Daddy Newbie

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[daddy-newbie]

When my son is insistent that he’s done with his dinner and wants to get down from his chair, but he’s barely eaten anything, and I begin negotiations with him.

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

Listening to self-righteous parents explain why their methodology is better than anyone else’s in the room.

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son is giving out kisses but then decides it’s time to play, and he initiates play time with a bite.

It’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When we’re prepping for a party where there will be a bazillion kids coming over, and I pull out a stack of solo cups from the back of the closet and find two long-forgotten ping pong balls sitting in the top cup.

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

When I take my son out of his car seat and put him right into the stroller.

He’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son is trying to act nonchalant while leaving a room he wasn’t supposed to be in.

He’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son is giving me a particularly difficult time, but my wife is able to calm him down, she asks if he wants to go back to DaDa and he says “no.”

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

When I give in and allow my son to drink from a glass instead of his sippy cup.

He’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

After my son gives my wife a particularly difficult time in the afternoon, and I come home from work to a house that looks like a crime scene.

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

My son’s reaction as I run through a list of things to do, while he’s in the midst of his “no” stage

It’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When I’m hiding in the bathroom and I can hear my son and his other toddler friends passing by as they look for me for more piggy back rides.

It’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

Opening up the diaper after my son’s been backed up for more than a day.

I’m like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son insists on going outside to play during a windy rainstorm.

He’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son climbs up the slide and goes down it, all on his own, and then poses there at the end super proud of himself.

It’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When I’m using the restroom and my son knocks at the door, but it ends up I didn’t close it all the way.

He’s like:

[daddy-newbie]

When I’m trying to dress my son but he won’t stop moving.

It always ends up being like:

[daddy-newbie]

When my son does a prolonged stare at me from across the room after he hears me open the bag of M&Ms.

It’s like: