(ง •̀_•́)ง *☆･*:.｡☆.｡:*

Melissa|ISFP|♓| She/Her

[straightboyfriend]

The bar is so low for men…. I could say my type is men who use toothpaste & shower & that cancels out like 88.967% of men

[qui-bono]

Sexist.

[straightboyfriend]

i am literally a man

[satanstrousers]

I experienced magic in Central Park today

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[chibird]

Maybe some of you are in a place where you need to hear these things. Trust me, it does turn out okay. 💛

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[4444555666777888999]

8 years old. College reading level. The weight of the world on my shoulders.

[vrson]

20 years old. illiterate. the weight of the universe has given me chronic back pain

[the-bookshop]

Source.

[getintherobot]

this reddit thread is extremely cursed

[getintherobot]

ok but

thats adorable

[suite-dee-reynolds]

Any ladies in Queensland looking for a companion, Jesse is probably the guy for you X

[danisontnonfire]

If you told me John Mulaney encountered this dog then wrote this I would believe you

[anexperimentallife]

[marvel-lous-things]

Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house

Peter: thank you, but I can’t

Bartender: why not

Peter:

Bartender:

Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant

[eldritchcannon]

Bartender, shook: oh, congratulations, boy or girl?

Peter, now in full-on panic mode: it’s an uh, spider

[moonbeamdagger]

I’m seeing stuff in the notes about “Miles would do this” and I just want to say: you’re absolutely right. All Spider-folks across all universes share one (1) singular brain cell and most of the time it’s Gwen’s.

[seananmcguire]

As the current author of Spider-Gwen, I can attest that Gwen has not seen the brain cell in years.

[marvel-lous-things]

[elhyp3]

[thecatsmustbecrazy]

[thecatsmustbecrazy]

[oswednesday]

2016: Pokemon Go

2020: Pokemon Sleep

2021: Pokemon Drink Some Water

2023: Pokemon Try and Eat More Veggies

2025: Pokemon Heal from Trauma (It’s Not Your Fault)

2028: Pokemon Awaken Your Third Eye

2030: Pokemon Achieve Enlightenment

2045: Pokemon Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence

2050: Pokemon Diamond/Pearl Remake

[saddest-cat-hours]

[bisexualgambit]

You know….. sometimes mom humor? It slaps hdjdbxkhfkfjfodjkx

[almightyalicia]

[pussypoptarts]

I hate when there’s a big ass bug in the room and someone’s like “LEAVE IT ALONE!” … why are you defending the bug for??? I don’t know what kind of stroke game this bug got cause you must be fucking it??? is that it??

[allthestarsareclose]