Dandy

Alt account for system things, 20 bodily.

[dandelion-system]

Heads up! If you follow this blog, we might be following you back or liking your posts! But this is an alt, so you’ll see us as @dandelionsxies instead! Our main account is more generic and lighthearted, we leave more in depth and emotional stuff for this blog.

It’s always nice to see you guys liking posts though! Makes us smile that we aren’t the only one(s)

[dandelion-system]

RAAAAAHHHH tried telling my mum ‘i have a mental block because i know what i want to draw but I’ve no idea how to draw it. For as long as I’ve been learning art I’ve been taught how to copy, how to reproduce, how to draw lifelike. I struggle with a consistent style of my own because of this, and never feel happy with my work. The detail and semi realism I’ve come to know as defining of my style aren’t how I’d like to present myself as an artist, not in creating comics or kids books or prints. Because I’ve never been taught how to just be and how to experiment and how to find other creative presentations, I feel I’m at square one and I need to start from the ground up while assuming no technical skill for this style of art and treating myself kindly while I learn something new, though my current accomplishment as an artist makes me feel inferior for needing to do it this way. I want to just be able to do it without any of the practice or learning. It doesn’t help that I don’t know where my life is taking me anyway, so this is just an added uncertainty in the web of unknowns I’m currently navigating.’

But it coming out as ‘I have a mental block, I know what I want to draw but I just can’t because I don’t feel good enough.’

Which is frustrating, because in my head I’m a poet laureate and I’m really good at words and on paper I’m decent too! But my mouth does not cooperate. +100 intelligence stat paired with a -100 communication stat. I need to git gud yk?

[dandelion-system]

It’s June you know what that means!

It’s illegal for Raven to deny the allegations this month. They MUST be gay. It’s the law. Mwahahahaha

[yeehawpim]

I can be the ship and its sailors

[starryhoundbloo]

Shout out to my mom who explains my transition as "Having a daughterpillar turn into a Boyterfly". It doesn't erase the fact I was an adorable little girl, and also affirms my gender now. I love my mother.

[dandelion-system]

I need to become a caterpillar. So I can go into my cocoon and come out as my truest, most beautiful self. Not that I know what that is. Which is why I need the cocoon.

[spideysirens]

You can never wash it all away

[daikaiju-arts]

Having OCD in the Digital Circus would make me abstract probably

[dandelion-system]

I had the most wonderful dream last night that I looked into a mirror and the person I saw was irrevocably, unquestionably me. Still asleep I felt my body become lighter as I finally recognised the way my skin covered my bones in the mirror of my mind, felt exactly who I was and who I could become if I embraced myself.

Waking up didn’t hurt, because at first, I forgot. I, used to forgetting, to paying it no mind how I really feel. Under each layer of trying to be who I should be, still there, still in my dreams, showing up every now and then to say ‘I’m still here, you’re still here. This doesn’t change, this doesn’t go away. You have so much waiting for you’ and then halfway through the day, I remember. And somehow, it hurts even worse, because there was no lingering joy of being half awake in that dream-reality. Just the cold harsh reality that the way I was born was not the way my brain believes itself to be.

So I must try and forget again, but deep inside I will keep wishing that I dream it again tonight, and the night after, and after that. That in some way, I can have that feeling of freedom again, even if I have to keep letting it go.

[dandelion-system]

It seems like a lot of the people online experiencing the ‘I have no friends and I’m so sad’ are teenagers. And don’t get me wrong, I know how bad that hurts, cus I was that person too.

But it seems like at some point around 20, that stops. People start to feel comfortable alone, or they make even just one or two friends. But I haven’t. I’m still alone. I don’t know how long I’ll be alone for. I don’t know if there’s any part or me that’s likeable at all. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t know how to feel okay. I think there’s something wrong with me fundamentally that I just can’t connect to people.

The hole inside me gets bigger every day and there’s nothing I can do to stop the erosion as nothing but disappointment floods my veins. One day the banks of my heart will be smooth and it will run away from me without so much as a murmur, but for now my jagged edges drag away with the flow that pulls on me relentlessly.

[pizza-990]

"A Letter From Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" PLEASE READ IT THIS IS MY FIRST FAN COMIC EVER I BEG YOU 😭🙏🙏

I hope you read it all, and enjoyed!! Please share your thoughts about it, this is the first comic i ever made and i'm VERY excited, so your opinions mean A LOT!!! Also, I'm new on using Tumblr, so I'd really appreciate if you could share this in Tumblr terms (if you really enjoyed, of course 😊🙏)

[dandelion-system]

Would it be funny if I got tomodachi life and made all my islanders my alters.

I think it’d be kinda funny tbh

[retro-system]

you know, it always struck me as odd that noelle told kris about them visiting her house at night and removing the thorn ring, even out of the context of them explicitly telling her not to tell them about that. i was racking my brains about it, wondering if she was telling them to affirm to herself that that actually happened and it wasn't a dream -- maybe hoping they'd confirm it for her -- or out of sheer curiosity in regards to why they even asked her not to say anything in the first place.

but i feel like the answer might be simpler than that: she's used to telling them about things that they've forgotten they did in the past.

having DID causes gaps in memory, which it's already been established kris has (see the egg rooms, and those times where kris does something the player is unaware of when kris removes their soul could also be metaphorically referencing memory gaps). if kris has done something with noelle, and she's brought it up to them afterwards to a blank expression on kris's face, it makes sense that she -- with some confusion i imagine -- would give remind them of the details. and if this happened frequently, it would be something she'd get accustomed to. we've seen her often reflecting on old memories she's shared with kris, asriel and dess, but maybe she's not just doing it for nostalgia purposes -- maybe she's also checking to see if kris remembers that as well.

she may not necessarily know they have DID -- she may just see it as a kris thing, another thing that makes kris themself. yeah, they've got poor memory at times, just one of those things about kris.

it's a loose theory, but that flashback was always something that bothered me a bit because i wasn't sure what purpose it served diagetically (obviously for the player's purpose it was exposition) and it made more sense when i looked at it this way.

[faceless-crowd]

Mafia boss smoking a cigar: Why’d you gotta squeal, Squealin’ Stephen? I trusted you. Now I gotta send my best goons to show you what happens when you cross the Big Boss…

Guy tied up in chair: uh…theres just one guy over there.

Mafia boss: Yeah. That’s Lil’ Tony. He’s got one of dem conditions where he’s got multiple mooks n’ his head. But when Big Tony fronts you’re gonna be in big trouble.

Lil’ Tony: We actually all agree we’re gonna kick your ass.

[crabussy]

"I just find it hard to believe some people who claim to be systems. why do all their alters have strange names and unique appearances and weird mannerisms?" queer people are disproportionately at risk of experiencing childhood trauma. autistic people are disproportionately at risk of experiencing childhood trauma. there are countless studies on this if you want to hear it right from the source. childhood trauma is the driving factor behind a massive majority of DID/OSDD system formations. I trust that you can connect the dots here!

[crabussy]

if you intentionally choose to disregard peoples' existences based on their appearance or behaviours, you have biases that you absolutely need to deconstruct before people like me can ever feel safe around you.

you can start by saying nothing about how you "just can't believe it" when someone you don't know exists as a system where you can see. you can keep going by trusting the people in your life when they share extremely vulnerable information about themselves.

[crabussy]

telling someone that you're part of a system feels like exposing your soft underside. I've cried from terror almost every time I've had to reveal it to someone I care about, and I don't cry easily. if someone tells you they're part of a system, they're placing a monumental amount of trust in you.

please don't break that trust.

[crabussy]

actually, another thing!!! you are seeing systems who:

1. actually know that they're systems (this is rare. being online makes resources on figuring it out WAY more accessible) 2. happen to exist in the same online space as you, the tumblr user reading this 3. are, as a result, usually younger and/or autistic and/or queer, which are all factors that can influence individual alters' identities.

so of COURSE you think we're all like this. you're looking at one damn tree instead of the whole forest!!! there are systems who are 60 years old and never had the resources to figure out what was going on. there are systems who are 30 and barely use social media for personal reasons. there are systems who are 20 and don't tell anyone because of the cruelty they've faced every time they try. there are systems who are 15 and are SO relieved to have answers to why everything felt weird and wrong their whole life, so they shout it from the rooftops. your limited interactions with systems in specific online spaces does not represent the majority of systems on earth.

even if it did represent the majority of systems on earth we STILL deserve to be treated like people. this should not be something I have to beg for!!!!!

[dandelion-system]

^^^

Op is right in every way. As a system, I’ve had to go to specialist psychiatrists who read these studies to help treat me (autistic and queer). As a system, I’ve known many people that are likely systems personally, who would never know because no one ever told them it was even a real thing. As a system, online community helped me understand my own brain, helped me as I was diagnosed. As a system, almost no one in my personal life knows at all because I’m treated badly for it. Because even the most normal parts of me, the high masking alters, they’re ‘weird’, were a ‘freak’, just because.

All systems deserve to be treated well. No matter how they present. Let them exist in a space without contributing to the trauma they have already experienced. OP says it so well.

[typograckle]

girlthing spring day 5 jax angst

[katzebruh]

Could I have been good?