Too clever to be mentally ill

A student, whose description is substantially less pretentious than it used to be.

[darlinthistooshallpass]

okay, so in the end she remembered, but still

[darlinthistooshallpass]

Birthday pluses: -not as bad as I was expecting -two cakes -really good black pasta for lunch Birthday negatives: -parcel from my family didn’t arrive in time so no cards -none of my friends remembered (incl. her, although I’m not totally sure if she fits in this category w/ everyone else yet?) -still my birthday, and yet another year without accomplishing anything serious or moving meaningfully in the direction of doing so

[darlinthistooshallpass]

what the fuck even is life? why I am obsessing over whether this girl likes me? how am I in a headspace where I’m thinking about someone new already? why did I have to meet this girl when I’m about to move to a different country? I don’t even know the answer to any of these goddamn questions, but I’m up at 2:30am writing it down because I’m thinking about this girl, and I can’t sleep, and seriously just what the fuck?

[babyanimalgifs]

the best thing you will see all year

[darlinthistooshallpass]

On being told that someone loves you but is not in love with you

I don’t feel like I have the vocabulary to put how I feel about this loss into words. Every time I try to clarify my feelings in my head I either can’t do it, or it ends up sounding horribly cliched, but either way it in no way manages to approach the reality of what the sensation of living in my body is like right now.

Yet, despite the futility of it, I can’t help but hope that by writing it down might allow me to understand it better. Or perhaps I’m just hoping that taking some action is better than taking none, even if it’s just logging in here for the first time in over a year and writing this.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt real loss before. Certainly, I’ve felt loss - when Rosie and I went to shit, when Seraphina was hit by a car - but not real loss. Of course, perhaps it’s just that memory numbs the feeling, but I think it was different in both of those cases. With Rosie there was too much anger mixed in for it to be real loss, and while I think with Seraphina it came closer to the real thing, it was impossible for it to be true grief because your relationship with a cat can never have the depth of one with a human, let alone someone that you had envisioned yourself spending the rest of your life with.

I feel strange. I think I’m still in shock. I don’t think enough time has passed for me to really process the enormity of the loss. After all, I saw her 71 hours and 33 minutes ago at the time of writing this sentence. I’m not obsessively counting the time that’s passed by the way. It’s just that she left on a train, which makes it remarkably easy to know how long ago we said goodbye. And we spoke on Sunday too. If someone has only been absent for such a short period, then it seems like of course you can’t comprehend what their absence will be like in the longer term. You know that there’s a space in your life that wasn’t there before, but you can’t really appreciate how large that space is until you’ve lived with its presence for longer.

I don’t mean to belittle the loss of others. I know that many of your reading this have had relatives die, and I have too. But for me this is greater than those losses. My aunt dying was sad, but she was not a part of my life in the way that Alexa has been these last two years. I am lost with regard to many things in life: mostly where I want to be, and what I want to do. But the constant for a long time has been that whatever I ended up doing and wherever I ended up being based, I thought I would be with her. I envisioned a house, and a dog, and children. And now I am utterly lost. There is nothing anchoring me to anything. In some strange sense, this is liberating, but not in the positive way that word is often used. Imagine you are sailing, and have no destination mind other than that you are heading West, using the stars as your guide. And then the clouds form overhead out of nowhere, and the sea grows rough and throws your ship around, and you know that while you can head anywhere, you no longer have any point of reference to guide you in your journey.

We broke up on Saturday morning. Today was the first day that I didn’t cry in the shower since it happened. I’ve cried more than I ever have before, these last three days. It’s like I’m numb until something happens that rouses an emotional response, and then the tears start flowing. On Saturday I asked my mother to come downstairs with me right after it happened, planning to tell her, and I started crying the moment I turned around in the kitchen. On Sunday it was the first time I was alone after the wedding reception the night before and I stayed at a friend’s house, so it all hit me once I got home and into the shower. Yesterday, I thought of the line from Neruda right before I got in (”To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.”), and it brought everything rushing home.

It’s strange how people feel a need to speak when you tell them about this sort of thing. There’s nothing to really say, after all. A couple of people have tried to comfort me. You know the sort of thing. “She’s crazy if she can’t see how great you are.” “Maybe in a few months you’ll feel like this was for the best.” I think people don’t like silence. When you tell them that your girlfriend told you that she’s not in love with you anymore, they don’t want to stand there with those words being the last ones to float in the air, so they try to fill the space with platitudes. It’s okay, though. I know that they’re just trying to help, even though they’re not.

Have you ever been through this, reader? Have you heard the words before? “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” I’ve heard the words, “I never loved you” before. You can’t really compare the two, I’ve decided. I think the latter were probably a lie, an attempt to give some closure to the whole thing. I think that there was some malice in them, even if it wasn’t known to Rosie when she spoke them. That makes it better, a little bit, even if the words themselves were unkinder. They had a point to them, some sort of purpose interfering with the facts of the matter, which made them less wounding.

But the former were said by someone who I think had no desire to cause harm. or pain. I believe that she did this because of the reasons she professed. I don’t think she’s a cruel person. I don’t think that she’s ever done something with the intention of hurting me, even though she has hurt me on a number of occasions. That’s also better than I can say I’ve done. I’m the kind of person who has an inclination to lash out when upset, just to get a response. I try to restrain the impulse, but I’m not perfect, and sometimes I slip. That perhaps makes me sound a little worse than I am. What I mean to say is that while I don’t want to cause hurt, when I’m upset I sometimes cannot stop myself from using cutting words, ones that go beyond simply describing how I’m feeling into trying to create some mirrored pain in the other person. But I never set out with the intention of doing this, and I think she knows that, and forgives me for it in the same way that I forgive her for hurting me at times through things that she cannot help doing, despite knowing the pain that they cause in me.

Part of what makes this worse is the care with which it’s been done, although of course that also makes it better. By this I mean that we were both gentle with each other while talking about this. I believe her when she says that she made the choice to break up because she thought it would be unfair to me to make me wait for her to feel better, without knowing when or if that would happen, and whether that happening would even lead to her feelings towards me returning. I truly believe that she wants me to be happy. I want the same for her, although of course I want her to be happy with me, and I feel jealousy and anger stirring under the surface when I consider the idea of her meeting someone new. I think I’m worried this will happen soon. After all, we met within two months of the last time she split up with someone. I don’t think she’s planning to look for anyone, but I’m worried that now she won’t be saying “sorry, I have a boyfriend” someone will successfully pursue her. I don’t think she realises how desirable she is. And, of course, there’s the fact that Rosie said she wasn’t planning to be with anyone else for a while after things ended between us, and she met her new boyfriend in the very near future too. I guess maybe I’m just generally sceptical of people saying they have no plans to get into a relationship, because I’ve seen such people end up in relationships right after saying that too many times.

It’s why I asked her not to tell me if she does meet someone new, at least not for a while. Perhaps I’ll go back on this and end up begging her to tell me if there is someone else because not knowing will prove too hard, but I know that’s only going to decrease the chances of her and I ever ending up together, so hopefully that knowledge will let me restrain the urge.

There’s still a vague hope. I asked her to consider us going on a ‘break’ - I hate the term, but that’s what it is - where we remain together but don’t see each other, for however long she needs. That’s what I’m waiting to hear back about at the moment. I told her to think about it really carefully, so I don’t know when she’ll get back to me. She said one of the problems was that she was finding seeing me stressful, or even the thought of seeing me. I hope that giving her control over the rate and extent of communication might help. Whether I’ll be able to live with such a situation, I don’t know. But I do know that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for not trying everything in my power to make this relationship work.

She said something, when we communicated on Sunday. I know I said ‘spoke’ earlier, but that’s somewhat misleading. We exchanged messages. She left me voice messages. The first one was 50 seconds, and the second 55. It was in the latter that she said that maybe we are meant to be together, but not right now. I know that one’s a cliche too. I know that perhaps you’re pitying me right now. “Poor James, that’s what they say when it’s over but they can’t bear to crush all your hope, and he doesn’t realise.” Perhaps you’re right. But then again, you don’t know her, do you? I do. And I know that out of context, those words sound like an attempt to comfort someone you know you’re never going back to, but given the specifics, I think they ring true. I think that her emotional state, the hormones from the implant, her general situation with her family, all have a massive impact on how she feels both generally and about me. So if those things change, which I can only hope they will, I think it’s entirely possible that her feelings for me could return. And she’s not dumb. She knows how those words sound, and she said that she didn’t want to say them, but I think she felt compelled to. I do truly believe that if it was her choice, she would still have feelings for me as strong as ever, and that this is maybe just as hard for her as it is for me.

It’s made me think about the universe, all this, and God. We went to a wedding together on Saturday, after we’d broken up. I told her that we had to go so as not to spoil the day for the couple getting married. It was hard, but I think it was the right thing to do. And at the wedding, the priest said that he believed that it was God’s plan for the couple to get married. That it was destiny.

I’ve always resisted such beliefs. I’ve always thought that they were for the weak, unable to accept that the universe has no need for rhyme or reason, and that sometimes awful things happen without a good explanation. But equally, this does feel simply wrong. That our story, mine and Alexa’s, should end in this way. And so when she says that maybe we are meant to be together but not right now, I wonder if she’s right. Because it seems mad for this to be the end of our tale. I have no way to justify this feeling. The most rational explanation is that it’s blind hope being conjured by my brain to prevent things from being more painful than they already are. But who’s to say? We both still care for each other, deeply. And I think we both would still like to be together, it’s just that she feels it’s not possible - and I agree that being together in the way we were for the last couple of months was unsustainable.

Maybe this will be it. Maybe we will go our separate ways, meet other people, end up with them. Maybe we’ll find other people for now and then find each other again in the future. Maybe we won’t meet other people, and end up back together after a period of separation. Maybe she’ll accept my proposal of going on a break, and we’ll have some time where we are apart but together, and recover after that. I think that I will always love her, even if the feeling of being in love with her does fade, and we each follow a different path without the other in it. But I think that at heart I am an optimist. So I hope that fate does exist, and that we have a different ending waiting for us.

[darlinthistooshallpass]

Brief life update

Life is pretty good. I don’t really use tumblr because it tends to make me sad; partly because I think I follow other people who are sad, and partly because of the history that will always be linked to this blog. I would in some ways like to delete it, but I’d only do that if I saved everything of value first, and I’m too lazy to go through and find all that so it will probably just continue on in its current static condition.

I’m partly writing this for myself, for looking back on, and partly in case anyone still checks this blog and had wondered what happened to me (I know I still check a handful of blogs despite not being active myself).

So, my romantic status has always been something I’ve talked about a lot here, and I guess I should kick things off by saying that I am in a relationship, I have been for over a year, and being with her makes me very happy. We had some rough patches (August of last year, end of November last year through mid-January of this one) but for the last few months things have gone smoothly. Neither of us has done a serious adult relationship before, so I think that some of the earlier stuff can be attribute to the learning process. I’ll happily admit that a decent chunk of it was on my head -- there were some things about myself that I didn’t know were there beforehand; for instance, it turns out I have a jealous streak, but I’m working on that.

In fact, in some ways, little has changed. I still know that I have plenty of imperfections, and I’m working on those. I don’t always know what all of them are, and my conduct is never perfect, but I’m trying. I feel like I do a pretty decent job of being a kind, responsible human being on most days, if not all.

Academically, I’m struggling a bit. I still really suffer with knuckling down to work, even if I don’t so much with the work itself (case in point, I got an 80 on an essay the other day (which is fairly remarkable for a top British university)). I’d like to fix that, but I’m not sure how. Only one more year at uni to go, though.

My sleep isn’t great, I need to work on it again. It was excellent during term-time, but now I’ve slipped back into the bad habit of watching youtube videos in bed rather than listening to music. I don’t quite know how to stop, but I’m thinking maybe I should stop leaving my phone in my room at night.

I’ve been going to the gym for the last 9 months, and I think I look quite good right now. I don’t look big, but I don’t think I look (that) skinny either. I’ve also trimmed down the fat I was gaining around this time last year, which I think ties into the fact I’ve started getting into cooking. Talking of which, I’m hungy, this post is long enough as it is, and it’s late.

Expect another one of these posts next year when I’m once again procrastinating (unless, somehow, I’ve learned how to avoid procrastinating by then.)

[coldwarqueer-deactivated2015022]

in russian they dont say “i love you” they say “пожирать плоть капиталистов” which means “we are one and the same” and i think thats beautiful

[taakovapes]

[joe955]

Beautiful

[darlinthistooshallpass]

Why does not having seen you for three days feel like a year?

[darlinthistooshallpass]

Tony: *gazes lovingly at John Deere tractor*

Tony: Hello dear

Me: *laughs hysterically while no one else in the theater gets the joke*

[burrritoprince]

[darlinthistooshallpass]

Good news post: I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really like this girl who I’m seeing/dating/something. She is fucking amazing. When I’m with her, I’m just... happy. I don’t feel stressed, or under any pressure, or like there’s something wrong about what either of us are doing, it’s just simple happiness, and I’m trying to recall the last time I felt like that, and I’m drawing a blank.

I feel around her like I feel around people who its taken me years to be really comfortable around - the other day we were just lying around in my room singing along to old songs on her phone, and it was just so fucking chill and lovely, and I’m seeing her again tomorrow, and I know I should be focused on my exams but I can’t get her out of my head, and I’d sure as shit rather risk fucking up my exams than fucking things up with her.

[darlinthistooshallpass]

It’s funny; I’m wrapping up my first year at uni, and over the past 12 months I’ve travelled across a continent on a journey I’ve wanted to do for a really long time, reconnected with friends who had drifted away a little, met some amazing new people, developed my thinking fairly substantially, met a couple of girls (and dated one of them officially for the first time), and I have a date coming up on this Saturday with another girl I really like, and I’m on course for a decent performance at one of the best universities in the world - so with that all being the case, why am I not particularly happy right now? And why do I feel like I might be on completely the wrong track, and why have I been looking up other courses for the past hour?

[flird]

it’s so beautiful when the sun comes in

[darlinthistooshallpass]

1.       Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

p sure it was my mum, so yis

2.       Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I hate /a lot/ of the 18 yr olds I’m at uni/in halls with, but if they were mature/just really fun, sure. I can definitely think of one or two 18 yr olds I’d date

3.       When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

prolly mims & si’s engagement party

4.       Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I generally try to smile if I make eye contact and the person doesn’t look in a foul mood/dangerous

5.       Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Possibly, but I don’t think there is

6.       Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yis, I played nashua to hat in sam’s car, which is on a playlist titled “songs that remind me of alexa” b/c I’m soppy as shit and about 13 yrs old apparently

7.       What exactly are you wearing right now?

My lee jeans, underwear I bought originally for travelling, and a grey topman tee that I stole from steve at iow last year

8.       How often do you listen to music?

Pretty regularly - everyday when I walk into/home from uni, and I normally listen when studying/reading

9.       Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans, although it’s far more even than it used to be. I still don’t think sweats are acceptable public wear unless you’re feeling like shit/nipping to the shops

10.   Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2016?

Probably not? Although there’s been a lot of change over the past few months, so maybe? There’s someone I’d like to date rn, who I might actually end up dating, and if that got serious (*fingers crossed, knock on wood, not tempting fate*) then that’d probably change my life quite dramatically?

11.   Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Elements of both. I’ve been pretty social the last year or so, but for the last week I’ve basically ignored everyone trying to talk on social media etc, and was pretty quiet at the engagement party last friday

12.   Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Non-romantically, yes; romantically, probably not (there’s a couple of people I don’t know/remember the names of)

13.   What about ‘R’?

lol, yup

14.   Can you drive a stick shift?

I drive a /manual/

15.   Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Only if friends did. If someone I didn’t know called me out/talked shit behind my back I wouldn’t be that phased, but anyone I actually care about would hurt a lot

16.   Are you going out of town soon?

Yes, I live between london and southampton atm

17.   When was the last time you cried?

n/s, couple of weeks ago I think, maybe a little more? Might’ve been the day after I split up w/ Serian actually

18.   Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Uh-huh, although I’m not sure if I did now? Although I’m pretty sure I did

19.   If you could change your eye color, would you?

Probably not, I like my eyes, but if I did I’d probably go very light blue. Would defo change my hair tho, either to sandy brownish, or dark chocolatey brown

20.   Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Guessing this is aimed at girls, so for me it would be “is there a girl you’d….” and the answer is kind of idk maybe. All my close friends I’d do basically anything for, and I include a couple of girls among that group

21.   Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I woke up really late and couldn’t persuade people to get dominos :(

22.   Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

I think the equivalent is probably when a girl takes your hand and kisses your fingers (mainly as a saying goodbye/if you’re ill thing) and I definitely do find that cute

23.   Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Nope, lol

24.   What are you sitting on right now?

Lying on my front on my bed

25.   Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Nope - my friends do sometimes, but not regularly. And I have never been told by someone that they love me in the romantic sense.

26.   Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Hahahhahhahahahaha, only /all the fucking time/

27.   Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Mother/sister/father (pick one)

28.   Do you get a lot of colds?

Yis

29.   Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

Steve lol, I accidentally nicked it at iow festival, but he bought it from topman

30.   Does anyone hate you?

Maybe one girl, but I hope that I don’t matter enough in her life anymore for her to feel any more than apathy

31.   Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Nope, I’m 21 bro, if I did have any, they wouldn’t be hidden

32.   Do you like watching scary movies?

Sometimes

33.   Do you want your tongue pierced?

No.

34.   If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

2009 or 2011, it’s a tough call (probably 2011 though)

35.   Did you have a dream last night?

actually I did, it weirdly featured my friend Theodora from uni who I don’t know that well - but not sexually at all, I think she was a mechanic or something?

36.   When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

probably saying goodnight to my mum either tonight or last night?

37.   Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Probably not

38.   Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I think it’s plausible

39.   Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I really have no way of knowing. I suspect not, but it would be nice if I’m wrong.

40.   Did you have a good day yesterday?

Technically, if we take yesterday to mean ‘tuesday’, I had a banging day

41.   Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

YES. I CAN ACTUALLY ANSWER THIS QUESTION WITH YES FOR LIKE THE FIRST TIME EVER (well, kind of, I think we were seeing each other by this point?)

42.   In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yes, going for dinner with helen tomorrow

43.   Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yeah, things didn’t exactly work out though

44.   What’s the best part about school?

Learning new things, the handful of genuinely intelligent and passionate people around

45.   Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yes, who doesn’t?

46.   Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Not now (im at uni m8), but we did back in the day. Particularly in geography, if my memory serves me right

47.   Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Not to a particularly troublesome extent. I did a lot more when I was torturing myself on a regular basis.

48.   Were you single over the last summer?

Yis

49.   Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Not really. My core friends are the same, and I’m at home right now, so there’s that, but overall things feel radically different, and far better.

50.   What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Goin to sleep lol

51.   Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Nope, sam’s my bro

52.   Are you nice to everyone?

No, but I am to most people. I reserve not being nice for assholes/people I hate (which would largely overlap in a venn diagram)

53.   Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?          

This is me all over, romantically at least. Also occurs with friends sometimes though.

54.   Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’d like to think so

55.   Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I do okay

56.   Do you think you like someone?

Yes

57.   Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

non-romantically, yes; romantically, probably not

58.   Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I find that a lot of my one-on-one and new friendships tend to be with girls, but most of my friendship groups + all my oldest friends are guy dominated, or guys

59.   Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

I want to say maybe ben?

60.   Do you hate anyone?

Yes

61.   How’s your heart?

Not too shabby

62.   Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

lol

63.   Have you ever cried over a guy?

*girl pour moi, and oui

64.   Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

No idea, probably no-one?

65.   Are your toenails painted pink?

lol, nope

66.   Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I hope not

67.   Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

I never like when people I care about cry, because it means they’re sad, although I will admit I do quite like being the comforting person/confidante when people are upset

68.   Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

I don’t believe so?

69.   Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Dan

70.   How do you look right now?

Tired, I would imagine

71.   Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Basically, and more than one

72.   Can you commit to one person?

I think so

73.   Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Nah m8, I don’t know that I have anyone I can tell literally everything to, but then again who wants to hear all of anyone’s petty, mundane thoughts?

74.   Have you ever felt replaced?

Not really, but maybe that’s how I felt in the aftermath of Rosie, I’m not sure

75.   Did you wake up cranky?

A bit, I slept too long

76.   Are you a jealous person?

Not anymore, I don’t think

77.   Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes (based on my observations)

78.   Anyone you’re giving up on?

I probably should, and would quite like to

79.   Currently wanting to see anyone?

Yis, I miss Alexa

80.   Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Some fucking Russian language revision

81.   Last person you cried in front of?

Can’t remember. Probably my mum a long time ago?

82.   Is there someone you will never forget?

Several people

83.   Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Idk, I generally have some feelings for more than one person, but it’d be really hard to judge this anyway w/out actually asking

84.   If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Hopefully lying in bed, listening to music, maybe making out a little

85.   Are you over your past?

I finally got over my past around the start of last year I think

86.   Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Yis, lol

87.   Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

^see above, answer to prior question on this area

88.   If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Yes, they wouldn’t need either really, my conduct was worse

89.   So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Absolutely, like, who’d be all “hey there, you drove over at 3 but fuck off, k?”. Even if it’d been bad, I’d still talk to anyone who showed up at 3.

90.   Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Broadly, my friends hated Rosie

91.   Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

I would quite like to be

92.   Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Yis, my cousin!

93.   Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

Lol, nope

94.   Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was not

95.   Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

Weeee broke up

96.   Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Yes - although thinking about it, I don’t think I consider any of my friends to be unattractive (not that I’m attracted to all or even most of them)

97.   Who do you have texts from?

I have no new texts, a whatsapp mesage from Alexa that I’m not replying to until I wake up because idk if she has her phone on silent at night, a snapchat from timea, and two facebook messages, one from helen, one from mishka

98.   If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Err, okay, I understand (it’d still hurt tho)

99.   Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah haha, I kissed some woman in her like late 20s or early 30s when I was in India. Also I kissed on of simon’s friends in town once, and I think she was a year older? (These are the two I don’t remember the names of incidentally)

100.  Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Anna and this girl called katie, who I met originally back in the day, didn’t see for years, and then it turns out she goes way back with Anna. Small world, huh?

101.  Ever kissed under fireworks?

No, damn it, I want to. I don’t think so anyway? Actually maybe with Eve? Gonna go w/ probably not, rather than a hard no on second thoughts.

102.   Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yeah. Been getting them again for the first time in a really long while recently too.

[allcreatures]

A husky walks on water in northern Russia. The image was taken after heavy rainfall covered the frozen lake. The rare phenomenon was captured by the dog’s owner Fox Grom.

Picture: Fox Grom/News Dog Media

[weasterberry]

nice try science side of tumblr but this dog is clearly jesus

[darlinthistooshallpass]

I met a girl on Friday evening. We spent near enough 21 hours in each others company after that, and I haven't been able to get her out of my head in the 30-odd hours since we said goodbye. Wtf is going on with me.

[darlinthistooshallpass]

I think maybe I could fall for you