I keep feeling the need to run away from my relationship and leave it behind. Free myself of all the restrictions that come with loving someone else.
I think internet advice is generally "if a relationship makes you feel that way, it's not the right one". But I got this advice in 2018, which was the last time I felt this way, and it was some of the worst advice I've ever heard.
I wish I'd known back then that this is just how I am, no matter who I'm with. I get bored of stability, I get frustrated by the limitations I impose on myself, and I blame my partner.
The fact is, every close tie you form is another constraint. Another person whose needs and feelings and wellbeing you have to consider when making your own decisions. When you love people, it's not just about you anymore. Everything is about them too.
It's suffocating.
I am trying to remember that nobody is forcing me to keep these people and the shackles that come with them in my life. It's a choice I make every day because something about them or the relationship is worth it. Something about them matters more to me than the freedom I'd have without them.
Every 'yes' is a 'no' to something else.
