Stanley Cup Rankings, as a Bruins Fan
All the teams I want to win the Stanley Cup, ranked and categorized:
Want to to win, could actually win:
1.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Edmonton Oilers
2.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Seattle Kraken
3.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Florida Panthers
4.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Dallas Stars
Donāt want to win, could (and probably will) win ā most to least hated:
1.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Vegas Golden Knights
2.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Carolina Hurricanes
Want to win, no chance in hell:
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā New Jersey Devils
Donāt want to win, no chance in hell:
Ā·Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Toronto Maple Leafs
Reasoning:
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Oilers: Fuck it, lets get the best player in the world his prize this year and give Canada itās long-overdue cup back. Now that I no longer have to fear them following the Bruins first round exit (sigh), I might as well root for McDavid & crew, right? Draisaitlās contract is up in two years and when that happens the Oilers are going to have to start paying him what heās worth, so the window for them to make a run before cap considerations weigh them down feels shortened.Ā Speaking of Draisaitl ⦠heās making a serious case for himself as the best player in the world as of this moment - leading the NHL in both playoff points and sheer, unbridled handsomeness. Leon, you hot bitch!
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Seattle Kraken: Who doesnāt love an underdog? Especially one in a new market like Seattle, with fans as passionate as theirs. Theyāre not an all-star roster but theyāre a team that shows up and gives the big dogs problems ā just ask Boston (who they gave hell during the regular season) and the reigning Stanley Cup champion Colorado Avalanche, who they knocked out in an unlikely first round upset. And theyāre giving the very, very good Dallas Stars a serious challenge in the second round, getting blown out but also dishing blowouts in return. A SCF run for them - however unlikely - doesnāt feel impossible at this stage of the game, like it does with some other teams.
I like the Kraken; I like their fans, I like their city, I like their hutzpah, and I like the idea of an expansion market Cinderella story.
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Florida Panthers: Why (as a Bruins fan) would I say something so controversial and yet so brave? Because fuck it, this team has shown that they want to be here and that theyāve got the guts to get it done. Did they knock the Bruins out of the first round, and with them all my hopes, dreams, and happiness for the future? Yes. Were they the better team? No. Did they still find a way to win fair and square? Yes. The Florida Panthers are nothing if not scrappy and resourceful, and they beat the Bruins by forcing the Bruins to play down to their level. They pressured Boston, and now Toronto, to give up weak goals on bad turnovers as a result of a relentless forecheck that Iāve seen accurately described as a āpack of hyenas.ā Yes, they occasionally cross the line from scrappy to dangerous, but thatās a tough line to walk during the Stanley Cup playoffs and few teams do it perfectly. Too aggressive and youāre dirty, too cautious and youāre soft. The Panthers err on the side of aggression and agitation, but can you blame them when theyāve gotten these kinds of results? Speaking of agitators, Iād like to address the rat in the room, Matthew Tkachuk. Is he infuriating to play against? Yes. Did I want to slap the mouthguard right off his smug face during the first round? Of course. Do I hate him, think heās a bad player, or want to see him receive the full punitive wrath of the league for his antics? No, I donāt. I canāt - after 14 years of watching and loving Brad Marchand - begrudge Tkachuk for walking that line of agitator and highly-skilled difference-maker so effectively without being a massive hypocrite. Plus ⦠if they take out the Leafs in the second round it would be so fucking funny. I hope they do.
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Dallas Stars: Full disclosure: this one Iām more apathetic about than probably any other team, but since Iām not actively rooting against them, they made my āteams Iām rooting forā list. Ok, ok, ok ⦠something to say about the Dallas Stars. Tyler Seguin won a cup with Boston, and heās cool, so thatās a point in their favor. Doesnāt seem right for him to have 2 cups and Bergeron only has one though, so thatās a point against. Theyāre a perennial cup contender who still hasnāt had their moment yet, so thatās another point for. All my other critiques are either baseless, superficial, or uninformed (donāt like the Cowboys, boob jobs sitting behind the bench is distracting, Dallas isnāt a ārealā hockey market) so that leaves the Stars with one point leftover in the āforācolumn. Go team! (God, I hate the 2023 Stanley Cup playoffs so much.)
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Vegas Golden Knights: I donāt want them to win because I donāt want Bruce Cassidy to get the last laugh here. Itās as simple as that. Iām a hater.Ā
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Carolina Hurricanes: Theyāre boringly competent and I donāt like watching them play. If they wind up in the SCF with Vegas I will kms or die from boredom before I get the chance.Ā
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā New Jersey Devils: Look, Iām not deluding myself into thinking this team is beating the Hurricanes and making it out of the second round. Their advancement out of the first round after an electrifying, unlikely come-from-behind upset over the New York Rangers (yes, I know they were seeded higher, but the Rangers team was far more stacked and had veteran playoff tenure and were absolutely the favorite) was incredible to watch. Itās also, more likely than not, as good as it will get for the Devils this season. And thatās ok, there is no shame in that! Theyāre a young team, still in their rebuilding and development process, with so much promise and some top talent geared to light it up for them in the future. Theyāll probably go down, but theyāll go down swinging having got way further in these playoffs than anyone would have thought a few years ago. Even if they go out in 5 to the more polished and defensively-sound Hurricanes tonight, they showed some grit and dignity in the second round with a game 3 blowout of the Canes and a refusal to get swept. I like these kids, I just donāt think itās happening this year. Also, itās the internet, so Iād be remiss not to mention Jack Hughes. What can I say? Heās a generational talent with so much skill and guts despite his tiny stature and a pitifully adorable face (even more pitiful and even more adorable sans-jib). Plus, his mom is Ellen Hughes so Iām left with no choice but to love him.
-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Toronto Maple Leafs: Leafs gonna Leaf. Unless they donāt?? (spoiler alert: they will).
























