WHY AM I HERE

+1 Existential Crisis

[yellow--socks-deactivated202006]

me at the store: do i want some snacks? nah it’s ok

me at home: past me was a fucking dumbass

[afro-elf]

i’m too soft of a bitch to have lived when love letters were common practice. i’d get One and go lay down by a river and my friends would be like “what’s wrong?” and i’d be like “my friends, i’ve fallen ill” 

[c-bassmeow]

[ectopusses]

[distressedphilosopher-deactivat]

Honestly “thanks I hate it” is one of the funniest phrases in the English language

[gideongaius]

i one time told my italian professor “grazie lo detesto” and she lost her shit, so it’s not just english

[glumshoe]

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

[glumshoe]

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

[glumshoe]

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

[puerto-nic0]

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

[schmergo]

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

[batsalmighty]

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

[tired-wolfe]

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?  Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?  Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).  – Got to walk a second time through–  Same guy: My friends -wailing-  Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

[hoardofhyperfixations]

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.

[imanicepersoniswear]

Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!

Me: thanks dad

A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad

[under-the-arch]

I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way

[sun-flowers-sam-deactivated2019]

IM CRYING

[bisexual-nightmare]

One time in a haunted house I shouted “oh my god” and the guy playing the Victorian-esque mad doctor replied “you can just call me doctor” or something like that and a) it was the smoothest fucking thing but b) holy shit I cracked up so hard I wish I could have told him later that that experience will sit with me for life

[geekandmisandry]

I have never been in a haunted house and I’m sad now.

[ramenuzumaki]

THIS IS A MASTERPIECE HAHAHAHAHA

(Via @jazephua *twitter)

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

WHEN HES GETTING THR FUCKING PIGG BACK RIDE

[slavetomyheadcanon]

This might be the best thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

[doncamathicc]

don’t you hate it when you go for a swim with a pretty girl and when you get out of the water your nipples have washed away

[whitmoreindustries]

I couldn’t stop thinking about how funny this was I’M SORRY

[yesperono]

A female Presenting nipples

[fioreromana]

I laughed way harder than I should have.

[gaysun-deactivated20230205]

Zuko’s scar is different than the typical villain’s scar bc it’s not an ambiguous sign of past violence but an explicit symbol of his father’s abuse - rather than making him seem tougher for no reason it shows that at his heart he’s just a traumatized child and not a villain at all. In this essay I will

[nasmora]

Give us the essay op

[sachesky]

Chaotic Good brother.

[0ctaslash-moved]

i went into haelga’s bedroom to see if i could steal shit and now i wanna die

excuse me todd? are you going to answer for modeling a kink bed todd?

[0ctaslash-moved]

i can only imagine Alvar seeing this and being like “okay i’m into some shit but. really? built in to the damn bed?”

[anancientmariner]

Bud, you still haven’t spotted the Horker tusk under the bed huh

Or the leather strips, or the potion of Vigor

[0ctaslash-moved]

THE TUSK?????

[anancientmariner]

the tusk.

[0ctaslash-moved]

[neotheresa]

Y’all forgot to mention the leather harness she apparently ordered from Grelka

[0ctaslash-moved]

i am never entering riften again

[dapper-alter-ego]

you forgot about the pots of honey and the love letter mentioning something about a fish....

[toddcoward69]

*Sitting in front of my computer like a Jarl from Skyrim*

[worldhammerer-old]

doing laundry? fine, even fun. putting laundry away? terrible. worst chore. wretched way to spend time.

[bodhimcbodeface]

no putting laundry away we live out of the basket like men

[stream]

Captain Marvel (2019) | Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

[tottyagainstships]

reblog to delete all incest shipping

[remanedur]

yo okay wait how come nobody made this post. why is op nonexistent 

[veeranger]

god made this post

[lesbianshepard]

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

[lesbianshepard]

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

[lesbianshepard]

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

[lesbianshepard]

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

[the-cheshire-cat-grin]

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

[dankmemeuniversity]

[ruinedchildhood]

[cityofartists]

The original looks more messed up to me now than the vine

[acitywithoutwalls]

I had no idea the women in the top left and bottom left were different people