Darling's shitposts

The ramblings of a depressed college kid who's actually trying to get "better"

[ddarling-png]

Returning

Returning to college has already been a trip- my mental tanked a little suddenly- but I'm holding it together. It's definitely just an ebb and flow stage from stress. I talked with my BF about it but sometimes it feels like he's just trying to "fix" me. It's not that I DON'T need or want to be better- it just sucks that every hour of my life I feel like I'm doing something wrong. His advice isn't incorrect but sometimes I just feel so inadequate whenever I'm talking about my tasks/actions of the day. I love him because he pushes me to be better but sometimes I just wish he would just say "That's ok" and leave it there. He's so good to me and I feel ungrateful whenever I'm sad around him. Whatever though, I'll just let it pass.

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Piercings

One of my favorite pass-times is to look at Pinterest. Jewelry, kandi, clothing, my kins, and piercings are all some of the things I browse.

It got me thinking- If i had the body and style I want, would I actually have any of the piercings I said I would get? answer- probably not. Only because I hate my torso with a passion, my stomach has pretty visible stretchmarks and although I adore the uniqueness, the slight loose skin makes my stomach look so flabby and unappealing.

I plan to look into lotions to see if some are more effective for stretchmarks and loose skin.

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Void

I find it quite comforting to write into the void of online.

Though sometimes I feel like all I do is complain. Trying to have a more positive outlook on life when all you want to do is give into the self destructive behavior of yesterday- is tiresome. I tire everyday of my goals and want to not be perceived. Tis the woes of humanity I guess.

[ddarling-png]

New Year

Happy New Year! It feels a bit surreal because the holidays didn't feel like the holidays but now we're here. I'm going into this year with not an ounce of fear or worry because I don't feel as lonely as I used to. I have my friends, love of my life and family to support me. For that I will always be grateful.

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Past

To think that only a year ago I was at my lw, still shocks me. I wasn’t the absolute smallest and still painfully average but being 125 lbs still looked good on me compared to now- *cough cough* I also did an 1000 crunches per day challenge at the time which was unrealistic!! *cough* *cough* but despite the crazy hoops I jumped through to achieve that weight, I had still perceived all parts of myself as just as humongous as before. I really wish past me was at the self reflecting stage I have now. Maybe I would’ve seen how I was fine just the way I was.

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Food >0<

Just a silly little entry tonight, due to break and not being able to have much control over my food, I find myself constantly indulging in sweets. They taste amazing, give me energy and make me happy. Though that good taste leads to rotting teeth and energy is only temporary I still adore sweets. Though, I do need to cut back for my own good.

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Hydration!

One thing that fasting makes me feel optimistic about is the potential to hydrate more! While in college I pretty much only drink 1 bottle of water a day maximum, but at home I have all the time in the world to sip.🚰

[canddily]

₊˚⊹ ᰔ What to eat after a long FAST?

During a fast, your stomach and intestines slow down. If you break a long fast with heavy food, your gut simply isn’t ready to digest it.

Your intestines run on ketones during fasting, the lining gets a bit ‚thin’ and sensitive, so heavy, fatty, spicy or high-fiber foods can irritate it and cause inflammation.

Your gallbladder hasn’t released bile for hours and the pancreas is basically on standby, so fatty food doesn’t get broken down properly and just sits there.

What CAN you eat?

First things first:

𑣲 Almost overcooked rice

𑣲 Half a banana

𑣲 (If your stomach handles dairy well) natural yogurt

𑣲 Cooked carrot or pumpkin

What SHOULDN’T you eat?

𑣲 Raw vegetables or fruits

𑣲 Oil in ANY form (even nuts or olive oil)

𑣲 Meals with too much protein

𑣲 Caffeine

𑣲 Sparkling drinks

BONUS

𑣲 Instead of caffeinated stuff drink warm water, herbal teas (but only weak ones), non-bubbly electrolytes.

𑣲 Some other safe foods: mashed potatoes (with nothing added), white toast, well-cooked pasta, applesauce with no chunks.

Please, consider liking or reblogging if you find these helpful! ʚ꩜ɞ

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Goals? TW: Ed

As a short person, (4'11 or 149.8 cm) I've always felt large in my skin. Despite genetics giving me the jut of my wrists and visible collarbones, I still have flab in my limbs that make it obvious that I'm disturbingly plump in some items of clothing. Some may think simply because of the descriptor above that I'm probably 100 lbs soaking wet, but no. I'm a rather unfit 152 lbs. This weight wouldn't be too bad- if I was taller- but that isn't my reality. So, a simple goal for myself is to be back at my lw (125 lbs) before my birthday in a few months. Seems doable right?

[serendipitylys]

lord pls let me get back to my lw, i’ll appreciate it this time

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Posting

It's so difficult to actually keep up with the idea of posting often. Maybe it's just cause I'm non-committal and have no motivation for many of my past hobbies. Ever since my depression worsened, then improved, I've felt lost. More so in a confused manner rather than a sad one. I enjoy life, but just don't know how to appreciate it to the fullest.

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Yawn...

I love sleeping yet have no energy when I awake. I'm gonna have even less energy since I started my fast, but at least It's winter break right?