Day 365: And so, the year ends
First, a recap of my day. I had lunch at a pho place in Almaden with Mary, Lishan, and Z, but I was still a bit full from last night. Of course, the two young ladies couldn't completely finish their portions (although Lishan was pretty close), so Z was the finish off-er for the pho. We could tell which bowls he ate from because the broth was red from the sriracha he added in.
Then, we drove back to Cupertino to enjoy some PMT from Fantasia. Z and I secured the legit looking benches on the side - four seats surrounding a decently sized square table. This was the perfect spot for to play some sheng ji... which we did for almost 4 hours. Yes, we probably overstayed our welcome at Fantasia, but it's not like anyone complained and we were paying customers! Haha but yea, Lishan and I were a team and I had no idea how to play at first. We had some good rounds, but there were also a few where neither of us had many trumps or even high cards in general. Those were sad, sad times. It's especially difficult for me I guess because I don't like counting cards (well, high cards and voided suits anyways), even though I know it's super helpful for winning. I pretty much play off of gut instinct, which is kind of counter to my myers briggs I think...Yeaaa, I'm a little weird like that.
So after playing way too many card games, I had to leave to go home and go to a new years eve neighbors party thingy. mmm, lot's of food but I'm super awk haha, so all is normal.
Okay so. yea. this one post a day thing was really strange for me. I don't really like to express my thoughts, and especially not in some semi permanent place like the internet - that probably showed in my posts, as I did a lot of straight up recounting what happened during the day or a few complaining about how bored I was or any number of other "saduuu" moments I had or the occasional vague, I'm not really sure what's happening in my life post. Now I'm pretty sure I originally wanted some actual CONTENT and THINKING to go into these posts, but it's difficult for me to just think up of something on the spot to expand on or to remember something I was thinking about during the day. Well, another problem - I don't really think about important things during the day, but that's a whole different concern. Either way, by the time I actually sat down to type, I didn't really have much to say.
It's also strange because I have quite the aversion to reading things that I've written in the past - I tend to internally (and sometimes visibly) cringe cause I'm never satisfied with my work and don't really want to associate with that - so I'm not even sure I'll be reading these posts of mine anytime soon. I guess it's that whole ideas of oh this will probably be a great laugh for myself in 10 years, to see how I was back then (now?) Sure, this may be true, and on the off chance it is, well here's a year of my life on Tumblr... I'm very concerned that I won't understand at ALL what I'm referencing though in my writing, especially considering how terrible my memory is.
Now, onto my year. Honestly, over last winter break, I never thought that Koin would become such a large part of my life. I mean, yes, it was the fellowship I joined, it is the group of people I would grow with along my spiritual journey, but the degree that I've invested in the people and this whole vision is much greater than what I've done previously. I'm very much of a loner and introvert, and I might have been perfectly fine living my whole life... separate. It's not that I would reject company or people, but I could very well see myself not seeking it out. And for those who don't seek out and make time for their friends... their friends slowly start dwindling away. But I would be fine with it - engrossed in doing my own thing and just cruising through life. In a sense, I think I could still live like this, not noticing the time flowing by me. But now, I would be sad, unfulfilled, lonely. My brothers in Koin have brought so much joy into my life.
I'm just amazed at how God worked all things out this way, even making use of my terrible Spring 2013 class schedule. If you look at it, it looks like a checkerboard, no joke. The 4 classes I had had MWF lectures spanning from 8 AM to 5:30 PM, with 1.5 - 3 hours in between, and the last three were all in Wheeler/Dwinelle. If the only place I could go was back up to Foothill between lectures, I would have gone INSANE (or become quite fit). In even this, God blessed, as I discovered the joys of hanging out in DL. That is where I met most of the upperclassmen that I know; that is where I first met the other frosh, first became friends with them; that is where I learned to relax and socialize.
We had a group of Foothill DL bums that went back up from DL to the dorms almost every night around 12, staying together as a pack, bonding, getting late night every now and then. I found people to study with, and also a reason to study (yes, the two correlate). Those late nights and early mornings at the FH meeting rooms during dead week man... and hanging out in the rec room... we worked and we played. I remember one night when we were just at the rec room, I think some people may have been playing games, but Hallie had an essay due, so she was working through the night. And for some reason, Aikido, Nnifer, Serena, and I decided to just chill there too. Yea... that wasn't exactly the smartest idea because 1. everyone but Aikido and I just ended up falling asleep so like no work was done and 2. we were totally not focused the next day. Well, to be fair I decided to go to sleep at 7 in the morning and skipped my classes but anywayssss. Haha we did some dumb stuff like that. Good times.
Summer came, summer went, I got the briefest taste of what living in Benv was like before I moved out and up to N side. It was a joyful time, I gained a lot of confidence in my abilities and also grew closer to those who were in Berkeley for the summer. It was long enough for me to really enjoy the time while not being long enough to also feel the pains of personality clashes with the people living so close. It was a simple time.
And then it all came crashing down when suffer-more year started. Nah, that's totally incorrect, especially as I've really enjoyed this past semester. I don't know if I want to write too much about it yet, as I'm very much still trying to understand where I want to be in the context of all that's happened. Make no mistake, I can see the joy even in the pain and drama, and I would still say that this semester has been the most enjoyable so far. Even though I've begun to struggle with a few things and I'm trying to understand where I want to move towards from here, I have no doubts in the truth that God directs my steps and shapes my path. There is a reason for the trials and temptations today, and I would be a fool to dwell so much on something that is of so little importance. I am so curious as to what will happen this coming year - what are the little decisions that I'll make or that I'll be swept up in? There is very much that can happen in a year.
hmmm, I don't think I'll continue documenting day by day though, which will be a strange experience. It's just too much work to schedule posts beforehand when I know I'm going to be away from wifi, or to post late at night when I would rather be sleeping. Maybe I'll continue to write about random stuff semi regularly, maybe I won't. 2014 is a new year, and I'm so pumped for it to come.
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