The attick

Musings of a 40-something bi-woman stuck in her teenage dreams.

[curlymarie]

Don't say you want

When what you mean is need.

Don't say you like

When love is closer to the truth.

And don't kiss on the cheek

When kiss on the lips is all you dream.

[curlymarie]

Don't be kind to me.

I don't want to hear your comforting words,

they'll break me.

I don't want your tender touch,

it'll burn my skin.

Just say harsh words,

ignore me when I cry,

don’t hold me.

For I know now, you are leaving. This time for good.

If I remember these few unkind things of you,

maybe my mind won't linger in the thousand good things I can't forget.

So, please, please don't be kind to me.

[curlymarie]

She smiles

but such sadness

she hides

Behind her bright eyes

She loves

But never again with an open heart,

Her scars, once left her bleeding, now bind her.

She knows, love is never enough.

[curlymarie]

There are no rules to you being you. 🥀

[curlymarie]

I'm in control.

I have been for such a long time now. Too long.

I need to come undone. I need someone to shake me to my core.

Untie all these binding knots, loosen the ropes.

Let me fall. I want to see if I can fly.

Will you come?

[curlymarie]

I used to have such an agonizing tc crush for my maths teacher in high school, not really realizing back then that I might actually like women. Now imagine, years later, being all grown up and everything, and falling in love with a work colleague who used to be a maths teacher. The irony….

[curlymarie]

Last night, in my dream, I said goodbye to you.

In the morning I realized it’s finally time to let go and move on.

Funny thing, confidence. Suddenly I’m stronger and ten feet taller.

Life doesn’t seem so bleak any longer.

  I know I had to let my heart grow, mend. Take its time.

You are now my past. A beautiful bittersweet memory for which I’m grateful.

No regrets, just lessons learned.    

Thank you and goodbye. x

[curlymarie]

Just give me closure. Let me grieve in peace and move on. Please.

[curlymarie]

How lucky am I. Everyday I get to work with the love of my life. If only I had the courage to tell her how much she means to me. 

For now I steal lingering glances, wondering whether she still remembers her drunken kiss those years ago. 

So many people between us and yet it’s only ever been her. Funny how you get used to the longing. How lucky am I.

[curlymarie]

You think too much

and I

maybe not enough.

But still it makes us almost polar opposites and too far apart for this to happen.