i just read ur kenma fic and i absolutely loved it !! i went straight to ur profile and first thing i see is you can be the boss by my glorious queen lana on ur bio đ„čđ„č
oh how i love haikyuu and lana đ
thank you smđ„čđ„č
i recently looked at my drafts and decided to just post some lol!! like bruh let me just revive the hq fandomđ
warnings: lowercase + slightly suggestive towards the end
note: unfortunately no this is not part two of my other kenma piece.. maybe you guys will get that one day lmao.
streaming with kenma is always fun. your boyfriend takes the liberty to turn his camera off while you sit pretty on his lap. it first started out when you both would immensely miss the other. being unable to meet due to conflicting schedules. the one day you were free, kenma unfortunately had an important stream he couldn't cancel. you insisted it was fine and that you'd see him after stream, telling him being in his presence was enough for you.
if just his presence was enough, why not join him? kenma figured, grabbing your wrist to walk through his house with him. leading a confused you to his streaming room before pulling his gaming chair out and taking a seat himself.
"then just sitting with me is okay with you, right? i'll keep my cam off, so you can be comfortable."
pulling your waist closer, kenma helps you climb onto him and the chair, letting you adjust to a comfortable position.
"i'll start soon, if you wanna talk just pull my shirt, i'll mute my mic."
he kisses your lips before scooting his chair in. giving you one final nod and readjusting his mic. it didn't take long for the comfortable ambience of his home and his body heat to lure you to a much needed sleep. not to mention the natural vibrations of him speaking to his viewers.
"..why is my camera off? ...it's broken today, sorry everyone."
đđđđ
'broken camera' streams happen a lot more frequently after that. sometimes if his fans listen hard they can hear your whispers or soft giggles. even the occasional sneeze. which sounded way to feminine to come from their kodzuken.. eventually his fans start to piece together broken camera streams meant someone was in his room with him. cause there was no way kenma was going around breaking expensive cameras weekly for fun.
while most streams you end up falling asleep, there are few that you stay awake for, like today. kenma, forgetting to mute his mic, lifts one side of his headphones off his ear, while rubbing your waist up and down with his other hand. he brings your face up to look at him.
"how was your day baby? not feeling tired?" leaning in he kisses the corner of your mouth.
shaking your head to answer the second question. you take the quick moment to reflect on what you did today.
"i didn't do much today, other than run that errand for my mom." you reply gently.
"mm.. are you hungry? anything you wanna eat after the stream?" there's faint kisses on the top of your head while kenma picks up his gaming mouse again. before you can respond you catch slight panic flashing in his eyes.
"what's wrong?" you worried.
"forgot to mute..",
at the realization that thousands of people have been listening to your conversation. quietly he ignores the chats questions and changes the focus back to the game.
in his next stream featuring you, he starts by holding your thighs tightly to him. clearing his throat before speaking to his chat.
"oh.. today's stream the camera is broken again sorry guys. i'll make sure to buy a new one for next time." his tone is flat as he spits his usual white lie out.
you suppress your laugh into his collarbone.
"oh and my girlfriend's here today too.. say hi."
your greeting is quiet and sweet before you position yourself back against your boyfriend. ignoring his chats hysteria at the confirmation of his relationship status, kenma starts his gameplay. the only response he gives being a brief explanation.
"my girlfriend finally moved in recently, i've been asking her for months now. so you might hear her around more."
"uhh.. will we see her?" he reads.
"um probably not. unless she wants too, i don't care." his ramble of replies to his viewers fading into talk about today's game of choice.
getting up from his lap, you briefly head out the room. bringing back your baby, hiro. kenma grunts a little at the roughness of you climbing back on top of him.
"can we show them hiro?" you turn and ask your boyfriend.
kenma moves some stuff around before showing you his second monitor. there you see he's turned his camera on.
"hold him here like this. he'll cover your face enough." kenmas positions your arms as he brings his facecam into the stream.
"this is hiro! our baby!" your cheer. "he lived with me but now he lives here with us." you explained.
you push the cat further into the cameras frame earning a meow from him. kenma chuckles petting the cats ears. the most viewers can see of you are your hands and the top of your head. hiro doing a good job at covering everything else.
"ok i think the camera's breaking again.." kenma's says removing the tiny face cam off stream again. this earns a loud giggle from you as you let hiro settle into your arms. his chat are filled with praises for both hiro and you. some chatters expressing sadness in not seeing you.
"sorry everyone! maybe another day.." you smile.
"it's a little embarrassing to appear on stream. besides i'm still in moving mode so i look messy.. ha."
"you look hot." kenma states.
both of you burst out laughing at kenma's bluntness. after some time you leave kenma to finish streaming alone. opting to start an early dinner of katsu curry. back in the stream room, kenma answered a few more questions about you.
"what's your girlfriend's name? um we'll keep it private sorry." he answered
"how old is hiro? he's three. his birthday was a couple weeks ago."
đđđđ
his streams continue like this over the course of a few weeks. with you popping in and out spontaneously. kenma's viewers would occasionally catch glimpses of your side profile. you've seen a few social media posts of people editing your small slips, eager to see you fully.
today, you joined kenma again. camera off, you relaxed in a seat next to him instead of his lap. simply wanting to sit with him. you brought your switch 2 with you, playing the new tomodachi life game. both bought for you by your boyfriend kenma. your giggles are heard throughout the stream, kenma nor the chat minding.
"what's your girlfriend laughing at?" kenma read.
"shes playing the new tomodachi life.. shes making her mii right now."
his chat exploded with excitement.
<kodzufan>we want to see!!
<sach1e>can we see??
<tomoezu>tomodachi life?
<16menma>ehhh the new one?
"chat.. wants to see me play?" you asked shyly.
kenma already knew your answer without you having to explain. telling the chat maybe another time. towards the end of the stream, kenma turns his camera on, making sure the angle captures only him.
"ok chat. thanks for watching stream today.."
<flowerkitty>stay longerr :(
<karouuu>nooo don't end
<kurootetsu>ending?
<sach1>stay on!!
his stream today was on the shorter side, so he could understand why they didn't want him to end just yet.
"uhh, i guess we can talk for a moment." he mumbled.
the chat agrees in excitement. it was rare that kenma sat and just chatted for a moment. kenma makes casual conversation with your occasional imput. eventually the chat starts aiming their questions at you again.
<kodzufan>how long have you known your girlfriend??
<m1nar1>is your girlfriend still here?
some of the questions catch your eye from the second monitor.
"um we've known each other for a couple of years now.. since high school."
kenma brings the mic closer to you but keeps the camera on him. not minding you taking over.
<pokkinan>how is living together
<xxuixx>does your girlfriend stream
<16menma>she sounds so cute
you giggle shyly at the last comment, "living together is really fun. we get to do everything together now."
your boyfriend tunes out the stream as he scrolls through his phone, you don't mind continuing to talk to his chat, enjoying the conversation.
<zuchile>is kodzuken a good boyfriend
"mmm.. he's the best boyfriend. he takes care of me well."
as you chat about your relationship.one comment in particular stood out. granted you could've chosen to ignore it.
<cli4me>what's your favorite position? /comment deleted
"..what's your favorite position?" you read aloud shocked yet slightly amused. the comment was quickly taken down by mods, but you still caught the chance to read it. kenma registering what you said snaps his head up from his phone to look at you.
"don't read comments like that.." he said annoyed. more at his chat then you, but still scolding you.
"why? it'sâ"
"stop."
the reddening of kenma's face tells you not to push any more but you just can't help yourself, finding the perfect opportunity.
"my favorite position..." you started slow looking at kenma.
"is obviously the setter." you finish laughing. a reference to when kenma played volleyball in high school.
"ok chat. i'm ending stream, you guys got your girlfriend privileges taken away."
as he wraps up his goodbyes your ongoing laugh can still be heard, the chat laughing with you as kenma finally ends.
he turned to you with a pout.
"i was only joking kenma... only you get to know my favorite position." you scooted your chair closer to him, basically climbing on his lap as you kiss his neck in a teasing manor.
"don't be jealous kennie.."
"i'm not jealous."
"you are."
"i'm not."
"you are.."
...
"i'm not."
đđđđ
later that night, kenma had your pretty face buried in his pillow, with another pillow holding your hips up as he showed you just how much he knew your favorite position.
Youâve tried the pillows. The pregnancy belt. The heat pad. Youâve leaned forward, leaned back, sat on the edge of the couch with your feet planted just right like the blogs say. Youâve even tried that ridiculous looking yoga ball that Kuroo swore helped his sister. Nothing works. Not really.
Your lower back has become a constant, pulsing drumbeat of dull pain, like your spine itself is growing resentful. The weight of your belly pulls forward like an anchor strapped to your hips, and every time you shift, you swear you can hear your vertebrae protesting. Thereâs no sweet spot anymore, just a rotation of tolerable positions. You grit your teeth through them, muttering curses under your breath.
Youâre laid sideways on the couch now, a pillow stuffed between your knees, one arm tucked under your bump, the other flopped over your eyes like youâre shielding yourself from the end of the world. Itâs not even late. The sunâs still up, golden light filtering through the blinds. You just couldnât take being vertical anymore.
This is the part no one talks about. Not the cute baby kicks, not the weird cravings or the glow everyone swears you have. Itâs thisâsore, swollen, and tired in a way that sleep canât fix. Even breathing feels like it takes effort.
And through it all, Sakusa is there.
Heâs been steady. Quietly doting. Not the type to coo over baby socks or rub your feet with oil while humming lullabies, but the kind of man who starts carrying hand sanitizer in your favorite scent just in case you need it. The kind who keeps snacks in the car, reminds you to hydrate without making it sound like a chore, who started going to prenatal appointments not because you asked, but because he wanted to understand everything. Who reads parenting books with sticky tabs and highlights and pretends he didnât.
Heâs not loud about it. He doesnât post bump photos or narrate your journey in grand poetic terms. But heâs shown up every day in ways that matter. Never once flinching when you sobbed over dropped pickles or had a breakdown in the baby aisle because you couldnât decide between two swaddle patterns. He holds the pieces when you feel like youâre falling apart. He never makes you feel like youâre too much.
You hear the front door click open, then the quiet hush of it swinging closed. You donât move. Just listen to the familiar sound of Sakusaâs footsteps coming inâsoft, always measured, always deliberate. No keys clatter. He always puts them in the bowl on the shelf. No shoes squeaking either; he wipes them, every time. You know itâs him without having to look.
He pauses in the entryway, no doubt clocking the mess of your position. Then, his voiceâcalm and even, with that velvety weight that always makes your heart twitch even when you're annoyed.
âBack again?â
âMmh,â you hum noncommittally, eyes still covered. âFelt like someone took a crowbar to my spine. So I gave up.â
Thereâs a beat of silence. You imagine him there, eyes scanning youâyour hunched shoulders, the tension in your jaw, the deep set crease between your brows. Heâs not the type to hover. Not the type to fuss, at least not where you can see it. But you know him well enough by now. If he could physically fight your discomfort, he wouldâve by now. With gloves on.
You feel the couch dip near your legs. Then the rustle of a bag being set down.
âI read about something,â he says slowly.
You lower your arm just enough to peek at him. Heâs still in his work clothesâjacket slung over the armrest, sleeves rolled neatly past his elbows, forearms bare. His mask is off, stashed away now that heâs home. You catch the faintest crease of worry between his brows, like heâs weighing the next words carefully.
âCan I try?â he asks.
You blink, too tired to be curious. âWhatever. Go for it.â
He tilts his head. âYou have to stand up first.â
You lower your arm further to shoot him a flat look. âYouâre joking.â
âIâm not.â
You huff, but heâs already sliding a hand beneath your arm. Gently, steadily, he helps you sit up, then rise to your feet with the kind of efficiency that speaks to practice. Heâs been doing this for weeks nowâhelping you in and out of bed, out of the car, off the floor when you insisted you could pick something up by yourself.
âI swear to god, if this is another stretch video where I end up looking like a tipped cowââ
âItâs not.â
âBecause if I fall, I'm taking you down with me.â
âDuly noted.â
Once youâre upright, he steps behind you. You feel the warmth of him, close and focused. One of his hands briefly trails up your spine in a slow, soothing passâa single stroke meant to coax your muscles into releasing some of their stubborn tension.
"Relax," he murmurs, voice low and steady, his breath brushing the shell of your ear.
Then his hands brush your hips and slide slowly beneath the swell of your belly. One palm anchors, the other adjusts. Itâs deliberate, the kind of precise contact that could only come from research and repeat watching. Thenâhe lifts.
Just an inch. Maybe two. But itâs enough.
The relief is instant.
Your lower back uncoils like a spring released from tension. That hot, grinding ache thatâs lived there for weeks just⊠lessens. Not gone entirely, but dulled. Blurred. Like someone finally turned the pressure dial down from an eleven to a manageable hum.
You let out a sound you werenât expectingâa breath that shudders out of you with more feeling than you meant to show. Like your whole bodyâs been waiting for this and didnât know how to ask.
âOh,â you breathe, eyes fluttering shut. âThatâs⊠holy shit.â
You hear him exhale, and the barest hint of a smile follows in his voice.
âGuess it works.â
You nod, or try to. âWhat evenâhowâd you think of that?â
âThereâs a forum,â he says. âA bunch of people were talking about it. Said lifting the weight can take pressure off the sacroiliac joint. Sounded reasonable.â
Of course it did. Itâs soâ him. Reading about biomechanics like itâs no big deal. Quietly researching ways to ease your pain without saying a word. You picture him in bed at night, phone dimmed, scrolling through medical threads while you snored beside him.
You lean back slightly, weight shifting into his hold like youâre trusting itâtrusting himâwith more than just the curve of your belly. His hands adjust to steady you.
Then you feel him begin to lower your bump back down.
âI didnât say you could stop yet,â you murmur, voice hushed and wry.
His hands still immediately.
There's a pause, not because he's unsureâbut because heâs listening. Because when it comes to you, Sakusa never rushes.
You feel his thumbs move slightly, drawing slow circles near your hips as he steadies the lift again, as if to say, Iâve got you.
"Shouldâve tried this ages ago," you mumble.
Youâre still basking in the quiet relief of his hold. Your back doesnât feel like it's screaming anymore, and for the first time in hours, your body feels like it belongs to you againâlike maybe you're not just a vessel walking around with sore feet and too many hormones.
He shifts slightly, adjusting the lift with a faint grunt.
"Heâs heavy," Sakusa murmurs. Thereâs no complaint in his voiceâjust quiet awe.
You smile faintly, placing a hand over his. "Thatâs your fault."
"My fault?"
"Youâre six-three, with legs like telephone poles. What did you think was gonna happen?"
He huffs a soft, amused breath behind you. "Could still be your fault. Maybe you manifested it."
You snort. "Yeah, I manifested a linebacker. Great job, me."
"Heâs not even here yet and I already feel outnumbered," he mutters.
You squeeze his hand. "Donât worry. Heâll probably inherit your poker face. You two can be brooding and beautiful together."
A beat. Then, so quiet it barely makes it to your ears:
"Heâs going to be perfect."
You close your eyes, feeling everything swell in your chest all at once.
"He already is."
And thereâs something so simple, so steadfast in the way he says it that you have to bite your lip against the warm rush crawling up your chest.
You rest your hand over his where it cups your belly. "Kiyoomi?"
"Mm."
"I love you."
His thumb strokes once, slow and deliberate. You hear the breath he draws, steady as ever.
"I know," he says quietly. "I love you too."
And just like that, in the stillness of your living room, with the soft glow of daylight bleeding through the windows and his arms supporting you from behind, you feel the kind of full-body peace that no prenatal yoga class has ever given you.
You donât move. Neither does he. Because for now, this is enough.
smutish.. mainly just random headcannon (18+ just incase)
famous streamer!kenma who you're known since elementary school
the two of you met in kindergarten class.. both of you were the shyest quiet kids. slowly developing an unspoken alliance together. silently taking care of each other and eventually becoming each others best friends.
bestie!kenma who could comfortably act himself around you. he's the biggest complainer you know. especially when his loud new friend kuroo started introducing him to volleyball.
bestie!kenma who'd take your hand yelling, "run! run!" as he would show your the best hiding spots to avoid kuroo.
bestie!kenma being your number one taste taster whenever you helped your mom in the kitchen. he remembers the first recipe you mastered on your own. (apple pie, slightly on the bitter sideâ still apple pie instantly became his favorite food)
bestie!kenma whose been secretly making out with you since late middle school
he was beat red the first time you asked him to kiss you. your reason being that there was a boy you desperately needed to confess too (literally himđ«) but first you had to learn how to kiss duh!!
bestie!kenma who was sputtering empty words trying to reason with you why it would be a bad idea. too bad you didn't care to listen, shutting him up with an aggressive first kiss.
giggling between kisses, you thought about how it was just like the movies <3
bestie!kenma who would grip your waist whenever you two hid in his closet to kiss. your newest excuse being needing to master the skill. something about leveling up blah blah whatever gamer language. it honestly took kenma up until your first year of highschool to catch on you were just obsessed with kissing him. dummy
you respected him enough to not do it around his volleyball team. funny enough kuroo caught you guys once but never said anything to spare kenma the embarrassment
anyways... đ«Ą
thirdyear!kenma who now had to learn to do other things to keep you satisfied. đđ otherwise you would climb onto his lap and take it from him, when all he wanted to do was play his game.
sassy!kenma starts here!!
he'd sigh and pretend he doesn't wanna mess around but you can literally feel how into it he is?? đđđ his eyes roll feigning annoyance but he's quick to put his controller down and his hands are helping you rock against him... đ€Łđ
and for the first time ever... kenma helps you turn so your back is against his chest and his hand slithers down into the waistband of your panties..
you've definitely sent him a few nudes before but he was always too shy to see you naked in person.
but.. new year, new me!! he's teasing the fuck out of your little clit. while you continue grinding down on him.
kenma's fingers are long and slim. and his hands are precise from various activities (volleyball/gaming) so he picks this skill up fast.
literally wants to eat you out after watching you cum on his fingers. finishes in his pants at the thought
đđpost-nut clarity gets him and he's suddenly all shy and embarrassed again. literally pushes you off his lap. đ
a couple weeks later.. he's repeatedly looking over at you like he's got something to say. the irritation causing a frustration "what?" from you.
he subtly asks "hey are you my girlfriend..?" and you're like "obviously kenmađ.." he's funny with it too going, "okay. just making sure."
bf!kenma who now gives you special privileges and lets you suck him off. his moans are soo pretty your a little jealous. he's like putty the first time you kiss at his tip. his favorite thing is when you give tiny kitten licks to his balls. he's throwing his head back and pushing your head to take him entirely.
it's his first time getting head, so he doesn't know to warn you when he's cummingđđ, ends up cumming all over your face and hair..
honestly it's kinda hot but you pretend to be mad at him. "kenma! you got it all over my hair too!" đ
"...sorry."
bf!kenma who makes it up to you a couple days later. when he finally fucks you after literal years (two) of you begging for it. is surprisingly a little rougher than you pictured him to be.
honestly really loves doggy and missionary. he starts with missionary and lovess seeing how reactive you are. his tip is right there pushing in slightly. your blushing face and teary eyes turn him on so much. gets lost in how pretty you look. đ
forgets it's literally your first time too and pushes right in and sets his pace. is absolutely gripping your legs to keep them open. he's an athlete after all so he has the strength to rag doll youđđ
chooses not to though because he doesn't like to overexert himself.
when he finishes, he couldn't pull out all the way. đ soft embarrassed kenma is back. he hides in your chest. but don't worry he (begrudgingly) buys you a plan b with his allowance. đ
still in your third year, i think he'd start streaming/youtube around this time.
has a steady build up to fame. within the end of the school year he reached a half a million on youtube!!
convinced you to start a youtube for baking and "all that girly shit" (his words) đââïž buys you a camera and editing laptop with his new big boy money đ
you post aesthetic bake with me's, makeup tutorials, and short vlogs. he edits your first couple videos, before showing you how to edit and upload on your own.
you steady get a following too!! around 40k !! not nearly as much as kenma but still amazing.
you guys start college eventually. kenma goes into business and computer science!! smart boy!!! he starts a baby company and starts investing into stocks with his big boy youtube money?!? becomes even richer and buys a house for the both of you to move into.đ€
you chose to major in media arts communication đ. kenma makes a joke about how you can be his sweet lil manager <33
back to the house kenma bought.. it's definitely a fixer upper but it's yours and your in love! feel like adulthood.. though your mostly excited about the unlimited sex you get to have now without either of your parents around.
kenma is excited about his new streaming room. đ
both you and kenma help eachother with content and sponsorships but neither publicly say anything about eachother.
with your youtube content, sometimes you show kenmas figure in the background. small clips of him driving, helping you cook, or even just his hands. very subtle shots of him.
when you do actively film him, you try to avoid getting his full face. you'll show just the tiniest bit of his jaw line. or slivers of his side profile.
for kenma's content he doesn't show you at all. the occasional wrist slip will apear of you bringing him dinner and twitter goes crazy.đ±đ±
it's not that you two are keeping your relationship a secret, you two have always been private about one another. neither of you deny having a partner, but neither of you give proper answers to your fans.
kuroo says maybe you guys are just sadists who like to tease everyone. (you're definitely a masochist though kenma thinks)
the closest kenma's fans got to a girlfriend reveal was that one time he almost leaked your nudes đ
he was on stream showing pictures you sent him of the apple pie you made when he accidentally swipes too far. he's quick to notice mid-swipe that the next picture is NAWTT apple pie....đ đ
"so yeah guys this is the apple pie my girl made for meâ she sent me pictures, ..oh fuck."
he awkwardly turns his phone around and laughs a little. his ears are red but luckily his hair hides them. after stream he watches the clip back and releases a sigh of relief. the shot is mostly blurry and you can really only make out the color of your skin.
kenma tells you about it later offering an apology with it. all you do is giggle saying you wouldn't mind your nudes exposed. it's not like they knew your identity anyways.
"yeah, but i'd get a twitch banđ"
in your second year of uni, kenma is at over 2 million subscribers!! he's invited to events and parties but mainly declines. he attends the occasional charity event but prioritizes hinata's volleyball games.
your youtube is doing well too!! 700k subscribers and you receive a variety of pr.
neither of you bother to answer personal questions but your honestly surprised you two haven't been linked together yet.
you both live in the same house, attend the same college, and are usually out together. either luck is on your side or your fans aren't putting two and two together.
you suppose it's a lot harder for kenma's fans to find out more about you. while they definitely know you exist.. they have no other leads.
revisiting bf!kenma
bf!kenma absolutely hates condomsđđ
it's not that he doesn't want to use them, he doesn't want to buy them.đ
the last time he bought them a fan had approached him and asked for a picture together. kenma accepts and poses for the picture. he's standing next to the fan holding up a peace sign. âđŒ
sighhhhh....
he doesn't think much of it at the time. just a nice moment with a supporter of his until he gets home and opens twitter.. đđ
the picture is all over his feed and mentions. going viral on the gamer side of twitter. at first he's confused until he analyzes the picture a little more.
are we serious..đ€Šââïžđ€Šââïžđ€Šââïž
in his peace sign hand is the box of condoms he purchased an hour ago... not to mention the isle of assorted condoms, lube, and other contraceptives behind them.
shy!kenma is backđđđ
he's soooo embarrassed. he knows all his online friends have seen it. he knows you've probably seen it. and when his phone rings with a familiar contact displaying he knows kuroo's seen it.
probably the most annoying part of this situation.
anyway's kenma swears he's never buying another box of condoms ever again. so unless you go buy them (you won't) raw it is.
bf!kenma learns quickly he loves it raw. the feeling of you much too good to go back to condoms. kenma's pull out game is still really bad... and honestly neither of you give pregnancy a second thought. đ€Šââïžđ€Šââïž
looking back maybe you should've!! đ€
you're half way through your third year of college when you notice a significant increase in your weight. you appoint it to be you bad eating habits and make a mental note to cut back.
a week later your in the doctors office. but funny enough for kenma.
bf!kenma has been experiencing extreme nausea and sleep troubles. âčïžâčïž
he's even thrown up a couple times but no over the counter medicine has been working.
bf!kenma has been canceling streams to try to pass his sickness but to no avail, you decide to drive him to the doctors. thinking maybe it's food poisoning from the new receipe you tried??
the doctor run tests but nothing comes back. going over kenma's symptoms and descriptions the doctor asks if you two are sexually active.
you'll like đłđł, what does that have to do with anything..
kenma feeling another wave of nausea lays back onto the clinic bed, expecting you to answer. not wanting to lie, you nod your head towards the doctor.
the doctor turns in his little swiveling chair and starts typing on his computer.
"..and are you two engaging in unsafe sex?"
again you nod, blushing a little. the doctor asks if you've felt any thing different lately, like kenma.
"um, not really? i feel very healthy. maybe i've gained a little weight recently."
the doctor nods along to your words. and your kinda just thinking 'shouldn't the focus be on kenma?'
when was your last period?"
oh! đłđł when was your last period? you take a moment to think, your brows furrowing in thought.
"you're not sure? that's okay."
the doctor calls a nurse in who guides you into another room, she gives you instructions to pee in a cup and leave it in a special compartment.
after following instructions, you leave the private bathroom and head back into kenma's room. you're sweating hard!! there was definitely a high chance you were pregnant. but your honestly just confused about kenma's condition.
after returning, you take a seat next to kenma, he immediately leans into your shoulder.
"so... they think i might be pregnant.."
kenma jumps up and looks at you like đłđł no way đłđłđł then immediately gets a wave of nausea and has to lean back into the doctors chairđ”âđ«
before you can speak again the doctor enters the room again, "..so your definitely pregnant. congratulations."
whaaaattt? đââïž everyone's just kind staring at eachother.
the doctor speaks up again. "regarding kenma's condition, looks like its couvade syndrome. it's something a lot of expecting fathers experience. thinks like morning sickness, fatigue.. all early symptoms of pregnancy. and since all his test came back negative, while your pregnant test came back positiveâ we have our answer."
great.
you two drive home in silence.. kinda weird the boy you've known since you were five.. is going to be your baby daddy.
now you guys have to figure out how to hide your relationship AND your pregnancy... đ
a/n: like and reblog for part two maybe?? idk im not a writer so this isn't the best. but i hope it was fun to read!!
CW: Blood, Depictions of Calamity, Non-Character death, Scout/Director AU, Mentions of PTSD, Weirdly enough lots of full in all of that, Readerâs hair is mentioned as being straightened not straight so this could be for anyone who prefers that style, reader is once again very attractive, and Kiyoomi is once again out of his rabbit ass mind about you, also bad family dynamic mention.
WC: 6.1k
What the fuck is a kid doing here?
Youâre both frantic and methodical as your heels click wide steps in the toddler's direction, quickly sliding your earplugs into his ears before swiftly securing him in your arms. As most kids, heâs enamored with you. - Fewer though, you can pinpoint the amount youâve found so passive about being caught in a fire fight.
The gun shots are loud and disorienting as you try to get the two of you to safety. There are panicked voices, frenzied voices. Voices shrill enough to turn reverberated acoustics into buffeting chambers, too tangible not to feel forceful. â Ah, man⊠you were only here on family business. A run and done more concerning the swiftness of business than who died in the process. Your sister called you in her office like an hour before this and told her that she didnât care what happened as long as you were there to be a fly on the wall. Soak up any information you could and report back, then it would be over. ~ This life would be over. Your servitude to crooks and creeps and everyone else in between. Youâd be free of this kind of shit.
But now youâre holding some guyâs kid, visible to all the men who know you and who you work for. In a sundress. Short little skimpy thing that was supposed to get you a free dinner and maybe a discount at the local market. - Being this overstimulated makes using your ability to fizzle out of this situation unreliable. Youâre on foot until you can get to a quieter area.
Your heels skid marks into the polished maple of the auditorium front rooms, you nearly trip when a man with too many eyes points a pistol in your direction.
Your lips are pinched as you duck away and find cover behind a marble fixture. âSt- Iâm holding a kid!â
âWhy should I fucking care?!â
You huff. âBecause if you got any and this kid fucking dies, youâre responsible for whatever happens to them!â
You square your shoulders when his footsteps start to ring closer. Youâre really gonna have to find a way to kill this guy, huh?
The toddler coos as you brace yourself to lift off the ground.
â
The smallest wounds sting the most, donât they?
The Yakuza has always been a long time friend of your family. Even when your jurisdiction was just American based. ~ Little business trips to Japan were not uncommon in your childhood. Men with tattoos of snakes and serpents, and godâs corresponding with the sky; were never any less than kind to you. A few of them even - were less than thrilled when you became of age, because that meant you had to work.
Because that meant you had to work like them.
And so the move to Japan was as seamless as it was sudden. â A sixteen year old and your adopted brother, and their esteemed eldest sister; their more than eager willing guardian with two⊠âPollinatedâ children. â Three figures, two potentially, with more than enough resources to carry out stories of promise and admired business making; power and more power. An enterprise making its first steps at becoming international. And with the allies they had, it all went off without a hitch.
The Yakuza were the loving cousins of Gethsemane, they were responsible for their immediate boarding. They let the kids train there while Gethsemane found its footing, they welcomed them into the best schools that could shelter kids of their background. There was even a point in your late teens when one of the big bosses demanded youâd be guarded on your communes to school. Because âPretty girls like you are a target to some of the ugly pieces of shit that like to skulk around here. If itâs the last thing I can do before you graduate, itâs make sure one of my kids is safe.â
Theyâve always been kind and reliable. Close to family even. So, when your sister came up to you and told you that your last job was to steal from them, kick tail and run when a fire fight breaks out and act like their deaths mean nothing; you were reasonably upset.
âItâs not stealing. Just eavesdropping.â
You furrow at your sister from her place at the far side of her office, leaning on her hip as her arms fasten themselves over her chest. âWeâre wiretapping information on affairs that have already been spoken for. Youâre having me coax them into giving up information on offshore accounts.â
âYou donât have to coax them into doing anything.â The Vicuna in her suit jacket hisses as she shrugs. âJust sneak in there and try to remember everything they say. Swipe a few cellphones if you can.â
âIf things get too dicey, cut and run. Like I said, this isnât the most important thing in the world. - Just get what I need and get out of there. Then you wonât hear about it again.â
Your sisterâs mask unfastens with a click. Her breaths look more painful than ever.
âItâll be easy.â
Some dead guyâs kid is in your hands and youâve been splattered in blood. An under the table affair held at a meager event center has turned into a public massacre.
The guy laying at your feet looks like someone you know but not enough to address by name. His throat is slit and the veins in his eyes have bursted from suffocation. The familiarity makes it hard to look at him for too long - he looks like someone who may have frequented your childhood. Takuto-kun you think it was? Your mouth waters and your tongue turns salty.
You hold the toddler tightly to your chest as you numbly step over the body and toward the rest of the building, where more corpses remain. It looks like⊠someone pointed at the crowd and started firing. Like a domino effect of exploding heads and gusting torsos, a snowball of a big reaction that got bigger with every passing moment. Thereâs no way that this isnât gonna hit the news. Youâve never seen an information trade eat shit this badly.
All you remember is one of them started yelling. One of them felt threatened by one of the new kids at the table and got antsy when he showed his chops. You couldnât see his face but his voice wasnât entirely familiar and the Yakuzaâs always been picky when adding new faces - especially to the higher ups. His tone is even, slightly agitated but even. Heâs the clacking of a boiling top as he addresses him.
âIâm not here to fight with you, NushibÄ-san. So, sit down,â He sighs. âAll Iâm saying is that youâre pricing us way above your quality grade.â
âAre you trying to say my intel isnât good enough?â
âIf it wasnât good enough I wouldâve cut you a deal on half of it and left by now. - What youâre trying to sell me, and for this price; is a blatant misuse of my time.â
Thereâs a snort thrown in the air, sarcastic as it is foreboding. âYour time? You think Iâm the one who should be concerned about your time? Some new guy Yakuza cuck? Do you know who youâre dealing with here?â
âI do. Do you think talking to me like that is smart?â You can hear it in his voice, heâs genuinely asking.
âI think youâd better start groveling like a dog for my forgiveness. If you know whatâs good for you.â
Chair legs skid and thereâs a distinct sound of metallic clacking - a pop! That nearly knocks you back into form as your vapor thickens toward the hallways. Youâre barely put together when bullets prepare to fly.
Thereâs a kid in front of you.
Call it maternal instincts or just your reservations about having a toddlerâs death on your hands but saving this kid was a knee jerk reaction. Having your ears bleed for this kid, maybe not. Getting blood on your Louboutins and those stomach pains that are familiar to every mass civilian slaughter - when you should be home devouring a bowl of chicken hibachi right now; itâs pretty safe to say that this wasnât entirely voluntary.
But now thereâs a kid in your hands, no older than three. Crayon Shin-chan shirt soiled by brain matter and blissfully unaware of the bedlam that has erupted around him.
Your ears are trashed at this point. Existing and not existing at will is a pretty good hand to have but it has its caveats. Your hearingâs enhanced as a side effect to your mutation and you didnât exactly bring a back up pair of earplugs for a run-and-done. And even if not for that, you can still hear in the air you pass through, and if you canât relax enough to literally break you and this kid down to a molecular level safely, you could wind up getting the both you fused into a wall you canât hear coming. Not ideal. â Which means you're completely grounded by overstimulation and stress. Also means you narrowly miss that sound of wind that rushes behind you and just barely misses your head.
You're disoriented when you duck out of the way, you can only manage to pull away a hand to defend yourself with as you keep the young boy belted to your chest. Some guy you rushed from earlier that you mustâve forgotten to finish off in the heat of things. His movements are sloppy and spiteful - and thereâs a gash in his head that turns his face red. His arms are stretched into scythe like spikes that cut through the air with a whistle, each swing feels closer than the last.
Your defenses are cut into parcels. Itâs all you can do to dodge and keep the little boy held securely in your arms. And the irony sets in that youâll die playing hero.
The wall is a bad end. You curl up the moment your back collides with it. You hope your body is enough to buy the kid some time.
A gunshot isnât what you expect to hear.
Not from so close anyway. That clap of descending metal pops before muffling and the rest becomes white noise. Whatever just happened was enough to make you lock over this kid like a cage. Drop to a crouch and curl over him like a wounded animal protecting her cub. You don't even open your eyes to anticipate whatâs coming next.
The hand caressing reassuringly down your back is a surprise.
Heâs hard to register through the waning panic as he carefully turns your shoulders in his direction, a figure as you panickedly push him away and hold the boy tighter toward your chest. Solidified vapor turning your free hand into a gathering of claws before you even realize it.
Heâs Yakuza. The tattoos reaching out from underneath the rolled sleeves of his dress shirt make that much obvious. Heâs no one you recognize. Probably only a few years your senior. Dark steel-like eyes that scrub frantically over you and the child in your hands, and heâs gentle as he reaches out for you both.
âYouâre alright,â Itâs the voice from earlier. The calm sounding guy. âYouâre okay. I got you.â
He must recognize the smoke that gathers at the bottom of your hair out of apprehensity.
The man blushes a little. âI didnât⊠recognize it was you at first,â He blows out a breath. âI should have figured youâd go the extra mile for us.â
You furrow.
âThatâs my son,â And the finger pointed in his direction makes you flinch. You almost doubt him if not for the way the child turns and lights up at his father, already reaching in his direction.
What a fucking coincidence that was.
Heâs careful as he helps you off the ground, scanning you over as your legs wobble and your hold on his son apprehensively gives when he tries to take the toddler in his hands. You hand him over like youâre afraid that if you do it too quickly heâll break and fall apart. And you have to steel yourself not to let your grip linger as his father rightfully claims him again.
Call it maternal instincts then.
You donât even realize there are tears in your eyes until he - rather invasively - thumbs away a fallen droplet, before reaching further and setting aside your straightened hair for a light grip on your nape, firmly guiding your head to the side.
âYour ears are bleeding.â He says. And before he can ask he notices the earplugs stuck in his sonâs ears.
If you werenât so traumatized youâd notice the immediate flash of tenure in his eyes. âLetâs go,â He pulls you forward. âMedic should be close by.â
â-
The partial deafness was temporary. This new âacquaintance,â was not.
Flowers are typical in recovery. Get well cards and little personalized gifts, trinkets and candies; the occasional home cooked meal. The reactions among your peers were expected. Worry and concern, and the appropriate amount of hovering. One of your civilian higher-ups gave you a month of paid leave, since most of their doctors donât regularly live through a terrorist attack and try to reach out the next day about their schedule. Everyone has been kind and understanding, the scouts send wishful goodbyes in your early retirement and youâre sent off with eager hope of your return.
So, itâs safe to say that none of those aforementioned people arenât the ones sending you metric tons of flowers basketed all over your front porch every morning.
The thank you money was expected, youâll give him that. After the Yakuza found out that your last job as a scout was spent protecting one of their own, they were so overjoyed by such an act of loyalty that they sent you enough bonds to have you comfortable well into your thirties. As well as a cute little candy red Mclaren topped with a nice pink bow parked in your driveway.
The keys jingle in your hand as you read the card taped to it.
âFor our youngest daughter. Thank you for all that youâve done for your family. Please get well soon!â
Thereâs a little something more when you turn it over.
âTo the pretty girl who Iâm indebted to.
- Kiyoomi.â
The check attached to the note turns that comfortable thirties into a cozy fifties.
Money like that would be fun if you could actually spend it though. With your student debt now miraculously paid off, your lawn cleanly cut and your freshly planted flowers watered before you can even pay the guy next door to do it; even the restaurants you go to address you like theyâre already expecting your arrival, and their smiles are wide as they escort you and your friends to the best seats in the house.
When you expected to retire you expected to do so without difficulty, not live life in what could essentially be described as easy mode. Living life and doing it without challenge was always the dream but it was never what you got. Trauma is what you got. Cuts and gashes and harsh words that still sting as they linger. Sleepless nights that remain sleepless. And helplessness - No way you could go to a therapist about most of the shit youâve seen, let alone have done in your young life.
The walls move on their own accord the days you remain restless.
âYou can always come back, you know?â
You snuggle against the phone pressed against your head as you lay cozily among an assortment of electric blankets. His voice is a penance that makes those still healing wounds in your head throb painfully, but itâs deserved. All of itâs deserved.
âI know.â You hum. âBut I donât⊠think I can. I canât⊠- Not now, at least.â
âI get that.â
Thereâs a long stretch of silence that reaches out for an empty moment.
âWhen was the last time you got some sleep?â
You shrug as if your brother can see it. âI got an hour and a half yesterday.â
âWhy not-âŠâ Toshi sighs. Thereâs something faint crunching in the background. The sounds of bugs buzzing and a few rustling leaves. It sounds like he comes to a stop at the prospect. âWhy not⊠Ask Neesan for something to help you sleep?â
âBecause I donât want them thinking I owe them something. I told her I was done and now I am.â You roll over on your back. âI give her even the smallest opportunity to hold something over my head and then Iâm a mile deep in some Peruvian jungle⊠Howâs that going by the way?â
âI ate a bug before I called you.â
âWas it tasty?â
âLike steak dinner.â
You giggle a little weakly. âGreat. Save me a bite then.â
â-
The wind feels nice.
The soft wind that accompanies the spring feels nice on your skin. It feels fresh and foreign, a soft kiss on your cheek that welcomes you into the living world and reminds you that you are among them.
You donât know how long youâve been spaced out for.
Sleep hasnât come easy since your retirement started. It hasnât come at all in the past few days. When you wake up and your heartâs racing. Your face is hot and your skin is sweaty. Thereâs no comfort in that. Fear and guilt - Thereâs no bed that doesnât burst on the embers of repentance. You donât deserve sleep as much as you deserve anything else.
This is you atoning for your sins.
It takes a particularly hard gust of wind to blow the mail youâve been holding out of your hand and you out of your sleepless trances. The shadows under the trees have moved just slightly, you wonder how long it took for the wind to turn cold.
Your eyes are heavy in the gloom of the late evening as you turn on your heel and toward the front door. Thereâs a murkiness that lingers in the air thatâs most likely from disorientation and sleep deprivation, a line in reality that feels blurred as you focus on the doorknob and try to grasp at what youâve been doing.
Thereâs mail in your hands. Itâs evening. You should be eating dinner. â Even if you donât want to.
It takes longer than it should to realize that your door doesnât close behind you.
Your smoke frightenedly bristles at the tall figure in the doorway, foot keeping the door from fully closing before carefully pushing it the rest of the way open. Whoever it is is so tall that you have to crane your neck just to find their face. Silken fabric, black accented by gold stops at a pendant just under their collar, and when you find their face itâs the familiarity that makes you let out an allying breath.
âOh,â Your voice feels foreign. âItâs you⊠Kiyoomi.â
The sound of his name in your voice makes the scowl heâs wearing soften a bit. âYeah.â
âWhat are youâŠ?â
You donât flinch when a possessory hand is holding you by the jaw and pulling you forward an inch, tilting your head in his direction and smelling the mint on his breath when he leans closer.
Kiyoomi regards you with a look that says displeasure. âSo you really arenât sleeping.â
He pushes past you without invitation.
âąâąâą
Itâs almost funny how much he doesnât fit in your lounging area.
A quaint little tea spot littered in flowers and baby pinks, disrupted by a man who at smallest is about 6â4 and largest much too big to fit in a saucer chair. Springs creak as his socks slide clumsily against the area rug. And the silliness of it all nearly makes your lips crack up in a smile, glancing at him as you pull the kettle off the stove.
Heâs already opening his mouth to speak when you start towards him, but you interject softly.
âIs the little one with his mother or his nanny?â
Kiyoomiâs ears are tinted as he responds a little boyishly. âNo. - Uh, well, yeah, heâs with his nanny. ~ But his mother and I arenât on speaking terms.â
You hum as you carefully pour his tea. âHe hasnât been negatively affected by this whole ordeal has he?â
âNo.â And the smell of something floral pervades his senses. âHe doesnât remember a thing.â
You nod as you move on to your own cup. âThatâs good-â
âWhy arenât you taking care of yourself?â
You donât even spare him a glance as you pull the spout away. Methodical movements slow and a little slurred as you pull out a chair and sits in it with a sigh, hands folded loosely in your lap.
Youâre hollow when you look up at him. A caged bird. Barely the energy to sing with how exhausted he knows you are. â But despite it youâre a painting. One that with somberness is still just as captivating in its beauty. Your eyes on him makes his face hot. Makes a man like him feel both big and small at the same time. Even in such a poor state he thinks youâre the most enchanting thing in the world. ~ And his displeasure deepens at the thought of someone like you living life so tumultuously.
âIâm distracted, if you can blame me.â You say. âYou donât do or see the things that I have and expect to be able to maintain yourself like any other person could,â
Your grip shakes as you sip your tea. âI adore your gifts. I apologize if it looks like Iâm not enjoying them as much as I appreciate the gestures.â
Kiyoomiâs frown is pulled down by concern. âYou canât just not sleep. Or eat like youâre supposed to. ~ If itâs guilt youâre concerned about then youâre wasting your time. I donât know anyone whoâs done more good than you.â
âThen you donât know too many people, Kiyoomi-san. We at Gethsemane are not vigilantes. Weâre tools for hire. There are very few things that we are not adept at doing,â
âVery few,â You clarify evenly.
âThe good Iâve done on my own fruition is outweighed by the suffering of people whose torture I couldâve prevented, but didnât. Iâm directly responsible. IâŠdeserve this.â And saying that out loud for the first time is-
âThatâs bullshit.â
You look at him with a little jump before pausing with a lengthy stare.
âIâm not a woman worth pursuing, Kiyoomi.â
He clenches his jaw at that.
âIâm not. I-I-Iâm not⊠Iâm not girlfriend or wife or mother material,â You shake your head a little brokenly. And youâre beaten down. Weighed down by the guilt on your shoulders and doing your best to blink away the penance gathering in your sunken under eyes.
âIâm damaged goods,â You declare softly. A little weakly even. âAnd if youâre looking to build a relationship with me then Iâm not very capable of maintaining awareness, let alone the happiness of someone else.â
He blows a short breath from his nostrils as he stares at you for a long thoughtful moment. His frown now tightened into a line thatâs more complentative than disappointed. His eyes are hardened by thought. But you know that his mindâs been made up when he finally raises himself out of his seat.
You knew his mind was already made before he stepped over the threshold of your door and into your home. When he sent all those flowers and paid off your debts. When he stalked you for the past few months, watching you live out your life and figuring out how he could mold it to his.
Even as he bends on his knees to lower himself heâs nearly tall enough to meet your eyes, tender as he pulls your hands into his.
Heâs already decided that youâre his. You know it when you look into his eyes.
âIâm going to take care of you,â And thatâs not a question. âIf itâs anybodyâs happiness that we should be concerned for, itâs yours.â
Your smoke reaches out to him as he raises himself again, and his lips are soft against your forehead.
Itâs again that you donât realize youâre crying until heâs thumbing your tears away. âBecause you deserve that happiness. And because I'll see to it whether you like it or not." Kiyoomi hums against her forehead. "I'm indebted to you."
âYou wonât have to worry about anything from here on out.â
â-
He's a carbon copy of his father.
You didnât notice it in the heat of all that mess but you nearly question if his mother was in the room when he was conceived. â Little curly top with a few moles scattered over his face, dark little eyes that brighten when they zone in on you, even his mannerisms are a little similar. He carefully puts the toy car in his hand down on the floor behind him with the feathered practice of someone who cherishes his things.
And then heâs bounding in your direction.
Youâre quick to kneel down and catch him when he trips over one of his feet on the way over, righting him back in a standing position before heâs preparing himself to climb in your lap.
You inhale through your nose before blowing it out in a chuckled breath. "Hello again. You seem excited to see me?"
He firmly grasps the collar of your dress as he lays his head against your chest.
You say it more to yourself than for anybody to hear. "Oh no⊠You're gonna steal my heart, you know."
The firm hand on your waist nearly makes her jump. âIâve got competition then.â Kiyoomi slides by.
You shiver at the way he so adoringly holds eye contact as he walks by. âIs he always so trusting?â
âNot at all,â Kiyoomi rolls his shoulders as he moves for the doorway into the hall. âShinjiâs never really been good with other people. Especially adults,"
He beacons for you to follow him. "But I suppose there's a few things he might remember from that incident. Your care over him including."
He's holding onto you like heâs afraid youâll leave without him again.
Youâre curious as you follow him through the grand halls of his luxurious penthouse. Long wide corridors adorned by decorative wall fixtures and a few open doors leading to rooms of various uses. A gym. A study. An in-home office, a nursery. This house was clearly built for a family, and a growing one at that. ~ You didnât wanna pry when he said he and the mother of his child didnât talk because frankly⊠Well, you didnât care. But seeing it all up so closely definitely sparks some interest.
Especially when you get a look at the master bedroom.
Large and largely fixed. Red and maple themes and a bed so big you could lose yourself in it. A man as big as he is needs a lot of space you suppose. But it clearly wasnât meant for one person, and seeing all of his kind gestures now, sheâs starting to put together that he eventually intends to get at least some proper use out of it.
Yet you follow behind as he leads you inside anyway.
âThere are other bedrooms that youâre welcome to if youâre too put off by the idea but Iâd prefer you sleep in here with me,â And though he sounds unbiased his ears are tinged with embarrassment. He really hopes you donât assume heâs some perv or something. âItâd be easier to keep tabs on your sleeping that way. But regardless youâre entitled to your privacy,â
Kiyoomi seems to fluster a bit when you sit on his bed, son still lovingly in hand. âI wonât cross any boundaries. Not unless you ask-â
âDo you do cuddling?â
He stiffens up like a little boy. âI can do cuddling if you want.â
You adjust Shinji in your grasp as you nod, careful to not awaken the sleeping toddler whoâs once again staining another one of your expensive dresses. And itâs uncanny how well he fights in your arms, how right he looks in your arms. Kiyoomi tries not to reach for his heart when you dip your head to press your nose against his scalp. In the three years since his sonâs birth, motherly affection wasnât even a possibility in his boyâs life. Not from anybody other than himself anyway.
But you close your eyes and take in that sweet combo of No Tears and Baby lotion. With no motherly experience to your name, you rub his little back as he starts to snore, and promise yourself that your hands are forever ment for keeping this kidâs life as cherished as possible.
You nod minimally against Shinjiâs scalp. âThatâs good then.â
ââ
Your skin is sore to the touch when you step out of the shower, but even scorching hot water is nearly hot enough to wash away your sins.
Itâs usually around this time that your mood nose dives. Thatâs expected. Your stomach tenses and your muscles pull taut, and the prospect of laying down to sleep just to wake up in a terrified fright again is enough to make your eyes start to water from the fear. Youâre scared. You think youâve been your whole life in some way. Scared of the future, scared of the consequences, scared of your sister, scared of the guilt. You didnât want this. You wanted to help people. Make a good genuine difference with your mutation instead of just making this world even worse than what it is. A travel nurse. A doctor. A PhD. â Do you know how fucking hard that is to do when youâre also blackmailing politicians for a living?!
Your sister called you the closest thing to a siren when you completed your first contract. She hears her new roommate shuffle around in the room just over. Youâre starting to think she was a little right.
Youâre silent as you glide meekly into the bedroom, arms wrapped around the slip he offered thatâs - much too on the nose to be subtle. The sleeping pills in your system have kicked in somewhat. But youâre too on edge not to stay vigilant.
Heâs on a phone call when you approach him propped up on the bed, too caught up in whatever heâs discussing to notice you until youâre crawling in behind him.
His eyes widen a little before settling again, the horror-t on top of his pajama pants makes him look as young as he is.
Kiyoomi hums into his smartphone as you tuck yourself into his covers, scooting himself onto his bed as you turn your back. ââŠThatâs good then. If the rest of itâs taken care of by morning Iâll pay you extra for the grunt work. Might even throw in a favor if you make sure I donât have to hear about it again.â
You let your eyes lose focus on the silken sheets.
â-Just get rid of everything. I donât want a trace of him left.â
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Itâs only a couple minutes he spends wrapping up the phone call till heâs putting it down on the dresser and reaching for the bed light. Silence finally pervading the room save for a few sighs and the hiss of a running fan.
The bed dips a little as he positions himself behind you in a way that feels comfortable. The ghost of his knees forming groves behind hers from his adjacent side of the bed. Itâs a little awkward if you have to comment on it. Itâs been a while since youâve slept in another personâs bed, let alone a manâs bed. As big and as intimidating as he is. Feeling out of place in a sea of blankets and like youâre intruding despite the offer. Despite the application. Clear attraction to you and a - rather shameless intromission in your life. Heâs a handsome man with a handsome amount of money and power, strong arming himself into being the center of your attention and youâre no better for letting him.
You clench your eyes closed. How broken down do you have to be to do something like this? How pathetic that are you that you couldnât just handle this on your own.
The arm around your waist nearly makes you jump, the way it pulls you into his chest makes you feel like youâre inclined to.
You push the urge off with an allying sigh. Right. Heâs open to cuddling. You lay your palm on his forearm. And heâs more comfortable with it than expected.
His breath is warm enough on the back of your ear to make her shudder, voice gravily enough to make you shiver. âYouâre wasting your energy thinking like that.â
You furrow before humming a little puzzledly. âHm?â
âSelf loathing thoughts. Belittling yourself,â He nuzzles his nose comfortably into the back of your neck. âItâs asinine, it doesnât help anybody.â
Youâre silent for a few beats before clueing in. âAre you a telepath? Thatâs rare.â
âItâs an Intuition sort of deal. I donât know what youâre thinking specifically but I can feel it,â He breathes. âBleeds into me like ink if youâre close enough. The closer you get the more we sync up.â
âEmpath then. Thatâs rarer,â You find yourself melting into him a little. âEspecially in this business.â
âIt keeps me a step ahead. Tells me what moves to make and who to keep close. Keeps me in tune with the people that I hire.â
âAnd you still wanted me around?â
âI especially wanted you around.â
You hum again a little curiously. A little bashfully. âWhatâs the catch then?â
Kiyoomi tightens his hold until youâre belted against him, hooking his legs so neatly into yours that they start to tangle. And youâre putty. Malleable and trusting, nearly inclined to call yourself safe. The smell of his shampoo makes you dizzy, and heâs every que in your body as he kisses the back of your head.
âI thought it was apathy.â
ââ-
Itâs hard to breathe through a bloody nose.
And broken ribs, and scattered teeth. A welt somewhere in your chest that stings as it heals, and every breath is a fight for another.
This is how you survive. How you move up in the world. You dominate. Fight like each second could be your last one, and see the world for how it truly is.
A dog fight.
Little girls fight like wolves when they need to.
The body lying next to you is unmoving. Swollen and soaked in cinnabar. Bright lights turn reds into rubies, and cuts into gashes. Brown meets whites meets yellows, fingernails are broken in fragmented pieces.
With all this talk of a one of a kind scout, they sure wasted no time finding another that matched your skill set. Same drive, same variant, same skin color.
Same age.
Your tears sting as you fight yourself to rise on your feet.
They couldâve been friends in a different life.
Thereâs a distinct crackling that pops over your head, a voice that aches in its familiarity, slightly muffled by the grain of a well used speaker.
âArenât you glad itâs over?â Your ears are ringing. âDoesnât this all mean something now?â
You stare at the girl at your feet.
She stares back.
Your first reaction is to sit up when you realize youâre waking up for the first time that night. Lift your head from the sodden pillow stuck to your face and breathe in the living world. You expect the loneliness that seeps in and the open air to sob into. The shivering cold that should accompany your sweltering skin and the familiar chill of terror. You can already hear yourself hiccup a few broken sobs as you reach for your phone on the bedside table.
But somethingâs turning you on your side before you can.
Kiyoomiâs arms are urgent as he pulls you into his chest, lovingly and muzzling, a blanket when he wraps himself around you and holds you near. His hands are like weighted blankets as he rubs them up and down your back, the sensation of being so secure so suddenly nearly makes you cry harder.
The way he speaks to you, like he knows exactly what you need to hear, makes you cry harder.
âI know. I know. I got you. I got you, angel,â Kiyoomi shushes with a little hitch in his breath. âThat felt horrifying I canât imagineâ But it's just me and you now. O.K? Just me and you,â
âFar, far, away from whatever that was,â He breathes. âI put that on my life.â
you roll your eyes at your boyfriend's response. seeing the trend going around social media, you knew just the name to mention.
"i'm just so hungry. i bet i could eat hirai asami." you repeated.
this time sakusa turns to give you a weird look.
"baby, what?", his hand moves in a confused expression. genuinely questioning you.
âoh, you know, hirai asami, the girl who stole you from me in grade five?â you explained, picking at your freshly polished nails, which were of course paid for by your boyfriend.
he groans irritated, causing you to fight back laughter. immediately he recalled the situation you were referencing. it happened back in elementary school during lunch break. you had forgotten to bring a packed lunch therefor, had to buy something from the cafeteria. by the time you got back to the classroom, hirai asami had stole your seat next to kiyoomi.
your kiyoomi.
the memory still pissed you off to this day.
"how do you even remember her name?"
"how can i not remember? it was my first heartbreak."
sakusa shook his head, pulling your legs up to rest in his lap, softly kneading the back of your calf. you debated keeping the joke running but decided to leave it there. sitting up from your spot on the couch, you rested your chin on his shoulder. your arm wrapping around his neck to steady yourself.
"i'm just kidding. but i really am getting hungry.."
"yeah? lets go eat then."
with a quick peck against your lips, kiyoomi pats against your thighs. signaling you to stand first. he follows, abandoning his phone between the couch cushions in favor of holding your hand to lead you out the room.
during a boys' trip to mexico, sakusa finds himself involved in a bet to get laid while at a nightclub with his teammates after going through a messy breakup. so what happens when he accidentally runs into his friend with benefits from back in college?
tags - wc: 2.4k, drabble + nsfw/unedited, overstim if you squint, draft from august 2024, + ive also never tried writing smt like this soooâŠ
sakusa kiyoomi felt like he was suffocating, being squished in the corner of the nightclub with his drink while babysitting his three other teammates who were planning on who to hit on next. it was currently the off season and the four msby players decided to take a vacation to mexico to relax and have fun (it was all bokuto and atsumu after seeing some tiktok vlogs about a vacation to mexico). though sakusa should have known better, as his definition of fun was different than his teammatesâ.
âyer so borinâ, omi.â atsumu had his hands on his face while he slurred, âsingle now, have some fun! i didnât like that fucken bitch anyway.â atsumu took a heavy swig of his drink while lazily mumbling some shit about his ex.
âget yerself laid. thereâs so many hot people here so take yer pick. i'm sure you'll find somebody."
sakusa just frowned at his teammate in response while serving himself and taking another shot of tequila. thatâs right, he was single. he had recently broken up with his significant other two weeks before his trip as he found them cheating on him. so to cope, he just practiced and practiced. he honestly thought he took it well.
in the rare occasions that he is in a relationship, they usually last at max 3 months. itâs either âyou donât pay attention to meâ or âdoes volleyball matter more than me?â. relationships after college felt of convenience, to feel something. sakusa felt himself lost in thought until he felt a cold splash on his chest and bokuto apologizing repeatedly.
the entire nightclub was hot and humid and it was summer in mexico so sakusa felt utterly stupid at the fact that he wore a long sleeve grey button down with a white undershirt. he felt disgusted at the fact that there was some sugary cocktail on his shirt and left to the bathroom to clean off before he could blow up at bokuto.
he rushed to the bathroom, cleaning the drink off his shirt and took off his button down, leaving sakusa in his undershirt for now. the constant bass of the reggaeton playing in the night club along with the heavy smell of weed and alcohol had sakusa feel hazy, his head feeling heavy on top of his neck. he decided on ditching his friends as he could always apologize tomorrow, he was sure they'll forgive him if he treated to breakfast tomorrow anyway. plus, hinata was the only one not shitfaced enough to at least order an uber. sakusa clung to his forehead as he bumped into someone who also seemed to head the same direction in annoyance.
âÂĄmil disculpas! -oh, sakusa?â
now thatâs a voice he didnât expect to hear in sometime. he comically whipped his head at the nostalgic voice and saw you, in your flowy, see through, navy blue blouse, black flowy skirt, and black little kitten heels. you looked pretty, meanwhile he felt that he looked crazy with how he was gripping a shirt that had an alcohol splatter on the chest (which was visible). the fact that he felt so hot and sweaty that his black curls clung to his sweaty forehead felt absolutely uncanny considering his aloof demeanor. an almost crazed expression etched on his face as surprise was all he could feel along with annoyance due to his teammates and the heat.
âl/n, hi.â
he didnât have much to say, you still looked good as you did back in college. you and sakusa were friends with benefits. one accidental one-night stand turned into an every week thing. every time sakusa lost a game or got stressed over an exam, heâd take it out on you during sex, not that you complained. it was a mutual agreement. however, you were the only girl heâs ever felt nervous about.
âhowâs life been?â you held a coy smile on your face as you eyed him. you played with the hems of your skirt as you looked at him with your doll-like eyes. eyes like you enjoyed playing with him, âyou look bothered. um, were you-?â
âiâve been good. um, im not gonna do anything uh-â
fuck it. it sounded better than staying at a hot and humid nightclub.
you two only walked a block in peaceful silence as the buzzing nightlife of the city filled the background noise. thatâs until he felt a buzz from his messages:
from: miya atsumu
i see u lwft us yhu btich
if u ght laud ill desdass pau u 20 bucks
you opened the door to a ballroom club where a band was playing bachata, âim gonna go say hi to some friends!â
sakusa nodded and looked at his surroundings. at this point, the night went fairly well as the ballroom was decently occupied (considering the nightclub a block away was popular).
thatâs until he felt a tap on his shoulder from you with a nervous smile etched on your face, âhey, would you want to be my partner for this song?â he felt his eyebrows raise, âwhat? i mean sure but i donât know?â
it was almost comical how your eyebrows mirrored his moments ago. was he too blunt?
âi can teach you, donât worry about it.â
right.
you took his clammy hands and held on his shoulder ss your other hand held his right, placing his left on your waist, âlook, not that hard. just move your hips to the music and youâll be fine.â
sakusa kiyoomi would consider himself to be a rather stiff individual. somebody who isn't fond of dancing or anything that didn't require him to be precise and articulate with his movements (such as volleyball), yet when he is with you, he can't help but feel like putty in your hands. as he spinned you (or at least attempted to) amongst the colorful lights of the ballroom, you looked stunning.
"i look ridiculous."
you laughed and squeezed both of his hands as his footwork began to mirror yours, "wanna leave?"
he scoffed, "we barely got here." â "yeah but you don't seem to enjoy this"
your tone was teasing as you quickly bid farewell to your friends and took sakusa with you. just like that.
the two of you ended up heading to your apartment to catch up from college.
âhave you tried speaking spanish? i mean to talk to locals. doesnât your teammate, hinata speak it?â
sakusa shrugged, ânot really and shoyo is just learning. he speaks portuguese.â
âso what do you know how to say?
âolĂĄ, como estĂĄ o seu dia? thatâs pretty much it.â
you nodded as you ended up pulling out a cigarette from your purse and your silver lighter. smoking was a rather nasty habit you had, since college. nevertheless, heâs the one who got you the lighter as a goodbye gift after college. you side eyed him and brought the cigarette box to his face.
fuck it.
sakusa had the cigarette and put the wrong side in his mouth, where you stopped him. "you're doing it wrong. have you ever done this before?" â he hasn't and you read him like a book.
you laughed and and took the cigarette in his mouth, "im not about to pressure you, kiyoomi. don't forget you're an athlete too. plus, we're here."
after a few flights of stairs, you two were finally in your apartment.
the next couple moments were a bit of a blur; first, you simply put your bag on the coat hanger next to your door, then you turn around where he starts kissing you on your couch, with one of your hands cupping his face endearingly while the other tugged and played with his curls.
you straddled him on the couch and kissed him as he massaged your ass from below your skirt. was it wrong to say it was nostalgic of college?
maybe, but sakusa needed a cathartic release from the intensive stress of his career and felt no shame going back to his old ways from college.
you lifted up your shirt to take to off, where sakusa felt his mouth go dry. you flashed him a smile and threw the blouse on the recliner near, âgot them done a bit after graduation.â you were talking about your nipple piercings, the sleek metal rod gave a bit of edge and personality to the complete work of art that is your body.
you went back and kissed him with more intensity, your tongues almost fighting for dominance as sakusa had one hand on your waist, and the other caressing your breast. in his old relationships and sexual encounters, kiyoomi wouldnât even dare attempt foreplay and kept himself at a boundaryâ god forbid they wanted to make out the way you are doing right now. however, with you, he was on edge all the time, pushing away his inhibitions.
âshitâŠkiyoomi.â you breathed out as kiyoomi started attacking your exposed breasts, his tongue swirling around your areolas and rods. he felt a wave of pure nostalgic euphoria hit him, intoxicated by lust at the same time as he felt you grind against him. the utter symphony of your breathless whines and moans was music to his ears, adding onto whatever desires he had at the start of his night with you.
your whines only became louder as he slipped his hand into your panties, rubbing circles on your clit, causing for you to pull on his black curls in utter pleasure and grind on his hand.
âplease, letâs do this somewhere else.â your head laid on your shoulder as your plush legs latched onto his waist where he carried you to your room, throwing you on the bed.
kiyoomi kneeled to look up at you and your blissed-out expression, âdo you have a condom?â
even in your state, you flashed him a sly smile, âwe wonât need them.â
he scoffed at your teasing words, taking off his slacks and sweat-drenched undershirt.
once he was in his boxers, you hung your arms around his neck for him to lower his posture to meet your lips, the sound of your lips clashing breaking any silence.
you placed him spread on the bed, crawling on his breathless form as you rolled down his boxers to be met with his cock, springing out towards his abdomen. it was slightly bigger than you remembered, with it being a little curved and its cute swollen pink tip spilling slight precum. still, you werenât mad. at all.
you licked your lips and pumped at his dick, kissing at his swollen pink tip leaking with pre-cum, âgod i missed thisâŠâ
kiyoomi didnât know what to say. he was speechless. maybe it was the alcohol or the lust still intoxicating his system but this felt cathartic.
you began going in, giving his dick little kisses until you began to take it in your mouth little by little and sucked, causing him to let out the quietest of moans. as you sucked him off, you felt him gently push at your head, causing you to go faster. you began to caress his balls, which made his dick begin to twitch and him to whine. you maintained eye contact as you pumped his dick while you sucked, feeling spurts of his cum in your mouth as he released. âs-shitâŠy/n.â
you crawled back up and placed your knees to each side of his legs, âis it okay if we?â
kiyoomi nodded and looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes, âi thought we were, y/n.â
you smiled at his words and aligned his dick to your entrance and slowly went down, whining at the slight hint of pain that was brought by him slightly stretching you out. all you both could hear was the wet squelch of your pussy being stretched out by his hard cock.
âcareful, y/n.â kiyoomi licked his bottom lip as he grabbed onto your hips and slowly helped you move on his cock. you attempted to move your hips yourself, gasping at the sheer pleasure when he began to thrust upwards. you grabbed onto his shoulders and then pulled on his hair as you felt the sensation overtake you, moving your hips side to side while he thrusted and rubbed on your clit simultaneously.
it felt too much for both of you, with this being the first time youâve gotten laid since college.
until kiyoomi stopped.
kiyoomi flipped you on your back as he began to stand up, making you giggle, âthought you didnât have this in you?â
âyouâll see.â kiyoomi licked his thumb and began circling your clit again before bringing your legs on his shoulders, âo-oh my godâŠâ
kiyoomi slowly inserted his cock in your pussy again, adjusting to the tight squeeze you had on him. he began to thrust in you roughly again, making you moan as you gripped on his bedsheets. it felt almost overstimulated as he kept on, with said thrusting becoming sloppy shortly after you had reached your orgasm finally. it hit you like a truck.
you felt like an incoherent mess, grabbing onto his neck again to kiss him with more fervor, a string of saliva connecting your lips. it felt almost too much with the pace he was going. then again, kiyoomi was an athlete with an insane amount of stamina. however, you felt his thrusts become sloppier and the speed become slower until you felt him spill his cum in you, feeling warm.
he quickly muttered an âIâm sorryâ and became even more flustered.
you smiled as you threw your forearm on your eyes, âyouâre okay, itâs okay.â
he slipped his cock out of your pussy, making you feel his cum drip out of you all cold.
you attempted to sit up with your elbows, softly sighing. he carried you in his arms to the bathtub in your connected bathroom, taking a bath together in peaceful silence.
âââ
kiyoomi has a habit of waking up earlyâhowever, he hasnât gotten this good of sleep since high school.
he looked over to your blissful figure asleep and smiled. until he checked his phone.
âwhat the fuck?â kiyoomi ran his fingers through his hair as he checked his phone, spammed with several (hundred) calls from his teammates.
he kept scrolling amongst the barrage of âwhere tf r uâ and âhello?â messages until he was greeted with a venmo notification from miya atsumu sending him 20 bucks:
wake up at sunrise, stretch, brush teeth, tidy space, eat some breakfast, take a shower. five step skincare, change of clothes, start laundry. set timer, four mile run, stop timer, take a break on the nearest park bench. people watch, run again, make a u-turn back to his apartment - take another break before practice, with intent to catch his breath, only to lose it the moment you walk past his door with your dog. youâre disoriented, messy, and in panic.
you hold onto its collar with three fingers hooked around the nylon, growing redder by the second. the leash frays at a halfway point and ends there. he clutches his keys when he sees the sweat beading on your skin, and the mess your hair has turned into in the few minutes heâs been watching you struggle. sakusa becomes disoriented, messy, and falls into a state of panic too â when he finds two pairs of eyes staring right back at him.
heâs never been akin to trying new things. against it, even. atsumu knows not to offer him food unless itâs part of his regime. sakusaâs strict, disciplined, and scheduled. his favorite word is intentional. yet what he does next is so utterly unintentional, completely on accident, fully subconscious: that he himself is caught by surprise.
sakusa asks for your number. it takes you one second to warm up to him, one minute to learn his name, one hour to tame your dog, one day to know his apartment lockâs code, one week up to the first date, one month for him to realize he loves you.
one year âtill he calls you his.
multifandom masterlist send me a request divs by mikeykuns
@nekozaki look what you did. everyone read preservation it will change your life and alter the trajectory of it permanently
one day i'll release my sakusa x reader fic đđ i've had planned since literal 2020. (when i was in middle school, i'm in uni nowđđ) i'm tempted to release the teaser/masterlist but idkkk
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
andulkaphoto
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
areudirty
romaincrisis
