Dark Obsessions

★faery in the fertile crescent. lover of the macabre, the taboo and the mysterium. the dark, the deep, the ugly, the discarded, the divine, the visceral. Eccentric, passionate, bridging death and life.★ www.darkobssessionspoetry.tumblr.com

[bitterswtdvll]

[alixisherebutringagain]

I feel so much emotions sometimes, I wonder if people within the schizo-spec relate to it.

Like it's. Huge.

The biggest emotions, moving, crashing down on me, but they have no name. I can't know, for the love of God, what they are. They're just here and crushing me and overwhelming me. Making me paralysed and stuck and wrong.

And some other times, generally when I'm supposed to feel joy, pure joy, content, happiness, euphoria, whatever you wanna call it, I feel nothing and really want to be alone at home rather than surrounded by those people, even if i know them.

I'm realising that often, I fake happiness because I'm supposed to be happy, but really, i feel neutral or even annoyed.

For example, I was at my first ever pride. It was big, colourful, loud, people smiling and laughing and dancing and singing, my friends deeply enjoying themselves...

But honestly. I would have rather been home, doing my usual stuff.

I love my friends, I love my job, I love my coworkers, I even love people, but I like being alone better. I like being in my own little calm corner. Or not calm. But my corner.

Sorry for the rant. DAE within schizo-spec relate ?

[werewolveswithdiaries]

[darkobssessions]

On the verge of insanity

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

the “i wanna go home” never leaves my head even when i’m physically sitting in my bed

[p3rf3ctcha0s]

[borderlyx]

I wonder how beautiful life must be when you don't have trust issues, depression, mood swings, overthinking, paranoia, anxiety, detachment, isolation or fear

[fruitandflowercrowns]

is this what fish see? …damn they’re lucky

source

[fruitandflowercrowns]

this is so calming to me…

source

[cheshmenoor]

[vein]

moonflowers starting to bloom

[maria-aegyptiaca]

[darkobssessions]

Baby you're so afraid

It's kill or be killed on a global scale

Violence first, virtue later

Turn the world into an incubator

For your violent dreams of domination

But we can see how weak you are

How small and devoid of meaning

Stealing to fill a hole and killing to fulfil a role

[darkobssessions]

Being so hyperaware hurts so much. Feeling every microchange from sitting with her as a baby in my lap after she started trusting me every night in the cold and her kissing me and purring

To her more energetic playful stage, to heat and fear because of the male cats, to more independent and standoffish, to losing trust a bit due to procedures and associating my hands with changes, to feeling sad to be left alone in the room, to me crying over the whole feeling of her losing the outdoors, even though it was hard, it was her freedom

Why do I need to relate to every tiny little thing and feel it so intensely

And in my head echo words from others like 'it's just a cat' and I think God I can't imagine thinking that way, I only have THIS

This wondrous tender painful detailed way of being

[darkobssessions]

Everything is so fragile and impermanent and it's making me so scared and emotional because I don't feel like I am truly living just watching the changes in slow motion.

[kalbindenoperim]

[theoptia]

Hermann Hesse, from Reflections