oh, devil

illyana. 23. mutant. only half evil. we can't go to hell if we're already there

[darkchild]

Scream a little. Show up to a party covered in blood. Wear black. Slay a god. Done.

[darkchild]

altmanly‌:

No, that was more Billy’s thing.

Aha. The words of a coward.

[darkchild]

altmanly‌:

I already did that when I was like sixteen, Illyana.

And what of the fishnets and heavy makeup? Did sixteen year old you include those as well?

[darkchild]

altmanly‌:

:(

#I think I just need to be cooler.

That’s a place to start. Go get yourself a leather jacket and cut some holes in it. Then we can work on a cooler sword.

[darkchild]

altmanly said: My sword hits me in the head when I say its name and I got it by pulling it out of an asteroid, proving my claim to the Skrull throne.

Get a cooler sword, Teddy. What will the internet dwellers think of you with that kind of backstory?

[darkchild]

If your weapon doesn’t manifest when you call it or sing when you speak to it, get a new one. And if your weapon isn’t a literal manifestation of your core being, then don’t bother.

[darkchild]

“Why do you only talk in three word sentences in person, Illyana?” Maybe stop interrupting me with useless questions and I’ll get more words out.

[darkchild]

The dark dances don’t start ‘til I walk in.

[darkchild]

Billy and I could destroy universes, and instead we ding dong ditch the Sanctum Sanctorum. We’re unstoppable.

[darkchild]

I’m on the world’s most wanted list, but it wasn’t for all of the murders or anything. More because I broke all of the elevators in Avengers’ Tower repeatedly, over the course of several weeks.

[darkchild]

I could expand my social circle. Talk to new people. But that would require getting out of my tastefully on-fire bed and having a social circle to begin with.

[darkchild]

It may alarm you to know that many superheroes have normal side jobs. That strange lawyer that lives down the street? Sure, you could hit his car and choose not to say anything about it, but you better watch it. His primary job is gallivanting around as Captain America, and he won’t hesitate to send you a harshly-worded letter.

[darkchild]

It’s too hot.

[darkchild]

photophobos said: The only part of this that I'm not on board with is the petty theft. If I'm going to use my skills as a magician to steal, I'm going to steal from the best. We're going to hit every singular Fortune 500 company. We're going to find Jeff Bezos and steal the clothes off his pale, pale body.

Now we’re talking. I’m equipped with Security-Guard-Be-Gone in the form of my massive sword, so I’m ready to walk right into any fancy corporation and make them regret hoarding so much money. To make things a little more interesting, I won’t use my teleportation powers at all. We’ll give them a head start and chance to run.

[darkchild]

photophobos said: This sounds less like a blackmailing scenario and more as if I have to assemble the world's greatest magician troupe.

Isn’t that the basics of blackmailing. First, you recruit them to your team of misfits, making them lower their guard, as they will be under the impression that the two of you have a connection. And then you exploit their greatest fears to get what you want. The magician part is just for fun. Why bother doing anything if you’re not going to make a show out of petty theft by claiming it’s a magic act?

[darkchild]

photophobos said: So opening with a card trick is a good idea?

An excellent idea, actually. It’s always interesting to experience what other people perceive as magic. If you catch me in the right mood, I might even show you how to juggle cards that are on fire.

[darkchild]

photophobos said: Should I be briefed before I confront alternate versions of you, because it generally seems like it would go poorly for me.

Funny. You think that any version of me would allow you to confront them?