I Just Want To Be Happy

I gotta put it somewhere

[dancinginthedoldrums]

What is it like? To laugh next to someone you love until it’s time to fall asleep next to them. What joy it must bring

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I can’t stand myself. So needy! So starving for attention!

You don’t deserve it bitch! You never did and never will.

That’s right. How could I forget? I keep repeating the same mistakes. Maybe there really is no hope for me.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

There’s always someone better. I’ll never compare. If I can’t be that to someone what’s the point of me? I want to disappear. Being forgotten will be easier that way.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I am such a fucking waste of space

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I AM SO TIRED OF CRYING ALONE

[dancinginthedoldrums]

Why am I so fucking insufferable?

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I’m afraid

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I’m sorry my struggles aren’t the same as yours. I’m sorry I’m not relatable anymore. I used to text you nonstop years ago. We would text every day. What happened? I miss you. Even though I see you all the time. You have formed connections tighter than ours. Im happy for you. You deserve it. But I miss you. Im sorry if I’m just annoying nowadays.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

Do you hate me? Has my charm finally worn off? Have you had enough of me? I’m sorry. I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish we were as close as we were back then. But you don’t seem to remember those times as fondly as me.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

Talking to her never helps. I go over there I break down and I know it’s a mistake but I CANT break down to anyone else. Me and her are just parasites holding on to each other until we have nothing left.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

So fucking hilarious that my mom calls me in the middle of a panic attack.

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I’m doing bad I’m doing bad I’m doing bad. I want to scream HELP ME but what good will that do? My chest is so tight I can barely breathe. I can’t ask for help because then I’m a bother. I want to cry but my face is stuck in a mask of no emotion

[dancinginthedoldrums]

One day it will all be better. One day I will go to therapy. One day I will have a life all my own. One day I will be free. One day I won’t care so much about people who could forget me in a moment.

Waiting had never been harder

[dancinginthedoldrums]

I’m not going to kill myself because I’m not a narc but like I’d love it if someone ended my suffering

[dancinginthedoldrums]

Forgot I made this blog but ho boy how little things change

[dancinginthedoldrums]

Everything I draw is so flat. So devoid of life. I want to be better. I practice and I don’t get better. What’s wrong with me?

[dancinginthedoldrums]

What can you say to someone after they relapsed? I could really use whatever that is right about now