That “he talks??” bit gets me
Yeah, kids talk. If your kid doesn’t talk to you, it’s because of one of two reasons:
You’ve created such a hostile/unwelcoming home environment that they don’t feel comfortable enough to talk
You have signaled to them somehow, some way, that you don’t care about what they have to say. That what they have to say isn’t important.
Kids are not stupid, not at any age level. They pick up on shit and they remember and then when they grow to be teenagers, they know who they can talk to about stuff and who they can’t.
My 13 year old nephew is not particularly affectionate with his mother and he rarely talks to her about anything important, but there are times I can’t get that kid to stop hanging off me and he has those serious conversations with me, like when we discussed his friends coming out to him as bisexual.
It’s not even that hard to make a kid feel loved and welcome. I don’t even know what my nephew is talking about half the time with his games, but they’re important to him, so I let him talk and I make appropriate noises of shock and sympathy when they are needed.
He watches a lot of YT channels, so we’ve discussed the importance of regulating your media, because I don’t want motherfuckers like PewDiePie shaping his world view.
He reads anything from Stephen King to manga and he does that because I’ve been reading him books since he was a baby. I do it with all of my nieces and nephews; when they get school-aged and old enough to read on their own, our “us” time is going to the bookstore and letting them pick out a drink and a book.
Because reading is important to me and I want it to be important to them, too. Now, it’s not something I suggest, it’s something that my nephew asks for.
“I finished my book, Aunt [Dessie], when can we go to the bookstore again?”
And when I tell him a date, I make sure to keep it.
Saying, “You can talk to me about anything” and “you can rely on me” is all well and good, but words are just words. You have to mean it and you have to show them that you mean it.
Otherwise, when it gets to those important moments in their life, they’re gonna shut you out rather than let you in.
