not who starts but who perseveres

勝手にしやがれ

[darlingdearesth]

Hi there!

I block every empty blog who starts to follow me

Organised archive of my blog

Post under construction, liable to change

Longer readings I found interesting

Wellbeing resources

General resources and guides

Cultural readings

Misc

"Do I deserve this?" "Am I worthy of this?"

So irrelevant. Do you want it?

We live in an unfair world. Deservedness and worthiness are like basically imaginary concepts at this point.

It isn't your job to endure pain, to be the enforcer of your own punishments.

Leave behind what hurts, not because you deserve better but because you want it.

And seek out the best you can have because you want it. And be the best person you can be if that's gonna help you sleep at night.

(via bulldyke-rider)

[pleasureandprinciple]

If I had to sit down and speak to someone who was neurotic, wishy washy, indecisive, withdrawn, mean, pessimistic, anxious, or just stuck in their own head, I would tell them that making a conscious effort to be confident and fun to be around is so, so powerful.

So much about people's opinions about you comes down to how you make them feel about themselves when you're with them or around them, and if anger, negativity, fear, and self-hatred emanate from your body in waves and you treat and speak to people in a way that shows how you feel about yourself, it will be hard to keep anyone around long-term. You have to believe that you are worthy of love, compassion, and kindness, and if you can’t do that naturally, you have to take the steps to do so artificially, and in time it will become natural for you to think of yourself positively.

If you engage with people, places, and things more meaningfully; try to smile more and make eye contact; speak with kindness; try to see yourself as deserving; hold yourself accountable and strive to do better; treat life with joy and lightheartedness; try to have fun and soak it all in; and focus on unburdening your heart and mind with the understanding that even if you’re going through a lot, it’s in your best interests to keep going, your whole life will slowly begin to improve and any empty room you find yourself in will fill with friends.

I would also tell this person that casual confidence is one of the most powerful social skills one could ever possess. If you speak with ease, aren’t quick to react to anger, and are willing to overlook an offense, try to not think of yourself as desperate or stupid for reaching out in search of human connection; stop obsessing over what you say to people or worrying about their reactions, and let your mind get used to engaging in casual interactions. Soon enough you’ll be comfortable in almost any social situation you could find yourself in.

Being fun isn’t always about being energetic or about being loud; it’s about being able to make even the most mundane conversations and interactions feel captivating, being able to view bad times neutrally and good times exceptionally, wanting to lean into life and learn more, being smart enough to choose who you want around you well and filling your life with decent people, finding stability in times of uncertainty, and having a view of who you are as a person that makes life and being around other people bearable. It’s powerful, freeing, and wonderful to let go of fear and allow yourself to go through a process that lets you build up your spirit and find confidence. Try to keep in mind as you go through life, grow older, and meet new people that the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.

[supercalifragipopculturevomit]

Before Sunrise: Film Locations

"If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.”

In celebration of Before Sunrise's 30th anniversary, I revisited my film location pilgrimage around Vienna in the summer of 2016. It's one of my favorite movies, I have loved it since the first time I saw it 24 years ago, so following Jesse and Céline's footsteps was almost like walking on sacred ground.

(Photos were taken with a Fujifilm X100s and colorgraded in Adobe Lightroom.)

Zollamtssteg Bridge - this is the footbridge where the pair get invited to watch a play about a cow who thinks it's a dog. "I am the cow," one of actors says proudly.

Albertina Museum - on those steps is where Jesse recites WH Auden to Céline. "The years shall run like rabbits," he starts off.

And just on a nearby balcony is where they talk the night prior.

Club Roxy - this is the club where they grab wine and glasses.

Cafe Spérl - Jesse and Céline have their faux telephone conversation in the rightmost booth, in what has got to be one of the most romantic scenes in film history.

This café has been around since 1880 and is on the Austrian Register of Historic Places. It's still popular today, beloved for its traditional ambiance.

Teuchtler Schallplattenhandlung und Antiquarität - this is the record store where the pair listen to Kath Bloom's 'Come Here'. I lost track of time in Café Sperl so by the time I got here, it was unfortunately already closed.

Kleines Café - this is the café where Céline has her palm read.

Wiener Riesenrad - "Are you trying to say you want to kiss me?" Céline asks Jesse, helping the guy out. That's the giant ferris wheel they were on.

Wein Westbahnhof - behind this unique statement of support for the LGBT community is the train station where Jesse and Céline get off midway from Budapest to Paris. Unlike most of the locations used in the movie, it looks totally different now.

Friedhof Der Namenlosen - this is the Cemetery of the Nameless and although the film made it seem like they just passed by it, it's actually in the outskirts of the city.

The scene starts off here, with the pair entering from the left side of the chapel.

"I always liked the idea of all those unknown people lost in the world," says Céline in reflection, thinking of the people buried all around, identities and deaths a mystery.

[kosmogrl]

[corvid-language-library]

Remember that if you want to do more of something, you have to do less of something else. It's that time of year where people set goals for the new year and they have plans and hopes and it's always focusing on what they want to do more of. More studying, more exercise, more crafting, more socialising, more making things from scratch. Okay, great. What are you going to do less of in order to have the time and energy to do more of those things you really want to do?

[corvid-language-library]

And if your answer to this is "less doomscrolling" or "less bedrotting" then great, but please think about why you're doing those things. No one's doomscrolling or bedrotting because they don't have things they'd rather be doing. Actually, I'm willing to bet you have a lot of things you'd rather be doing and you spend your life internally screaming at yourself to do literally any one of the many things you want to be doing instead, but you don't have the energy for them all and you can't work out how to prioritize them, so doomscrolling spares you from making that decision. Or perhaps you're burned out from taking on too many projects and you need to rest your brain, so you lie in bed because you don't even have the energy to get started anymore.

This is going to be a really hard pill to swallow, but the truth is you might not be able to balance all your hobbies and all your projects the way you'd like. If you want to finish writing that book, you might have to reduce your daily drawing habit to a couple of times a week. If you want to do yoga every morning, you might have to accept not cooking from scratch as often. If you want to spend more time with your family, you might have to cut down on your yearly reading goal. I'm not saying give up on your hobbies; I'm be realistic with your time and your energy and be kind to yourself. Stop expecting yourself to do more and do better every single year. You don't have to constantly be growing upwards and reaching for the stars; you can be content with where you are, or even cut parts of yourself back to make space for other things in your life to bloom.

Think about what your priorities are and make peace with doing less of other things. Less is okay. Less is not failing. Less is self care.

[easterndaylighttime]

if I just had the presence of mind and the wherewithal and the chutzpah and the bandwidth and the executive function and the energy and the mental resources and the spoons and the right attitude and the capacity and the gumption and th

[oncce-againn]

with your whole heart or don't bother

[effemimaniac]

sometimes you just have to make potentially poor decisions because they seem the most fun and interesting and you want to see what will happen. there are some things wrong with that but there is nothing wrong with that

[beingharsh]

this reads like a jenny holzer piece

[handweavers]

having institutional access never stops feeling sort of crazy to me because you can literally type in any country and time period and find at least a handful of peer reviewed articles somewhere that discuss a specific aspect of people's lives in depth and at length like "what was considered pop culture in late imperial russia" or "how did the textile trade work in northern mali in the 1600s" or "children's toys in pre-colonial philippines" and it's just sitting there but the majority of people on planet earth aren't allowed to read any of it

[vamptual]

BEFORE SUNRISE (1995) dir. Richard Linklater

[dreichsmirr]

My abortion was really one the most hated kind of abortion. I wasn't underage. I wasn't raped. I wasn't in medical need.

I got pregnant not through some fluke or 1 in a 100 contraceptive failure. I got pregnant because I was knowingly and willfully having unprotected sex. Out of wedlock too if that matters.

It was my own fault, I was being irresponsible because I knew I could always get an abortion if I got pregnant. My abortion was as close as it comes to 'using abortion as a contraceptive' as anti-choicers love to say.

I didn't abort it because my health was in danger or because I didn't have the ability to care for it or whatever else. I did it purely because I didn't want a child. I wanted sex and I didn't want to deal with any consequences from it.

There's no moral here. I don't feel bad about it whatsoever. I suffered no karmic consequences or punishment from god. My life is amazing. I want to rub this in the face of every conservative and anti-choicer. I did the terrible thing. I had an abortion for the most selfish of reasons and literally nothing happened. Suck it.

[yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726]

i am FULLY against the sentiment that we don’t owe anybody anything. we owe people common decency. we owe people respect if it has been given to us. we owe people apologies & explanations when we hurt them. i don’t care.

[werewolfclaws]

i feel like this is a dying art called 'being a good human being' anybody else agree. anybody

[thevirgodoll]

[stuckinapril]

Have any old posts or any current advice on how to keep going when it gets hard (too much work, too mentally-in-rough-place, too tired)? Thank u Internet big sister and ignore this if you don’t have the energy for advice right now 🙏

I feel this so so hard… my therapist and I are actually working through this right now, so I’ll definitely be sharing as we progress :) for now her advice was to take stock of everything in my life & see what I can reduce… and to also add a little bit of “effortless fun.” For example, I used to practice piano a lot, and while it’s a passion of mine it’s also pretty much another form of studying. So I found I was burning out even while trying to do something that does rejuvenate me, but at the same requires a lot of mental focus. I’m kind of in that paradox too with reading challenging books atm.

So try effortless fun, however that looks like for you — planning a trip w friends, maybe going on a fun date or two, reading a self indulgent book even if it’s not the most rigorous thing in the world. Literally however effortless, brainless fun looks like for u.

As for tackling important things… what can you reduce friction with? How can you break your tasks down into digestible bites? Do you have anyone you can talk to, or is it mostly you by yourself? How can you make it easier to get through something? For example, planning your outfits the night before so you’re not stressing about it later. Planning your study station ahead of time too… whatever it takes to make it easier to start a task. Once you start you’ll find it easier to keep going

I’m very much in my head, so my therapist likes to remind me to “feel” it before I metabolize it with any intellectual thought. For me I found I feel grief in my chest, anxiety in my chest/stomach, cravings in my head if that makes any sense lol (like I notice now when I go foggy mentally/physically and I wait for that to pass before making any choices). Learning your physical cues will help a lot because you now know what the onset of an emotion looks like, so you have the chance to ride it out before you make the drastic choice to quit get chronically frustrated etc etc… this helped me a lot with not acting on panic, which was a very bad habit of mine when I was a little younger

Give yourself one hour of the day to totally, unabashedly freak out. Then open your notes app and write down a list of all the things you’re freaking out about, and the things you can realistically do about them. Sometimes we just have to trudge on unfortunately, but with a framework in mind + safeguards for when we feel the negative things we do, we can ride out those periods faster and protect ourselves from just outright giving up.

[neoyorzapoteca]

Recently, I began a weekend creative writing workshop with this exercise: write your sexual life story in five sentences. Short of gratuitous usage of semicolons, there was no wrong way to do this; the five-sentence story could be as abstract or as concrete as my students wanted. It could be a chronological list of the five most high-topography sexual events in their lives, or it could be a list of images more akin to a surrealist poem. After the allotted five minutes, they all set their pens down with a touch of weary accomplishment. Then I asked them to do it again. This request was met with stares, some uncomprehending, some with a touch of contempt. I pressed on. The only requirement was that they not reiterate any of the previous five sentences—they could zoom in to a single event, zoom out to a philosophical summary, make it silly, make it emotionally opposite, make it more honest, make it less or more abstract. After they’d finished, I asked them to do it for a third time. A fourth. At this point, many of their stares implied that I was unhinged, sadistic, or simply ridiculous. Eventually they stopped staring and started writing faster. Here’s the point: Their writing got better. It became truer. It became more theirs. I told them, We could do this all day. I meant: and not run out of ways to tell that story. More importantly, they would bear witness to something greater than mere improvement. Over the years, I’ve come to look forward to the point in my own writing at which continuing seems both incomprehensible and loathsome. That resistance, rather than marking the dead end of the day’s words, marks the beginning of the truly interesting part. That resistance is a kind of imaginative prophylactic, a barrier between me and a new idea. It is the end of the ideas that I already had when I came to the page—the exhaustion of narrative threads that were previously sewn into me by sources of varying nefariousness or innocuity. It is on the other side of that threshold that the truly creative awaits me, where I might make something that did not already exist. I just have to punch through that false wall.

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Body Work (Melissa Febos)

[weltenwellen]

An Interview with Richard Siken