[cptsdraw]

[deadlyrealist]

“Mom, my depression is a shape shifter. One day it is as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear, The next, it’s the bear. On those days I play dead until the bear leaves me alone. I call the bad days: “the Dark Days.” Mom says, “Try lighting candles.” When I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church, the flicker of a flame, Sparks of a memory younger than noon. I am standing beside her open casket. It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die. Besides Mom, I’m not afraid of the dark. Perhaps, that’s part of the problem. Mom says, “I thought the problem was that you can’t get out of bed.” I can’t. Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head. Mom says, “Where did anxiety come from?” Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out-of-town depression felt obligated to bring to the party. Mom, I am the party. Only I am a party I don’t want to be at. Mom says, “Why don’t you try going to actual parties, see your friends?” Sure, I make plans. I make plans but I don’t want to go. I make plans because I know I should want to go. I know sometimes I would have wanted to go. It’s just not that fun having fun when you don’t want to have fun, Mom. You see, Mom, each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light. Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company. Mom says, “Try counting sheep.” But my mind can only count reasons to stay awake; So I go for walks; but my stuttering kneecaps clank like silver spoons held in strong arms with loose wrists. They ring in my ears like clumsy church bells reminding me I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in. Mom says, “Happy is a decision.” But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg. My happy is a high fever that will break. Mom says I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat-out asks me if I am afraid of dying. No. I am afraid of living. Mom, I am lonely. I think I learned that when Dad left how to turn the anger into lonely — The lonely into busy; So when I tell you, “I’ve been super busy lately,” I mean I’ve been falling asleep watching Sports Center on the couch To avoid confronting the empty side of my bed. But my depression always drags me back to my bed Until my bones are the forgotten fossils of a skeleton sunken city, My mouth a bone yard of teeth broken from biting down on themselves. The hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat, But I am a careless tourist here. I will never truly know everywhere I have been. Mom still doesn’t understand. Mom! Can’t you see that neither can I?”

— “Explaining My Depression to My Mother: A Conversation” by Sabrina Benaim

[little-miss-maddi]

[glowupstop]

🌻Photo Captions🌻

a crazy little princess

your loss, not mine

sunburned baby 🌻

relaxed ⛅️

glowing 💫

date night 🍸

treated like a princess👛

sweet lil baby 🍬

neva seen somethin this good 🌶

life happens, coffee helps

you are either on my side, by my side or in my fucking way.choose wisely.

“go to hell” oh honey. where do you think i came from?

leave me alone

id rather be sleeping

stay away

it’s just me, that’s all I need

carry on lil baby

lil sneak peak of my cute self

could care less about ya

Self-Love Instagram captions ❣️

i am ME 😘

i am beautiful, no matter what 😊

i impress myself 😋

i make myself happy 😛

there is beauty within me, inside and out🌞

lil bad baby

broken crayons still colour.

kanye attitude with drake feelings

down for whatever

screw perfect

make waffles not friends

maybe she was born with it

and so the adventure begins…

but without the dark, there would be no stars

the best memories come from bad ideas

professional overthinker😜

c l a s s y

queens don’t compete with hoes

isn’t she just lovely

you’re lacking vitamin me

walking on sunshine

lost in my thoughts

be your own kind of beautiful

perfectly imperfect

don’t just exist, live

different doesn’t mean wrong

go wild for a while

do ya thing, b

be a voice not an echo

i can be classy & sassy

isn’t she lovely

life happens, coffee helps

you only live once

i act like I’m ok, but I’m not

you’re lacking vitamin me

i’m walking on sunshine

be your own kind of beautiful

go wild for a while

watch sunsets not Netflix

i didn’t come here to lose

lost in my thoughts

i don’t need your approval to be me

life goes on with or without u

sweeter than honey

stay real or leave me be

judge me when you’re perfect

home is a feeling not a place

change your thoughts, and you’ll change your world

me, myself, and I

life is better when you smile

i was born to stand out

fierce like a tiger

they laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at them because they’re all the same

don’t worry about who talks behind your back, they’re behind you for a reason

xxtra hot just for you babes 🌶

i don’t play hard to get, i am hard to get

don’t get it twisted

w i l d i n

foreva winnin

it’s only hot outside because of me and my friends☀️

foreva vibin💫

u n p r e d i c t a b l e

gucci flip flops and slut drops 🤷‍♀️

karma is only a bitch if you are🌶

sweet just for you 🍭

be careful next to the heater ,plastic melts gurl

lol bye

awh,it’s cute that you’re so concerned with my life you stalk my ig

how🍓bout🍓no

“I make money moves”

ha no.🤣

summer days

teenage years

bringing out my inner Beyoncé

all I want is money n no fake love

all around me are fake ass faces,fake ass faces (sry I meant familiar faces)

young and wild and free

if I reply with lol ur not funny

i’m odd but I’m #1

[marinewizard-deactivated2017061]

[preventive]

via weheartit

[citizenoofearth]

“The worst crying is when you’re lying in bed, with your hand over your mouth so you don’t make noise. The tears are running onto your pillow and your heart’s breaking and you’re thinking of everything that made you cry, and your other hand is on your heart or stomach because they both hurt.”

— (via @citizenoofearth)

[youngbigos-blog]

like if you use

[alienatedthoughtts]

“And it sucks because they were all right, even though you said you were hopelessly in love with me they were right…once you found another girl you just threw me into the trash like a broken toy, now im just a face in your memory with no name to identify my bleeding body on the bathroom floor at 3am on a Tuesday morning”

— Just because toys are broken doesn’t mean you cant fix them

[leoyalty-deactivated20210318]

“She was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you’ll know loss for the rest of your life.”

— Junot Diaz

[writingllama-deactivated2020012]

“You feel like soft sheets and hot coffee. Timber floors and lazy mornings. Like sun rays and droopy eyes. You feel like home.”

— Home / Unrequited Love

[writingllama-deactivated2020012]

“And when it suddenly didn’t matter how bad things were as long as he was there, I knew. I knew I was deeply, truly, and eternally in love with him.”

— In Love / Unrequited Love

[frnkoceans]

[vlue-the-wallflower]

and i don’t want you

all inside my head

and i can feel you

running all through

my veins

[cartomaniac]

Haunted

[cartomaniac]

PPP.

[love]