“They’re just glasses, it’s no big deal. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve worn them.”
“You look like an adorable rocket scientist with those on.”
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@ctrlalaska-blog
“They’re just glasses, it’s no big deal. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve worn them.”
“You look like an adorable rocket scientist with those on.”
“I’m a dick. Do I give a fuck? No.”
“Woah there-- sounds like somebody needs to take a chill pill.”
Rose giggled, glad they she got Alaska to laugh and she nodded. “Good. We both know that I always make everything better.”
“Perhaps, but we’ve always been the dream team.”
“Anytime. You can come to me with anything, I hope you know that.”
“Thanks again, Peej. I just feel really guilty about burdening you with this stuff.”
“You love me anyway, don’t you?”
“I don’t get much choice now, do I?”
Ronnie moved to to wipe the stray tears off her cheeks with is thumb, “But you’re still short than me. Making you my little sister.”
“Rude,” she pipped before letting out a soft laugh.
Rose beamed as her best friend calmed down more but she didn’t let go of he as she gently rubbed her arms as she laughed too. “Peanut butter jelly time.” She whisper sang before giggling again and smiling. “I’ll always be your jelly, ‘Laska. You feeling better?”
"You’re ridiculous,” Alaska burst out laughing, still embracing her best friend. “Much better. Even around you, dweeb,” she teased.
“I can’t take all the credit,” PJ replied, “You had to do part of it on your own, you know,” He smiled softly, “You’re stronger than you seem to realize. If anything, going through something like that makes you even stronger.”
“Sure-- but I wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own,” she smiled weakly. “I’ve never looked at it that way, but thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Of course you would. You’re stronger than you realize, Alaska,” Ronnie said, “I love you, little sister.”
"Maybe so,” she said softly. “You forget I’m older than you,” Alaska cracked a smile, her cheeks still stained with tears.
PJ couldn’t help but let out a small and relieved laugh, “I wouldn’t be a very good boyfriend if I didn’t, now would I?” He asked in a slightly teasing tone to try and lighten the mood. He placed a kiss on her forehead, “I’m just glad you’re okay,” He whispered, his lips still very close to her skin.
Boyfriend. This had been such a sudden thing that Alaska had almost forgotten. How had she almost forgotten? “I guess not,” she chuckled softly. She closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead, as if everything was too good to be true in that one moment. “That’s all thanks to you,” Al whispered.
When Alaska finally spoke, Ronnie smiled softly, “Don’t worry about it,” He replied, “You know I’d do anything for you,” He pulled her into a gentle hug and stroked her hair, “I’m glad you’re okay,” He whispered.
"I know, Ronnie, I know,” she said, smiling back. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I wouldn’t be okay without you.”
Rose smiled as she continued to sooth her, kissing her hair every so often. “What are best friends for?” she asked softly as she stroked her hair back and giggled a little, hoping to make Alaska laugh. “Be lost? And not have a sleeping buddy? Or a movie buddy? Or a drinking buddy?”
"All of the above,” Alaska agreed once she found it easier to speak. She even let out a gentle laugh, “You’re the jelly to my peanut butter,” she added, her breathing much easier to manage.
PJ continued to breath heavily and then moved the hand she wasn’t clutching to her cheek, “I’ve got you Alaska,” He whispered, gripping her hand too but not as tightly as she held him, “I’m here,” He heard her breathing match his and felt relief wash over him as he knew that it was working. He didn’t about this part of Alaska, he had never seen her like this. But now he did know, and he knew how to help her too.
"Thank you, PJ. Thank you for everything,” she said softly. Alaska hadn’t wanted him to ever see this side of her, or at least not this soon after everything that had changed between them, but things hadn’t worked out her way, but it wasn’t as bad as she thought. “I’m glad you stopped to help me out. You didn’t have to, but you did. So thank you,” Alaska added, her voice gradually less hoarse.
Rose and Alaska. Taken by Pj.
Summer ‘13
Rose hushed her softly, rubbing her back and humming in her ear. “Shh. I’m right here. It’s okay, ‘Laska.” she mumbled as she smoothed her hair back and kissed her temple, holding her tightly as her best friend’s breathing slowly went back to normal. The blonde didn’t let her go and rubbed her back softly. “You’re okay, Alaska. You’re going to be okay.” she mumbled softly as she closed her eyes. “It’ll be okay.”
"Thank you for being here for me, Rose,” she managed to say as her breathing began to even itself out more and more. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Alaska murmured, leaning against her friend and closing her eyes as she focused on their embrace. She was so grateful for her best friend.
PJ was only vaguely experienced with panic attacks. He had had one once himself when he thought he’d lost Dawn one day when they were on the run. But that had been a few years ago and at the time, he hadn’t known what he was. But he recognized it now, “Hey, hey,” He said softly, trying to keep his own panic about the situation seeping into his tone, “You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re alright. I’m here,” The words came out almost as if they were one sentence. PJ took his own deep breath to calm himself down. He let Alaska grip onto his sleeve and with his other hand, he took her free one. He held it reassuringly, “You just… Try and take deep breaths. Breath with me, Alaska,” He said finally and started to take deep breaths for her to mimic.
She began to mimic his breathing, much like she did with Ronnie whenever she had panic attacks. It helped, it sure helped but her mind was still swirling around in paranoia. Alaska clung to PJ tightly, gripping his hand as if holding on for dear life. She let herself calm down, resting her forehead against his as she focused on syncing their breathing and shutting anything else out.
Ronnie was glad that he was aware that these things happened to Alaska and that he knew what to do. The first time he’d stumbled on her like this haunted him. His sister, who was usually smiling and teasing with him, was vulnerable and scared. The first time, he didn’t know how to help her and just sat there with her, holding her hand until she calmed down. After that, he had known what to do. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he continued to take deep breaths and she did the same, “Good, Al, that’s good.”
Despite slowly regaining the ability to breathe properly, Alaska still felt panic rising in her chest. She was nervous, she was afraid-- for no reason that she could pinpoint in particular. Everything seemed like a nervous mess, but she couldn’t piece together the puzzle of why she was feeling like this. It was the bipolarity. She had days where all was well, and the next day everything felt like the end of the earth. “Th-thank you, Ronnie,” Alaska said softly between shaky breaths. She couldn’t be more grateful for her brother being there for her.