I am one of the lucky few who was able to buy a home before the housing market blew up. It's a modest house but it's mine. I consider it a comfortable refuge for me and I hate when that comfort is disturbed.
Which brings me to the subject of renovations. Apparently, houses don't last forever and require structural upkeep every now and then. And, at times, there are aesthetic changes one wants to make. I hate both of these.
To be fair, I don't really mind when work has to be done outside the house or to the outside OF the house. I can still hide in my refuge, lower the blinds and pretend none of it is happening. When the renovations take place IN the house, however, all bets are off.
This week (and next week, if you're keeping score) has been just such an occurrence. We are going to have a newfangled air-conditioner system installed, but before that, the old, in-the-wall units have to be removed and the resulting holes in the walls bricked and patched up.
I should take a moment and discuss something that absolutely repulses me. Dust. Particularly, that fine dust that comes from sawing, sanding, trimming--and especially--taking air conditioners out of walls. No matter how well you cover things, move them to seemingly unaffected parts of the house or hide them in closets or basements, they always end up with a coating of fine dust. Just running my hand over an affected surface is enough to give me the willies. In addition, I must inhale about a metric ton of the stuff, with it taking up permanent residence in both my nose hairs and my bronchial tubes.
Therefore, I dutifully covered everything with plastic and wore the equivalent of a hazmat suit in order to reduce the affect of that godforsaken substance. Still, there was one thing my wife and I weren't prepared for. And it happened when they were removing the air conditioner unit from our bedroom...
You see, apparently a group of intrepid bees had also taken refuge in my comfortable home. Actually, they were HORNETS, which are like bees--only meaner. They are like the Republicans of the stinging world if you will. Anyway, like me, the hornets were none too thrilled having their refuge disrupted by renovations. But instead of whining and complaining like I typically do, hornets tend to go on the attack.
Cut to early this morning when I began to hear some angry buzzing while still lying in bed. I quickly threw on the light and saw 2 hornets flying all zig-zaggy above me. And while stinging things tend to scare the bejeebus out of me, I WAS prepared. I grabbed my nearby trusty fly swatter (also applicable for hornets, I thought) and began swinging it like a madman possessed. I'm sure my convulsive attempts at swatting were quite entertaining to those winged marauders.
It was not pretty but eventually I was successful. That is, I was successful in completely destroying my ceiling fan and knocking one of my pictures off the wall. The hornets, on the other hand, were still no worse for wear. Eventually one of them (probably delirious with laughter) got careless and ended up straying a little too close to my swatter.
I left him a crumbled mess on the floor while at the same time trying to draw the other hornet's attention to his now-deceased partner in crime. I hoped that it would serve as some kind deterrent, some motivation to declare the mission aborted. Unfortunately, hornets are the sociopaths of the insect world. And for that reason, the other hornet appeared completely unaffected by the loss of his comrade. Sadly for him (but fortunately for me), he too eventually felt the 'sting' of my plastic swatter. I stood hunched over their 2 corpses with my chest heaving and tears in my eyes. Then I went to fetch a tissue to help dispose of the bodies.
For the rest of the day, I stood vigilant by the hole in my wall/Hornet Hotel. A few stray, uninvited guests made their way in only to be swatted like those before them. Of course there was more collateral damage, but those irreplaceable keepsakes needed to be sacrificed for the common good. Finally, our contractor came and sealed off the hole in my wall. Sure, he was stung but it could have been worse.
Disclaimer: I know it took me almost half of this post to get to the 'Wall Full Of Bees' title reference and then it turned out to be hornets. But 'Wall Full Of Bees" just sounded better. Feel free to fight me.
Disclaimer 2: The picture attached to this post is stock. I doubt the situation in MY wall was as severe. Hope you're not too disappointed.