The Fetishization of Trans Men in the Community
I remember seeing a post from presumably a trans radical feminist talking about the poor representation of trans women in porn compared to āTME porn.ā Of course, we all know what these people mean when they say TME. Itās a term designed to put trans men/nonbinary people into the category of cis people, people who have systemic power over us, while having plausible deniability because āit means cis people too! I could totally be talking about just cis people!ā But I would like to talk about trans men in porn, and the sexualization of trans men and the fetishes forced onto us.
For starters, the vast majority of transmasculine representation in porn is of white, skinny, fem/androgynous trans men. They are often pre/non op top surgery, and are almost always pre/non op bottom surgery. The vast majority of porn featuring trans men involves trans men having their vaginas penetrated by a penis. Even in porn where a trans man tops, the strap on is never realistic (canāt be having people imagining a trans man with a dick, of course, otherwise they wouldnāt be good little sex objects) and there is always some sort of focus on the trans manās vagina at some point in the shoot. Same with anal, there will typically also be vaginal penetration at some point.
If you are a trans man who isnāt white, who isnāt skinny, who is more masculine than androgynous hairless twink with a flat chest, post op top surgery and especially post op bottom surgery, or donāt have any interest in having your vagina touched, you will not be represented in the vast majority of porn featuring trans men. This is also true for T4T porn of trans men. Itās not exclusively when trans men are with cis men or cis women.
I post in transmasculine porn subreddits. I am an exhibitionist, itās a major kink of mine (among other things). I am someone who also doesnāt draw any focus on my vagina in my posts, I am anal only, and I definitely donāt fit the beauty standard for trans men. I am a fat, hairy, bearded trans man who canāt be easily put into the category of āhairy tomboy,ā especially given that thereās not that focus on my vagina. This is mainly in transmasculine porn subreddits. Iāve said on my other account on here, but Iāve very much enjoyed posting in gay bear porn subreddits. They have all been very respectful, and any time Iāve experienced any transphobia, itās been removed, and the vast majority of interaction that Iāve gotten from the other bears there have been positive, because those subreddits are specifically for people who look like me: fat, hairy, bearded, masculine men. Most people donāt care about what I have downstairs, especially seeing as I donāt use it to begin with. When I said that I was getting bottom surgery, I was celebrated for it.
But the majority of interaction that trans men get in transmasculine porn subreddits is content surrounding vaginal penetration. And thatās just the non-kink focused subreddits. When you get into subreddits surrounding trans men with kinks, itās a whole nother thing.
One of my biggest issues is with the detrans/misgendering kink. I donāt necessarily have an issue with trans men who either use the kink to get money because they are doing sex work (you obviously have to do what you have to do, and weāll talk about trans men who have to do sex work in a minute) or even trans men who actually have those kinks. However, there is no way to have a conversation about the way that trans men are fetishized without mentioning how many people have the detrans/misgendering kink for trans men. When you look at transmasculine porn subreddits that center kink, the vast majority of interaction is on posts where trans men market that they have a detrans/misgendering kink. Itās not only cis people who partake in this kink. Even outside of reddit, I canāt look at a lot of transfem sT4T dommeās NSFW accounts because the majority of their posts about trans men are detrans/misgendering content. āFakeboyā content is a big part of the tumblr transmasculine kink scene. I am someone who is a sT4T male sub with a femdom kink, and I canāt relate to most other trans people who post about that kind of deal because a lot of it focuses on detrans/misgendering trans men, and the ones that donāt focus on trans men who use their vaginas during sex. If you find something without that, itās a trans man whoās a top/dom, and thatās great and is their right, but thatās not me either.
I often find social media NSFW profiles that center around wanting to find transmasculine sexting partners specifically to misgender and detransition them. Itās marketed as a kink, but at some point itās hard not to at least think that a lot of the non-trans men who post about this kink so frequently just genuinely want to detransition and misgender trans men, and are just calling it a kink. Even other trans people. I donāt really trust any non-trans man who has a misgendering/detrans kink for trans men, even if theyāre also trans. Even in the trans community, we are expected to conform to femininity to make other people more comfortable, so forgive me for being distrustful.
The forced impregnation kink is another thing. I have my own kinks, but itās another thing when itās forced onto trans men who have no interest in it. Breeding is hot, but we have to be sensitive to the group of people who are both disproportionally affected by forced impregnation in order to detransition them, and the group who specifically has very complicated feelings surrounding pregnancy. Iāve talked about forced impregnation before, and Iāve had several, at least 100 trans men express on a post that I made some time ago that if they ended up pregnant and couldnāt abort, theyād commit suicide. Trans men who want to get pregnant, are pregnant, or who have been pregnant are valid and deserve the space to talk about their experiences, but we canāt erase those of us whom pregnancy is one of the worst things that they can think of happening to them. I had an ex girlfriend try to babytrap me, and she stopped when I said I was sterilized, but itās still very disturbing to think about. This was the ex girlfriend who repeatedly raped and tried to kill me. The cis man who correctively raped me wore a condom when he did it.
At one point, I got a private message from another trans woman. She was only 18, Iām not that upset with her for saying this because she was young, but I had just had a hysterectomy, and she said that it was āsad that [I] got a hysterectomy,ā presumably because she wanted to get me pregnant. I donāt really feel any type of way about pregnancy as somebody who definitely canāt get pregnant on account of not having reproductive organs, and I did/do have a breeding kink, but that message really upset me, because who says something like that? That a trans personās gender affirming surgery is āsadā because you wanted to fetishize them pre op? Itās one thing for cis people to say inappropriate, transphobic shit like this, but other trans people should know better. Itās so much worse coming from another trans person.
The primary issue with people pushing the forced pregnancy kink onto trans men (besides that a lot of trans men are uncomfortable with that) is that pregnancy is often used as a form of control. Pregnancy leaves you physically dependent on the people around you, and having a child leaves you financially dependent on the people around you. The person that you are often dependent on is the person who impregnated you in the first place. This is something that often happens to cis women in abusive relationships, but it has different implications for trans men. Trans men who are forcibly impregnated by someone who wants them to detransition, and are dependent on that person, often do have to detransition. Pregnancy is often a dysphoric nightmare for trans men, and having to detransition and be dependent on a transandrophobe who impregnated you is a fucking nightmare for all of us Iām sure. When you think about that, the forced impregnation kink with trans men is a lot darker than you might have thought. And trans men can absolutely have that kink and that is their right, but forcing it onto trans men, even just sharing your fantasy to a nonconsenting trans men, is sexual harassment and a threat.
Back on trans men forced into sex work, a lot of them are forced into marketing off the detrans/misgendering kink for money. Iāve seen an account from a transmasculine sex worker, whose bio was something to the extent of āhe/they unless youāre paying me, then you can use she. It doesnāt matter if Iām dysphoric about it.ā Iāve seen a trans man make a series of photos that I was really into, but he misgendered himself in it. The description was ādonāt misgender me please, this was a photo series for work by a paying client.ā Iām sure a lot of trans men in sex work market off the detrans/misgendering kink wouldnāt do so if they would get enough money otherwise. Beyond that, Iām sure a lot more of them would get top surgery, and some of them arenāt even on T because they canāt transition because they rely on their pre-medical transition body to get money. When we talk about survival sex work in the trans community, the discussion is very focused on trans women. Which makes sense, trans women disproportionally are made to do survival sex work due to the inherent transmisogyny in our society. But trans men are also forced into survival sex work on account of being trans men, and that does need to be talked about. And trans men also have to degrade and misgender themselves for money. Trans men also have to use slurs and derogatory terms for money. And it doesnāt get easier because they have a vagina.
I also think itās important to mention the amount of transandrophobic TRFs who post things with the effort to silence trans men on our own struggles and oppression, and then turn around and post that they want to fuck a ātboyā or a āboypussy.ā I remember seeing a post on tumblr from a very notable transandrophobic TRF trans woman, that was something to the extent of āidk why TMEs hate me so much, Iām trying to bridge the rift between us in bed.ā It had several reblogs. I happened to see it from checking a ātransfeministā account for transandrophobia, which I obviously found. I was so disgusted and uncomfortable that I never screenshotted it, I didnāt even talk about it for at least a week to anybody, because it just left me with a sinking feeling. This particular trans woman is a VERY big name among transandrophobes and TRFs. Sheās posted horrible things about trans men, and she obviously fetishizes trans men from the things that sheās said to me and my transmasculine friends. Itās one thing for somebody to fetishize trans men when they donāt have multiple social media accounts dedicated to talking about how much they hate trans men, but she does. A lot of people say that all TRFs/transandrophobic trans women are T4T lesbians, or lesbians in general. This is not true. Many transandrophobic trans women are open to dating trans men or even exclusively date trans men. This is predatory behavior. A trans person exclusively dating trans men isnāt inherently predatory, thatās just called being T4T, but itās different when the person doing it hates trans men and views trans men as sex objects.
I saw a screenshot from instagram, from presumably a transandrophobic trans woman. The post was parodying ānonbinary people donāt owe you androgyny,ā ātrans men donāt owe you masculinity,ā ect. The bit about trans men was ātrans men owe the dolls dinner dates.ā Again, posted by somebody who does not believe that trans men should have the language or even ability to talk about our own struggles and oppression, believes that trans men need to shut up and take TRFs on dates. I saw a post several months ago from a TRF saying that a trans man who makes porn is a āmodel trans manā because he doesnāt talk about trans menās issues and just does porn. Essentially that he was āa good tboy who knows when to shut up and suck dick.ā They went on to call trans men who were upset and uncomfortable with this blatant fetishization and objectification of trans men out on their ādry pussiesā. TRFs and other trans people who seek to silence trans men and then fetishize us are a real problem in the trans community. Being T4T isnāt inherently safer than dating cis people for trans men, especially with the state of the trans community and the ideas that trans people have about trans men. Iām obviously T4T but I have experienced violence and other forms of harassment from some of the trans people that Iāve dated. Iāve experienced even more from trans people Iāve encountered on the internet and in IRL trans spaces.
I also think we need to have a discussion about the way that trans men who are tops/doms are treated by the people that they have sex with. Trans men who top/dom are essentially seen as pleasure dispensers. They are expected to make their partner cum and then not receive anything in return. I was sexually abused by both of my subs/bottoms before I stopped topping/domming, and while one of them was of course the cis man who correctively raped me, one was my cis girlfriend from college who wouldnāt take my ānoā for an answer when she tried to make me do sexual activities with her when I didnāt want to. I was a highly dysphoric detransed lesbian who detransitioned because of the transandrophobia I had experienced since coming out, and she would make me dysphoric on purpose to ābratā with me. If I ever raised my voice after telling her ānoā several times, she would get sad, and Iād have to comfort her, and then sheād do it again. Sheās a teacher now. Trans men who bottom/sub are expected to just be holes for people to stick their dicks in. People, and women especially, in the queer/trans community refer to us as being like ācis men who can make women cumā and āif cis men had empathy,ā then we are treated with none of the care/tenderness that we provide to the women in our lives. Trans men are expected by the trans/queer community to give up our bodies and our safety for other peopleās pleasure. We are expected to be good sex dolls and āprotectā the trans/queer community while not being protected when we need it, are abused by the people within our community, and actively being silenced when we talk about our needs from the community and the oppression that we face. Weāre human meat shields, whipping boys, scapegoats. We are expected to bear the sins of cishet men by people who donāt have the systemic/social power to oppress/discriminate against cishet men, we are punished for things that disproportionally affect us as trans men, we are silenced when we speak up about this injustice, and then we are expected to be the āprotectorsā of the trans/queer community, while benefitting from none of the protection that we are forced to provide to others that could not care less if we live or die. If we say that we need to prioritize trans men, we are called misogynists and ātMRAs,ā by people who totally arenāt TERFs because they only hate trans men, and being a transmasculine exclusionary radical feminist isnāt really trans exclusionary because weāre not trans in the way that trans women are. Trans men have the highest risk of sexual abuse in the trans community at around 50%, and there are probably even more that donāt disclose. We are sexually abused by the people we date/have sex with, and then they turn around and say that trans men are āvery well representedā in porn because they think all trans men are skinny white fem/androgynous twinks who let people fuck our pussies. Thatās all they see us as.
This is more of a rant than an actual thinkpiece. I am uncomfortable with the way that trans men are treated sexually by the trans community. We are sexually assaulted and harassed and then that abuse is denied because we āhave male privilegeā or āhave AFAB privilege.ā The people who fetishize our bodies say that we shouldnāt have a right to speak up for ourselves. The people who consume fetishized porn of trans men are saying that we have āsuch good representationā in porn for us. āTrans men are not invisible, our struggles are invisible.ā
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