“ don’t close your eyes , stay awake! ”
two things settle in ben’s brain at once : one, there’s a gaping hole where they used to be, now completely devoid of anything, and two, diego is scared. the latter is easier to grasp even with teary eyes and disorganized thoughts because he’s stuttering like when they were kids, fighting robbers and playing superheroes. the former … not so much. ben does not remember a single second of his life where he didn’t have them, often resting at the back of his guts until it came the time to unleash them, but they were always there, calling. now, blood pours out of him like a cascade and he’s empty. there’s a brief moment of relief before he really thinks about it and, oh, that is way worse. he’s prayed for this ——— he’d tried to get rid of them for as long as he can remember, for as long as he’s been alive, yet now that they are gone he feels something like regret at the back of his head. his fingers tingle, too, but he struggles to identify if it’s because of all the blood he’s losing or because he misses them.
( no. no, that's not right, he can’t miss something that is not really gone : when ben closes his eyes, he can feel them greedily pull from the other side, from the hole in his chest. they are there, waiting. for what? don’t pretend you don’t know ).
ben’s eyes spring open when diego talks to him, again, when he begs him to stay awake. it’s so hard, he thinks, something akin to anger finding a place next to the fear and the regret, though it doesn’t last. ben can’t really blame his siblings for not understanding, for being scared. he is, too. he doesn’t want to die. the horror ben reaches for his chest and his fingers come back sticky, bright red. they are calling, he can’t ignore them much longer. no, they won’t let him. for a while, it is peaceful, painless : he grabs diego’s arm with clean, tight fingers and reassures him, softly ( it’s going to be okay ), before the agony. summoning them hurt, but it is nothing compared to this : it’s like they are summoning him, almost. he wonders if that’s why they were always so vicious, so mad, because he was hurting them like this. he gets a glimpse of the other side and then, the nothingness.
@d02go * injuries / accepting.
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