dancing queen

Hi, I'm Brittany S. Pierce.  Random fact, Brittany Spears got her stage name from when Dr. Who took her in the Tardis to witness my birth.  Other than that, I'm a dancer living in New York, with my Wife, Santana, and our amazing kids.  

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I’m taking a trip to clear my head.

I’m not exactly sure where, but I’m bound to find a place in the next couple of days.

There’s some thoughts and feelings that really seem to make recovery hard.  I’m struggling with this silly paranoia or something.  I keep feeling that there are things that I don’t know, or that maybe I’m still kept in the dark.

My doctors have suggested I take this trip to clear my head, sort of like some meditation retreat.  If there are any emergencies or anything, you know where to find me.  Just understand, this isn’t me leaving the family, this is me taking time to figure out what next steps I should make. 

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Text: Mia

Mia: nahh, I think I've got it handled...just a lotta running after an almost-one-year-old.

Mia: Three, yepp. Pretty soon we'll have our very own soccer team, or something.

Brittany: But I mean, if you need a break. Um, I would like to help, any way I can.

Brittany: That would be one beautiful team. We'll have to get you a mom van then, lol.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

So weird...

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

That’s funny, I haven’t considered myself attractive in a very long time.  I think it comes with age.  You forget those wonder years.

Oh, well, you know, if you rather be in school ... I’m not wanting to be a bother.  I haven’t really heard from your mami in a while, so I - don’t expect much of her being home anyways.  I was thinking maybe of taking some time to go back to Ohio, to clear my head.  I mean, I should talk to your mami.  I’m just afraid.   Ohio seems like a great rock to hide under.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Text: Mia

Mia: I'm alright...tired, I guess? And, like, a little foggy most days. Just kinda floating through the days.

Mia: They're good...Noland's walking now, so there's that. He's not, like, good at it...but he's definitely cute. Landon...he's doing better than he was. So.

Brittany: Well, um, if you need help with babysitting and all, to spend more time with Landon, just let me know. Or if you need something to eat, someone to clean the house, whatever to make things a bit easier day-to-day.

Brittany: I'm glad to hear that. He's a special breed of awesomely strong. I bet he's really ready to be home and with you two... well three now, my god!

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

So weird...

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

It didn’t help that I forgot to put on my wedding ring this morning.  It felt awkward.  But then again it totally caught me off guard. I’m not used to that type of attention anymore. 

Better than I’ve been, I guess.  Yeah, I could be way worse. And you?  I feel so out of a loop lately. 

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

So weird...

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Maybe forgetting to put on my wedding ring this morning didn’t help.  But I didn’t realize it till later in the afternoon.  By then it was like who would even notice anyways.  I’m so used to being invisible by now. 

In all honesty, I - don’t think I’ve considered myself that in years. 

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

So weird...

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

It probably didn’t help that I forgot to put on my wedding ring, good point.  And um wow, that’s flattering, but true, age is such a bummer later on.  You start to forget what it’s like... to be young, wild, and free. 

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Text: Mia

Brittany: Hey, so... um how are you holding up?

Brittany: How are the boys, and how's Landon?

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

So weird...

I think the dads of one of my students flirted with me.  He said something like, it should be tradition to take my kid’s new dance teacher to coffee.  That was awkward, I laughed it off, but isn’t it awkward if he was serious? 

He must be blind. I think I’m way too old to remotely attract that type of attention anyways. 

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I promise I’m okay...

It’s taken a bit to get back on my feet to face the world after... But I promise this is something I’m working on.

[ezra-piercelopez]

Chairs on Stairs | OPEN

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Brittany had no idea what time it was, and for a minute, what day it was.  All the days that Ezra was unconscious seemed to blur together.  She had never been one to pray with ease, because there was simply no scientific explanation as to some supreme being.  Or maybe it wasn’t that she didn’t all out believe in God, but maybe just some innate spirituality that she carried, something to believe in day-to-day.  Whatever the case, and whatever higher power there was, definitely heard her silent pleas. 

When Ezra stirred, she suddenly jumped to action.  “Ezra, sweetie, it’s okay.  You’re here, safe, in the hospital, you’re with us.”

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I - no - this can’t be happening.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Ezra... I found him hanging at home.  If I hadn’t come home...

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

It was a silly, stupid lapse of judgment.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I’m not exactly sure I wanted help, Santana.  I mean I think I would have told you earlier if I was actively looking for help.  This was really something I tried to take care of myself.  It seemed silly that I should want help, when I did things that I wasn’t so proud of. 

Promise me that we’ll talk sooner than later.  I just, I need to be sure I’m not crazy for thinking the things I did. 

I’ll be fine. Knowing Mia, she’ll be asking questions, but she’s always been so fiercely independent.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I - no - this can’t be happening.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Private:

Doctors say he’s stable.  He has to wake up.  When he wakes up, we’ll know if there was brain damage due to lack of oxygen.  But doctors are optimistic. 

Um, I - panicked.  I - don’t remember if I told her or not.  We’ve been distant these days.  I - should text her shouldn’t I?  Yes, I’m in the hospital with him.  He looks so peaceful.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Text: Mia

Mia: Yeah, well...I have my own complaints about all that crap.

Mia: You're good at all of it, mom. Don't get so down on yourself, you're amazing, alright?

Mia: It still hurts. She was beautiful.

Mom: Crap? What? Um- did she say? Did you see?

Mom: Oh, I'm being silly. I said some really rude things. Quinn defended her. I was just so rude back. I - don't know, it was like I lost my mind.

Mom: Oh Mia, I don't know what I'd do - if it weren't for you kids to always keep me sane. Even in crazy times, all I have to remember is you kids. You're my whole world.

Mom: Whatever I can do to make your world a better place, I'll do it. If I could protect you from the pain, I would.

Mom: I know it's going to hurt. I'm not going to say I know exactly how you feel. Every person has that way how they feel. Once upon a time, I did feel pain from losing a child.

Mom: Sometimes now, when I think about it, I get sad. Before, the sadness was deeper. But I guess, in time, I looked at the miracles of my living kids, and knew that I had to live, keep going, to see to it that the living children lived good lives, the best I could give. It sucks to say it, but time. Time is what helps you heal the most.

Mom: And hugs, lots of hugs. From your kids, your spouse, your parents that love you very much. Even your in-laws.

Mom:

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

I - no - this can’t be happening.

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Private:

I don’t know.  All I know is that one of the times your Mami and I argued, she hit a really good point.  When have I been there, lately?  I -need to keep it together.  What kind of mother am I, if silly stupid spousal arguments distract me from what’s important. I’m supposed to be a mother first.   I - can’t let this get to me.  He needs a rock for a mother, not something that simply crumbles under pressure. 

The type that... his heart stopped beating, so it must have worked.  It’s a blur.  I just remember the second the lady on the phone said CPR, just like that - the paramedics had to peel me off from doing that.  

[dancerbritt-s-pierce]

Text: Mia

Mia: I'm not mad at you...I'm confused? It's just, like, a lot to process all at once, y'know?

Mia: Yeah...two birth certificates, one death certificate.

Mom: It's a lot of things. Distance between your Mami and I. Like I see her pushing away, and I'm too scared to ask why.

Mom: I managed to trick myself into thinking she's having some affair. Imagine that? Why on earth would I start to think that my wife of 25 years is having an affair?

Mom: I mean, I know I'm not the person I used to be. When I had dance, I was confident, so sure of who I was - a wife, mother, dancer, friend, all of that in one.

Mom: Take away the dancing, and was I really ever good at the rest?

Mom: That's good. It's what you wanted, right? The world to know she was human? She was very human. And now your little angel. She's in a good place. I'm sure of it! As pure and sweet as you and Landon are, she's the sweetest little angel of all.