PrincessDirtbag @cy83rv01d - Tumblr Blog

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything

patron-saint-of-smart-asses-dea

You pleased a mad fae trickster

berniesrevolution

zanmor

these ones

lavendermanna

oh we can get even more specific than just a list of billionaires:

here are all of the scum who control oil, coal, and natural gas

here are the ones who run the factories

and here are the ones who extract the raw resources that the others need to make it all work

Why the fuck is it so expensive to not be naked?

Especially as a plus size person. I know it doesn't have shit to do with the fuckin fabric price considering one pair of shorts considered cuter with considerably less fabric will be more expensive than a longer pair of shorts that aren't as aesthetically pleasing.

thewieneryears-deactivated20130

Moss Graffiti: A How To Guide

missythemermaid

are you fucking for real

revesducirque

Imagine being the criminal who returns weekly to make sure his fucking plant art is doing alright

arthyradio

Later

atombombbunny

I found it! I fucking found it! In my fucking dash! Nothing can stop me now! *EVIL GIGGLES*

male-witch

OMG SAME RIGHT I SAW IT A YEAR AGO AND WAS UPSET I COULDNT FIND IT AGAIN

mipeltaja

This gif is fucking me up because it looks like the branch clips through the railing on the right-hand side.

203y

thebrisklad

Do you wanna hear one of the funniest fucken stories?

gandacel

Pls do tell

thebrisklad

So in my town there is this emo satanist community and at some point a really influential emo dude called Raven lived here. Like every emo in Romania knew him because he was somehow the edgiest of them all. He was also a gigantic incel, but still tried to flirt with every goth girl on sight. At some point when he was in his last year of high school, before leaving for college, he tried to hit on an 11 yo girl(gross). It made her rlly uncomfortable. What Raven didn’t know was that this girl’s cousin was the strongest dude in town-2 meters tall, super bulky, literally looked like a mountain. So the girl told her buff cousin what Raven looked like, and one time, while Buff guy was at work, he spotted Raven. Now, funny enough, Buff Guy worked at a children’s playground, and he was dressed up as a clown that day. So he just walked up to Raven, patted him on the shoulder and asked: “Have you ever been beaten up by a clown?” and Raven said, “N-no”. To which Buff Guy replied :“It’s fine. Because you will be.”

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

there is no possible way to predict the many directions this post took

mothspaws

Hey @perisnoop

– –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – .— .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. . –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- –. – –.. .- -···-

deftomes

wack.

sluttyhozier

occupyfall-deactivated20181031

i think we really need to add:

zackisontumblr

don’t necessarily want a boyfriend but damn everyone is pairing off and i’m running out of things to do on weekends

wellrespectedlawprofessor

kinda fuckd up that i dont have a goth, drag racing girlfriend to turn into a fucking cherry blossom tree for.

lostwednesdays

Guys who think periods are nbd are my favorite guys.

Also:

strangehorse

I wanna add as well that he didn’t write ‘women’, he wrote ‘people who menstruate’. Dude is cool on every conceivable level.

louises-belcher

I just love sleep so much ……. like u just close ur eyes and ur gone bitch ………… brain logged the fuck off ……… powerful

kaijuno

QUICK PLEASE CAN SOMEONE FIND ME THAT PICTURE OF THE EYESHADOW PALETTE THAT WAS LIKE “DIESEL FUMES” AND “HUEUGH” AND OTHER STUPID ASS NAMES

miseryjonez-deactivated20180522

This one??

kaijuno

NO THEY WEREN’T IN A THING IT LOOKED LIKE THIS

BUT WITH STUPID NAMES

kaijuno

F O U N D I T

psyducked

please raise your children to wash their hands after they use the restroom I’ve watched too many men walk straight out of the bathroom from the stall without a second thought and it’s keeping me up at night

pon-raul

I mean if you taking a piss who cares if you don’t wash your hands, unless you just like go full power and spray yourself like a out of control fire hose

nutsacktorturer

stay the fuck away from me

hardboiledoldman

people who wash their hands after peeing are weak and must be culled

ua86

The only excuse for not washing your hands after you piss is mastering the art of pissing without touching your genitals.

youre-a-fucking-human-being-dea

You wash your hands every time you touch your dick? How grimy is your dick?

blackshuckofficial-deactivated2

I’m literally never shaking a man’s hand ever again in my life y'all need jesus

pronounrespecter

remember how i told y'all?

(they don’t wash their hands after shitting either)

fall-and-shadows

What I’m learning is that men are the reason for “employees must wash their hands” signs and why I never put 2 and 2 together is beyond me

tyst-kampar

Just out of curiosity, do yall wash your hands every time you touch your arm or the back of your hand or any other part if your body?

eelpatrickharris-deactivated202

wash your fucking hands, dickfingers mcgee

yellowjuice-deactivated20190512

what the fuck is wrong with these dudes bruh

mango-thot-deactivated20190520

I want to spray this post with Lysol

lilnasxvevo

AHEM.

“According to epidemiologist Richard T. Ellison III, it doesn’t matter what you do in the bathroom when it comes to keeping your hands clean. ‘The rationale is that when toileting, it’s possible to have fecal material and fecal bacteria get onto your hands … So it’s wisest to always wash with soap and water even after urinating. Neither plain water nor alcohol hand sanitizers are effective at removing fecal material or killing bacteria in fecal material.’

“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, handwashing can prevent various illnesses and infections. Ellison added that it can also keep us from coming in contact with E. Coli and hepatitis.This is especially important for men to bear in mind because of perianal sweat. This type of sweat forms around the perianal area, which is the patch of skin outside the rectum. It can then spread to one’s underwear and to other parts of the body like the penis. Biology professor Pat Fidopiastis explained, ‘The point is that simply touching the penis in an effort to direct your urine flow can be more than enough to transfer harmful microbes to your hands, and then on to the pretzels sitting in bowl on the bar.’“

WASH.

YOUR.

HANDS.

mostlyireblogdudesfucking

I reblog this every time I see it. Don’t be disgusting, wash your fucking HANDS.

girlactionfigure

ihavehugemuscles-deactivated202

there is no difference between coke, pepsi, doctored pepper, sprites, ginger’s ale, root’s beered, mountain do, all of them. theyre all exactly the same.