i am a wreck. since one month ago, i went from having a 3.0 gpa to having a 2.1. i am failing my classes for lack of attendance because most days i cant find the energy to even get out of bed. i can't find the energy to sleep, but when i finally pass out from mental and physical exhaustion, i sleep for fifteen hours or more only to wake up and stay in my bed because i can't sum up enough energy to even move to the couch. i don't eat unless someone reminds me and brings me food because i am completely uninterested in anything especially food. my brain is clamored with the realization that all of the best parts of my life are gone for good or far away from me and no longer have impact on my life. i honestly don't understand why anything matters anymore. i skip classes because i cant leave bed let alone commute to a room of eight people who know nothing about me and learn things that i had already learned before i was thirteen years old and then afterwards become a hysterical sobbing mess because i feel so guilty for missing a class that is required for me to even attend school in the fall. i spend so much time avoiding the internet because every single time that i log into whatever websites or chat systems i am overwhelmed with the reminder that my best friend for 9 years was murdered and they didnt even take his money or his credit card. every time i log in to facebook i am ashamed of myself because i am seeing everyone else resume their lives and move toward something so much greater than their current state and i cant even eat dinner on a daily basis. whats worse is that i post things on facebook to let my family know that i'm alive so that they don't worry and all it is is just lies about how great i'm supposedly doing.
