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[cryingoutloudagain]

Hej,

I'm raylo, ray, marlo or just Malin,

so that's what you can call me.

And my well Pronouns are they/he.

Well here I'm gonna post posts, mostly sad ones, so

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

to everyone who gets sad very easily.

Also some things like self harm and abuse might be mentioned.

If you have trauma or anything like that I don't wanna make you sad.

So to everyone who wants to vent in sadness

or is sad or anything, uhm,

well you can read this I think.

On here are gonna be mixed feelings, sometimes sad ones, and sometimes posts full of euphoria.

So choose what you read.

But if you're not fine with it then go.

Or just have fun reading.

[ghostlymoonmoth-deactivated2023]

Happy pride month to all of yall but especially to asexuals, aromantics, straight trans people, and everyone who's in the closet

[cryingoutloudagain]

That. One. Feeling.

When you don't feel anything,

you can't think about death, suicide,

because you don't feel the regret,

you don't feel the endless hate towards yourself,

you don't know how to be happy,

you don't know how to be sad,

you are just existing,

in your own world.

Not knowing when everything is gonna feel real again,

not knowing if it ever is gonna feel real,

maybe,

maybe not.

You're just feeling that you feel nothing,

so could you want to be dead,

just because you're feeling nothing,

is that a reason enough?

Just dying becaus you can't think about anything else,

is that the solution for everything?

Should you feel like wanting to die because of that feeling?

Should you just dwell in that feeling,

waiting to get out of it,

waiting for someone to come,

should you?

Once you don't feel (any) connection to your family,

once you question everything(/every detail),

you don't know what to do,

you don't know if dwelling is the answer,

for all your problems.

Is it?

How can others even begin to understand you, if you never truly understand yourself,

what if anyone is never ever gonna understand you,

what if no one knows everything,

what if nothing is gonna solve it,

what if you're never gonna survive,

what if you're beginning to die within every day,

Every day a little more.

How?

How do I feel that way,

Why do I feel that way.

No one is explaining,

No one is knowing,

So how should I know?

But help is gonna come,

It's gonna flow by like a sparkel,

and then you're gonna catch it,

and slowly start feeling again,

slowly start loving again,

slowly start living,

again.

I hope that fate catches you,

and you're gonna start living from now on.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Knowing. Feeling. Solving?

The anger will to do something.

The feeling that if you don't do something your world will crash.

The feeling of doing something or else you're never gonna be happy.

The feeling of being forced to do something or else you're gonna have schlechtes Gewissen.

The feeling of wanting to do something but not knowing what to do.

The Moment of searching and searching to actually do something your soul is gonna be happy about.

Knowing that you need to be happy in this moment and forcefully trying to find that something that will make you happy.

Knowing your soul needs this moment.

Finally realising that you WANT to be happy and suddenly be willing to do everything.

To make your soul happy in a short time of amount.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Solving.

It's so weird being alone.

Left in your thoughts.

Trying to survive in them.

Trying to live within all the pain.

Trying to solve it.

Trying to solve your head.

Your believes.

Your imaginations.

Not knowing how.

Never knowing how.

[cryingoutloudagain]

I am gonna recover.

This is only temporary.

What's happening is going to pass.

Do the things you're scared of.

[cryingoutloudagain]

I'm just tryna be happy.

[cryingoutloudagain]

It feels like I'm drowning,

In the silent.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Feeling.

Everything/body shines in it's beauty, everything is in the correct order, everyone is fine and enjoying their beautiful lifes,

so why do I have to drown,

why do I have to be the only one not showing any happiness,

why do I have to feel this feeling inside my chest, when everyone is simply happy,

how is everyone simply so happy,

why can't it be be,

for once.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Please.

Give me something, that I can believe in,

So I can believe in myself again.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Damn.

When u r like real sad, draw a deep sad self-portrait and suddenly realise how handsome u look.

Damn.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Acceptance.

Sometimes I'm down. And then I can be down.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Just me.

Me: always asking myself why I like high school series that much.

Also me: don't having this high school experience, cause I'm in my gender identity crises. Always questioning myself and never happy with the results so I cant really live.

Just sad.

And I am the Problem.

Just me.

[cryingoutloudagain]

Beautifulness.

So much gender euphoria just kicked in and it's every time so beautiful to feel this. Although in my head I overthink and tell myself it wouldn't be like that it still is, so I'm very happy to feel rn. :)

[cryingoutloudagain]

I'm just a boy, who is non binary.

It's that simple.

[cryingoutloudagain]

As if;

Sometimes I really have the vibes; like I actually feel like I could be anything and do anything, as if the outing was just one breath away. As if it could happen any second; as if I could just be a rockstar, never learning a chord; as if I could just draw a picture, without ever knowing how to hold a brush; as if.

[cryingoutloudagain]

I'm so freaking hot.

.