[cryingoffcameraagain]

I feel so lost.

My job was making me both mentally and physically poorly. I have been signed off sick for a while now. I want to return, but I don't think it is suitable. AuDHD makes working full time so difficult for me.

Less than a week ago I left my partner of 3 years and it hurts my heart so much. It wasn't about love, I have so much for him and it is why I let things continue so long. There was way more good than bad, but the bad got to me so much each time and the buildup resulted in me needing to step away permanently.

I have no routine, I'm feeling intensely lonely now, I have dwindling finances and anxiety so intense I am physically ill every day.

And to top it all off, a degenerative and incurable illness that I am currently struggling with more to manage totally alone.

The depression lately and especially over the last few days is so intense, I know it will pass and in time this will become my new normal again but the time until that comes is hard. I have urges for everything and have for months and months but it is all compounding and making things feel so unmanageable.

The only bright side, the urge I haven't had, is to binge. I have 0 appetite. It's the only win but at least there's 1.

[cryingoffcameraagain]

For a while binge eating is a coping mechanism and has been since I was little, but I've finally, after 6 months, surpassed that stage of stuffing my face from the anxiety while trying to stay positive about all the shit going on in my life.

Then I gave up masking, sacked in pretending to be OK, and now don't even want to think about food without feeling sickly because of the depression.

I want to talk about what has been happening but some of it I can't and some of it I don't even know where to start. I need to but it just wont come out, which is part of the problem.

I can't talk about my problems but I sure can binge.

Living on adrenaline for 6 months, being put in life endangering situations, smiling, saying it's OK I got this I can cope and thinking it will get better. Trauma on trauma on trauma.

I've been running on fumes for so long and the wheels have finally fallen off. My central nervous system is shot to pieces.

But hey, I might finally start losing the weight I have gained.

[boredfee]

[an0n-moonandstars]

[madissecret]

[slightdamage]

[deadpoetdreaming]

Oh to look in the mirror and to like what I see.

That‘s the dream….

[bambiisweetheart]

"being thin and pretty"

[lvl7777777]

being easily upset is my greatest weakness

[gypsyone]

[cryingoffcameraagain]

I thought I couldn't get bigger but I have, the largest I have ever been. I look horrendous. Locking in. I HAVE to do this.

I can not get bigger

I must lose this 55lbs

[sw4nnz]

Keep going angel 🪽

[man3eater]

I hate men and calories also fuck Israel

[chefzyyy]

Knowing how I'd look now if I locked in years ago

[wingsoflovegk]

plain rice cakes x3 ~ 90

cherries x19 ~ 81

hazelnut ice coffee ~ 58

[angelf4wnn]

Real footage of me after eating anything

[chuunvyy]