@curs3dwithrage - Tumblr Blog

you made it through what you thought would destroy you before. you can do it again now

I’d give up my body to grow your seed, as the love I have for you is overflowing and I need to pour it into our child. With deep brown eyes and dimples like yours. I’d give up my image and my mind to make a miniature you.

I can’t love you anymore.

So why do I miss you?

heavensghost

Words from nettles by Ethel Cain

cigaretteprincesss

Getting better

I always thought healing from this would feel like a weight taken off my chest. The clouds would disappear, I would walk around a little faster, look a little better, love harder.

Healing is slow, healing is silent.

I look at my old messages to you and feel nothing.

I don’t recognize the person I was when you hurt me, she is weak, she is scared, she is desperate.

#healing

By the time I found out I was drowning I was already 6 feet under. I was lured outside by him, he told me we didn’t have to swim, we could just walk around the beach. So I i reluctantly left the house I’ve grown so familiar with, tip toeing down every old rotted step, even with my best efforts they still manage to creak with every step.

I thought about just going back to my room. Sure it was getting suffocating being in there but I don’t know what’s outside. I turn around but I quickly realize turning around is a lot louder than just walking out.

I made my way outside, the sun burning my skin but he took my hand and guided me to the water. We spoke and spoke and each time he unlocked a new memory of mine he let out this ear piercing, horrible laugh, but it was better than being in my room, there were spiders in there!

I close my eyes and think to myself; “wow I’m so glad I made it out!” I open my eyes again to take in the view, but all I can see are his hands covering my face, i feel the same suffocating feeling I’ve grown accustomed too.

I’ve never been one to turn to religion.

But some nights I find myself being so desperate for a reason as to why you did this to me god.

Are you mad I never prayed to you?

Are you angry I badmouthed you as a rebellious teen?

Surely my pain has been enough? After everything I have been through?

I’m not strong. I’m not holy. I’m made from sin and I will die in sin.