and he knew having this affair still meant he was far from it. His fingers brushed gently against her thigh as he struggled with what to say. A part of him just wanted to kiss her and get lost in her like he so often did. But there was a heaviness in the air that he put there. He couldn’t ignore it. 

“Why?” he finally spoke. A simple one-worded question. Why? Why did she love him still after all these years? Why didn’t she want to find a love better than this one? If she felt so deeply for him, then why did he continue to be a secret in her life? Why, why, why… He took a breath and looked down at her hair spilling over her shoulder. 

“We can’t… be doin’ this forever, T.”

[cruellcve]

She stared at him for longer than intended. Not because she didn't know the answer as to why, but because there were too many reasons. She loved him, he was the person who understood her best, his kindness, the safety he brought while she was around him. She could go on and on. Nothing would suffice. They were all slivers of why she loved him. "You're home," she finally answered in the hopes it would encompass some of the reasons that came to mind.

He was the person with which she felt most like herself.

"Don't make me choose," she whispered, practically a beg. Not because he wouldn't like her decision but because she couldn't bring herself to face the reality that she would have to hurt someone, or worse, watch him make his own decision and leave for good. She did't know which would pain her more. "I know, okay? I know it isn't fair." Her hand fell from him and onto her lap, wanting to retreat within herself to escape this conversation. "I'm not asking for forever, just tonight." Another way to escape, and she'd gotten good at it, avoiding these conversations and postponing them. "Is that okay?"

[waveofstars]

Her reaction sent a wave of relief washing over him. Devin had never been too sentimental of a man. He was the type who showed his love in other ways, usually just in the actions that needed no words or gifts. But he wanted her to have this, to know a piece of them would always be with her. He sat back some and took her into his lap, smiling softly to himself as his calloused fingers fiddled with the clasp. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d continue to wear it once she returned home. Would she hide it? Toss it in a drawer so it didn’t raise any questions to Julian? That thought shot a pain through him, and it was one he was happy to shove down and no longer think about. Instead, he thought about how lovely it looked on her wrist.

Tearing his gaze away from the bracelet, he looked at her as his arms snaked around her. He leaned into her touch and gently shook his head at her promise to return the gesture. “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t giving it to you to get anythin’ back.” And it was the truth. He wanted little, save for the moments like these with her. She said the three words that once felt so natural to say between them, but now they were said in secret. His half smile resurfaces and he brushed back her hair to cup her face gently. “I know,” he told her, even though there was a bit of pain there in his voice. He pulled her in and kissed her, lips lingering and savoring the kiss. He parted slowly and added, “I love you, too.” Yet, somehow, that wasn’t enough. They loved one another, but here they were in this situation. Between his own self loathing and her own complications, he wondered if he’d die wondering why their love wasn’t enough to just… work. He brushed another strand away and spoke softly. “Nobody loves me like you.”

[cruellcve]

Her hand moved to test the bracelet upon her wrist. She wanted to make sure that it wouldn't fall off in the middle of a shift and risk losing it. The thought of having to explain, or perhaps hide, the jewelry did cross her mind momentarily. She hated that it did. But it wasn't a worry she would ever voice aloud while she was with Devin. It was her cross to bare. "I know you wouldn't— but I want to." He was selfless, especially with her, but she wanted him to something that he knew had made her think of him. He deserved that.

His words made her smile. If love could solve everything, there wouldn't be any question about her life with Devin. If there was one thing she knew about him without a doubt, it was that he loved her wholeheartedly. It was the other facets of his life that left her scared to jump into a new life with him. She'd felt the loss once before. Bore witness to him being cuffed and sentenced to ten years in prison because he couldn't keep his promise to her over the loyalty he had towards others. Never had she blamed him for his decision, and she'd done her best to support him throughout (until she knew her own life had to continue while he faced the consequences of his choices), but it was the fear of putting everything into him and being left on her own again that made her pause. In truth, he deserved more than someone who always had a foot out of their relationship. Devin was a good man who deserved someone who could commit to him, but while fearful, she was also selfish. The thought of having to bare witness to him be with someone else made her stomach churn.

When they pulled back, she couldn't help but look him over and nod her head. "You're right." No one could love him as deeply and wholeheartedly as her. "I don't think anyone could love each other like we do. I don't want anyone else to try." The admission was real. If things were simple, she wouldn't have thought twice to be with him. While she did love Julian, it wasn't nearly as close to what she shared with Devin. Julian was a comfort, a safety net, a good man who cared for her. But he was far from the man who held her now.

[abrvcadvbra-archived]

continuation from here @cruellcve

Callum couldn’t help a chuckle, patting the top of the garbage to indicate the little fella was taken care of. “Chillax, Mari. Little thing is gone - six feet under, swimming with the fishes.” Taking the few steps needed to near her, Callum held his hand out for her to take. “Now come back down to Earth with us normal people.” Once she was safely back on the ground, Callum looked around. A brow arched. “Patching someone up?” he asked, looking for anyone who would need some nursing services. “Whaddya doing here?”

[cruellcve]

"Good— Ugh I hate spiders." She took hold of his hand and slowly stepped onto the ground when he promised that the thing was dead. "My knight in leather vest." The brunette winked before she pushed her hair from her face. "I was checking on one of the guy's stitches. I hear that he may have pulled them so I wanted to make sure." They were all stubborn and didn't like to be fussed over but she preferred making sure all was good instead of coming back a week later once they got a big infection. "Is this where you tell me my job is done and I should head out now?"

[waveofstars]

He had made some stupid mistakes in his youth. Ones that cost him almost everything. Yet, when he did his best to look for any kind of shred of decency back then… he always found it in her. She made him decent. Devin took her hand into his own on the drive home, mindlessly pressing a kiss to the top of her skin there. No one had ever quite had him like she had. 

Though his apartment was small and certainly outdated, he kept it nice enough to have her over. Hell, it was the only reason he kept it nice. A small smile tugged on his lips at the small promise that she’d stay the night. He had been nearly seconds away from going home and doing all he could to forget that awful moment they shared when he showed up at her door. Now they were talking of pancakes and presents, as if she was destined to come home with him all along. “Oh, you thought that was for you?” he teased, eyebrow cocked. A warm smile spread and he gave a small nod. Motioning to the couch, he shrugged his jacket off and took the gift out of the pocket. “It’s cheesy,” he warned before walking over. He went to sit next to her, body turned to face her fully there. The poorly wrapped gift (though it was clear he tried his best) was handed to her. Inside was a small and delicate bracelet with one charm of a shooting star. 

“I saw it and thought of…” He wasn’t even sure she’d remember the memory he played on repeat when he had gone away. He saw it in his dreams and even when he simply closed his eyes. He remembered that night with her all those years ago. It was early summer, the air warm but not quite sweltering. They laid on top of his car two towns over and watched a meteor shower light up the sky. He remembered the way the stars danced in her eyes, and he remembered that’s when he knew he was a goner. It was one of the last good memories they had together before hell broke loose for him. “It just reminded me of you,” he decided to say, sparing her from the walk down memory lane.

[cruellcve]

"I don't think I've ever seen you get more nervous than when you hope I like something." She chimed in with her own argument on why the gift had to be for her, knowing how shaky her explanation was. Of course he got nervous around other people, she'd just not been around to witness it. As she sat down, her toes tapped the ground in excitement until he came to join her.

There was ease around him given their history and the length of time they'd been around each other. She'd grown alongside him, practically intertwined within him, so there was no shock that she felt whole, more like herself, when he was around. She carefully opened the box and froze to stare at its beauty, feeling warmth slowly cascade throughout her whole body when he explained why he'd gotten it. The same memory coming forth with ease. One of the many they'd made throughout the years that she thought back on. "It's beautiful." Her gaze lifted to look at him, crawling into his lap so he could place the piece on her wrist.

Her free hand moved to the back of his neck, massaging it while her fingers wandered through the hair at the nape. "I'm going to get you something," she began with a whisper. A kiss upon his cheek, peppering towards his ear. "I just have to pay my mom's rent with my next pay, but the one after, I'll get you something." Her last words held firm as she knew he'd likely dismiss the offer but she wanted to get him something like he'd gotten her. "I love you," her fingers moved to push hair to the side. "You know that, right?" She was certain he did, but after seeing her with another man, she felt the reminder couldn't hurt.

[waveofstars]

A small squeeze of his hand and then she was gone. Devin watched her retreat home, prepared to unleash the lie of her whereabouts that evening. There was a pit in his stomach, but it was one he had happily ignored until now. He did his best to brush off that heavy weight suddenly on his shoulders. With hands in his pockets, one hand idly playing with her gift, he walked to where she wanted him.

His head swirled. If he was being honest, he didn’t feel this way because he felt bad for the poor bastard waiting on her. In fact, most days, he didn’t feel bad at all. The fact she had chosen Devin over him tonight was what caused this stir in him. It didn’t make much sense, but internally, he knew she deserved someone like Julian. She deserved to actually be rid of Devin instead of lingering in her life like a damn ghost. 

But before he could think any more about it, the rumble of her car followed by her sweet voice pulled him right back in. He let out a breath into the cold air and then finally donned that half grin of his. “Oh, no thanks, I was actually hoping a stranger would offer me candy and a better deal,” he teased. Despite all his best judgements, he got into that car. He looked at her, truly looked at her for the first time that night, and took in the sight of her. His gaze grew soft. “Hi,” he nearly whispered.

[cruellcve]

"Hey, baby." Taylor echoed softly before she leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. It felt safe in the confines of her car despite still being at the end of the street. It was hard to forget that they weren't the same teenagers they'd once been at times. Their lives had been so intertwined and entangled that she felt invincible in his presence. He knew every facet of her being (negative much like the positives) and still loved her for it.

The sigh of relief came with ease when she turned off the street and headed in the direction of his apartment. A second home to the one she'd just left, having spent more and more time in the recent month. Likely more than she should have given the times she'd called out of work in favor of spending her day in bed with him instead.

Luckily, his home wasn't far and she parked in the visitors parking lot before getting out and joining him in front of the car. "We should make pancakes tomorrow morning." Her hand slid into his, hoping to make the night better than how it started. It was only when they entered his apartment that she offered a soft smile. "Can we sit and open my gift?" Perhaps he'd want to keep it now, but she figured she should still ask.