by Denisse Mheryl S. Bingcang
“There is no perfect vocation, only perfect intention.”
This line was from a movie of Marvin Agustin ‘Maging Akin Muli’ that showed a life of a deacon and his journey to priesthood. Entering a seminary or responding to the call of servitude to the Lord takes a lot more than a simple yes; it needs deep discernment, sacrifices and challenges before one entirely devotes his life to the cause. The religious text Ratio Fundamentalis even claims “the seminarian is a mystery to himself” - self-discovery is vital for seminarians to fully understand their identity.
To better understand the vocation they responded to, The Perpetual Light had an interview with an ex-seminarian, who shared how it all began and how he turned out to be an ‘ex-sem’.
John, 19, said that the ‘calling’ was really hard to explain. He felt that he wanted to enter the seminary when he was a still sacristan.
“Yung feeling na masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. So parang nabanggit ko sa sarili ko na ‘Paano kaya kung magpari ako?” he said.
Bearing that outcome in mind, John decided to enter the seminary. Shock and sadness overwhelmed his parents as he left their side. But it wasn’t all for naught – the ordeal changed him a lot. As the ‘bunso’ or youngest child in the family, he always got what he wanted, but as the life in the seminary inculcated simplicity, he had to give up everything.
“Pagpasok ko, surrender lahat.” He said in summary.
As he claimed, seminarians are being formed according to the four pillars of formation. This includes the spiritual, academics, human, and pastoral formation. In the spiritual formation, this involves the teaching of Catholic tradition and spirituality through liturgy, the Eucharist, the Liturgy of Hours. Also, they should always be with their ‘girlfriend’, this being a breviary, or a book of Christian liturgical prayers. Meanwhile, the academic formation allows them to have a well-understanding of the Church’s tradition. The Updated Philippine Program for Priestly Formation (UPPPF) mentioned that a seminarian needs to grow in appreciation of learning as an integral part of his human and vocation life.
Another part of the aforementioned pillars is the human formation. This integrates the importance of good relationships with men and women of their age, family, friends and brothers. This also assures that seminarians are living a healthy life to serve the Church better. Lastly, the pastoral formation that immerse the seminarians in ministry experience. Example of this is their Summer Apostolate, wherein they are sent to different parishes to serve the local community.
During his formation, John always remembered their rector’s reminder: ‘Huwag kayong gumalaw dahil entitled kayo (as seminarians). Gumalaw kayo, kasi yun yung dapat niyong gawin bilang naglilingkod sa Diyos.”
He was on his third year when he left the seminary. During the course of his stay, he said that God is with him along the way.”Awa’t habag ng Diyos. Kasi kung sarili ko lang, hindi ko kakayanin kahit one week lang.”, he shared.
John admitted that leaving the seminary was his decision and was supported by his spiritual director, but it did not come easy. Negative judgments from people followed. There are even times when his father blamed him for any misfortune that happened to their family. Still, despite the pessimisms, John remained positive and strong-willed.
“Hamon ito sa akin (leaving the seminary), kailangan kong maging mature enough, para mas makita ko ang sarili ko,” he said.
John shared that he still missed being a seminarian. “Kaya rin ako lagi pumupunta dun (sa seminary), hindi lang dahil may appointment ako sa spiritual director. Gusto ko ring balik-balikan yung ginagawa ko dati.”
When asked if he still hear God’s call, he was quickly to say yes.
“Naroon pa rin yung pagtawag. Sabi ko nga kay Father na namimiss ko ang buhay sa loob. Kaya nagpapagabay pa rin ako sa kanila (spiritual directors). Para makabalik kung nanaisin ng Diyos na bumalik,” said John with conviction. “Kasi mahalaga yung kagustuhan kong bumalik ngunit mas mahalaga sa akin yung nais ng Diyos.”
Entering the seminary doesn’t make any person perfect. Leaving it won’t entitle us to judge the same person, either. It’s only the seminarians themselves who can really understand the ‘calling’ or how they will respond to it. After all, those who are called to the cause are required to be loving people with a new, generous and pure heart, with genuine self-detachment, full, constant and faithful dedication. How they live out their chosen lives is their choice alone.
Seminarians and ex-seminarians are willing to do what is needed for God’s cause. One can only commend the work they put themselves through – and for the rest of us, our prayers for their well-being and continued guidance is enough for them to pull through in the times ahead. #
