My mother is a fighter. She always keeps going regardless of how tired or how bad the situation is, she's both the toughest and the most tender/loving person I know. She is my number one supporter but she always thinks I can give and do more. If I am being honest this pushed me to achieve more over the short course of my life, it made me realize that I have more to give than I thought I did but it also made me believe that whatever I do, it's never enough.
My sisters are type A personalities, over achievers, smart, hard-working and loving. No matter how many times they tell me I'm just as smart (even smarter) and how many times they said they believed in me, I never believed I could live up to their level or to their expectations of me. Alongside mom, they're my biggest supporters but it came with the burden of always being afraid I'd let them down _and I have_ and that they'd eventually give up on me but they haven't yet.
What's there to complain about? I don't know, A LOT? Would I trade them for the world? Definitely not. I just feel that I'm always trying to achieve more, always running, always afraid and 100% of the time self-conscious and they're not to blame. Maybe I'm too fragile, maybe being compared to people your whole life stops you from working on having a personality of your own and instead makes you try to achieve the standard people had set for you.
I guess I'm so tired of running as fast as I can (ofc it's a Taylor Swift's reference). I guess for once in my life I just want to feel like what I'm doing is enough, like I am enough.
I feel overwhelmed all the time and I guess I just need someone to tell me that it's okay to stop, catch my breath and then see what my next step is going to be.
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