[heathcliffbot]

07/22/2026

[contextfreepatentart]

[patent-art-contextualizer]

Patent ID 1029618

Advertising Device

[hungwy]

*strapped to a chair, staring at a screen*

Me: uhhh... white shirt

*I flail in my restraints as electric shocks race through my body*

Intercom: the oversized beige cowboy snoopy shirt was optimal for this outfit. next.

*screen changes*

Me: uhh... ummm... baseball cap

Intercom: which one?

Me: uhhh... Plain black one

*I'm zapped again, longer this time*

Intercom: the denim snoopy baseball cap was optimal for this outfit. Remember, three times in a row and you will fail the test. next.

*screen changes*

Me: *squinting through the sweat dripping into my eyes* D-dress shirt with a little snoopy over the pocket?

Intercom: good. The embroidered snoopy dress shirt shows you mean business but in a fun, approachable way. Next.

[biodegrade]

if u addicted to your feed u might b a chicken .

[catsandwich-deactivated20240213]

This is a literal sexual harassment training video we had to complete

[sdijfisjijijaijdfij-deactivated]

this girl ate only purple go-gurt for 10 years of her life and this is what happened.

Slurp on my ‘gurt.

Cause you know its purp.

Put me in the dirt.

Put me in a shirt.

[wnwnmemo]

[shittynewyorkercartooncaptions]

[ewaneneollav]

guy who gets a pepsi from the break room vending machine every day after his work shift & amiably says “gotta have a pepsi!” while grinning & passing it back & forth between his hands but one day the pepsi is sold out & he leaves the building robotically with a completely flat expression & isn’t seen at work again

[boarboy-old-blog]

[evilvillain123456789]

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

[kosmogrl]

[smiledog62]

when i get an epic win it makes me do my epic grin 😁

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

I still dream of one day coming home and finding him standing there waiting for me

[neilnevins-deactivated20240617]

[dogpuppy]

[avalonjoan]

Love that you’re making it clear exactly what physical demands this job has, but could you possibly, potentially, phrase it differently?

[sternfleck]

My resume

[muscularguns]