It’s unfair, how beneath that touch he threatens to come apart– when Julian wraps his arms around him Asra trembles. Shoulders shake and he goes stiff. Unsure, afraid. A sigh, a defeat, Asra sinks against him and hands raise, one coming to hold onto Julian in return.
He says nothing for too long, the scent of rain flooding Julian’s senses and finally, finally pulls away. ( There are memories lingering, lost perhaps to one disaster or another, but he remembers some. He remembers the flush on high cheek bones at a suggestion of cooling off in the fountain, remembers tea and laughter and kindness. Julian has always been kind to others, never kind to himself. Perhaps, Asra muses, he should have been kinder to him, in compensation. )
Asra says nothing in answer, perhaps a disconcerting silence, and puts the kettle on.
– “ Stay for tea. I think that is…a good place to start, don’t you? “
Asra works at the fire with his back to Julian, and picks a special blend out just for the occasion. “ …we finished blaming each other. Perhaps it’s time we stopped blaming ourselves, too.” And here Asra is quick to correct– “ I am not promising anything. I cannot. But I…I miss you. “
If he looks too long upon his heart he finds it: The whole Julian left in him, a space carved out and saved that can never be filled by anything else. Love is too complex, and no one ever says it. Above all, above anything, they’d been FRIENDS once, before more. ( He misses him. )
As Asra finally sinks into place, the luscious aroma filling his senses and bringing recollection with it. Days talking on the palace balcony, the days Julian helped him in the shop, the long hot nights in the garden...
When Asra pulled away, he took all of it back with him, the scent, the memories tied to it. Julian opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words. Julian rubs his temples, trying to relax his nerves, his skin trickling with electricity, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest and into Asra’s hands once more.
“Asra- Why can’t you just listen to reason- wait, what?” Julian stared in shock once again. Confusion crossing his features, his shoulders slightly slumping once more. “Tea? I mean... That’s...” the words slipped from he had this whole speech ready, but as soon as Asra said the word ‘tea’ it flew out the window.
A laugh escaped Julian’s lips “I can’t make promises either, but I definitely don’t blame you anymore, Asra.. I will try to be a better man, not for myself, but for you.” Julian, took a seat at the small table watching Asra do what he did second best. Maybe some tea would do them both some good, calm the nerves, maybe some sort of magic tea to rekindle flames from burning embers.
areudirty
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
