An itch.
At a certain point I thought I could no longer be as affected or as in pain . I thought no one can hurt me like that moment in my life but in a very different circumstances … in a way where I let down my armors willingly you still shattered my heart .. I talked to you I told you about my scars god you witnessed them cutting me open … you of all people should know not to go around breaking hearts but guess what ? You just broke mine … why ? Was I easy ? Did I give in too fast ? Was I too nice too gentle too caring too selfless ? But it was you so I thought it’s okay to let down my guards ,.. maybe you didn’t take anything by force like my past …. Maybe I didn’t say no and fought back but what you did was as bad … what you did was as cruel … because unlike them your pain is enormous and eating at me every step of the way it’s ruining my life my relationships . So I shut my mouth and erased you from my life I thought out of sight out of mind … I thought if I stopped talking stopped looking I’ll let you go I’ll let your betrayer rest to bed finally but no the opposite you are like this constant itch and I’m reaching the fucking bones . Tell me what to do to forgive you ? Tell me what to do to forgive me ? Tell me what to do so your existence won’t bruise me anymore tell me what to do so I can breathe again without your presence suffocating me without my past mistakes coming to life haunting me and ruining my progress .
