Regaining Paradise

Fandoms: Magnus Archives, Heated Rivalry, Mandalorian, 911 archiveofourown.org/users/Marfisa_Librarian

[malibuklaus]

[galadriel1010]

Sometimes you get a brief glimpse into the American worldview and decide that you don't want to know.

[transcyberism]

I cannot stress enough that this meme is entirely literal. there's no reference or subtext you don't know. these are simply the objectively most popular works of art from each denomination.

[thenihilistbear]

Time for more Puck Talk, as it relates to The Game Changers Series.

Content Warning: Spoilers for The Long Game. Inexplicable political thirst. Mentions of the 2004 Stanley Cup Finals.

VERY LONG

Ilya in The Long Game is going through a mental health crisis and therefore is not really the most reliable narrator of his own life.

Ilya wasn't going to re sign with Boston. Period. No matter what happened at the cottage.

When Scott Hunter came out, Ilya realized that at least some of things he wanted were possible, but not in Boston.

In the book, Ilya sees Scott kiss Kip and feels like everything terrible in his life has been sucked away by a tornado. So much is still impossible. The rivalry. Russia. But the NHL had an out player now, and maybe that meant that he and Shane weren't hopeless after all.

Please remember, it is 2017 in the USA. Same sex marriage had only been legalised two years earlier, and Donald Trump was the sitting president and looking to roll back all kinds of freedoms.

The USA was clamping down on immigration, and homophobia was back on the rise.

So much is still impossible. The rivalry. Russia. But the NHL had an out player now, and maybe that meant that he and Shane weren't hopeless after all.

Please remember, it is 2017 in the USA. Same sex marriage had only been legalised two years earlier, and Donald Trump was the sitting president and looking to roll back all kinds of freedoms.

The USA was clamping down on immigration, and homophobia was back on the rise.

Meanwhile in Canada, same sex marriage had been legal for over 10 years, LGBTQIA status was a protected class, and Canada was like "HEY IMMIGRANTS WE REALLY WANT YOU WE ARE SO EMPTY AND LONELY."

Canada had actively opposed the War in the Ukraine and was openly taking refugees from the conflict, and Canada had been granting refugee status based on sexual orientation since 1991.

If you were queer, Russian and liked hockey, Canada was your best bet.

Plus, check out our Prime Minister in 2017. Hot. And he was marching in Pride Parades in Ottawa.

Since everyone fucking forgets, a reminder: Ilya brought up moving to a Canadian team when his contract ended FIRST, and the only team he wasn't considering was Montreal. Specifically because Montreal couldn't fucking afford him.

Ilya was never staying in Boston. And you need to give up your fanons for this, guys (in relation to sgow expectations) because Ilya very specifically says Boston would not be so good about having someone like Harris (openly gay) on their staff. Ilya knows that, if he was outed, Boston Admin would not protect him. And if he dropped from Boston and no one signed him, he would lose his visa and have to return to Russia openly queer.

I believe Cliff is an ally to Ilya too, because I love LoPresti, but in the books, there are no Boston players at the boys' wedding.

Ilya is coming to Canada NO MATTER WHAT.

If Shane and Ilya do the cottage and decide "meh, we are better fuck buddies than boyfriends" ILYA IS STILL COMING TO CANADA.

Ilya doesn't move teams FOR SHANE. He moves teams FOR HIMSELF.

Ilya doesn't move to Canada FOR SHANE. He moves to Canada FOR HIMSELF.

This is where a lack of hockey knowledge is a problem.

When Ilya was drafted, Boston was a shit team. Even with the new, mostly incomprehensible, draft lottery rules, you have to at least missed the playoffs to get the number one draft pick.

LORE TIME

In 2003, Pittsburgh had 1st overall draft pick, and drafted Marc Andre Fluery. In 2004, Pittsburgh had 2nd overall draft pick and drafted Evgeni Malkin. In 2005, they had the 1st overall draft pick AGAIN (please believe me when I tell you the Penguins fucking suuuuuucked) and drafted Sidney Crosby.

In 2006, Geno finally got to Pittsburgh.

In 2009, Pittsburgh won the cup.

In case that's not easy enough math, it took 2 first overall picks, 1 second overall pick, six years and the literal greatest hockey player of all time (and also Kris Letang) for Pittsburgh to get it's shit together enough to win a cup, but it did get to the semis for the first time in 2007, which is 2 years

I have gotten lost in the lore. Please hang on.

Okay! When Shane and Ilya are drafted, they are drafted to teams with long histories who have played like shit for three seasons prior to their draft. No playoffs.

Surprisingly, they both get their teams to the playoffs in their rookie season. But it takes Ilya three more years and Shane 4 more years to actually get their teams a cup.

Hockey is a team sport. The point of trades is to find perfect fits. Lines that work cleanly. Depth at centre, fast wingers, strong defense, superb goal tending.

So taking years to get a team to cup contention is not surprising, no matter how many first round single digit draft picks you get (I'M LOOKING AT YOU PENS).

And even when you have a winning team, you still futz around every trade season to get the winningest team. You keep what's working and move what isn't.

And if you're the team Admin, you pray to fucking god your superstars don't choose free agency. And you do whatever the fuck you can to make sure that doesn't happen.

For instance, Alexander Ovechkin has had exactly four NHL contracts in his life. His three year ELC, then a fucking insane 13 year extension for absolutely ridiculous amounts of money and an NTC that took effect in 2014, then a 5 year that should have taken him to retirement. This year, for the first time in Ovi's 22 year career, he was a free agent entirely by his own choice. Washington isn't stupid; they know Ovi is their whole personality. They'll keep him as long as he wants to stay, which is why he signed his 4th ever contract this July, for one year.

Pittsburgh did the same with Crosby. His latest contract was signed a full fucking year before his last contract expired.

All this to say, Boston would have been foaming at the mouth to keep Ilya (or they would have traded him rather than let him lapse into free agency on their dime) and Ottawa probably offered just absolute scads of money to sign him.

Under cap rules, one player on the team can be paid up to 20% of the overall cap.

I'm not saying Ottawa did that - they really are trying to do a rebuild, and you need cap space for that, you can't build a team on one good player, and good players cost money. But they probably offered at least 11% (what Ovi got) and probably more. And then they went to work. The old coach retired. They brought in Brandon Weibe. They picked up Hayes and Barrett for a song and they set to work building Ilya a team that could win a cup

We know in the books that Ilya goes to Ottawa for (presumably) a fat paycheck. We know players speculate why he'd go to a shit team.

But honestly, players move all the time. Sure, some stay loyal to their draft team their entire career but that is very rare. Most players are chasing cups or paychecks or family their entire careers.

And also, please ignore the players in the book who are like "Ottawa is terrible and ruining Ilya's legacy" AND I INCLUDE ILYA ON THE IGNORE LIST.

There are so many books in the Game Changers Series it's easy to forget that the bulk of the story of them take place between 2017 and 2021. Scott meets Kip in 2017.

TLG begins in 2019. Ilya enters a massive mental health crisis. Part of that crisis is depression and the depression is telling him he plays on a not very good team.

Please remember, ILYA IS DEPRESSED and part of depression is REWRITING HISTORY.

When Ilya tells Shane he gave up hockey for him already, Ilya has forgotten that moving to Canada and getting PAYYYED was part of the plan BEFORE. He forgets Ottawa wasn't just a good choice because Shane is nearby, it's a good choice because HE GOT STUPID RICH and also got a Canadian work visa and a team that will not drop him if he is outed, thereby securing said visa should Russia cancel Ilya's passport. With a work visa, Ilya has an easy path to citizenship, whether he marries Shane or not.

Ilya got an easier path to citizenship, a higher chance of being granted asylum if he is outed, and absolutely stupid amount of money, a team that genuinely supports him. HE ALSO GOT SHANE, but Shane is NOT the best thing.

Ilya is depressed. He doesn't have a great sense of time. He feels like he's been playing like shit for approximately three aeons, when actually he's been playing extremely well, and Ottawa is slowly but surely climbing the ranks.

When the plane crash happens, it lights a fire under Ilya's ass (much like Sochi 2014) and Ilya "fucking FUCK SAN FRANCISCO" Rozanov re enters the narrative. Which means he gets to the semis a year earlier than he would have already.

Ilya is only in Ottawa for two years and they land the wildcard spot in the playoffs, and knock out the number one seed in their division, conference and the whole fucking league, in round one.

This is rare. Not impossible but rare. Calgary did the same in 2004. That's about all i can say about 2004 without commiting an idictable offense, so instead, here is a picture of Calgary Flames captain and my hockey husband, Hockey Jesus Jarome Iginla because this is my post and I do what I want.

When people say Ilya lost hockey for Shane, they are not reading the book critically, or have not taken the time to learn at least a little bit about fucking NHL hockey. Ilya has only missed play offs for I think two seasons. That is unprecedented for a team at the bottom of the standings. Literally half the teams in the league miss the playoffs every year. And the third year he's with Ottawa they go to round two.

I am very tired of the narrative that either Ilya or Shane have to give up hockey or their career or their legacy for each other.

Hockey is not the team you play on. Connor McDavid is the greatest player active now - yes better than Sid or Ovi, though not better than them in their prime. He plays on a not great team. Jarome Iginla played for the Flames for 16 years and was hailed as the greatest player of his generation. He had his number retired by the Flames, was selected for the Hockey Hall of Fame the first year he was eligible, had all three of his kids play good enough hockey to be drafted by the NHL and the PWHL, and is still considered one of the greats by players and fans everywhere.

He never won a cup. But his legacy has not been tarnished by playing for a not so great team.

Frankly, going to Ottawa is the dream for both Shane and Ilya because playing on the same line in their fucking prime?

In the GCU, where the NHL isn't rigged and the Cup is decided by skill?

Barring season ending injuries, that cup isn't leaving Ottawa for the next seven years AT LEAST.

Rozanov, Barrett, Chouinard and Dykstra on the Penalty Kill Line? They'll never be able to touch another player again, no team wants that line on the ice, even if the opposing team has the man advantage.

Hollander, Rozanov, Barrett, Haas and Boodram on the Power Play Line? No team will ever play dirty against them, and give them the man advantage.

That team is so GOATed all other team's defensive lines including the goalies are all going on strike. They're calling Etsy witches for curses. They're finding snotty kids to cough on the Centaurs in the tunnel and praying they catch the flu.

Without divine intervention, no one is beating that team ever again.

Shane and Ilya gained EVERYTHING by going to Ottawa. Shane will get his seven cups. Ilya definitely gets at least three more dogs from Harris.

Ottawa is actually the fucking REWARD.

[sublunagh]

Ilya + healing

[snowsmoked]

One thing that nearly always happens when you get at least two (2) athletes together (especially if they play a team sport) (especially, especially if they're hockey players) is that when they get excited, they celebrate like someone just scored a goal. They're jumping up and down, yelling, hugging, clapping each other on the back, pushing each other, jumping on each other, knocking themselves over, etc.

So I like to imagine Ilya and Shane doing this whenever something moderately exciting happens.

Ilya finally gets a recipe right that he's been working on for a week? Shane's tasting it and slamming Ilya against the pantry.

They beat a difficult level in their video game? That's a cup-winning level celebration that results in the couch nearly getting broken.

Shane passes his level 1 Russian language test? Ilya's jumping on him and knocking them both to the floor in celebration.

Anya tosses her ball up and it accidently lands in the decorative bowl on the coffee table? That's a goal and they're (gently) throwing themselves on the floor to celebrate with a very confused but very excited Anya.

On a completely unrelated note, they keep a strangely large amount of drywall repair materials and paint in their garage.

[penandinkprincess]

I've been thinking about Spaghetti the snake for three straight days, and you know how Harris has the little video series with some of the players? BBQing with Bood, Riding with Roz, something with Wyatt and comics... I offer you: Snakes with Shane. He shows off Spaghetti, answers common questions about snake ownership, and corrects common misconceptions. He doesn't want to be the Asian hockey player, and he doesn't want to be the Gay hockey player, but he will be the Snake hockey player.

i love the idea of shane just accepting that the world is going to try and box him into SOMETHING other than just hockey so FUCK IT

SNAKES

if herptology with hollzy means he doesn't get any more questions about gay culture that he cannot answer and doesn't want to learn about, then FINE

listen UP motherfuckers today we're talking about the importance of proper feeding schedules-

[reagantheteenagewitch]

people are reblogging my post about accessibility reforms for pwhl streams and i want to be clear about how egregious the situation is because not only is there ZERO effort put into live caption at all there is also no effort made at all for even post live caption! and im not just talking about the streams of the games either. the only captions available for either of the podcasts is the auto generated ones from youtube which is simply not good or reliable enough. i will commend them for the fact that there seems to be captioning on the videos talking about the current draft class but tbh that is what i would expect them to be doing for a draft class that includes a deaf/hoh* player. like its just so disheartening for something as simple as proper captioning of the podcasts and playbacks of streams isnt thought about :/

[bloominflowers]

a centaurs appreciation post bc I love these characters and this team with all my heart 💗

[gurlsrool]

honestly we don’t talk enough about how Ilya and J.J. are star crossed besties. if they were drafted to the same team, they’d have a ten minute long secret handshake. they’d own the local club scene. they’d share one wardrobe of atrocious, flashy shirts. they’d have an obnoxious amount of inside jokes. they’d laugh about Shane Hollander being boring and it wouldn’t take long for J.J. to notice the glint in his best bro’s eyes. what could have beeeen!!

[damnnmilkovich]

[firstprinced]

@yearnalisms requested to bring this beautiful text post by @honeyybrii to gif form! all inspo credit to op of the text post! 💜 this tag is especially a good sum up of the set:

#it's genuinely so funny everytime ilya tries to teeheehaha around an insecurity #shane is like actually 🤓👆🏻

[scribefindegil]

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

[chemdoodles]

1x04. "I think I will find someone else."

[normal-about-hollanov]

one of my favorite things in games is when a ref or linesman accidentally gets caught up in play n they have to go jumping away from the puck right. I am also of the belief that it is Ilya's favorite thing too. except he's on the ice. you see where I'm going with this. I think ilya regularly hunts down his most hated refs n sends that puck ALL up in their space just to make them jump.

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

So yes yes yes the thing about Ilya's suicidality is that it is the crux of the entire situation. He's chasing cheap thrills maybe to feel something, sure, that's the old cliche and it would appeal to him. But also maybe because...well eventually it's gonna happen. He's going to get caught and there are going to be assumptions made and the heavy cudgel of the country of his birth is going to come down onto him because he's EMBARASSED them, because he has MADE A LAUGHING STOCK of the country of Russia by being caught this way and executing what to the outside observer would seem to be a real bait and switch (The women?? THE WOMEN?? Everyone is yelling, which is why it's crucial that Ilya be caught with the dick in his own mouth--it's one thing to be an equal opportunity penetrator (there is cultural stuff about this in Russia; you are Not As Gay if you are the one doing the penetrating) and a whole other thing to be caught in an alleyway with some delicate little thing's thing in your mouth.)

And yes he was high and yeah maybe he wouldn't have done that specific thing if he wasn't but honestly who knows. He wakes up to the news of his own outing and his first thought is Oh Okay It's Done. He's done it. He's signed his own death warrant. Maybe he doesn't have to go back to Russia today or tomorrow but someday he will and he knows what's waiting for him there. At the hands of state-sanctioned violence or a good old fashioned hate crime or maybe even fucking Alexei and whatever goons he can scrounge up. So he knows that's going to happen. No more wondering if or why. Now it's only when and how.

And then Shane fucking Hollander happens, as he always does. And Ilya, who is literally saying LET ME DIE HERE has to deal with the fact that he's not going to be allowed to so long as Shane Hollander has breath in his body. And then he's going to have to confront why that is. And then he's going to have to deal with his own suicidality for both of their sakes because if Shane is going to drag him back from the edge of his own personal bridge (The idea that he WILL die young and beautiful, just like Mama) then for fuck's sake he's gonna have to drag Shane back from his (The exquisite pain of self denial and flagellation, which Shane is using to hide from every aspect of his own life that might make it worth FUCKING LIVING) They are gonna hold onto each other and kick to the fucking surface and they are going to learn to want to live together.

Step one of the plan is secure Ilya's safety in North America step two is scream and cry and yell and step three is pin Shane to the bed and say his name 42 times in a row while fingering him until they both forget what it's like to want to stop existing. And somewhere along the way maybe Ilya will figure out that he's allowed to want to live even though his mother didn't and Shane will figure out that he's allowed to want to live even if he wants to live as a man who loves men.

(follow up of the accidental outing au)

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEE‼️‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔💔💔

This part especially really is the heart of this au:

Step one of the plan is secure Ilya's safety in North America step two is scream and cry and yell and step three is pin Shane to the bed and say his name 42 times in a row while fingering him until they both forget what it's like to want to stop existing. And somewhere along the way maybe Ilya will figure out that he's allowed to want to live even though his mother didn't and Shane will figure out that he's allowed to want to live even if he wants to live as a man who loves men.

Like,,, Ilya waiting to die and Shane refusing to live,,, both indulging in their own kinds of passive suicide,,, except they can't let the other go, but the only way to pull them off the cliff's edge is if they climb off it with them,,, can you believe this started as an excuse to hear your thoughts on jealous make up sex,,, life is so beautiful 💕🌷🌸🌹🌺🌻🌼🏵️💐🌷🌸🌹🌺🌻🌼🏵️💐🏵️🌼🌻

And the thing is THE THING IS!!!!!! Part of the hurt on Shane's side is like,,, it was supposed to be HIM‼️‼️It was meant to be HIM getting caught in a compromising position with Ilya, not some fucking nameless stranger. What the hell???

For so long, Shane's biggest, most all encompassing fear was being outed, even before he could ever articulate his own desire he feared being found out for it. And being outed really is Shane's worst nightmare, the complete collapse of the image he's made of himself, the implosion of his life as he knows it. So Shane should be happy it wasn't him that got sucked into Ilya's undertow, right?? Wasn't this the risk he's been talking about before every hookup, the thing that he tried to convince himself wasn't worth risking?? Shouldn't he be heaving a sigh of relief that he was careful enough to avoid being collateral in Ilya's car crash of a life??

But he's not happy. He's not happy that ilya has to face the music alone. Because it was supposed to be HIMMMMMM‼️‼️‼️‼️ This was the fucking sword of Damocles hanging over Shanes head his entire life!!!! And when it came down, it was supposed to come down on him and Ilya TOGETHER. So why the FUCK is it falling on Ilya's head alone?? Ilya takes the fall and Shane comes out unscathed, his shiny golden boy veneer unstained??? FUCK THAT!!!!!

Which is why Shane flays himself for Ilya: he comes out to his parents (who aren't fucking morons, no one comes out in solidarity with a stranger), he aligns his image alongside Ilya's, he opens his entire life to scrutiny by choosing to help Ilya through this scandal.

And he does it all because it's what was always meant to be: Shane and Ilya, mentioned in the same breath, a matched set in everything forever. Even in this.

[gaygoatshane]

shane's big ass smile when ilya squeezes his tit and calls him a pervert is very important to who #myshane is

[regainingparadise]

The wide variety of comments on the engagement announcement

[regainingparadise]

lmfao y'all that was on Jaime Bourbonnais' post

This is Abby Roque on Clarky's

[gayhockeyshow]

Shane fluidly sinking to the floor after Ilya softly commands 'get on your knees' is Ilya's wet dream sure but it is ALSO SHANE'S

Shane Hollander, brightest pupil in the league, after first hooking up with big strong competent competition Ilya Rozanov, has found a skill he is not good at. Shane was fumbling that first time sucking Ilya's dick, and Ilya had to guide him and hold his head and instruct him and Shane was so insecure about his performance he asked 'was that bad?' which is NOT a phrase usually in Shane's repertoire. And Ilya was manhandling and pulling him into the right position and pulling Shane OFF to finish the job himself which is Not the sign of a Good (Blow)Job.

So Shane makes it his mission. He Will Not repeat the sins of his past. He's been given a new skill he needs to perfect. To study. Literally. He busts out an archaic incognito window and his lonely dildo and a condom and he fucking practices like he's practicing a new play. It's wristwork, its form, he can be good at this.

So next time, when Ilya gently, wantingly, says, 'Get on your knees', it's SHANE who's going oh yes, thank god, yes I will do this and I will be good at this and I will show you that you don't need to pull me off I have trained my gag reflexes and the muscles in my face for you I Will Be Good