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@daphnedumariner-blog
If you're flawless...
If you’re flawless…
You’re here to make me look good.
Don’t embarrass me by not turning up.
Don’t make excuses like I belittle you or ignore you.
Just show up and make me look good
So I can continue to be a shining star in a world I never really want you to be a part of.
Unless you can make me look good.
Don’t outshine me, don’t you dare.
Don’t laugh too loud, don’t make a fuss, don’t ever draw attention to…
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Others
Help me.
Help me to see the harm I cause. Help me to see the drama I create.
I’m trying to be me. But sometimes I am ego. Sometimes I push and people don’t seem to like that.
Can I ever be accepted?
Will I ever be?
Or will I have to say goodbye to those for whom I am too much?
Should I say say goodbye?
Should I give up hope?
Or should I strive to be the bigger person?
To make space and wait…
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If only you could see.
If only you could see.
I wonder why I was never good enough for you.
Why I’m still not.
I wonder how you can turn your back on me
How you can parade your mocking and judgement as love?
You throw your hands in the air.
“She just won’t do as I say”
And then you turn away.
Your love is conditional.
Do you know that?
You only love me when I’m not a challenge.
And I always am.
Aren’t I?
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What's your dream?
What’s your dream?
I’m not living my dream.
I’m not living it because I am broken.
I don’t know what life looks like, to not be broken.
What’s my dream?
My dream is to be ok.
Is that a thing I can live?
Can I live at being ok?
Can I fake it? Should I?
Is that what everyone else does?
Really, is that what the rest of the world is doing?
Just faking it till they make it?
Is that how one feels fulfilled?
That seems…
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It’s hard, isn’t it?
To be good. To work on yourself. To not judge.
To be patient and kind.
To always be thinking.
To second guess. To fall down.
And get back up.
And hope that with every passing year you’re just that little bit better.
I hope, before I die, I am fixed.
That’s where I want to be.
I want to know the things I don’t know now.
I want to understand
And find peace.
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Reading recap 2018 - what you missed out on.
Reading recap 2018 – what you missed out on.
Y’all, I wanted to write a great, pithy witty review for every book I’ve read this year. But the truth is I’m tired and lazy and there’s wine to be drunk. So instead I present to you a poor man’s offering – a snack in stead of a buffet. A whip through the drive through, no time to dine in.
Here’s some things I read this year but didn’t blog about.
The Long Earth – Stephen Baxter and Terry…
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Wound wound wounded
Why do I do the things I do?
Why do I lash out? Why does a switch get flicked and someone else inside me takes over? Who is she, that dark angry creature? She hates you and she hurts you. And I am ashamed. She could burn the world, burn it to the ground and walk across charred bones with no remorse. She is empty and yet she spews vile rage, painting everyone in her path with sorrow and…
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Mommie Dearest
When you’re the mother
And I am the competition
All you wanted was for me to go away
All you wanted was to mock and humiliate
To make me small.
But I was already small.
You thought I took something away from you.
I stole your shine. I stole your limelight.
But I never wanted it.
I never wanted yours.
I just wanted my own small piece.
You hate me, you know?
You can’t even see it
Because you’re…
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World Book Day 2018
World Book Day 2018
Book lovers, this is our day! And whilst it’s never difficult to encourage a bibliophile to pick up a book, here’s few things you might consider doing, as a means of making the most of this awesome day. Visit your favourite bookshop (if your town still even has one). And yes, the book section at Target counts. Spend the day in bed curled up with Mr Darcy and a steaming cup of Earl Grey. Try an…
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Children's Book Day
Children’s Book Day
My fondest memories as a child are of flowers and grass and the way the wind moved the leaves on the trees. I would tiptoe along the paths that wound through my great grandmother’s garden, peeking under fat flower petals looking for fairies, searching for secrets. It’s no surprise then that my favourite childhood book is The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. “One of the nice little…
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MarchMarchMadness.
March brought with it a mixture of genres and themes. Dystopian, non fiction, politics and poverty. A mixed bag really that kept the month interesting in the lead up to Easter! The Muse – Jessie Burton – The Muse is Burton’s second novel, and in my opinion is more reader friendly and accessible than her debut novel The Miniaturist. It’s an interesting novel, spanning generations, timelines…
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World Poetry Day 2018
World Poetry Day 2018
Have A Nice Day – Poem by Spike Milligan ‘Help, help, ‘ said a man. ‘I’m drowning.’ ‘Hang on, ‘ said a man from the shore. ‘Help, help, ‘ said the man. ‘I’m not clowning.’ ‘Yes, I know, I heard you before. Be patient dear man who is drowning, You, see I’ve got a disease. I’m waiting for a Doctor J. Browning. So do be patient please.’ ‘How long, ‘ said the man who was drowning. ‘Will it take for…
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Today
Today I am absent. Avoiding. I feel myself sitting back, behind my eyes, looking out. Not feeling, not thinking. Just nothing. If you could see me, you would not. I am blank, inside and out. I am washed away, like a stain on the sand. Like a splash of blood. When I am nothing, then there is nothing and I can be ok. I can pretend that the world and its hurt (my hurt) does not exist. It…
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Fab Feb Fiction 2018
Fab Feb Fiction 2018
It was not my intention to read two post apocalyptic/dystopian novels for the month of February, but I did. So there. The Ice Schooner – Michael Moorcock Basically this novel is set in the far far distant(or not so far distant future) where the world we know is buried under thousands of metres of ice. Humans have managed to survive, sailing across the ice hunting “land whales” Our main man…
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Best and Worst Endings *contains spoilers*
Best and Worst Endings *contains spoilers*
Best – The Dark Tower – Stephen King I wept at the end of this novel. I wept at its perfection and knew, as Stephen King must have known, that there could be no other ending. Perfection. Worst – Twilight – Breaking Dawn – Stephanie Meyer If you know anything about the Twilight series it’s that the Cullen vamps have special powers. Edward can read minds. Alice can see the future. Carlyle’s a…
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January 2018 Booklist
Well, welcome 2018! So far it’s been a cracker of a year. I’ve managed to finish three books this month (more than I anticipated), so let’s dive straight in. Lisey’s Story – Stephen King I have to be honest. I’ve read a lot of Stephen King’s work. 49 of his books to be exact. So I thought I had a pretty good feel for his style and approach. Holy moly! Just when you think you know a person!…
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In the night. In the dark.
Some wounds go deep. They burrow down and take root in the mud and mire of life’s little pains. They are wounds that we glimpse out of the corner of our eye, like a ghost or a shadow. They are the thing we pretend is not there. They are the wounds that twist fear in our stomachs, way down in the dark of our being. Just a flash. Ooops, there’s a thing I should be looking at, working on.…
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