Pairing: Non-cripsy vader/Anakin Skywalker x F!reader
Warnings: One minor curse word (damn), non-cripsy vader, feels
Wordcount: 2,488
A/N: Kindly requested by @jessevans here on Tumblr. I double checked and she wanted a non deep-fried vader fo this one. I am os happy with it, it is a long one, but it is pure feels. I have been reading the RoTH novelisation and have been really enjoying delving deeper into Ani's charcter (canon or not, i will take what I can get). I hope you like it!
Please remember to give things a lil’ reblog if you want to help share the love 🤍
Vader stood watching the lights of hyperspace merge into a smudge outside of his window, his hands clasped behind his back, the cool metal of his durasteel arm digging painfully into the flesh of the other – just enough to help him feel something.
The tired lines on his face seemed almost permanently etched in now, his hair roughly cut back to his shoulders by some useless droid when it had been unevenly singed by the blade of a sabre when he had become too reckless – yet again.
“Sir,” the uncertain voice of a nobody imperial wannabe sounded from behind him, pulling him back to the moment. “I said there was another Jedi sighting on Alderaan, the same one as last time. The inquisitorial squad sent after them have failed to apprehend them, they…”
Vader turned his head to the side a little, almost daring them to finish their sentence. “... they were wiped out.” Vader stood still for a moment before suddenly punching the hard metal of the wall beside him. That was the second group that had disappeared in those mountains after that damned traitor. Vader heard the messenger take a few subtle steps backwards towards the door. “Do you have more orders, sir?” he asked meekly.
“Ready my ship,” he replied darkly. “I’ll do the damn job myself.”
The mountains on Alderan were beautiful this time of year, and they usually offered you such solace, keeping you hidden and away from the rest of the city. Senator Organa had continued to have supplies delivered to you, occasionally visiting you and inviting you back into the city with your children, assuring you would still be hidden in his protection.
You had continued to refuse his request, however, not wanting to put anyone else who tried to help you at risk. You had continued to send your children to the school; however, Bail had insisted on only the best for the twins, becoming like their uncle and keeping them out of trouble until they got home.
Until two weeks ago, that is, when Alaya had had an outburst when protecting her brother against some stupid school yard bullies and launched a small rock at their heads without touching it.
You had been quietly training your children in the force since they were toddlers, but had always taught them to keep it hidden, not telling anyone except Uncle Organa. But Alaya had her fathers natural temper, it seemed, and their twin bond arguably made it worse.
They had been kept out of school since the incident, especially after two inquisitors had come knocking at your door, or more breaking it down, searching for them. You had been planning to move for the last few weeks, but planning had taken time, and it was only last week that Bail had managed to contact Obi Wan again, and found you safe refuge on Tatooine. The second lot of inquisitors came a week later, two days before your ship was due to leave, hearing about a jedi who had slayed two imperials as if they were nothing.
You knew you had drawn too much dangerous attention, but you never expected to see an advanced TIE fighter landing in the clearing by your home, surely having alerted most of the city to their arrival. The single ship could only mean one thing. And it was the very thing you were not willing to fight.
The twins had come outside at the sound of the landing, asking you what it was this time as you ushered them back inside quickly,
“Go, now. Stay hidden,” you warned. “Do not come outside no matter what you hear,” you placed a gentle kiss to each of their foreheads, “do not come out until I tell you, or until Uncle Organa comes to find you,” you fretted, hoping they couldn’t sense your dread.
You shushed them as they tried to ask questions before grabbing your lightsaber from the packed bag by the door and standing before your home having pulled the door closed behind you.
Your worst fears were realised as you saw a figure in all black step from the craft, a long cloak flowing behind them in the mountain air. He had found you. You felt him through the force, but it was not the same as it used to be – it was dark, rageful, conflicted – now what was one thing that was familiar.
Vader stopped dead in his tracks as he saw you, recognition flooding his features as he saw you stood alone, your unignited sabre gripped so hard in your hand that your knuckles were pale. He could feel your fear, but there was a longing there too. Your force signature was instantly recognisable to him and it shook him to his core – this was not what he expected to find. You were supposed to be dead.
He continued to pace towards you, slower this time as he tried to work out if it was some kind of trick. The emperor had told him you were dead. You shouldn't have been standing there, but at the same time, it makes sense that the inquisitors wouldn't have survived if they had met with your blade.
“You are not welcome here, Lord Vader,” your voice cried out, but you were sure he could hear the waiver in it. He continued towards you anyway, and you held your sabre higher, preparing yourself to settle into a defensive stance. He stopped a few feet in front of you, he almost looked startled at your use of that name.
“You’re supposed to be dead…” he said uncertainly. “Order 66, the troopers… The emperor told me you were killed in the purge, with the bab-” he couldn’t finish his own sentence as he took another step towards you. If he had been conflicted in the last few months this was enough to top it off. “You were gone.” You could hear the anger seeping into his voice and you left your sabre raised, watching him as if he were a stray animal.
“You never checked,” you replied, trying to keep your voice flat as you eyed him. He looked the same as the day he left – a little older, of course, with a few more scars and his hair not as well groomed, but otherwise you would have mistaken him for your Anakin. “You never checked for yourself.”
“I reached out through the force and I couldn’t find you. I never stopped reaching out to you and yet you were gone, you were dead!” he seethed, growing more irritated at you.
“You are the one that died, and became this monster, this Vader” you couldn't hold it back much longer, your tears welling up in your eyes and threatening to spill.
“Don’t call me that!” he warned, fist clenching, tears forming in his own eyes in frustration.
“What, Vader? That is who you are now, is it not? The reason we had to go into hiding.”
He faltered, his fist slowly losing its grip on itself. “We?” he asked quietly. You paled as you realised what you said. “The baby– the baby survived?” he asked, taking a few steps closer to you. You saw the vulnerability in his eyes and for some reason you let him approach.
All you could do was nod slowly, swallowing hard as you did so. “Babies…” you said quietly, the hand holding your sabre slowly lowering.
“Two?” he nearly choked, looking down, tightening his jaw and clenching his fists again, trying for the first time in a long time to keep his emotions in check. “Two babies,” he whispered, finally looking back up to you. “And they are the children that…”
“That you sent inquisitors after, yes,” you replied quietly and he broke. Tears finally fell down his cheeks as he fell to his knees, his legs barely supporting him.
“I didn't, I–”
“I know,” you spoke softly, your heart breaking at the sight of the man you loved – still love, if you were being honest with yourself, breaking in front of your eyes.
“Are they?” he asked, gesturing to the house behind you. You hesitated for a moment, wondering whether after all this time he would rip them from you as everyone was scared he would do those 10 long years ago. But you sensed the conflict in him, the light triumphing over the dark for the first time in a long time, and you sensed regret. His fear had waned, it was still present, but it was a deep seated anxiety, not his usual rage. You nodded once again. “Can I?” he wondered, still unable to trust his voice to form full sentences.
You took a few steps backwards, not turning from him until you reached the door, pushing it back open and disappearing inside to get them.
“What’s happening?” Alaya asked, worried by her mothers teary eyes.
“There is someone you need to meet,” you spoke softly, stroking their twins' hair. “You should stay with me, okay? Everything will be okay,” you assured them before heading back for the door.
When you stepped back out again, he had stood again, visibly trying to recompose himself and turning as he heard your front door close again. Two small children stood behind you, their mousy brown hair the spit of his, their eyes the same as yours through and through. Your hand rested on their backs lightly as they stood close to your legs.
“This is Alayra,” you said looking down towards your daughter, “She’s the one that caused a little kerfuffle at school,” you smiled lightly. “And this,” you paused as you looked at your son, your voice catching in your throat…
“I’m Anakin,” your son said loudly, “like the famous Jedi!” he said proudly, finishing your sentence “who are you?” Your old loves eyes filled with tears again as he looked at his son, the young boy looking at him a little suspiciously.
“I’m…” he didn't know how to answer that question.
“He is your father,” you finished for him, not making him pick between Ani and Vader right now. There was still time for that.
The twins looked up at you a little shocked. They were aware their father was alive, and had been a great Jedi, but that duty had called him away – you just never shared what allegiance that duty was for. “Go on,” you said tentatively, allowing them to approach him if they wished.
Alayra was, naturally, the first to approach him, studying his face as he came to his knees again to be better level with her. “You certainly have my hair,” she said scrutinising him, making you snicker a little as Ani’s face lit up with a smile, the first smile you had seen in over 10 years. “Yes, I suppose you could be” she determined, and he felt her trying to prod into his mind a little, but he was well shielded – he always was.
“You are strong with the force,” he murmured quietly, but she heard anyway.
“Well yes, of course,” she replied, almost confused as to why he would ask. “That’s what mother always says anyway.”
“Hey I am too!” Anakin Jr. perked up, forever determined to get the upper hand on his sister (but, much to his dismay, rarely succeeding). He took a few steps closer, “I am, right?” he looked back at you for the little of reassurance,
“Of course, darling,” you smiled through tears, watching them next to their father. Inside, your heart dried at the years he had lost with them, yearning for him to return to you all, but unsure of how that could work with his new past.
“Are you here to stay, then?” Alayra asked forwardly, she never was one for diplomacy. You watched as he hesitated. Just this morning he had set out to kill the Jedi tearing through his inquisitorial squad, and how he had a family again.
You sensed his conflict arise once again, if there was one person Anakin Skywalker could not shut his mind off to it was you – whether he liked it or not. Fear clouded his mind as his self doubts about being a father after everything that had transpired flashed through his mind, an Ice Dragon gnawing at his heart and warning him that he always lost everything…
“He has to go away for a while again,” you said carefully, his eyes snapping to you. “But give it a few weeks, and he might be back for good.” You saw his gratefulness in his eyes, a silent thank you passing between you as he realised you were giving him a chance – a good chance to get out and come back. “Come on now, back inside for me. I will be there in a minute,” you hastened them, watching them as they filed back in, taking a few last glances over their shoulders at the strange man that resembled them so much, whispering between themselves as they went.
You glanced back to him, not noticing how much closer he had gotten to you until you felt his arms around you again. You melted against him instantly, not realising how desperately you needed his touch after all these years. The way he clung to you was desperate, and you felt his love through his touch. It was the first time he had touched anything lovelying in a decade.
“I still love you,” he murmured against your forehead as he continued to hold you tight, “I never stopped loving you, even when he told me you were dead. I fought because I was angry I couldn't save you and yet all this time I…”
You shushed him, pulling away so that you could finally press your lips to his once again. “I know, it’s alright,” you assured him. “I am here. I will always be here - you saved me, Ani,” you felt him sob at your nickname for him, “you warned me to hide before you left, I knew something was up so i listened, for once I actually listened to you, and Obi Wan helped me hide. I had to live with that guilt for a long time…” you reflected to yourself.
“I’m sorry.” the two of you stood quietly together again.
“I am going to Tatooine, my ship leaves in a few days. It is not safe for the children here while the empire knows there are force sensitives,” you finally broke the silence as he listened. “In a few weeks, come and find me. If you don’t I will know your decision, if you do… there will be a place for you with us.”
He nodded, hands tightening on your waist as he placed a chaste kiss to your forehead.
“I need to go,” he spoke softly.
“I know,” you smiled sadly at him as he stepped away.
“I will be back, I swear it,” you felt his anger towards the Emperor,
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