GET WRECKED
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@ctrlaltdelinds
GET WRECKED
after experiencing “feelings” i have decided that this just isn’t for me but thank you for the opportunity
me: *doesn’t have a therapist, is on no antianxiety meds or antidepressants, does not exercise or eat well, lies constantly to concerned friends*
also me: there is nothing that can be done to fight this
My heart gets sad sometimes. I’m not really sure why. It just starts to ache and my body begins to feel hollow. My mind wanders. I hate feeling like this. I don’t want too. But I can’t help it. My heart just feels heavy.
You asked why I was so quiet (via criying)
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.
Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.
Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.
Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.
I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.
Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.
But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Also don’t let any white person
NO MATTER who they are, how close they are to you, talk shit about your immigrant/black/poc parents and their attitudes
you’re allowed to complain about them, THEY ARE NOT.
i feel so bad for my guardian angel. she probably stressed out like a mf
someone: are you okay?
me: :)
someone: is that a yes?
me: :)
PacMan is just a dude eating pills so he can escape his demons
The Nutcracker dance you’ve NEVER seen before!