February 20, 2020 11:46am
I am feeling two completely different things right now.
On one hand my self confidence and self love is on a huge high. I haven’t felt this confident in the way I look in a long time and it feels great. My binder came in Thursday so that helped a whole lot
On the other hand I feel like I’m losing my best friend, and that I’m not enough.
It’s almost like for every step I try to take forward the whole drop kicks me back. I didn't get the role or basically even a role in the musical. I tried out for a lead which is honestly way out of my comfort zone and I got put in chorus. Musical theater in my school is a class to technically everyone gets a role. Anyways, my best friend got the part I really fucking wanted. I’m happy for her because she stepped out of her comfort zone but I can’t help but feel stung.. hurt and honestly a little bit bitter. I’ve been working my ass off in mt for the past three years and she only joined last year and she gets basically a lead? I just.. I don’t think it’s fair that I didn’t get a part.
It feels like recently with everything I do the whole world is telling me I’m asking for too much and it’s putting me in my place, saying that I should stop trying to be more than I am. It feels like it’s saying that I need to stop thinking I can or will be more than I actually am, like I need to stop reaching and striving for greater thing because I’m not great.
Anyways I’m happy for her but it sucks
There is other stuff that I’ll tell you about but lunch is soon so...
