yes, well, it's always the living that makes it ha

Darien Harris. 26. "The little things? The little moments? — They aren’t little."

[tonigold-blog]

Why would I go to jail anyway? When I’m not throwing the cats, I’m not the one to go to jail. So no, you’re not talking me into cat-flinging. Oh, so that’s why you’re here. Food. I might be able to make you that, if you have something for me in return.

[darienharris]

Why would I go to jail if you were throwing cats? I'm only saying it based off your logic, Toni. Hey! That's not why I'm here, but since I am here anyway and we've been talking for years and I'm hungry and you're one of the best cooks I know...why not, right? I have money in return...

[rosepxrker-deactivated20160401]

Oh my God, don’t be dramatic. You know, sometimes I wake up, and wonder what ever possessed me to think that you and I would get along smoothly, but you keep me grounded when it comes to the business, I guess I can be grateful for this, and for your expertise too, Okay, if you say so, then I’m holding you off on this word.

[darienharris]

Says the most overdramatic person I know....I kid, I kid. I--...uh, well I'm glad I can do that for you, although I didn't even know I was doing it, haha. Don't think much about it, really. Alright, alright, you do that.

[tonigold-blog]

There are always crazy people who do what you want, but make sure to let me know when you find somebody. I don’t want to miss out on the flying cats. Not? Damn, I thought a criminal record would make me cool at last.

[darienharris]

But then you'll go to jail anyway, because you're there and if that's the case, don't you want the honour of being the one to fling cats at people? You know what would make you the coolest of the cool? If you made me a nice shrimp fettincini alfredo.

[tonigold-blog]

Do you realize that you just destroyed any chance you had at seeing me fling cats around this town? Because if we’re not going to jail together, I’m definitely not going alone. It’s not happening.

[darienharris]

Well like I said, at least I was honest...I'm sure there's someone around here who would fling cats if I poked the idea at them enough. Hehe. I don't think a criminal record will do us any good for our futures.

[tonigold-blog]

Oh fuck you, you’re such a bad friend. We should at least go to prison together for this.

[darienharris]

I never said i was a good friend, and at least I'm honest. If I'm not flinging cats, then there's no point in me going to jail and even if we did both go to jail, we wouldn't be anywhere near each other. You'd be with women, I'd be with men.

[rosepxrker-deactivated20160401]

I’m literally a mother now, Darien, it’s the only nature I will ever know and stop that! I like to think that I’m very well put together, you don’t think I look very well put together? Okay, okay, I trust you, and the fetus is fine, it’s going to handle all the stress I handle on a daily basis, just let me know. 

[darienharris]

I already told you what I think, Rosie Posie! Oh God, you're losing your memory too! Hang on, Rose! Don't let go! We'll make sure you get through it in one piece. Alright, if you say so. I will, don't worry.

[hannahbrooksrp]

One day I will…I have a whole list of places I want to visit, and not the big tourist trap cities, but little towns and cities and villages. Have you ever traveled, been on any big adventures?

[darienharris]

Ah, yeah. Those kinds of places are always nice and quaint. Me? Oh, yeah, I've been to a lot of places, but they're all tourist traps kind of places.

[addisonparks-deactivated2016051]

That metaphor needs work. I mean I don’t know what kind of bad sex you’ve had, but when it’s happened to me there’s been nothing pleasant about it, not even briefly. Bad sex is just bad.

[darienharris]

But it always starts off good, doesn't it? Therefore, it's short lived as soon as it turns bad but...yeah, I'll probably need a better metaphor.

[tonigold-blog]

Don’t you think somebody’s going to lock us up if we keep throwing cats at children? I’m too young to go to prison.

[darienharris]

We? No, no, you're doing the cat throwing so...you'll mostly likely go to prison, I won't.

[vi-lancaster]

Can we just go get a drink now?

[darienharris]

...were we going to do that? Alright then, lets go.

[jizz-holt]

Yeah well… people have said worse.

[darienharris]

Meh. You win some, you lose some.

[vi-lancaster]

Ugh this conversation is giving me a headache, butthead. 

[darienharris]

To be honest I stopped knowing what we were talking about like twenty minutes ago.

[tonigold-blog]

It’s not for me. I can see in your eyes that it’s for you, you just wanted to not be the only one feared by the kids. And of course you want to see me fling cats at people— so this totally is for you.

[darienharris]

I didn't deny that it was for me, just you know, for you. You throw the cats, I watch, children scream...oh, what joy.

[addisonparks-deactivated2016051]

Hey…hey don’t knock my blackmailing techniques. If it brings me joy then it is a successful endeavor, end of story.

[darienharris]

I will always knock them, especially when they suck. That's what real friends are for. It's a short lived pleasure, like bad sex.

[vi-lancaster]

Well then Darien, I guess I’m a butt head. That’s just it.

[darienharris]

So quick to accept the worst...you proved you weren't a butt head when you complimented me, though.

Plus, it shows in your work too. You have a heart.

[augustensayles-blog]

Lemme explain myself. I- right before I left to shoot this movie in LA where I met said girl, my girlfriend and I had broken up. During the time I was away she moved out of our apartment and we didn’t speak…that’s- so that’s the reason why, in my head, I can’t- I don’t want you to think that I had something going on with this other girl in Los Angeles. It’s just my own, weird brain.

Sounds more like a name…now, which one is she again?

[darienharris]

You don't have to explain yourself to me, I won't think you're lying or anything like that, you're good. But I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure things will work out, hopefully for the better for you though.

Uhh...the blonde one? With a nice body? I know, I pretty much narrowed it down for you.

[augustensayles-blog]

No, no, no, she lives in Los Angeles- and no, no, god no, I’m not in love with her- that’s so, so far from accurate- she’s- it doesn’t matter, I’m Augusten.

That…doesn’t sound like a name.

[darienharris]

Relax, relax, I just wanted to make sure, haha. It doesn't matter? Why doesn't it matter? Now I want to know even more! Just kidding, that's cool, it really doesn't. But it's nice to meet you, Augusten, I'm Darien.

Does it help if it's a last name? According to my phone, it's actually Candice Swanepoel.